Sorority of Three: Freshman 101

by Melissa Brown

  “No, you started this…give me a chance to answer. Sit, please.”

  “Fine.” I rolled my eyes, feeling stuck, feeling vulnerable and trapped. “My sister…years ago, something happened here at this house. Two guys put something in her drink. She woke up not knowing what the hell happened. And no one supported her. Not her friends, her sisters, no one.”

  “Shit,” Sawyer said, his brow furrowed. “What happened?”

  “She left campus. Transferred to another school.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But that was years ago, right?”

  “You don’t get it, Sawyer. This is my sister we’re talking about…and not in a Greek way. She’s my flesh, my blood. And she was raped in there!” My temper flared as I pointed my finger at the place Sawyer called home.

  “I’m sorry that happened to her, but those guys don’t even go here anymore. She’s so much older than us.”

  “Still.” I shook my head, not wanting to listen to reason.

  “Listen, one in five women on college campuses are raped. I know that statistic. You wanna know why?”

  I said nothing.

  “Because to pledge my fraternity, you have to attend a workshop on sexual assault and another on respecting women’s boundaries. Every single semester, our house hires someone to run these workshops. You can’t become a member if you don’t go.”

  “Oh.”

  “And to assume that all of those women were raped by men in frats is just ridiculous.”

  “I know, but—”

  “There are plenty of douchebags on this campus, Sun. But they aren’t all in frats, I promise you that.”

  “But—”

  “No, you need to hear me! There are assholes all over the place. You can’t assume any guy you meet is a good person just because he’s not a part of the Greek system. That’s just stupid.”

  “Great, so I’m stupid now?” I stood at the base of the steps, placing my hands on my hips.

  Sawyer looked down at the ground before standing in front of me. “Look, I know all of this isn’t your thing. But you have to stop pigeonholing me, Sun. I would never do that to you.”

  “Why do you need all of this? I don’t get it.”

  “I’ve always wanted to come here, even though the size of this campus was daunting and much larger than I ever pictured for myself. My dad went here, so I wanted it…badly. When I got here, it felt huge. Like, really huge. And I needed it to feel smaller. The house does that for me.”

  “But you pledged last year. You didn’t even try to meet people on your own.”

  “Not everyone’s as lucky as you, Sunny. You met your two best friends at summer orientation, for God’s sake. But most of us have to do something more than that. And this made sense for me.”

  “I guess.”

  “I’ve met some awesome guys this way. Guys I really like hanging out with. Guys who have my back.”

  I rolled my eyes, thinking about how the guys who raped my sister definitely had each other’s backs.

  “Look, I’m sorry about your sister. I really am. You have to know I would never do anything like that, or look the other way if it happened. Not ever.”

  “Okay,” I said, taking his hand in mine. The tension was starting to lift.

  “But if you and I are going to make this work, you have to accept this part of my life. This is my home, Sunny. My home. It’s where I fit. It’s where I belong.”

  “I get it,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’ll be better, I promise.”

  But you don’t! You don’t belong here!

  I wanted to scream that. I wanted to rant and rave about how Sawyer was better than this house filled with drunk guys, and the desperate girls who pranced around their dance floor. But the truth was, he was right. He was right and I was wrong. I was just too emotional to see it. And so I held back, knowing that I had to accept his house or eventually I would lose him.

  And I couldn’t lose him.

  Chapter 29

  Couples

  Grace

  May, the first Thursday

  Trevor and I had been dating for two months. That was like sixty days of being someone’s girlfriend. Maybe it was ridiculous, but aside from the awful weeks of feeling detached from Claudia, I was happier than I’d ever been.

  I don’t want to say that my life was awful or something before having a boyfriend, because that would be kind of pathetic. But I liked being a part of a couple and here are just a few reasons:

  1. I liked the assumed date on the weekend. I loved that when each weekend approached, Trevor and I would look at our calendars and make time to see each other.

  2. I liked that we could do something simple, as long as we were together. Trevor proved that on Valentine’s Day.

  3. When I talked to the girls, I could use the term “we” and actually mean it. Although, seriously, people who overdid that were really annoying, so I was always super careful not to say it too often, only when it was really pertinent to the conversation.

  4. I was becoming a really good kisser. Trevor mentioned that the other night during one of our full-blown make-out sessions in my room. We hadn’t done much else during our two months together, so we were getting more than enough practice.

  5. I liked that every time we went out, we no longer had some uncomfortable pause when the bill came. Sometimes Trevor paid—okay, most of the time because he liked to insist—and sometimes I grabbed the check before he could. No awkward pauses, no feelings of obligation. We took turns.

  If I weren’t part of a couple, it would probably make me sick to my stomach to read a list like this. We didn’t do everything together; it wasn’t as if Trevor and I were joined at the hip or anything like that. I still spent tons of time with Claudia and Sunny.

  In fact, Claudia and I were getting closer with each passing day, especially after Libby broke the news about Spain. Sunny was the eternal optimist and told Claudia that she and Libby would make it work, that true love would prevail, although not actually in those words. And sometimes Claudia needed someone else to understand that things wouldn’t automatically work out just because they both wanted them to. She needed someone who saw both the yin and the yang. And that was me.

  I’d been unlucky in my love life for so many years, you didn’t have to ask me twice if I believed in unfortunate endings or false starts. Long distance was, most likely, going to be brutal for them. But with all my heart, I assured her that I felt they could make it out okay, that they could still be a couple when Libby returned from Madrid. And I think our conversations helped. At least, I hoped they did.

  Two weeks before the end of the semester, Trevor and I met for dinner at the student union since it was just a short walk to the library. But as soon as we discussed what we wanted to eat, I regretted our location immediately.

  I hadn’t thought about him. Not for months.

  Sam. The Sub Guy.

  Crap.

  Holy crap.

  “What are you in the mood for?”

  “Um, maybe a salad?”

  We reached the bottom of the staircase, rounding the corner to the food court of the union. “Or maybe a slice of pizza,” I said as soon as I remembered the sub place also sold salads.

  Full-on panic mode.

  Yes, I knew it was silly. I knew it was ridiculous. But this was my first time even thinking of the Sub Guy in months. I’d been so consumed by Trevor and Ross that I’d forgotten all about him. And I knew he was there, I knew he was working. I saw him the moment we turned the corner.

  “My roommate got sick last week after eating the pizza. Let’s go to the sub place.”

  Trevor wanted a sub sandwich, and the truth was, I wasn’t exactly smooth. If I tried to talk him out of it, he’d know something was up. So I did my best to remain calm and unfazed. I did my best to act casual, to enjoy my time with my boyfriend. But I couldn’t get Sam’s face out of my head.

  “All right.”

  �
��Besides, that way I can pay.” Trevor looked so proud of himself. He loved paying for the check whenever I allowed it. “You paid last time.”

  “Okay.” My pulse was racing and I felt sweat bead on the back of my neck.

  I can do this.

  I can do this.

  I can do this.

  When we approached the counter of the sub shop, Sam smiled and I knew he recognized me immediately, just from the look in his eyes.

  “Turkey on wheat…haven’t seen you in a while.” He wiped his hands on his apron, his smile wide.

  “Yeah.” I blushed. “New semester and all. Most of my classes aren’t on the quad anymore.”

  “Well, that is definitely a shame.”

  When I glanced quickly at Trevor, he blinked rapidly, a crease in his forehead. Not jealousy, that wasn’t Trevor’s style. Confusion, maybe? Like he was wondering how I knew the guy behind the counter…like he was waiting for an introduction or something.

  “What can I get you? The regular? Or maybe a nice MLT?”

  Mutton, lettuce, and tomato.

  He was referencing The Princess Bride again.

  Lord, give me strength!

  I laughed politely, wanting him to know that I recognized the reference.

  “Ah, that’s all right. I’m pretty sure we’re fresh out of mutton anyway.”

  And then he did it. He winked. A shot of adrenaline raced through my belly.

  “I, um.” I cleared my throat. “I think I’ll try the chicken Cobb salad.”

  “As you wish.” He grabbed a bowl and loaded it up with veggies.

  I took the opportunity to slide down to the cash register as Trevor stepped up to the counter and ordered his sub. Tension loomed as he placed his order. Sam was perfectly friendly with him, but I still felt awkward. I could only hope that Trevor wouldn’t say anything.

  Trevor waited until we sat down before saying a word. “Um…mutton?”

  “It’s from The Princess Bride. Have you seen it?”

  “A long time ago, yeah. I just don’t remember that. Is he a friend of yours?” He nodded back toward the shop.

  “No, but last semester Claudia and I ate there once a week. So he must recognize me or something.”

  “Cool. Well, he didn’t charge us for your salad.”

  “What?” I’d escaped to the drink machines while Trevor paid for dinner. I had no idea that Sam didn’t charge him.

  “Yeah. He said the salad was on the house. I figured you guys were friends or something.”

  “No, we’re not.”

  “Oh man.” Trevor shook his head.

  “What?” I narrowed my eyes, sticking my fork into my salad. I needed to give him my full attention.

  “I’d better step up my game, huh?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Well, look at you, Grace.”

  Like a moron, I looked down at my sweater, completely baffled by what he was saying. The ends of my auburn hair lay just past my shoulders. I didn’t really know what there was to see. I was me. That was it.

  “That guy’s into you.”

  “Nah. He’s just being friendly.”

  “Trust me. I’m a guy. We don’t pay for girls’ dinners unless we like them.”

  “Okay, fine. Whatever.” I couldn’t make eye contact. Instead, I picked at the avocado in my salad bowl.

  “Crap, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

  “It’s okay…it’s just…you make me happy.” I shrugged.

  “Good.” Trevor sighed. “You make me happy too.”

  “And I don’t want anyone else.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “Let’s talk about something else, okay?” I begged and pleaded with my eyes.

  Trevor nodded. “Of course. Okay, so…this summer. Did you talk to your mom yet?”

  Months ago, Trevor and I had realized our hometowns were less than an hour away from each other in central Illinois. The chances of that were slim, and I was excited to be able to spend time with him during our months away from campus. We each had access to cars, and would be able to see each other every weekend if we wanted to. Unlike Sunny and Sawyer, who would be ten hours away from each other, our options were unlimited.

  Trevor’s parents had invited me to join their family for a week at their cabin in Michigan. I really wanted to go. Like, a lot. And even though my parents were hesitant at first, the more they learned about Trevor, the more comfortable they became with the idea. It also helped that Trevor’s mom had sent my mom a friend request on Facebook, and they’d found they had a lot in common.

  “Uh-huh,” I said with a sly smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

  “So…?” Both of Trevor’s elbows were on the table. He leaned toward me, eyes wide in anticipation.

  “I can go.”

  “Seriously?”

  I nodded, trying to reel in my excitement. Inside, I was bursting. An entire week at his family’s cabin on the lake.

  “Awesome. I can’t wait to teach you how to fish.”

  “Me neither.”

  True, putting a worm on a hook and then trying to release a fish from said hook was not exactly the most appealing thing in the world to me. But Trevor and me, all alone, on a boat, all day…that sounded like heaven.

  “What else will we do?” I asked. I’d asked him that same question several times since being invited weeks ago. The daydreamer in me liked to think about all the possibilities. A picnic by the lake? A day shopping in town? Roasting marshmallows in the backyard? I wanted to do all of it. Absolutely all of it.

  “Anything you want.” He smirked and took a satisfied bite of his roast beef sandwich.

  “I can’t wait.”

  Trevor and I spent the rest of our dinner, and our entire walk to the library, discussing all the different ways to spend our week together in Michigan. Thoughts of canoes, marshmallows, and picnics completely erased any thoughts of Sam the Sub Guy. I was happy. Truly, truly happy.

  For the very first time.

  Chapter 30

  Three Good-byes

  Claudia

  The second Saturday in May

  “Seriously, Claude, come on.” Sunny stood in my doorway, arms crossed, her right foot tapping on the tile.

  The urge to roll my eyes was overwhelming, but I resisted. Instead, I humored her insistence by grabbing my purse and Diet Coke.

  “We have plenty of time.” I patted her on the shoulder and locked my door. “Where’s Grace?”

  “Waiting downstairs.” Her words were clipped and short, her mind obviously somewhere else.

  Today was a day we’d been waiting for since March, back when we’d decided that she, Grace, and I were ready to take the next step in our friendship. We were ready to be roommates. And today we were apartment hunting.

  We’d decided to narrow our search to Champaign only. Since our dorm was in Champaign and everyone in our social circle lived on that side of campus, it seemed like the natural choice. We’d made appointments at several buildings and planned to make our final decision by the end of the weekend.

  The idea of sharing an apartment with my two best friends was beyond exciting. I couldn’t wait. But, as with a lot of things lately, thoughts of next semester were bittersweet. Yes, I’d have an apartment with my friends. Yes, I’d have more freedom. Yes, I’d have a car.

  But Libby wouldn’t be here. She’d be on another continent and I’d be missing her like crazy. At least, I assumed I would. Would she miss me as much as I would miss her? That thought shot adrenaline through my belly. I had visions of her strolling down some cobblestone street in Spain, arms locked with some gorgeous Spanish girl. Ugh, my skin crawled and my jaw clenched anytime those thoughts invaded my brain.

  Grace met us in the lobby of Weston, a warm smile on her face. She had been walking on air for several weeks. It was really sweet to see how comfortable she and Trevor had become, how easily they’d fallen into being a couple. They were a
good match—both reserved, thoughtful, and kind. Being around them was comforting, especially since my moods had been unpredictable since spring break.

  “Are we taking your car?” Grace asked, throwing her purse over her shoulder.

  “I thought we’d walk. The first building is only two blocks away,” Sunny said with a shake of her head. “But we need to be there in, like, five minutes.”

  “Relax, Sun. It’s fine.” My patience was wearing thin.

  “Whatever,” Sunny muttered. She’d been stressed for a while. Things with Sawyer had been off, and she couldn’t put her finger on it exactly. It was as if they were both avoiding the end of the school year. They’d had a falling-out at his house party, even though she’d been determined to fix her attitude toward the Greek system. But maybe Sawyer saw right through her. Maybe he knew she’d never truly accept that part of him. Maybe he knew it was only a matter of time before another wedge was driven between them.

  In my opinion, it wasn’t a big deal. Sunny just had to get over herself and realize what a gem that Lost Boy was—frat or no frat. He was a decent guy who wasn’t afraid to show her how much she meant to him. In my book, that made him a keeper. But I couldn’t make her decisions for her. She had to figure these things out for herself—just like she couldn’t convince me that fall semester would go by in the blink of an eye, and the separation between Libby and me wouldn’t affect our relationship in the slightest. We were our own worst critics—allowing ourselves to be optimistic for one another, but never for ourselves.

  So we walked to the first apartment building. Two conflicted friends, dreading the fall semester, and our other friend, Grace, who couldn’t wipe the grin from her face. It was going to be an interesting afternoon.

  • • •

  I’d been rambling on and on about the apartment we’d chosen for so long, I was shocked that Libby was still giving me her full and undivided attention. Either she was a really good actress or she was just that tolerant of a girlfriend.

  We were sitting cross-legged on Libby’s living room floor. Cardboard boxes surrounded us in the apartment that was starting to look unrecognizable to me. Frames and posters had been removed from the walls, her roommate Tiffany had already packed up the TV and DVD player, sending it home with her first batch of stuff.