Sorority of Three: Freshman 101

by Melissa Brown

  “Seriously, Lib,” I continued, “we got so lucky. They just replaced all of the cabinets and stuff. It’s gorgeous.”

  “When do you sign the paperwork?”

  “We already did.” I shrugged and dipped my chopsticks into the folded white container from the take-out Thai place down the block. It had become our place. I wondered if we’d have a new place next year.

  “Seriously?” Libby’s eyes narrowed.

  “We had to. Someone else would’ve taken it and it was the last unit left. We only got an appointment because someone didn’t show up last weekend.”

  “Cool.” She stared down at her noodles, nudging them with her chopsticks.

  “What?” I asked, nudging her with my knee. “Talk to me.”

  “It’s nothing,” she said, attempting to dismiss the obvious change in her mood.

  “Lib.” Her name left my mouth in a whisper. My fingers drifted to her thigh, urging her to speak to me with gentle touches from my skin to hers.

  “It’s just…” She continued to stare at her noodles. “I’m afraid. That, like, you’re going to have this new place with your friends, and you’re going to forget all about me.”

  Genuine laughter shot out of me, startling Libby.

  “Impossible.” I shook my head. “Simply impossible.”

  “It’s just how I feel.”

  “And I’m not dismissing it. But seriously, you’re going to another country. If you want to talk about having feelings of inadequacy, let’s talk about that for a while.”

  “What do you mean?” Lines formed on her brow.

  “You’re going to have the adventure of a freaking lifetime. You’ll be surrounded by a new culture, new people, new everything. I’ll be the farthest thing from your mind.”

  “Not true.”

  “It is true. And I’ll have to deal with that. Just like you have to deal with the girls and me getting a new place.”

  “I know.” Her gaze was still fixed on the container in her pale hands. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to break through her reserve, I gently took the container from her. She pulled back at first, resisting me. When her eyes met mine, tears streamed down her cheeks. “You say we’ll be fine, but I don’t believe you. I don’t think you mean it.”

  “But I do.” I pulled her against my chest and she locked her arms around me, tighter than she ever had before. So tight, it made my heart ache. “And I’m just as scared as you are.”

  “I’m going to lose you, aren’t I?” she asked.

  “No. I told you, we’ll be fine.”

  She shook her head. “You keep saying that, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.”

  “Then you just have to trust me. Trust how much I love you.”

  Libby released her arms from my back and pulled away, wiping her tears as her eyes locked with mine.

  “I do.”

  I had to relieve her fear, her apprehension, her misgivings about accepting the Study Abroad program. I couldn’t let her go on believing that she’d ruined us. Because she hadn’t. We just had to be strong.

  “Come here,” I whispered, my fingers clutching her chin. It quivered at my touch as I leaned in, planting feathery kisses along her jaw line. She sighed, her breath warming the skin of my forehead. My eyes met hers. “I love you. Do you hear me? That’s not going to change. Spain can’t change it and neither can an apartment on Chalmers Street.”

  Her eyes pressed shut and she nodded vigorously, squeezing my hands with her own. I pulled her onto my lap, her arms dangled around my shoulders, her legs shaking against mine. My fingers threaded through her silky blond hair, urging her to relax.

  “I love you too, Claude. So much sometimes it hurts.”

  “Me too,” I whispered, resting my forehead against hers. “Me too.”

  “I don’t want to say good-bye.” Her words were soft and her voice trembled. I knew there was nothing I could do to ease her fears. Just like she couldn’t truly ease mine. We were headed into the unknown. We had to sink or swim. Treading water wouldn’t be enough.

  Grace

  Trevor and I were having our last on-campus date before going home for the summer. But I wasn’t worried. We’d be a short car trip away from each other, and our Michigan trip was planned for June. In just a few short weeks, we’d be taking a road trip together and spending an entire week at his parents’ summer cabin. I couldn’t freaking wait.

  Saying good-bye to my friends was going to be the difficult part of the last week of spring semester. I’d be hours away from both my friends, and even though August was only three short months away, not seeing them every day would make those months drag by. We’d become a family, a sisterhood, a part of one another’s lives. My psych professor called friendships like ours “enmeshed”—meaning we were tangled up in one another’s drama, problems, and joys. He made it sound like a negative thing, but to me, I couldn’t imagine anything better.

  When my friends hurt, so did I. When they were happy, I radiated their happiness. So, to be hours away from them for any length of time would be a challenge. Thank God for social media. I was pretty sure my summer would be jam-packed with private messages, Skype sessions, and text messages.

  Trevor had offered to help me pack up my dorm room. Being a guy, packing didn’t take him long, and he knew I could use the help. After several hours of diligent packing, we placed a heavily packed box in the center of the room. When our pizza arrived, Trevor set it on top of the box and dimmed the lights in my room. Retrieving a small tea light and lighter from his jeans, he lit the candle and placed it in the center of the pizza. I swear, that boy could create romance anywhere. And so we sat, nibbling on pizza by candlelight, discussing our summer plans.

  It was heaven.

  Absolute heaven.

  “Will your parents like me?” Trevor asked before taking a sip of his Coke.

  “Are you kidding me? Um, yeah, I think they will.” My hands gestured to the ambiance that he’d created in the room.

  “Even your dad?”

  I’d told Trevor about my overly protective father, the dad who wanted me to be twelve years old forever. I regretted telling him almost immediately, but I didn’t believe in keeping secrets. If Trevor and I were going to make our relationship work all summer, he needed to know what to expect.

  Harold McCarrion’s bark was much worse than his bite. Since I was his only daughter, he wasn’t afraid to come to the door with a baseball bat—at least that’s what he’d always said—I had never really dated until Trevor and Ross. But once you got to know him, he was a giant teddy bear.

  “Should I wear my catching gear?” Trevor laughed, taking another bite of his pizza.

  “I don’t know, maybe.” I rolled my eyes. “He’ll love you. And my mom will go nuts over you.”

  “Why’s that?”

  I shrugged and my cheeks turned red. “Well, um…”

  “Did you tell her about me?” Trevor’s eyes widened when I nodded. “Like what? What did you tell her?”

  My heart thumped in my chest. Maybe I’d said too much, maybe I’d crossed the line in my heart, the line of self-preservation that had always been so important in the past. Things were different with Trevor. I’d erased that line, but I felt it reminding me of its presence…and that maybe I erased it too soon. If I admitted too much too soon, would I regret it later?

  “You know, little things. Like when you brought me soup.”

  Trevor brushed my bangs from my eyes. “That was pretty awesome of me. What else?”

  I pushed his hand away, playing hard-to-get, fighting a battle within myself. Should I protect myself or be vulnerable? Open myself up to Trevor and allow him to break my heart, if only it meant happiness for now?

  “You know, like the way you talk to me. You’re so sweet, so kind. That hasn’t always been my experience, you know, with guys.”

  “Ah. There’s a reason for that.”

  “And what is that?” I bit my lip, waiting for his answer. He w
as being cryptic and I wasn’t used to that. Trevor had always been upfront and direct. Was there a reason he thought guys weren’t all too nice to me?

  “You know I’m crazy about you, right?”

  Uh-oh.

  For some reason, when the word “right” was used after a sentence like that, it seemed like the next word to come out of a guy’s mouth would most certainly be “but.”

  “Um…yeah?” It came out like a question. My voice cracked and my fingers began to shake.

  “Grace.” Trevor’s face turned serious.

  My stomach churned. I was terrified the pizza we’d just eaten was about to make a reappearance. I should have protected myself, I should have kept my heart guarded, I should have…I should have…

  “Grace, I’m falling in love with you.”

  Holy crap!

  I swallowed hard, completely blown away by that statement that I had no idea was coming my way. I was preparing myself for some sort of breakup, even if it was veiled under pretense and lies. But this was the opposite. Trevor was falling for me. As the shock wore off, I realized that I felt exactly the same way. Was I completely in love yet? I wasn’t entirely sure. But I knew that’s where I was headed. I knew I was falling…

  “Me too.”

  “You don’t have to say it. You know, just because I did.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “It’s the truth.”

  “Cool,” he said, letting out a huge sigh, his cheeks puffing up before he exhaled. His eyes softened and he leaned in to kiss my lips.

  “You make me so happy,” he murmured into my ear. “So very happy.”

  “I feel exactly the same way,” I whispered, my voice growing hoarse with the sensation of kisses being placed down my neck and collarbone. Between our confessions and the heat of his lips against my skin, I was feeling a familiar sensation that I’d felt since we’d started dating. I wanted him. Not just my heart, but my body. I wanted Trevor to be my first. And I had to tell him.

  “You know that I’ve…you know I’m a virgin.”

  “Yeah,” he said, pulling back. “We don’t have to do anyth—”

  “Shh,” I said, placing my fingers on his lips. “Stop. Let me say this.”

  “Okay.”

  “I don’t know when I’ll be ready. It could be tonight, it could be months from now. But I know one thing.”

  Trevor swallowed hard, his brow knitted, his hands stroking my thighs. “Yeah?”

  “When I do…I want it to be with you.”

  “Wow, Grace…I…that’s awesome.” Satisfaction pulled at the corners of his mouth until a wide grin covered his face. His fingers drifted to my cheek. “I want it to be special for you. Not spur of the moment or anything like that. So let’s wait, okay?”

  “Even if I wanted to do it tonight?” I teased, biting down on my lip, raising my eyebrows. “You’d turn me down?” I tilted my head to the side, pulling at the strap of my tank top.

  “I’d be tempted, I admit it.” Trevor rubbed the back of his neck as he watched my fingers play with the strap of my tank. “But I want to wait. We should wait.”

  I couldn’t tell if he was trying to convince me, or himself.

  “Okay.” I kissed him gently on the lips. “We’ll wait.”

  “You just made my entire year, though. I’m not gonna lie.”

  “Have you…before?”

  He nodded, looking guilty. “In high school, after prom. It was bad.”

  “Bad? I didn’t know it could be bad for guys.”

  Trevor laughed, his chin pointing to his chest as he shook his head back and forth. “It can be. I mean…it’s always good, but there are levels of good.”

  We sat in silence for a moment as I pondered the concept. “Like pizza?” I asked, wondering if I was understanding him correctly.

  “Exactly,” he said, pointing down at our half-eaten meal. “Even bad pizza is still pretty good. But with you, Grace, it’ll be amazing. It’ll be gourmet served-on-a-silver-platter pizza. Not a frozen one from a box.”

  “Silver platter, huh?”

  “Oh yeah. Delivered by a waiter wearing white cotton gloves.” He placed a hand on each side of my face and pulled me in for a kiss. “The absolute very best.”

  And that’s what Trevor was to me.

  The absolute very best.

  Sunny

  Tomorrow, I would leave for the summer. Tomorrow, I would leave behind the first boy I’d ever truly loved. Tomorrow I would say good-bye to the best friends I’d ever had.

  And I wasn’t ready for any of it.

  Things with Sawyer had been weird since the party at his fraternity house. Since I questioned his friends, his intentions, and his morals. I regretted it ever since, but there was no way to change what I’d done. I’d projected my own family drama onto him and in doing so, I’d sold him short.

  I’d apologized several times, and each time Sawyer dismissed me, saying there was “nothing to forgive,” and that it was “no big deal.” But I didn’t believe him. Deep down, I knew I’d done serious damage to our picture-perfect romance. I just hoped the damage wouldn’t be permanent.

  Tonight would be our last date before we each retreated to our hometowns in the morning. We’d be ten hours away by car, and considering I didn’t have a car and he was working full-time at a golf course, it didn’t look like we’d be seeing much of each other for three months.

  I was scared.

  Really scared.

  Despite my frustration regarding our relationship, I’d decided to make the very best of it this evening with Sawyer, in an attempt to say good-bye on the very best of terms. I wore his favorite color, blue, which brought out the color of my eyes. I’d put my hair in a ponytail, knowing how much he loved seeing my hair up. And I waited downstairs on a bench outside the building, ready to start our date.

  Once I sat down, I received a text.

  Running a little late. Be there in five.

  A familiar voice called out, “Mac.”

  Danny. Great, just great.

  “Hey,” I said, trying my best not to sound irritated. The last thing I needed was for Sawyer to see me talking with Danny again. Aside from my fixation on our differing Greek statuses, Danny was the only bump our relationship had experienced. And for no reason at all.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” he said, planting a kiss on my cheek before sitting on the bench beside me, his thigh pressed up against mine. My body stiffened in response. I didn’t want him touching me, kissing me, sitting next to me. I just wanted to escape the entire situation. “Got a minute?”

  “Um,” I said, rising to my feet, “not really. My, um…my boyfriend is on his way. It’s our last night, ya know, before heading home.”

  “That’s just the thing. I thought maybe, you know, we could get together or something…maybe next week?”

  “Danny, I—”

  “Hey.”

  My eyes closed when I heard his voice, knowing Sawyer was walking into yet another awkward moment between Danny and me. This time, however, he looked cool and calm. He clutched a small bouquet of daisies in his hand and kissed me on the cheek, then placed the flowers in my hands.

  “Hey,” I said, my voice a little overenthusiastic. I was trying too hard to convince Sawyer that Danny meant nothing to me, and I worried that it was bordering on overkill. “So good to see you. Sawyer, you remember Danny, right?”

  “Sure.” Sawyer gave Danny a half smile as he extended his hand.

  Danny stood, towering over Sawyer, his chest puffed out. “Hey, man,” he said, then shook Sawyer’s hand with a curt nod.

  Oh, for God’s sake.

  “Well, we’d better get going,” I said to Danny. “See you around.”

  “Yeah, I’ll see you at home.”

  My jaw clenched at that word, knowing it was meant to sting, to threaten, and to complicate.

  I had no response. Sawyer took my hand in his and we walked down the block. After several minutes of silence, though, I knew Danny
was still bothering him.

  “Talk to me,” I said, squeezing his hand.

  “That guy…he’s everywhere. Like he’s stalking you or something.”

  “He’s not, I promise. Just bad timing. Honest.”

  “Hmph.” Sawyer shook his head, staring straight ahead at the blooming campus blossoms, avoiding eye contact.

  I stopped and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “You trust me, right?”

  “Yeah, I just…let’s talk about it at the restaurant, okay?” His body language was cold, unrecognizable.

  “Sawyer,” I muttered. “What’s going on?”

  “Come on, the restaurant’s only a few blocks away. We’ll get a table and talk. Everything’s fine, I promise. He just…he irks me.”

  I was able to relax slightly with his words, trusting that he wouldn’t play with my heart, with my emotions. Didn’t this boy know how much in love with him I was?

  When we arrived at the small restaurant, I pushed him. I couldn’t let things go. I had to know what was on his mind, what was holding him back. After several moments of silence, he finally spoke.

  “I hate that he’ll probably see you more this summer than I will. I hate that we’re going to be ten hours away. I hate that my parents probably won’t let me drive to you. I hate that I don’t have enough money for a plane ticket. I’m just—”

  “I know,” I said, slipping my hand in his. “I get it. I feel the same way. But I don’t like Danny. I promise you, I don’t.”

  “You say that now, but things change.”

  “They won’t. Not for me.”

  “Look, I’ve done this before. The long-distance thing. It sucks.”

  I felt like I’d swallowed an enormous weight, one that pressed against my insides, sending my nerves into a panic. “I don’t understand. I thought…I thought we were okay.”

  “My feelings haven’t changed, Sunny. I’m so into you it’s ridiculous. I wanted to knock that guy out just for talking to you.”