by Leah Matheny
“Oh!” I laughed, “A Dani sandwich.”
“What?” They said in unison.
I laughed again, “Nothing, never mind. This is wonderful, ohh, you’re both so warm.” I wiggled around to snuggle in closer to their body heat.
Liwanu grunted and Kosumi grabbed me tightly to still me. “You know, mamla, body heat is better transmitted skin to skin, not through all these layers of clothing,” he said against my neck, in Honon’s voice.
I couldn’t help the shiver that rippled through me. “Ha ha, very funny. Go to sleep, Kosumi.”
We all woke together the next morning. “Good morning, my bed warmers. Thank you. I can’t believe how much heat you two produce.”
They both walked away grumbling. Geez, they woke up on the wrong side of the fur.
While I was folding some of the blankets, Liwanu came back with a rabbit. Smelling it cook made me feel a little queasy, but I ate some anyway. We were soon up and on our way again. Oh, my butt. I wanted to put layers of fur underneath me, but Liwanu said I could fall off the horse too easily that way.
We rode all day again and every inch of my body hurt. Kosumi came to lift me off the horse at the end of the day. “You need to walk, stretch your muscles out.” He held on to me while forcing me to walk.
“Oh, Kosumi, I’m dying,” I groaned. But I soon felt strength coming back to my legs. “Okay, I’m good now. Thanks.”
After eating dinner, Kosumi and Liwanu started talking and gesturing. They almost seemed to be arguing. “Is there a problem?” I asked.
They looked at me. “No,” they said, bringing their furs next to mine. They lay down rather stiffly, each about a foot away. I woke in the middle of the night again, cold. I guess I woke them again too. Without saying a word, they both moved closer to me. This time Liwanu held me to him while Kosumi’s back was to me. I immediately fell asleep.
The next morning I was freezing and I looked around to find both Liwanu and Kosumi gone. To warm up I did some sit-ups and jumping jacks. Kosumi came back with some fish and Liwanu with a squirrel. Neither one of them was very talkative.
When Liwanu set me back on the horse, I groaned. As we rode, I kept groaning and wiggling around trying to find a spot that didn’t hurt. After about an hour, Kosumi rode his horse next to mine and startled me by scooping me off my horse and cradling me in his arms. I looked at him and saw Honon; he had Honon’s blank face on. Yes, I’m doing the right thing. Even if Honon never returned to the village, Kosumi would always be there to remind me.
“I’m sorry, Kosumi, you really don’t need to do this.”
He ignored me.
After we ate lunch, while on horseback, Liwanu rode up close to us and Kosumi handed me to Liwanu. Geez, nothing like feeling you’re unwanted baggage. “Liwanu, I’m sorry to be trouble.”
“You are no trouble. Just relax.” He smiled and patted my arm.
Well, he at least made me feel a little bit better. “Liwanu, I want to apologize for how I’ve been lately, I didn’t mean to be rude or ignore you.”
“I know. I am sorry you lost the baby. And as for Honon, he does not deserve you.” He said that last bit in a hoarse voice.
“Yes, well…that’s why I’m leaving…because of Honon. But I’m leaving to protect myself. I don’t think I could handle him hurting me again.” I felt contented and safe in Liwanu’s arms; I didn’t have that slight tension I felt while in Kosumi’s.
“He would not be able to hurt you if you did not love him. I hope you find happiness in your world.”
I sighed, “Yeah, so do I. I do know I’ll find happiness in a nice hot bath.” I tried to laugh and lighten the discussion.
The next day and night passed pretty much the same as the last. After we stopped for a break sometime after lunch, I told them I was ready to ride by myself again. That night as we lay close to each other to sleep, I tried to be careful not to touch either one of them. I was still surprised to have men attracted to me. Each morning, Kosumi was more and more grumpy; I had felt his hard desire against my back more than once.
It was sometime in the middle of the night when I woke to find myself snuggling up to Kosumi for warmth, so I quickly rolled away. He pulled me back into his arms. “Don’t move away. Give me this last night to hold you. We’ll be back at the cave early tomorrow,” he whispered before turning me over so I was facing him. “I’ll miss you, Huyana.” He kissed me softly on the forehead.
I looked up at him. “I’ll miss you too, Kosumi.”
He held me close, burying his face in the hair at my neck. My hands were against his chest and I could feel his heart beat strong. I started to push gently against him. “Please don’t push me away, mamla.” He nipped my neck and licked me up to my ear. I gasped when I felt the shock down in my stomach. I felt Liwanu move and turned to look; he was walking to his horse with his fur in hand.
“Liwanu, no, don’t go…”
Kosumi interrupted me. “Shh, let him go. He’ll be okay.”
I struggled, “No, I don’t want to hurt him…I don’t want to hurt either one of you,” I said loudly so Liwanu could hear. I started to cry. “Why am I always crying? I’m not a crier.”
“Shh.” Kosumi held me, wiping tears from my face. He kissed my forehead, and he kissed the tears from my face. He licked the tears running down to my ears and neck while he was caressing my back and hips. His lips moved back to mine and kissed me, revealing his heart for me. Even though I felt my heart speed up, I tried to move my head away.
“No, this isn’t right. I don’t want you hurt.” I wanted Honon.
He held my face in his hands. “Mamla, you won’t hurt me, you’ll help to sooth my broken heart.” He rolled on top of me and straddled my hips before leaning down to kiss me deeply again. Maybe it’ll help me get over Honon. As I started kissing him back, he lowered his hand to remove my top. Once it was off, he dropped his head to kiss me all over. “I loved washing you and touching your body. Having you so close was sweet torture for me.”
I closed my eyes to feel and hear…to hear Honon’s voice, to feel his arms comfort me. I let Kosumi make love to me that night, but I was making love to Honon for the last time. I was aware enough to stop myself from yelling out Honon’s name. But I screamed his name in my head while tears rolled down my face.
We woke the next morning in each other’s arms and Kosumi tried to kiss me again. “No…no more. Last night…we can’t do that again.” No way could I do that again. I couldn’t pretend in the daylight, and I didn’t want to give him false hope.
He kissed me lightly on the forehead. “Okay, I’ll be good. Here, I’ll heat some water for you to wash off with.”
We caught up with Liwanu a little ways into the cave. He wouldn’t look at me. “Liwanu…”
He stopped me. “You owe me nothing. We are friends.” He lit a torch while Kosumi tied the horses up. They each had a pack and we headed deeper into the cave.
When we reached the pool of water, I panicked. “Oh no, I can’t go through that again.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll carry you,” Kosumi told me. He and Liwanu started removing their clothes. “You can keep your clothes on. When we get to the other side, you can change into the other clothes we have for you. Liwanu and I don’t have anything else to change into. Here, you hold our things up high to keep them dry.”
I was getting nervous and starting to breathe heavier. “I don’t know. I don’t want to panic in there and drop everything in the water.”
Liwanu grabbed everything. “I will carry it.” He walked into the water, holding the torch high. Kosumi picked me up and we followed Liwanu. My heart was beating almost out of my chest.
“Take deep breaths,” Kosumi said. I didn’t. Because of the torch light, this time was worse than last; I could see how black the water was and how far we had to go. We went deeper and my breath was catching in my throat. Kosumi shook me, “Huyana…Dani! Look at me.”
I looked, but wasn’t totally focused on h
im.
“Take long, deep breaths. I have you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I stared at him, trying to slow my breathing. When I felt the water start to cover me, I began to whimper. Kosumi told me to close my eyes and he sang to me. I loved his beautiful voice and felt calmer, but I still held him in a death grip.
As we walked out of the water, I began shivering from cold instead of fear. Liwanu was holding out a blanket for me. Kosumi quickly stripped my clothes off and Liwanu wrapped the blanket around me; they both rubbed me, getting me dry and warm. Liwanu gave me a long-sleeved, Pendleton-type shirt and a huge pair of jeans. I used the tails of the shirt to tie around my waist, holding the pants up. Kosumi pulled the pant legs over my feet and put socks on over that. The thickness helped the boots fit better. Lastly, they gave me a huge parka with arms that hung six inches past my hands.
“Are you warm enough?” asked Kosumi, while he and Liwanu got dressed. I nodded. He pointed to my neck. “The necklace, are you going to wear it?”
“Only until we get near the exit, I’ll hide it until I can come back to get it. Sitala gave it to me,” I said as an explanation.
We continued on our way and pretty soon I heard the waterfall. We were almost there; I felt like a bundle of nerves. When we reached the rock-covered crevice, Kosumi and I stayed at the bottom while Liwanu climbed to the top to slowly, quietly move the rock. He crawled through, and after awhile he came back. “There is nobody there, come.” We followed him out of the cave. “Which way do we go to take you back to your people?”
I pointed in the direction I’d ridden that day so long ago. Kosumi and I hid behind some rocks while Liwanu scouted out ahead again. He returned to say all was clear, so we went on ahead. We continued like this until one time he came back to say he saw people. “Now is the time to say goodbye, my friend.”
I felt panic. Looking back and forth between my freedom and Liwanu and Kosumi, my eyes filled with tears.
Kosumi came to hold me. “You’ll be okay…unless you think I can change your mind?” His voice had a joking lilt to it, but his eyes were completely serious.
I swallowed hard. “I’m sure.” I hugged him tight. “You deserve someone who can give you their whole heart. I hope you find her soon. And about last night…I didn’t want you to…”
He leaned down to whisper in my ear. “I know you were making love to Honon and not me. I was the one in the wrong. Now go, be happy.” He set me away from him and walked away.
I choked on a sob and turned to Liwanu. I walked over and put my arms around him and laid my head on his chest. “Thank you for everything…thank you for being my friend.” I pulled his head toward me and kissed his cheek. “I wish my friend, Karen, could meet you. You two are perfect for each other. And Liwanu, try to be nicer to the kids so they don’t grow up afraid of you.”
He grunted. “Be well, my friend.” He turned me around and scooted me forward. “Go now, it is time.”
I walked forward a few steps and then stopped to look back at them. I blew them a kiss and turned to walk away again. After a few yards I turned to look back, and both were gone. A sob locked in my throat. When I turned back around, I couldn’t see to walk any further because of the tears in my eyes. But I kept on walking…walking toward the sound of people…walking back to the life I knew…walking away from the life I’d never forget…walking away from Honon.
Chapter 13
I saw a couple of park rangers and headed toward them. They watched me and one of them elbowed the other before walking toward me. “Miss?”
I just stared at them, trying hard to look like I had amnesia, like I was confused--which wasn’t too hard.
“Miss, are you all right? What’s your name?”
As I stood there, I had to fight myself to not look behind me for Liwanu and Kosumi. Tears fell down my cheeks. One of the rangers ran to his truck, talking on his phone at the same time. The other came toward me. “Miss, come with us, why don’t you come sit in our truck where it’s warm?” He gently pulled me along.
When I sat down, one of the rangers sat down next to me, put a blanket over my lap and asked, “Are you Danielle Richardson?”
I just shrugged my shoulders.
“Come on, Bob, let’s get her to the hospital.” He looked worried. During the ride they gave me hot coffee. Oh, the taste was heaven. I didn’t talk to them, even though they kept asking me questions. I knew I had to steel myself for the doctors and the police.
Seeing the town of Mammoth again was like being in a thriving metropolis. The police were at the hospital; they helped me out of the car and started asking me questions as we walked inside. Luckily, a nurse pushed them away and led me into an exam room. I heard one of them say that they were supposed to call some lawyer woman if I was ever found. Thank God, they’ll call Tamara. The nurses tried to take my clothes off me, but I wouldn’t let them. I did sit still and let the doctor do a cursory exam. When he said he wanted to run some tests on me, I said, “No.” That was the first word I’d spoken. The doctor ignored me and told the nurse to continue.
“No!” I said again, firmly. The doctor whispered to the nurse and I was afraid they might try to sedate me, I didn’t want that, I wanted to be in control and I didn’t want them to take my clothes from me. When the nurse came back in with a hypodermic on a tray, I knew I had to do more.
“I said NO.” I stood up from the table. “You will not give me a shot against my will. You will not test me against my will. If you touch me, I’ll sue you and your hospital. Do I make myself clear? I’m refusing medical treatment.”
They both looked shocked. “Miss Richardson, that’s you isn’t it?” I wouldn’t answer. “Do you know where you are…in what city? Can you tell us where you’ve been?” Again, I wouldn’t answer--but I tried to look like I wasn’t quite sure and worried. “We believe you’re Danielle Richardson. You went missing over two-and-a-half months ago. We need to check you out, to see if you have any injuries.”
“I don’t feel any pain. I just want to be left alone. Let me sit in the waiting room if you want.” I took a couple steps toward the door when I heard a commotion in the hall; the doctor left the room. I could hear Tamara yelling and the doctor telling her he thought I had amnesia. She’s here? She must’ve been at her condo. I sighed with relief and sat back down.
Tamara stormed into the room and I forced myself to act like I didn’t know her--when I really wanted to fall in her arms, crying. “Dani, thank God you’re okay.” She had tears in her eyes. “We’ve been so worried about…Dani? Do you know who I am?” I looked away from her nervously and she looked at the doctor. “Have you given her any tests, given her any medication?”
The doctor and nurse shook their heads. “No we haven’t, she refuses care. In fact, she threatened to sue us if we touch her.” The doctor crossed his arms over his chest with an irritated look on his face and the nurse left the room.
Tamara swung her head back to me. “Dani?” Her body was blocking the doctor, so I winked at her. Her eyes showed momentary shock, and then she put her “lawyer face” on. She turned around to the doctor. “Doctor…” she looked at his tag, “Hanks, I’m Miss Richardson’s lawyer and I have power of attorney, as the police have on record. If she’s refusing treatment, I don’t want further trauma done to her. You’ll release her to me and I’ll sign a waiver removing you and your hospital from any liability.” She turned back to me. “Miss Richardson, Danielle, I’m here to help you and to see that you…” The doctor walked out of the room.
Tamara came to hug me. “Dani, are you really okay?” She whispered. “No, don’t say anything until we get back to my condo. The media is outside, luckily it’s small, just the local. You can use my jacket to put over your head if you want. Are you hungry? We’ll stop and get food first.”
Within forty minutes we were in her condo. We had to promise the police that we’d speak with them the next day. Tamara sped into Von’s to get some soup and sandwiches wh
ile I sat in the car with her jacket over my head and the reporters knocked on the car window. As soon as we got to her place, Tamara ran and started a bath for me. “Do I smell that bad?” I laughed weakly.
“Honey, you look like you have a long story to tell and I think a bath will help you relax. Here, you eat while the tub fills.”
I ate the soup, but couldn’t touch the sandwich. When I stripped off my clothes to get in the water, Tamara gasped. “Dani, you’re so skinny…too skinny! What happened to you?” Her voice kept getting higher and higher. I just smiled and dunked completely under the water. It felt great.
“Here, let me wash your hair…you just relax.” As soon as she rubbed the shampoo into my hair, I thought of Sitala and tears filled my eyes. I hugged my knees and cried and cried. I couldn’t stop. Tamara just held on to me. “It’s okay, I’ll help you, sweetie. Whatever you went through, I’m here for you…I’m here for you.” I felt her tears drop down my back.
She went back to washing my hair and my crying slowly stopped. In between hiccups, I told her the entire story. At some point she stopped rinsing my hair and just sat by the tub listening to me while the water turned cold. She emptied the tub and started to refill it again. “No, that’s okay. I’ll turn into a prune. Let me just hop in the shower to rinse off.” She had a big fluffy robe waiting for me when I got out.
“I don’t know what to say. The shock of what happened to you, the shock that there’s a secret tribe living near here no one knows about. Dani, sweetie, you lost a baby…I’m so sorry.” She shook her head and hugged me. “We have to come up with a story to tell the police. I know, we’ll tell them your long term memory came back, but you don’t remember where you’ve been or what happened to you. We’ll say you’ll see a specialist you know at work. But you should see your gyno, just to make sure you’re okay.”