Cowboys Don't Ride Unicorns

by Tara Lain

  DANNY SHOWED his ID to the guy at the door of the contestant lounge. Shit, too fancy for his current blood type. He’d just as soon have gone straight to the chutes, but the instructions were to report here. He walked into the big makeshift room, spied a chair by the wall, and sat in it.

  He didn’t look up until he heard his name. Maury walked toward him with a couple of his big, scary-looking henchmen. “Hey, Danny, come join us.” Maury got to him, stuck out a hand, which Danny shook, and then pointed back to a big round table in the middle of the room, fully occupied by riders.

  “Oh, thanks. Don’t want to barge in.”

  “No barging. Just a bunch of the guys. Come on.”

  Danny followed him. This was quite a bit further into the rodeo scene than he’d planned to get, but for now going with it seemed the best option. Since this was a fairly small one-day, small-purse rodeo, the men around the table were mostly second-stringers, not top riders like Maury. But hell, Danny was a no-stringer, so they all outranked him.

  Maury said, “Gents, this is Danny. He’s a local—and a friend. Make some room.”

  One of the guys, a big dude in a gray Stetson, pulled over a chair, and Danny sat. Earl Westerman, who always seemed to be around wherever Maury was, nodded. “Boone.”

  Danny nodded back.

  The big guy looked at him with a smirk. Oh damn, here it comes. “Did he say Boone? Are you really Danny Boone?”

  “Yep.”

  “Hell, your parents had no sympathy.” He laughed.

  He had no idea. Danny grinned. Suck it up.

  Another guy—someone named Vince—with a pugnacious smile said, “So how long you been riding, Danny?”

  “A while.”

  “Haven’t seen you on the circuit.”

  Danny bit back the desire to say That’s because you’re not on it either, asshole. “I don’t ride the circuit. Got a regular job. I’m just here to make some kids happy.”

  “Hell, man, not sure I’d offer up my ass to be kicked by Humdinger for a batch of rug rats.”

  Maury grinned. “What makes you think Humdinger’s gonna do the kicking?” He winked at Danny.

  A young rider said, “Why don’t you ride the circuit, Danny? With your looks, you’d be a real favorite with the crowd. A regular rock star.”

  Danny cocked a half smile. “Thanks, but it’s not about looks. It’s all about the ride.”

  Vince sneered. “And you’d know about that, would you?”

  Danny shrugged. “Might.”

  Maury leaned back in his chair. “Danny beat me last time out.”

  The young guy’s eyes widened. “No shit?”

  The organizers got everyone’s attention and spelled out the rules of the competition. Everybody knew them, but they had to do it. When they were done, competitors started filing out. Maury clapped his back. “Good luck, Danny. Hope all those kids get the show they’re wishing for.”

  “Thanks so much for your help.”

  “I didn’t do nothin’ really. My pleasure.”

  Danny walked over to the fence to watch the other riders. Maury came later in the competition, since it was his name drawing folks in for this event. He probably got a bonus for publicity, plus the couple thousand in the grand prize made it worth showing up—if he won, of course. Might see what I can do about that.

  Danny hauled up onto the fence and stared around as the first rider got set. This local arena was no Salt Palace or Madison Square Garden. He could see the stands and the people pretty clearly. His eyes roamed.

  There. Pink hair. Had to be. Sure enough, next to Laurie sat Aliki, bouncing a little, and there were Rand and Kai and Andy and his dad and the ladies. As Danny watched, Laurie turned his head and stared right toward him. Danny raised a hand and Laurie waved back, then leaned over to Aliki and pointed. Aliki leaped up and started flapping his arms. Danny laughed.

  Okay, get ready. He checked his kit for his vest, then turned away to prepare. Some guys listened to music. He just liked to breathe and think of things that could fly. People milled around him as the contestants got ready and the bullfighters headed for the arena and the first ride. A couple of these guys actually wore funny costumes, even though most bullfighters didn’t do that anymore. They just risked their lives without clowning around.

  A voice from somewhere behind Danny said, “Quit acting like a fag.”

  Danny’s head snapped around and his heart gave one hard jolt against his ribs. Was that—?

  He turned toward the bucking chute. Several guys walked through it into the arena. Danny jumped up on the fence again. No. Not him. Nobody. Shit. He slid back to the ground and leaned against the fence. Okay, stop tilting at windmills, idiot, and get ready to ride.

  “HAVE YOU ever seen bull riding, Laurie?” Aliki fidgeted on the bleacher seat and looked up at him with those huge eyes.

  “No. Not even on TV. Have you?” Laurie stared down into the big open space surrounded by fence with dirt on the ground and a heavy smell of cow.

  Aliki nodded. “After I found out Uncle Danny used to be a bull rider, I went online and looked at some videos. It’s kind of scary.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s a pretty good rider from what I’ve seen.”

  “Yeah, well, those bulls are huge.” He dragged out the word, and Laurie laughed. He glanced around as some men came into the arena. “They’re starting.”

  The announcer came on and welcomed everyone, yada yada, asking for safety for the heroic riders and appreciation for the bulls trying to buck them off. Everyone laughed. Then he said the first competitor’s name. It wasn’t Danny, so Laurie didn’t pay much attention. Some music played and then, bam! A wooden door opened and a monstrous animal leaped out with some puny, wildass dude on his back, holding on for dear life with one hand. The bull tossed his head back, leaped off all four feet while spinning, and the guy flew through the air and crashed to the ground. Two other men, one wearing a silly hat, ran in front of the bull on purpose and got the animal to charge after them. In seconds the beast disappeared through a hole in the fence, and the announcer cooed something about better luck next time.

  Can’t breathe.

  “Uh, Laurie?”

  “What?”

  “You’re hurting my hand.”

  “What?” He looked down. He held Aliki’s hand between both of his, pressed to his chest. His fingers had turned white from strain, and Aliki’s hand looked a little blue. “Oh damn, kid. I’m so sorry.” He let go and took a deep breath.

  Aliki grabbed his arm. “Oh God, Laurie, I begged Danny to do that. If something happens, it’s all my fault.”

  He patted him. “No, I’m the one who talked him into it, remember? Besides, he’s a great bull rider, I’m sure. Nothing bad’s going to happen.” Oh shit, I wish I believed that. He glanced down the row. Rand and Kai looked fairly relaxed, Nora and Elena, along with Arthur Landsdowne, were wide-eyed, and Andy and Lani appeared as freaked as Aliki.

  Laurie thought he’d lose his lunch.

  IS LAURIE worried? Danny stared at the stands as he pulled on his riding vest. Funny how he couldn’t miss Laurie. The guy looked like a hothouse flower in a field of cactus. Even the pretty women didn’t stand out like Laurie. Get your head out of your balls and go scope out Humdinger.

  He stepped behind the chute and watched the light-brown bull stare through the steel rails toward him. Cowboys crawled up to help him attach the flank strap, some of them Maury’s team. Danny nodded. He crawled up top and looked down at Humdinger. Close to two thousand pounds. Not mean, just an athlete, trained like Danny was. But Humdinger was trained to buck, or rather was chosen for his natural inclination to do so. Since he was in this small rodeo, he wasn’t a top bull any more than Danny was a top rider—anymore. But Humdinger was young and on his way up. That made him way more valuable than Danny.

  They attached the flank strap, and then Danny grabbed the bull rope and handed the tail to one of Maury’s guys who had climbed up be
side him. Danny slipped over the chute and slid a foot onto Humdinger’s back just to let the bull know he was coming, getting a snort for his trouble. Slowly but firmly he slipped onto the behemoth’s back, toes straight ahead so there was no chance of touching Humdinger with his spurs before the right time came. The familiar feel of his ass and balls surrendering to the mercy of a ton of cowhide washed over him. Humdinger sidled restlessly but didn’t try to throw him off yet. Yet being the key word. You’re settin’ me up for the fall, aren’t you? We’ll see about that.

  Danny slid his gloved hand over the resin, then moved the rope back and forth against the bull’s back to get rid of any slack and position the bell in the right place. He nodded to the guy who started pulling the rope taut around Humdinger’s big body. “I like it tight.” That covers a multitude of situations.

  The cowboy nodded and pulled until the grip between the bull’s shoulders felt just right; then Danny started wrapping the tail around his hand and over his thumb. Not too complicated or he might leave some fingers behind if he got thrown.

  The announcer intoned, “Now, folks, let’s hear it for a local boy with the unlikely name of Danny Boone. I hear he’s got a face the ladies love, so let’s hope Humdinger out of Albright Ranch feels the same way. Let’s make him welcome.”

  The applause was measured except for one huge burst of screams and yells. Know where that’s coming from. He grinned. Humdinger snorted with pent-up power, and Danny took a deep breath. The voice in his head sounded like his dad. Get ready to ride the buck—the spin’ll take care of itself.

  Okay, Aliki. Watch close.

  He nodded. A couple of cowboys pulled the gate. Time slowed, his eyes focused between the bull’s shoulders, and his mind burrowed into his body—nothing existed but instinct, muscle memory, training, and guts.

  Humdinger lived up to his name. He leaped into the arena feet off the ground, back bowing, and spinning all at once. Danny’s little cocoon of consciousness rode with him, leaning forward enough to ride the buck, adjusting to the spin, no thinking, just responding and reacting, becoming one with this whirling dervish. When all four of Humdinger’s hooves landed on the ground at once, Danny touched the bull’s sides with his spurs, and off he went again. Yeah, we understand each other, don’t we, darlin’? You just need a guy who appreciates what a dude can do, don’t you?

  For the first time in his career of training to ride bulls and riding bulls, Danny laughed. He just laughed.

  Somewhere he heard the buzzer. Okay, baby. It’s time to say good-bye. Parting is such sweet sorrow. He laughed again, waited for Humdinger to kick, threw his leg over the bull’s head, and slid off, grabbing for his rope. Obviously the bull wasn’t ready to say adieu. He wheeled and charged straight at Danny, head down, horns shining in the afternoon sun. Fuck. He leaped to the side as the bull went by, then spun to face the ’dinger’s next innovation. No pause. The bull wheeled, slashing his horns as he turned. Danny pulled his veronica spin on him, but Humdinger obviously didn’t speak Spanish, because he thrust out with a horn and missed Danny’s gut by inches. A huge gasp went up from the crowd, and Danny echoed it.

  Finally, after what seemed like an eon, the bullfighters surrounded Humdinger and distracted him, drawing him away from Danny. Danny ran for the exit in the fence and dove behind it, turned, and saw one of the bullfighters leap onto the fence to escape as the bull finally slipped into the exit chute. Humdinger for fucking sure.

  Wild applause filled the arena. The announcer said, “Give a big hand for Danny Boone. Quite a ride for a newcomer.” People yelled some more; then the noise level swelled. “There it is, folks, a score of ninety-three for Danny Boone. Of course, Humdinger got himself a ninety-five. He might be the only one to beat Danny today.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  A COUPLE of cowboys slapped Danny’s shoulder as he walked over to the chutes to help other riders as a rope puller or at least as moral support. It took another forty-five minutes to get almost to the end of the rider lineup for the day. As Maury approached his chute, Danny stepped forward and nodded, but Maury’s large team was already at work positioning the flank strap.

  Maury nodded back. “You’re some damned rider, Boone.”

  “Thanks. Got lucky there at the end.”

  “No luck about it. Not many riders are good bullfighters too. Gotta say, though, it sure took the bullfighters in the arena their own sweet time to get him off you.”

  Danny gave a half grin. “Interesting. Thought it was just me that felt that way.”

  “Nope. I watched, and they seemed to hold back a bit. Maybe because Humdinger’s just a badass bull.”

  “Maybe.” He looked toward the black bull in the chute. “That one means business too. You favor black.”

  “Yep. I think it adds a mythic dimension, you know?”

  He said the words like he’d read them somewhere, and they both laughed.

  “Can I help?”

  Maury shook his head. “Not in the chute, but prayers always appreciated, amigo.”

  Danny tugged the brim of his hat as Maury climbed up to get ready to ride. A minute later he burst into the arena on the back of the black bull, gave a really good show to the folks, and hung on for a full eight, then kicked away. The bullfighters were on the black like fleas on a hound—no hesitation there—and Maury walked casually back to the fence and stepped through.

  Danny gave him the prerequisite macho punch on the shoulder. “Good one, man. You’re inspiring.”

  “Thanks. But we’ll see.”

  The announcer yelled, “Good ride for champion Maury Garcia. And the score is—a ninety, folks. So that means today’s grand prize goes to your own Danny Boone. Second to Maury Garcia, and third is a tie between CJ Grouper and Ramon Estevez. Come on up and get your prizes, gentlemen.”

  “Son of a bitch.” Danny grinned.

  Maury gave a small smile. “Told ya. I might be sorry for saying this, but you need to get on the circuit, Danny. You could win a bundle.”

  Danny just smiled, took Maury’s arm, and pulled him into the arena with both their hands raised together.” People cheered like crazy. He glanced at the stands, trying to find Laurie—and Rand and Kai and the others, of course—but everyone was standing and it was hard to make them out.

  He and Maury collected their trophies and giant checks, then walked off the platform. As he hit the dirt, a flying black-haired projectile connected with his legs. “Uncle Danny, you won, you won!”

  People were pouring out of the arena onto the grounds outside, and some grinned at Aliki’s bounding enthusiasm. He gave the kid a hug. “Yep. But you want to meet a real bull rider?” Aliki looked up with a hopeful grin. Danny pointed toward Maury. “This here is Maury Garcia, one of the greatest bull riders in the country.”

  Aliki turned and extended his hand. “I’m honored to meet you, Mr. Garcia. You did really good too.”

  Maury laughed and shook Aliki’s hand. “I’d say that about summed it up. I’ve been an also-ran at two rodeos where your Uncle Danny was on a bull.” He raised an eyebrow at Danny, and Aliki looked worried. “Guess I’ll just have to get him on my team so we can win together.”

  Aliki smiled in relief but then frowned. “He wouldn’t have to go anywhere, would he? I mean, we need him on the ranch. He’s really important.”

  Danny swallowed hard. “Thanks, Aliki. I’m not going anywhere. Where are the others?”

  Aliki looked up, and Danny followed his line of sight to see Rand’s head above the crowd, moving their way.

  Suddenly a high, breathy voice cut through the noise and confusion. “Danny, oh my God, I thought you were dead.” Laurie burst through a wall of women taking photos of Danny and Maury and ran straight toward Danny, rose hair flying, fringed shirt bobbing and waving, beautiful face contorted in tears, and mascara making tracks on his cheeks. He elbowed his way past the women and threw himself at Danny. “How can you stand to do that? I thought you’d be thrown and trampled and I w
as going to watch you die.” His arms locked around Danny’s neck, and he hugged him like a vise. “Oh God, Danny, I was so scared.”

  Danny’s hands touched Laurie’s back, but then he looked up at the staring people and the flashing cameras of all the rodeo fans. Yes, he kind of loved this, but just how out was he ready to be? He grinned and hoped he looked a little embarrassed, which was the damned truth. “I’m okay, Laurie. I’m fine.”

  The voice came from behind his back and froze his spine to ice. “Is this a friend of yours, Sawyer?”

  The exact words that had changed his life. His stomach turned. Shit, he could vomit on the dirt.

  Danny gripped Laurie’s arms and pushed him away, then turned slowly. “What are you doing here?” His voice sounded tough, but he gripped his hands to keep them from shaking.

  The tall, lean man with arms like steel, a very slight potbelly, and salt-and-pepper sandy hair cocked a hip and stared at Danny with his arms crossed. Two big men stood behind him, scowling. “Well now, I’d consider that an odd question to ask America’s favorite rodeo clown.”

  “Yeah, well smart people are afraid of clowns.”

  He barked out a vicious laugh.

  “You’re not usually in California.”

  “Right. Too pansyassed for my blood. But I figured I’d check out how the fruits and nuts were doing.”

  Cameras kept popping. Danny gritted his teeth. “I guess you checked, didn’t you? Now I know why the bullfighters left me out there swinging with my ass in the air when you should have been doing your fucking job!”

  “It’s not exactly the first time your ass has been in the air, now is it? Save a bull, ride a cowboy, right?” He stared pointedly at Laurie.

  Danny’s hands clenched even tighter. Shit, he couldn’t start a battle with half the rodeo fans in Northern California watching, and they sure as hell were watching. Fingers flew over keys as people posted the encounter on every social media site except maybe ChristianMingle. Get out of here before you do something stupid and embarrass yourself. He turned and found Rand, Kai, and the others watching closely. Rand’s face stayed on the threatening side of neutral. Danny glanced back at the rodeo clown. At least I’m not alone this time, asshole.