Every time my phone rang I would think it was her.
The weekend ended and I got back to work on Monday. I’d been deprived of sleep, but never felt more exhausted. More than anything I just wanted to hear her voice.
I started getting calls when I hadn’t been to the gym and even Candace had left me a message. Maybe calling them both back would have helped, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. My dick had gotten me where I was and I wanted nothing to do with any woman until I could get my shit back together.
Days passed I’d had so much time to think about what I wanted to say to her. I knew I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted the chance to see where it could go with us.
Then I got an offer that I couldn’t refuse.
My boss came to me asking if I was still interested in working in Italy, under a chef that taught him everything he knows. The job was going to last from six months to a year and I’d have a place to live that was fully furnished. He said I could walk to the restaurant and have every weekend off to travel and enjoy the lifestyle.
Knowing that I had nothing stopping me, and that doing something like that was an opportunity of a lifetime, I gave him my answer the next morning and prepared to tell the news to my mother, who I knew would have a hard time even if it was temporary.
There was just one thing that needed to be dealt with first.
I found a shoe box under my bed, a pen and paper and grabbed the photos out of my dresser. It was stupid to keep them as trophies, especially considering that I could see almost all of the women in them whenever I wanted. I’d lied to Lacey about them, but only because I knew she wouldn’t approve of that part of my lifestyle. Hell, I don’t think she approved of any part of my lifestyle. If she had, she would have stuck around.
Before I left the country and tried to put her behind me, I needed her to know the truth, not about the pictures, but about what she meant to me. I was tired of denying it to everyone around me, especially myself. If I wanted any kind of closure, I’d have to be honest with myself.
I wrote three or four notes and tossed them before finally having the balls to use words that I was literally afraid of.
Knowing that I had nothing to lose because I wouldn’t be around to see her reaction, I took a few deep breaths and let everything that I’d had bottled up come out.
Lacey:
It’s been three days since I found out that you slept with Shayne again. I guess part of it was my fault, for not being clear. You see, I’ve developed feelings for you that I’ve never had for another woman. When you’re in my arms I feel complete and when you leave, I miss you.
I know I came on to you the wrong way. It was all I’d ever done, and I never expected us to be anything more than fuck buddies. The thing is, hearing that you slept with Shayne, ripped me apart. You can imagine what it’s like to hear that the person you’re in love with has gone back to their ex.
Yeah, I said it. I’m in love with you.
I’m not writing this letter to win you back, or make you sad. I just thought you might want to know that you were never ‘just sex’. From the first moment I held you, I knew it was something entirely different.
I’ve been offered a position in Italy, and due to recent events, I’ve decided to seize the opportunity. It’s the chance of a lifetime and passing it up could change my future drastically.
I want you to know that I’ll think about you everyday. You opened my eyes and my heart to feelings that I never knew existed.
Thank you for being with me, even if our time was limited, I will never forget it.
Love: Joey
I took the photos and looked at them one last time.
Candace was sprawled out on her couch, holding her legs up. I smiled remembering a time where going for my weekly massage was a treat. The next photo was someone that I hadn’t seen in a while. Then it was the two from culinary school. That was where I stopped looking at them. I grabbed an empty glass, tossed them in and watched them burn.
Italy was going to be a place for me to make new memories. I didn’t need pictures to remember the women that kept me satisfied for so long. It wasn’t like I could ever forget them. I’d already be gone by the time they discovered I wasn’t coming around anymore. It was better that way. The last thing I needed was any more of them claiming to have feelings for me that I couldn’t return.
Enough was enough.
When the pictures were burned, I grabbed a bag to put them in and tossed what was left in the bottom of the box, just to prove a point that I had, in fact, actually done it. I also added the t-shirt that I could no longer wear, because it reminded me of her too much.
I added something to the end of the note, before putting in a picture of her and closing the box.
PS: I burned the naked photos of those women and put the charred remains in the bottom of this box in a bag. I also enclosed that t-shirt you looked so good in. Smile, Lace. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world when you do.
When I left I’d instruct my brother to make sure she got it. When and if I decided to return I hoped that she’d want to at least be friends. Something told me that my messed up feelings over Lacey weren’t just going to disappear. If that were the case then I wouldn’t have been so miserable without her in my life.
I finally sat my mother down that following weekend after going back to the diner to help out on Sunday. Since I’d already asked my brother to stay at my place until I came back or the lease ended, he was there for the conversation too.
“Don’t you dare tell me that either of you knocked a girl up. I taught you both better.”
“Nobody is pregnant.” I looked at my brother and hoped that I didn’t speak too soon. “Look, this ain’t about anyone being knocked up, or in trouble. I wanted to be the first to tell you that I’m goin’ away for a while.”
“Like a vacation? I suppose you deserve one. You never take time for yourself.” She was going to be upset.
“Mom, I got a job opportunity and I’ve decided to take it.”
Her eyes got huge. “Don’t tell me you’re movin’ to Vegas. You don’t need to live in that sort of environment. You’re a good country boy.”
My brother had started laughing and shaking his head. “Just tell her. I’m sick of the guessing game already.”
“It’s in Italy.”
Everything got quiet. My brother put his arm around our mom. “I’m goin’ to stay at his place until he comes back.”
I wished that he would have waited to tell her that, because the devastation was written all over her face. She shook her head and started crying. “Wait a minute. You’re tellin’ me that you’re takin’ a job out of the country and you’re brother is movin’ out of my house to live at your apartment?”
“Just until I get back,” I added.
She covered her face with her hands and I knew she was trying not to cry. “Why would you go to another country to live? I thought you were doin’ good on your own. You said you were seein’ someone. Is she goin’ with you?”
The mention of Lacey forced a knot in my stomach. “No. There is no girlfriend.”
She peered into my eyes. “Is that why you’re leavin’? Tell me the truth, Joe.”
“No,” I argued. “I signed up for this months ago. I just never figured it would happen. Listen, this is somethin’ that I want to do. I’ve worked my whole life for an opportunity like this. I can’t turn it down. I’m a grown man, you know.”
Jamey pulled our mother into a hug. “I’ll stop by the house every day if that will help. We’re not leavin’ you, momma.”
She nodded. “I know. I’m just used to both of you boys bein’ around. I get that you’ve got to grow up and do your own things. I just need some time to get used to it.”
We sat there for a while talking about what I’d be doing and what I needed to take care of before I left. My mother was sad, but I could sense of hint of pride knowing that I was living out a dream. To some people it was probably stupid wa
nting to spend time in a hot kitchen, dealing with catastrophes and assholes. To me, it was more like art. Every day was a new project and I looked forward to creating new things and learning as much as I could.
Italy was a whole different culture and I knew I’d settle in and make the best of it. Besides, the timing couldn’t have been better.
It took me a bit to receive my passport and when I did it made things more real. I started packing up some of my shit so that my brother could bring some of his things over and be comfortable.
It was a good thing that I waited to tell Ford and Sky. I didn’t need them telling Lacey and making a big deal out of it.
Jamey and mom came and drove me to the airport. It was hard saying goodbye and getting on a plane to fly halfway across the planet. My mom was emotional and my poor brother was the one that would have to deal with her being sad until I returned. It was no lie that we’d always been close and this was probably tearing her apart inside.
While sitting on the plane, looking out of the window, I vowed to forget about Lacey and move on with my life. In that little amount of time, she’d shown me what it was like to want to be with someone and then taken it all away.
Chapter 24
I’d been in Italy for a week and still never heard from Lacey, even after the weekend passed. Knowing that she’d spent every weekend with her best friend made me assume that she’d read my letter and not cared about anything that I’d said.
It hurt.
For some reason I guess I expected a phone call or something that would give me some kind of closure. Instead I was left with a hole in my heart for a woman that I may never see again.
Getting settled in another country was a bit confusing. My apartment was furnished, but it wasn’t anything like I would have picked out. Even things like plumbing were a tad bit different than being at home.
I ventured out the first night, finding a night club and a nice restaurant that served pasta like I’d never had before. It was hard to not notice all of the beautiful single ladies wherever I turned. Looking at them was great, but it almost always brought my mind to Lacey, who I didn’t want to be thinking about.
I started my job three days after arriving.
My boss was in his late forties, while his wife was early thirties, at the most. After my first two days, I could tell she was with him for his money and not because she loved him. He left us alone in the kitchen to pick up supplies from a local vendor on the fourth day of working together.
She waited until the door shut to come on to me. Gia wasn’t just an attractive woman. She had this exotic look about her and long legs that didn’t quit. She’d come up behind me while I was decorating the desserts for that evening’s dinner. The flowers had to be intricately applied and it took a lot of concentration. I wanted to believe that’s why I didn’t see her coming.
I felt hands touching my sides and turned around at the exact moment that she was stepping closer. Our faces were inches apart. “We haven’t had someone as handsome as you working here.”
I didn’t know if there was some allowed flirting in the Italian culture that I didn’t know about, but what she was doing was invading my personal space. “Thank you for the compliment. If you’ll excuse me, I’m just goin’ to get back to work. I’ve got to have these done before your husband gets back.” I annunciated the word husband, so she’d get my point.
“Don’t be afraid of me, Joey. I don’t bite.”
I refused to look at her and kept working as I talked. “Look, if this is some sort of test, you can mark me as passed, because there ain’t no way I’d get involved with the wife of my boss. This opportunity is important and I can’t mess it up.”
She finally backed away and started walking, but only to reappear on the other side of the counter. “How’s the apartment? Are you finding everything to be a comfort to you?”
I focused on the flowers and avoided eye contact. “It’s good.”
She leaned in, but I could only tell because the shadow on the counter got larger. “Do you need anything? Anything at all?”
I set the pastry pack down and finally looked up at her. “I could use a blender. During the week I like to drink protein shakes. Can you tell me where to buy one?”
“I’ll bring you one in the morning. We have a blender at the house that we barely use. You’re welcome to it.”
I smiled. “Thank you. Now, as far as you tryin’ to flirt with me goes, I won’t be tellin’ your husband. Just do me a favor and don’t ask. I’m not lookin’ for whatever you have to offer. I came here to work and that’s all I’m goin’ to do.”
She kept this irritating smile on her face the whole time. “When you change your mind, you’ll know where to find me.”
From that moment on, every chance she got, she was coming on to me. She’d follow me into the freezer, drop things and bend over in front of me and even go as far as delivering me a blender to my apartment.
I kept my cool, knowing how much I needed this job and understanding that fucking around with the bosses wife could literally end my career, or at least any reference I would ever receive.
Did I think about fucking her?
All the time.
She would have been the perfect distraction from Lacey. I knew it would be a temporary high and that after time I’d be back to wondering what she was doing and if I’d ever see her again.
After two whole weeks my feelings still hadn’t changed. Lacey was on my mind when I went to sleep and when I woke up every morning. Hell, sometimes I even checked the other side of the bed, thinking she was there and that losing her had been some kind of shitty nightmare.
There were several times that I’d picked up the phone and started dialing her number. I’d even started writing her messages on the internet, before turning off my computer before I could hit send.
The night she came over to tell me she’d been with Shayne was her way of saying that we were done. She didn’t want to talk to me anymore and certainly didn’t want anything else.
It was especially lonely for me at night. Since I didn’t know my surroundings, I ended up sitting in my apartment reading. Most television shows were in Italian and, although I knew some words, I couldn’t understand sentences.
I guess I could have called my family, albeit the last thing I needed was to make my mother any more upset than she already was.
One month after moving to Italy, I was getting accustomed to the lifestyle more and making friends from my job to hang out with after work. For two weekends I’d gone out with the guys. Their English was broken, but I could understand enough to be able to communicate.
I’d never been much into the club scene since I’d been so focused. I stuck to my schedules before and even made appointments to do things that interested me, including sex. Everything had changed for me when I moved and I honestly hadn’t stuck to a schedule since.
I wasn’t a fool. It was obvious that this was me acting out by changing everything that would remind me of the life I left back in Maryland. I was doing everything differently. Of course, sex was a huge part of it.
I hadn’t been with a woman since I’d left for Italy. Lacey was still too much on my mind and the last thing I wanted to do was attempt to be with another woman and think about her the whole time. Not only had I tried that before, but it ended badly with me not being able to perform. She’d fucked me up; so much that I refused to go back to my old lifestyle in fear of being burned again.
Then, after that first month went by, I started having urges again. My body was used to being satisfied and I was depriving it. The more Gia pushed, the more I was seriously considering getting it out of my system.
One night after a long day at work, she approached me as we were leaving. Her husband had gone to a meeting and left us to close the place. “Joey, I’m going to need to get my blender from you. We’re having company over and I want to entertain. Do you mind if I follow you back to your place to get it?”
There were o
ther workers still around, but I wasn’t born yesterday. I knew what she was insinuating and my dick needed attention something fierce. I’d waited long enough for Lacey to contact me and was sure it was never going to happen.
I made it to the first alley way before Gia pressed her body against mine. Her lips were wet and within the first seconds of contact, she’d already slipped her hand down my pants. The chick was on a mission. She wanted to fuck me and I was going to let her.
It wasn’t my problem that she was married. I’d never liked getting involved with other men’s women. It had always been a rule I stood by.
My rules were over. I didn’t care anymore and I wasn’t going to. The woman I wanted had kicked me to the curb to hook back up with her cheating ex.
When people started walking by the ally, we composed ourselves and continued walking. I got almost to my door and saw someone standing in front of it. Gia spoke first in her language and then in English. “You need help.”
The woman turned and I was speechless.
She was the last person that I ever expected to see again and there she was, standing in front of my apartment. I knew I had to act quick before Lacey got the wrong idea, even if it had been my intention to sleep with Gia.
“Gia, she’s here to see me. Why don’t you go out without me tonight?”
She looked at me and then back to Lacey. “You sure?”
“Yeah.” Gia must have known that I knew Lacey. She kissed me on each cheek before walking back down the road.
When I knew she was gone, I turned around to make sure I wasn’t just having a hallucination. “Lace, what the hell are you doin’ here?”
I moved her body out of the way so I could unlock my door. Then I grabbed Lacey’s bags and pulled her inside.
She was crying hysterically and I didn’t know what to do. I was so excited to see her and yet petrified of what she’d assumed was happening between me and Gia. The worst part was that if she hadn’t been here I would have regrettably been fucking her. “I can’t believe you’re here. How did you…What are you doin’?”
Restore Me (Book 2.5 Kin Series) Page 15