Loving My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  That’s it. I’ve had it with this shit. “Remington!” I bark out angrily. Jace pauses ahead of me, turning to send a nasty glare in my direction. “That’s right, you little fucker, house meeting time. Whatever’s going on with you ends today.”

  He sneers at me. “You can’t make me do anything, Ash. It’s my business; why don’t you mind your own.”

  “Your business is my business. Or have you forgotten that, brother?” I growl at him. This place is fucking cursed. Everything is wrong. We’re not who we used to be.

  “Ash?” Rem questions, opening his bedroom door. “What’s going on?”

  I point an accusing finger at him. “Apparently, a fuck ton. I’m tired of this shit, Rem. Either you fix it or I’m pulling us all the hell out of here, kicking and screaming if I have to.”

  “God, you’re such a drama queen,” Jace chimes in under his breath. I snap. In two seconds I have the golden boy pinned to the floor, my fist connecting with his jaw. Shouts reverberate around us as he smirks up at me, blood coating his lips. I growl in his face before releasing him to stand. Fighting someone who isn’t fighting back irritates me, and he knows it.

  “You need to calm down,” Tristan tells me calmly, his palms out. I flick him off as I pull a face.

  “I’m as calm as I’m gonna get. Now get your asses in the living room for a meeting before I put your asses there,” I throw out as I stomp the rest of the way to the living room. They have three fucking seconds before I really lose my shit.

  Luckily for them, they pull the remaining guys together and find places around the room quickly. “Where’s Kitten?” I ask.

  “She wanted a shower to help her wake up,” Logan replies.

  “Depending on what this is about, that may be a good thing. I’m grateful we’ve finally managed to get everyone together, but I’m not sure why theatrics were necessary. Someone better start talking,” Remy tells us.

  I snort in disgust. “Talk to the duke’s son.”

  Remy looks to Jace, taking in his appearance and defensive stance. He sighs. “We’ll get to that. Kitten and I were going to have a discussion with him about what’s been bothering him. Obviously, you have some things you’d like to get off your chest first, though,” he says to me.

  “How about we start with why the three of you were going to have a conversation that concerns us all? Or about why it took so long for the eight of us to sit down together? Better yet, let’s talk about how we’re all so busy with nonsense tasks that we forgot how to be a FUCKING FAMILY!” I shout in his face.

  “We knew there would be changes when we agreed to come here…” he starts.

  “Yeah, we agreed to help a pack of dipshits get their act together enough to deserve our girl.”

  “Uhh, dude, I don’t know where you got that idea from, but that’s not what we agreed to,” Reed chimes, sounding confused.

  “I don’t know what the rest of you had in your heads, but I was under the impression shit was fucked up here and we were going to show them how to live as we do. Instead, here we are, acting like them. Following their rules. Tell me, Reed, when’s the last time you picked up a paintbrush? And Remington, tell me how it is that you’ve gone from millionaire architect to a fucking laborer?”

  “Live as we do?” Finn asks for clarification.

  “Yeah. Peace, togetherness, harmony. We had our issues, but we handled them. What we couldn’t handle ourselves, we trusted our Alpha to settle. Now, we pass by each other like strangers. Tristen is in the kitchens with one set of wolves, Remy’s building houses like that solves shit or something, Finn is a ten-time Harvard grad teaching algebra. Logan is a personal shopper, Kellan treats colds and fleas, and who the hell knows what Jace even does! All you do all day is shop online. Congrats, you’re a Real Housewife of Wolf County.”

  “I didn’t know you felt this way,” Remy says as he thinks it over.

  I turn and punch the wall, making a hole in the plaster. I’m beyond frustrated. “Me feeling this way isn’t the problem. I can handle it. What I can’t handle, and what I can’t understand, is why the rest of you don’t feel this way.”

  I turn to Rem, the fight leaving me. “I know Kitten getting kidnapped messed with your head, and I’ve tried to be patient. I’ve been waiting for you to pull your shit together and fix this. Don’t you see how close we are to losing everything that we’ve built?”

  His eyes flash in anger. “What would you have me do, Ash? Hmm? We built our own pack from scratch. We chose our own members, made our own rules, created our own history, and lived our lives how we wanted. How’s that supposed to work here? Half of these people I wouldn’t spit on if they were on fire. That army you train is a fucking joke no matter how you slice it, these people will never make enough money or food to support themselves, and I’ve got a pregnant mate that I hardly ever see outside of a bedroom! So, tell me, great wise one, what the fuck do you want me to do!”

  There’s a long pause that follows his outburst. Understandable, considering shit must be bad if Remington feels lost. Yep, this place is cursed.

  “I’ve been working on that,” Finn says quietly. He squirms in place when we all turn to look at him. “It’s not a perfect plan, and I haven’t figured everything out yet, but it could be a long-term solution. I’d like to work on it more before we really get into it, but what Remy said was true. This pack isn’t really a pack. It’s a bunch of scared wolves that don’t know any other way. What I have in mind is a complete reboot, a break the system kind of thing, if you will.”

  “Thank you, Finn. I look forward to hearing all about it. When you’re ready, of course,” Remy manages much more calmly. “If we’re done with the yelling portion of our meeting, I’d really like to take time and have a proper discussion as a family. I think we should all catch up with one another and air any griefs or feelings we’ve got going on. Lord knows if our normally silent and broody brother had that much to say, then there’s sure to be plenty from the rest of us,” he jokes, lightening the mood.

  I roll my eyes at the nickname. Just because I’m not a blabbermouth like some of the other guys doesn’t mean I brood. I don’t brood.

  I break the awkward silence that follows, nobody else knowing where to start. “This declaration of war on us has been a joke so far. They’ve sent scouts and small tactical teams, but nothing that couldn’t be handled easily. It makes me wonder if they’re waiting for something to make a real show of force, or if war means something else entirely around here.”

  “I’ve met with both Marcus and Albert about this briefly, but they seem more concerned with making sure the army is ready for a fight. Albert has suggested that we use Kitten to reach out on the political front, due to all of us being changed wolves. In his opinion, that’s what all of this is about—us opening our doors for other changed wolves. To other packs it might seem like we’re attempting to build an indestructible army,” Remington explains with an eyeroll.

  Reed sits forward, ticking items off on his fingers. “One, Kitten doesn’t even know about the war. Two, we are an indestructible army, just the eight of us. Three, we’ve made no move toward any other pack, aggressive or otherwise. I don’t even know why they fight each other. This isn’t the old days where everyone fought for territory.”

  “I think we should hold off on telling Kitten still. She’s in the beginning of her pregnancy, a fragile time for her,” Kellan adds his opinion.

  Remy nods in agreement. “Have you gotten a chance to examine her yet? Make sure both she and the baby are healthy?”

  Kellan frowns hard. “No, not yet. There’s a virus going around the pack that’s been keeping me busy, and I don’t really want to bring her into that cesspool until it clears up. From everything I can see without the use of an ultrasound, everything seems to be going normally. A lot of tests I would run for a human female wouldn’t apply to Kitten, so I’m going to need time to speak with some of the midwives who have dealt with wolf pregnancies before.”


  “We also need time to sit down and go over a budget. I don’t think anyone realizes how fast the funds are draining, now that the entire pack is being cared for,” Jace points out.

  Remy scrubs a hand down his face. “I think we’re going to have to make a schedule for everyone, including Kitten. I’ll start one after we’re done here, so you guys will have to let me know any times you want blocked off. But this reminds me of something else I’ve been meaning to bring up…” He trails off, thinking carefully how to word what he wants to say.

  “Everyone answers at once, first thing that comes to your mind. Who is the Alpha?” he asks, grey eyes scanning the room.

  “Of the pack?” Kellan replies, everyone else waiting for the answer before replying.

  “Fuck,” Rem groans, leaning his head back against the wall. “Same as Kitten. Okay, so, raise your hand if you don’t want to be an Alpha to the Ivaskov pack,” he instructs.

  Immediately, six hands shoot into the air. Turning to me, he raises an eyebrow. I give him a duh look. I’d rather chew off my own arm than play political puppet and get bugged repeatedly about dipshit matters. Leadership has always been Remington’s thing. When someone needs their head smashed in or to be taught a lesson…well, that’s my thing.

  “The reason I ask, is because it was brought to my attention that this pack could use stability, and that it somehow involves only answering to one Alpha. That being said, I was also informed that Kitten is Alpha material herself, though she sees me as her Alpha.”

  “What the fuck does any of that actually mean?” Logan asks.

  Before Remy can reply, Finn steps in. “This might be a good time to restructure and install a new form of government. A key to instilling a sense of real change, and breaking away from how things have been done in the past.”

  “What do you suggest?” Remy crosses his arms, waiting.

  Finn looks uncomfortable with all the attention on him again, but shakes it off. “I think removing all responsibilities from the rest of us at this point would make us appear weak, but I agree with having one Alpha. Honestly, every time someone said Alpha, I would look around for you.”

  “For Kitten’s part,” he continues, “I, too, think that she was born to lead. No matter if it’s a pack of wolves or a playground sandbox. However, I think her title needs a different name. Not only do all born wolves think of a male at the term Alpha, but a separate title would help differentiate between the two of you as well. Think in terms of kings and queens; sometimes they ruled together, sometimes a king, sometimes a queen, but the power of either title garnered the right amount of respect and labeled them as leaders.”

  “I could see that. I’m good with it. What would we call her?” I ask.

  “Oh, oh, I know! Let’s call her the Mistress of Wolves. Scratch that, how about Lady Badass, Kicker of Shins, Taker of Names,” Logan chirps excitedly. Without looking, Tristan reaches behind Kellan to smack him upside the head.

  “What about Luna?” Jace suggests quietly. A small smile plays on his lips as he inspects his nails. Something tells me he didn’t just pull that term from his ass. I still want to know what that little shit is hiding.

  “Goddess of the moon. Yes, I like it. Kitten is definitely goddess-like, and it’s fitting, all things considered.” Finn nods.

  “And you all could be ranked Betas. That way it’s still clear that they can come to you with issues as well as Kitten and myself,” Remy adds.

  “Um, can I not have a title, though?” Reed asks.

  “Me, too. I just want to help people as I always have. I’m content having you and Kitten lead. I’m still a changed wolf and Kitten’s mate, so it’s not like anyone is going to give me trouble over it,” Kellan says.

  Remy sighs heavily. “Fine. I already know which of you are going to ask the same thing, but you will still have the title of advisor because you have always been advisors to me, and I want no wolf underestimating your importance. So, as it stands I will be the only Alpha, and Kitten will be Luna. Ash and Jace will be Betas, with everyone else being advisors. That said, Albert will remain Omega, a title that now represents the personal advisor to the Luna.”

  “I don’t want to be Beta,” Jace scoffs.

  “Too damn bad. You’re good at it, and I need you. Ash will have full reign to punish and defend, while you will have full reign to attend matters in my stead. It makes sense.”

  I smirk at the golden boy as he huffs a “fine” in acceptance. Good, now if anyone bothers me with shit I don’t want to deal with I’ll just send them Jace’s way.

  For a good hour, we vent about all the things we’ve dealt with since arriving. Some of it is actually entertaining. I don’t spend a lot of time in the house like some of the others, but they tell me that ever since Kitten’s possessive display, the other females around practically run from them if seen in the halls or kitchens.

  We also talk about things we hope to accomplish, such as me wanting to form an elite group of enforcers instead of playing human soldiers, training for human-style fighting. Mostly, though, we talk about Kitten and the baby. How we’re lucky to have her, how she’s adjusting, and what it’ll be like to be fathers. We’ve never openly discussed it before, but I’m pretty sure that no matter whose scent the pup carries it won’t make a difference to us. We’ve been sharing everything for decades, and centuries for some of us. We all just want the experience of raising a child. On my part, I feel lucky to have seven other guys around to help protect our child. They can teach him things I don’t know myself, and be there when I can’t be. Not to mention, the more people around the less diaper changing for yours truly.

  “We should probably go check on Kitten. Either she’s taking the longest shower known to mankind, or she went back to bed. She needs to eat some breakfast,” Tristan suggests.

  “How’s that going by the way? Will she eat things that you don’t cook yet?” Reed asks him.

  “Yeah, some.” Tristan nods slowly. “She still won’t eat anything even close to resembling a sandwich or on a silver plate, but she’ll eat fruits, breads and snacks that I don’t make. I think I might see if she’s up to eating takeout soon. She still eats better when someone actually feeds her, though I think that has to do with her seeing how happy it makes us.”

  “Is she craving anything yet?” Kellan asks.

  Tristan frowns. “Not that I can tell. She has a new affinity for popsicles, but that’s because she didn’t know about them until the boys asked for some. She’ll scarf down food every now and again, but she doesn’t eat like she used to. Like she pecks for most of the day, but seems unable to stomach a full meal a lot of the time.”

  Kellan nods. “That’s fairly normal. Don’t worry, though. As the pregnancy progresses, that will change. Just keep an eye on it and remember that she doesn’t know much about proper nutrition, pregnant or not. She’s relied on her wolf’s healing abilities most of her life.”

  Reed returns, informing us that Kitten must have wandered off with Mikey. Looking like everyone is about to head off, I call attention to what started all this. “Jace, I still wanna know what’s going on, man. I gave you time to bring it up yourself, but you haven’t.”

  He sits back in his chair, looking for the world like a rock truck is weighing him down. A hand slides through his hair, messing it up. Whatever it is must be pretty bad for pretty boy to not notice his hair is out of place. “I don’t even know what to say. I’ve spoken to Albert about it, about why and how it’s happening, but I don’t even know if it’s real.”

  “If what’s real?” I ask.

  For the first time in a very, very long time I see Jace’s insecurity peek out. It took a long time for us to get him to understand that he can tell us anything. He used to have a real issue letting anyone know anything about himself that was less than perfect. He spent three decades pretending to be too concerned with his hair to swim with us when, really, he was just terrified of drowning and didn’t know how to swim.

 
; “Brother, I thought we were past this.” I shake my head, calling him brother to remind him that we’ll always have his back.

  He meets my eyes, the vulnerability still there, but determination rising through. “I think…I think I see Kitten’s dreams. That’s why I haven’t been sleeping much, and when I do it’s when she’s awake,” he admits.

  Finn pulls a face. “Kitten doesn’t dream.”

  “What do you mean she doesn’t dream? Everyone dreams,” Logan calls him out, looking at him like he’s crazy.

  Finn puts his hands up in “I don’t know” gesture. “She just doesn’t. If you haven’t noticed, she’s not like everyone else. Even her photographic memory isn’t a photographic memory. It’s different than any other case study ever done, though Eidetic memory has never been proven. While her mind stores the information like a file cabinet in her head and can be pulled up whenever she needs information, she can’t access it whenever she likes. I think it has to do with her being able to access her wolf abilities in human form. Much like her wolf helped her survive long before she ever turned, it may have been a coping mechanism for her lack of formal education. It seems her wolf always filled in the gaps that her human side couldn’t fill on its own. So, her not being able to dream isn’t that big of a shocker when you take into account she’s pulled off a feat that no other wolf or human has done in history.”

  “If I’m not simply going insane, then she does dream,” Jace states worriedly.

  “They’re probably not dreams, just moving pictures she has stored in her mind. Like movies. Or memories,” Finn says gently.

  Jace nods. “That makes sense, seeing as they’re all of her at a younger age. I kind of hope that I’m just going crazy, though. If those are her memories, then I don’t understand how she isn’t crying in a corner twenty-four-seven.”

  “Why? What do you see?” Reed asks, nearly falling off his seat as he scoots closer to hear.

  “Horrible, horrible things. This morning I woke her up because some pervert had drawn her to a secluded area after she waited a week at a park by herself for some man to return with food. She was also a very literal child, believing if she stepped on a crack she’d break some kid’s mother’s back. A mother who thought she was a monster and hit her with a broom. Idiot humans. Though because I can’t see her in these dreams unless she walks past something shiny, it makes me wonder if any of her wolf features ever shifted, or if she was just so unkempt as a child, as no one ever cared for her. My guess is the latter. I can just picture a tiny waif in tattered clothing; no shoes, the palest of blonde hair knotted and stuck to her head like a stray dog, covered in dirt.” He shakes his head, eyes lost to recollection and tearing up. Jace never fucking cries, and it’s making me uncomfortable.