Loving My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  “In that book we found of Ivaskov histories, there was mention of bonds so strong that certain abilities were formed,” Finn tells us.

  “What abilities?” I ask.

  “In the book it said it was based on levels of domination. I’d have to read it again to remember the other gifts that were mentioned, but I’m pretty sure the ability to thought-share was in there, and that was for mates on or near the same domination level. Like I said, I’d have to look again,” he explains.

  “If you have time, do that today. It’s bothering Jace, and I’m sure we’re all curious now,” Rem instructs Finn before turning to Jace. “You’re going to have to talk to Kitten about this. For one, you can ask her if they truly are memories from her past and get reassurance you’re not crazy. And two, because this is a whole new level of privacy invasion and she deserves to know, and if it goes both ways, so she can be prepared for it to happen to her,” Remy instructs.

  Jace groans. “I don’t know how to tell her.”

  “You’d better figure it out. She thinks you’re avoiding her, which you are. You might want to think about what that means to Kitten. We recently found out she’s pregnant, and she formally adopted Michael without asking our permission first. More than likely, she thinks you’re mad at her for either of those things or you’ve lost interest. It’s hurting her,” he tells Jace sternly.

  Jace’s head rocks back at the revelation. He probably didn’t even realize how she could misinterpret his actions.

  “Is anyone else up for Mikey calling us Dad, or Daddy, or Father or some shit? It’s weird if he calls her Mom then straight up calls me Logan like I’m some unwilling stepdad caught up with her baggage.” Logan makes a disgusted face.

  I nod my head, grunting in approval. “His biological dad deserves to rot in hell for what he did to him. I’m all for being a team of dads who actually give a shit about him and look out for him.” A round of approving statements and head nods go around the room.

  “We’ll have Kitten inform him that it’s okay for him to call us that if he wants. We should let it happen naturally after that, though. I don’t want to push the idea onto him. He’s known Kitten for a longer time, and already thought of her like a mom, so it may take some time, if it happens at all,” Kellan speaks up.

  “I bet he calls me Dad before he calls you Dad,” Logan quietly challenges Tristan. He shakes his head with a smirk, but takes on the bet anyway.

  I roll my eyes at the two tricksters of our little family. Of course they’d make a bet on something like this. I used to wish that they’d grow up and mature, but their antics have grown on me over the years. Not that I’d ever tell them that.

  “We should go eat and find Kitten. We talked about a lot today that she should hear and get a say on. I for one feel a lot better now that we’ve talked some things out and there’s a tentative plan to move forward. Let’s keep in mind that we need communication among ourselves now more than ever.” Remy wraps up our chat, the other guys filing past on their way to the kitchen.

  He takes up a spot near me, leaning against the opposite wall. “That goes for you, too, you know? I know I’ve been different since everything happened with Kitten, and honestly, I’m still trying to find my way back from that. Having her taken from me like that…it’s hard to recover from. I should have seen it coming, should’ve been stronger or smarter about it. But don’t ever feel like you can’t tell me what’s going on with you. Even if it’s about me being a shithead and needing to pull myself together. We’ve lived lifetimes together; I’ll always care about what you have to say.” He clasps me on the shoulder roughly.

  I grunt, smirking at him. “I know. I was just giving you time. I get that it’s harder with her. I don’t lead this merry bunch of idiots, but I do protect us. Trying to balance being soft enough to love her and hard enough to be strong for her is a challenge. Just know that I get it.”

  We have a moment, both showing how serious we are and that all is forgiven. “Let’s go eat before Logan does something awful to our food,” I joke, bringing him in for a manly hug before shoving him roughly into the wall. His laughter booms in the hallway before he quickly catches up to me, a foot going out to trip me. If Logan and Tristan only knew they weren’t the original tricksters of the group. I shake my head. Too bad we never show them this side of ourselves.

  Kitten

  My tail swishes through the snow yet again as I stare at nothing. I had gotten out of the shower only to find that my mates were enjoying some much-needed time to themselves. I was just slipping down the hallway, trying to not interrupt their moment, when I heard it.

  War.

  War was declared against us, and they didn’t tell me? They didn’t want to tell me. I hadn’t meant to overhear their conversation, but it’s hard not to when your name gets mentioned. I don’t know how to take this. Should I confront them? Act like I didn’t hear them? I should have stayed and listened to what else they were hiding from me. Do they think I’m weak and can’t handle things? I guess I am weak compared to them. I don’t know if I’m angry, or just really sad.

  Howling out my frustration makes me feel slightly better. Within moments several other howls echo back to me, creating the most beautiful song my ears have ever heard. I howl again, this time losing the sadness and letting my excitement show through. My tails sways behind me as, once again, the other wolves around the area sing back to me.

  I had shifted in a hurry so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone for a while, but howling with these wolves makes me see that there are many ways to communicate now. It’s comforting to know that there are so many people out there willing to share in my feelings, even if they don’t know the cause of them.

  Eventually, I just listen to the rest of them as they continue. I pick up several emotions from them as well. Loneliness is the most prevalent, but anger, confusion, and heartbreak leak through, too. My poor wolves. Will we ever be able to leave the pain of the past behind, our songs joyous and happy? I may be hurt and confused at the moment, but I’ve had times of pure happiness along the way, especially lately. I wonder if some of these wolves have gotten to experience that.

  I hear and smell them coming long before I can see them. They come from the trees, bunched together with their heads low, moving slower the closer they get to me. I huff my annoyance at this and paw the ground, hoping they know I mean it like a person would pat the seat next to them. Who knows what it means in wolf language? I don’t have much experience with that. Although, I’ve noticed that if I stop trying to think like a human, instinct will take over.

  I take time to admire their coats, noticing that all but one has a variety of shades throughout their fur. They take up spots around me, surrounding me with their larger bodies. I don’t really know what they want, but I’m content with them being here. A few eventually break off to play, rolling around and biting at each other. I cross my paws and lay my head on them, feeling as if I could sleep in the sun’s warm rays.

  When I wake, it’s to a short bark from Albert’s wolf as he nudges the sleeping wolves who have managed to enclose me in a wolf pile while I slept. They mostly pay him no mind, but shift tails and legs out of the way so he can reach me. He squeezes in beside me, turning his neck so the top of his head can rub against my back just once. I look over to him, wondering what that was about. He pants happily as his eyes scan our surroundings. It takes a moment for the sleepiness to wear off, but once it does I remember why I’m out here in the first place, and know without a doubt that Albert knows about the war and didn’t tell me either.

  With a sigh I find my feet, taking a short moment to stretch. The other wolves stand, too, looking like they’re ready to go wherever I am. I shake my head at them, hating how their tails tuck and heads bend in sadness. I nip at a few ears and rub my head against a few of them, trying to lessen the blow and let them know I’m not purposely leaving them, and that I’ve enjoyed our time together. It seems to be the right thing.

  Alber
t, however, follows me anyway. He bites at my tail playfully as I trot along and I turn to growl at him. He lied to me, too, and now he wants to play? Nope. No way. Instantly his belly is on the ground, ears pulled back. I bare my teeth at him before resuming my return to the house.

  I feel the shift in the air just before his human voice calls out for me. “Princess, wait!”

  I ignore him, sprinting toward the back doors of the house. Once I get there I decide I’m still not ready to go in and face any of my mates, but I’d like to shift back. The problem is, I don’t know how to get clothes without going in. A young soldier passes me, bowing as he does so. I follow him and he stops, looking to me. I tilt my head as I try to think how to tell him what I want.

  Slowly, I move forward and grasp his pants between my teeth, giving a small tug. “Uh, Princess?” he asks, confused. I huff and do the same to his shirt. “You want me to…follow you?” He guesses.

  I shake my head.

  “Uh, you want me to undress?” My head rears back and I bark a resounding no.

  “She wants you to get her clothes, you idiot,” Albert chides as he comes up behind the man. Somehow, he managed to find a pair of black sweatpants. “I’ll get you something to wear, Princess. Then you might tell me what has you so upset with me.” He jogs into the house quickly.

  “Oh, thank God!” The soldier sighs in dramatic relief. “I didn’t really want to die today. The Alphas would have torn me limb from limb if we were to…you know. I mean, you’re beautiful, both as a woman and as a wolf, and it’d be an honor, but…I was hoping to meet my own mate one day, and I’d never get that chance if I was a headless corpse,” the younger man rambles.

  I’m not sure what he’s even talking about so I just sit, tilting my head and blinking at him until Albert returns with a bundle of clothing. He drops the clothes in front of me, unfolding a sheet and tossing another one to the soldier. “Hold this up, will you? The princess needs to get changed.”

  The younger man makes a face. “What does the sheet have to do with it?” he questions, even though he does what he’s told.

  “She wasn’t raised in a pack, as you should know. She still holds on to her human modesty,” Albert explains.

  “Oh. Right, I got you.” He nods, turning his face away from me as he holds out the blanket.

  I ignore the both of them as I quickly shift, stepping into the yoga pants sans panties and slipping on a cami and covering it with a thick green sweater. The soldier watches me closely as I untuck my hair from my clothing, running my hands through it. It never ceases to amaze me how, after every shift, my hair is softer and shinier than it has ever been. As an added bonus, it’s never tangled either. It’s actually easier to shift than to brush it out.

  He swallows thickly, his lips parting and tongue reaching out to wet them. “I…should go now. Yeah, I should definitely go,” he mumbles, balling the sheet up and turning away from us quickly.

  I turn to Albert. “He’s an odd one.”

  Albert chuckles. “Don’t hold it against him. He hasn’t had the opportunity to meet many females, let alone a beautiful, young, royal one.”

  I shrug a shoulder. “I don’t know why that would make him act so odd, but there are more females here now than ever before. And even if I don’t like some of them, they’re all very pretty. It makes me wonder if people think I’m beautiful because I’m a royal or whatever. Either way, I think most people are pretty and many things are beautiful, but I’ve always failed to see how that changes anything.”

  “That’s not what makes you beautiful, dear girl. But that’s yet another reason you shouldn’t be running around by yourself,” he says, pressing his lips together in disapproval.

  I narrow my eyes at him. “It seems we’re all doing things we shouldn’t, aren’t we?” I glance around, looking for a direction to head in.

  “Right. Would you mind telling what I did wrong now, please?” he asks.

  “If you walk with me. I don’t want to be around the house,” I tell him, already walking away.

  I head towards the dormant orchards, figuring no one else would be around. We walk in silence, giving me time to form rational thoughts and plan out what exactly I want to do about what I know. Albert strolls beside me, hands behind his back. I can tell he has to get used to my pace, since my legs are so much shorter than his. The trees are all bare, stick-looking things, but I still think they look pretty, all lined up in neat rows with equal spaces between them.

  After the twentieth row, Albert finally presses me. “Please say something, Princess.”

  I sigh. “When it’s just us, can you please just call me Kitten? I hear my name so rarely these days I’ve nearly forgotten it.”

  “I…will try, Princess Kitten,” he responds, making me roll my eyes. Maybe it’s the most he’s capable of?

  “I’m mad at you because I know you know about the war everyone is hiding from me.” I jump right in.

  He splutters out nonsense in shock. “How did you…”

  “It doesn’t matter how I know,” I interrupt. “What matters is that you and the others thought it was okay to lie to me and keep things from me. Do you all think I’m weak?” I turn to him, asking him earnestly.

  “What? No! No one thinks that of you,” he tells me vehemently.

  “Then why?” I almost whine.

  Albert takes his time answering, giving a deep sigh before he speaks again. “Because men are stupid?” he asks more than states a real reason. A sad smile crosses his lips. “Your mates and your grandfather will always want to protect you. At first, they thought you were acting strange and needed time to adjust. Then they found out you’re pregnant and…I think they didn’t want to stress you, giving you time to be happy about the baby. Also, in my opinion they think that, as long as you don’t know about the dangers in your life, they can’t harm you.”

  “But that’s so very wrong. Not knowing is always worse than knowing,” I scoff.

  “I think your mates are used to handling problems a certain way, and none of them know how to handle them when it comes to you,” he adds.

  “What’s your excuse, then? You’re not my mate, and the other day you claimed to be loyal to me only. Yet, you kept this from me,” I accuse.

  He sighs again. “Princess…” I shoot him a glare. “…Kitten. If I asked how many conversations we’ve had alone, what would you tell me?”

  “Including this one? Two. Or not really, I guess, since everyone was present for the last one, just standing back.”

  “Exactly.” He nods. “My place is on your right, standing slightly behind you. Not because of tradition or rank. But because it is the natural way of things. I exist to advise and protect the Alpha of this pack. If you had given me the opportunity to do what I’m supposed to, I would have told you.”

  I make a face. “You’re saying it’s my fault? I don’t know the natural order of things, Albert! I fell into all of this. And just because you tell me you’re supposed to advise me doesn’t mean I know what that means, or how to have you beside me, when I’ve barely had friends in my life to begin with!” I shout at him.

  “I understand that,” he says gently. “I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong. Your trust in me will take time. I just ask that you might speak with me every now and again, and maybe give me tasks so that I might start earning your trust in me to accomplish them.”

  A large boulder sits off to the side of a row of apple trees. I take a seat on it, able to kick my legs against it as I think. Albert sits beside me, leaving plenty of room between us.

  “I have a task for you then,” I tell him, our eyes connecting. “I want to know how to contact all the pack leaders. And I don’t want you to say a word of this to anyone,” I say seriously.

  His eyes widen momentarily, his throat constricting as he swallows. He nods his head deeply, standing and turning from me. I can tell he slightly regrets the conversation now, but he wanted to earn my trust, right? This will be one heck of
a way to do that.

  Chapter Five

  Avoiding people might be fine if you’re not a wolf, living with other wolves. Eventually, it was my traitorous scent that gave me away, as Jace found me going over multiplication flashcards with Mikey. At first he simply entered Mikey’s room, where we’d been hiding, and observed as Mikey rattled off answers for each new card shown. He’s really good at these, only struggling with times nines and twelves. He’s already on to division, but he struggles with the same numbers so we had come back to this. Finn told me his favorite math was actually geometry, he just didn’t want to move forward without Mikey having a solid foundation first. Only, Finn doesn’t know that we each get a gummy bear when Mikey answers correctly when we do flash cards.

  I eyeball Jace, wondering if he’s going to tattle on us. I had thought that once I saw one of them, the anger towards them would rise to the surface. But it hasn’t. Instead, it fizzled out completely. All I’m left with is sadness. Plain and simple, I feel hurt and left out. But until Albert gets me what I asked for, I don’t plan on revealing what I know. In my mind, they started it.

  “Hey,” Jace says softly. I realize I’ve been staring at him for a while now.

  “Hi,” I respond. We stare at each other. Neither one of us breaks eye contact.