Loving My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  The only thing I can’t quite figure out is why Kitten completely blocks me whenever she spends time with Albert. We’ve both slipped up many times, not realizing we were either pushing or pulling, but her mind is a fortress whenever she’s with him. Which seems to be more and more often lately. When I asked her about it, she said they’re working on their own dynamics in their new roles for the pack. They have to learn to work together, and that’s as much as she’s shared. I didn’t press her, but I’m determined to get to the bottom of it. She can’t hide from me forever.

  Chapter Six

  Kitten

  Keeping my thoughts to myself is harder than I ever thought it would be. I mean, thoughts are supposed to be private, and I’ve spent my entire life thinking what I wanted, when I wanted. I’ll admit that it’s nice to know what Jace is thinking sometimes. He’s one of the harder ones to read for me. That blank and bored expression of his is so ingrained, I don’t think he knows he’s doing it most of the time. Alas, it’s my fault I’m struggling so hard with this. If I wasn’t keeping secrets from them it wouldn’t be a problem.

  I’m beginning to feel guilty about hiding what Albert and I are up to. Weren’t secrets and lies what started all this in the first place? Will the guys be just as hurt by my actions as I was by theirs?

  “Princess Kitten, we have another call in three minutes. Are you ready?” Albert asks, breaking me out of my inner ramblings. Maybe I should tell them. Yes. I decide I have to tell them. Just not right now.

  “I’m ready. I don’t know why the South African pack requested a video call. Everyone else was fine with the phone. It will be harder to look at my notes and keep my face from reacting, like you said.” I bite my lip nervously.

  “It was the only way they agreed to speak with us. They don’t want to be caught in the middle of a war. Alpha Jabulani will have his mate, Lindiwe, present as well. It’s considered disrespectful for a male to speak with a mated female privately in their pack. Also, remember that if you want to show appreciation, you can bow your head slightly, but don’t divert your eyes. They’ll see it as a sign of weakness.”

  “Are they different from us?” I ask curiously.

  Albert sniffs. “From us, when? We’ve had many cultural changes throughout our history, customs that have come and gone. I imagine it’s been the same for any other pack out there. This Alpha in particular I met once upon a time, with your father. I’m not sure if these examples are a cultural thing or a him thing, but he is very respected and considered to be a fair ruler.”

  A ringing starts from the laptop and I suck in a breath for courage. Albert clicks on the accept box and a couple appears on the screen, two men holding long spears standing behind them. “Hello?” I answer automatically, before remembering that I’m supposed to greet them more formally.

  My faux pas makes the Alpha smile. “Good day, white wolf. Forgive me if I had to see you for myself. These are trying times in our world, are they not?”

  I nod my head, trying not to get distracted by his dark blue eyes that stand out like jewels against his dark skin. He’s so beautiful. “They are. Which is why I wanted to reach out to you and your pack. I would like to ensure peace between us. To be friends.”

  His expression changes immediately to something less friendly. “You have the eyes of your father, which is the only reason I have not exited this call. My sympathies are with you at his loss. He was a good man. However, my pack has remained outside of the Ivaskov reach since the beginning of time. Your father was only permitted here as a guest. I have no wish to do your bidding,” he finishes sternly.

  I blink back my shock at his brush-off. “I don’t wish for you to do my bidding either. My only goal is to bring the wolf world closer together. Peacefully. We may have to hide, but we don’t have to hide alone. Knowledge, culture, and wolves should be able to pass throughout any territory freely and willingly. Do you not agree?” I challenge him.

  He looks to his very pretty mate a moment before responding. “You speak so highly of peace, but your pack is the only one under threat of war. How can you come to me with peace, with claws at your throat?”

  My own expression hardens and I narrow my eyes at him. “Do you see claws at my throat? Do you see me cowering from the big, bad wolf?” Albert clears his throat, trying to get my attention. I refuse to look away from this Alpha, though.

  Alpha Jabulani laughs harshly in response, leaning forward in his seat. “Is that the heart of the Ivaskov I see? Your pride blinding you as your false sense of safety in larger numbers makes you have faith you are stronger than anyone else.”

  “I don’t have faith that I am stronger,” I reply, Albert coughing louder now.

  I wave my hand at him to be quiet. “What I have faith in is my pack’s willingness to adapt, to change for the better. I have faith that my mates and I will not falter in this endeavor. I’m not speaking of the past; I’m speaking of the want and need to make changes right now, for our future. For all our futures. My pride lies in what is mine, and right now what is mine is broken and in need of healing.”

  I pause to let that sink in for him. “I’m reaching out to you, to all the Alphas, in hopes that together we can give our wolves something better. A world where all wolves can attend school together, where they all meet to see if their mates are out there, no matter where they reside. A world where if one pack struggles the other packs help them.” I’m nearly shouting by this point.

  “You’d throw that all away…for what? Because you’re afraid I might ask you for a favor? Well, guess what? I am asking you for something. I’m asking you to put aside whatever holds you back and help me pull our world together once again.”

  I breathe heavily as I stare at the screen. Tears of frustration burn the backs of my eyelids, but I refuse to let them fall.

  Before me, Jabulani’s eyes are wide, even if his mouth is set in a tight grimace. Beside him, Lindiwe’s expression has turned almost peaceful and soft as she peers at me through the screen.

  The silence drags on uncomfortably until the Alpha finally speaks. Instead of yelling back at me like I thought he would his voice is quieter than before, more curious than anything. “You’d let one of my men mate one of your females, even if they chose to live on my lands and not yours?”

  “Of course,” I’m quick to reply, putting as much sincerity into my voice as possible. “What I want more than anything is to make them happy. I know I can’t give everyone everything they will always need, and that I won’t always make every wolf happy with everything I do, but I can start by doing what is right. And what is right is to open the doors that have been closed to them for far too long.”

  “I have wolves here who have never left pack lands. I have females here who have been forced to bond with men they were not meant for. Wolves starved and shunned just because they were competition for higher-ranking males. I won’t be a part of that. I never was, and will never be. Now, I’m doing everything I know how to do to help them. Will you help me with I do not know, Alpha Jabulani?”

  “He will, young Princess Ivaskov,” Lindiwe responds with a bow of her head and authority in her voice.

  Jabulani shoots her a sharp look but she merely returns it, raising an eyebrow. With an added quick poke to the ribs the Alpha turns back to the screen, lacing his fingers through his mate’s on the table before them. Their show of unity gives me hope.

  “We will offer ourselves in any way you need. Our pack has seen our own struggles in recent years. The humans have spread nearly everywhere, hunting us and driving us further off of our lands. We also struggle with feeding ourselves when our crops fail, and making enough money to purchase human items,” he reveals.

  I bow my head in appreciation for sharing something he didn’t have to. None of the other Alphas have responded to my request in such an open way. “This is an issue I hope to solve for my pack as well. One of my mates is currently working on a solution. If one is found, I’ll make sure to share that informatio
n with you at once. The next step is for my pack to resolve the issue with the Australian pack, but I’m hoping a meeting of the minds can take place and that you are both able to attend. In the meantime, is there anything I can do to help ease your burden?”

  I can tell he’s about to refuse my offer but one of the men with a spear in the back leans forward, whispering in his ear. The Alpha nods firmly, meeting Lindiwe’s eyes before speaking. “There have been severe droughts, combined with flooding in other areas. Both of which has left us with a small amount of drinkable water. We’re dealing with the issues as best we can, but I would not refuse some help if you see fit.”

  “I’ll send something right away. After all, that’s what friends are for, right?” I give them a wide smile, happy they’re letting me help.

  “We are honored to call you our friend, Princess Ivaskov. I would wish you luck with the other packs, but seeing your diplomacy firsthand I do not doubt you will accomplish your goal without the aid of luck. On our end, we will spread the word of your generosity and kind heart. May we meet again soon.” They bow their heads goodbye, and I do the same. Albert comes to disconnect the call.

  “You had me worried for a second there,” he tells me with an amused smile.

  I collapse back into my chair, feeling like I’ve aged a few years. “I was worried, too. I’m glad we worked it out, though now I have another problem.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

  “How exactly do I make a large delivery to Africa without my guys noticing?” I pout.

  “Perhaps it’s time to tell them what you’ve been up to,” he suggests.

  I nod my head quietly. Thinking. “I was going to anyway. I don’t like all this sneaking around and feeling guilty about it afterward. But…”

  “But, what?” he asks warily.

  “Is the Australian Alpha still refusing to take our calls?”

  “Yes…” He draws out the word.

  “Then I think I know how to tell them.” I turn my head to the side to meet his eyes. “And I’m going to need a plane.”

  Albert visibly deflates in front of me, covering his face with both hands and groaning loudly. “You’re going to get me killed, aren’t you?”

  I don’t answer him. Mostly because I don’t have an answer. I just might get us both killed. One thing is for sure, my mates are going to be maaad…

  Later that night all ten of us, including Mikey, sit around the table as we eat a very nice dinner of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and cornbread. It’s one of Mikey’s favorites, and quickly becoming a top five of my own. I’m just glad no one thought it odd that I requested we all spend the whole evening together. The guilt of what I’m about to do weighs heavily on me, and I wonder if I didn’t set this up so I’d force myself to tell them everything. But I can’t. Not yet. I just have to do this one last thing and then it will all be over.

  A note will be waiting for them in the morning, explaining how I had overheard them and everything I’ve been up to since. To be honest, I’m not even sure why I’m keeping things from them anymore. Will they be mad? Most likely. But I also know that this is what they want, and they’ll be happy with what I’ve accomplished so far. Earlier, I had planned to end this secretive nonsense, but that was before I decided to trek across the globe and take on the Australian wolf pack myself. If I tell them now, they’ll never let me go through with it.

  It will be okay, though. It will all be okay, I chant over and over again in my head.

  “Kitten, I’m taking the day off tomorrow and will have plenty of free time. What do you say you and I spend some time checking out our little one? I still think it would be better not to have you around the makeshift clinic, but I can bring the equipment I’ll need upstairs to one of those empty rooms.” Kellan suggests excitedly.

  A hot pang of grief stabs me right in the soul as I realize I’m going to have to lie to him. I don’t lie, it’s just something I don’t believe in ever doing. Somehow, with all my sneaking around, I’ve not had to do it. Not even once.

  Reed’s fork clatters clumsily to the table, hitting a plate in the process, and drawing everyone’s attention to him as he rubs at his chest, his expression set in confusion and hurt.

  And aimed right at me.

  His gaze is so intense that I have to turn away from him before his ever-changing eyes can see too far into me. Jace, who sits next to him, checks that he’s okay before they both go back to their dinner.

  Reed’s distraction gave me the moment I needed to form my response to Kellan carefully. With Tristan at the table as well, it’s not a good idea to attempt a lie anyway. So, I opt for the truth. “That sounds like a wonderful idea, Kellan,” I tell him softly, trying not to let my sadness at not being able to spend time with him show.

  Out of all my mates, Kellan has been one of the busiest since we arrived here. Now he’s willing and wanting to take a day away from where he’s needed and I won’t be around for it. I feel like a really bad person.

  Reed shoots me questioning looks throughout the rest of dinner, his mood seemingly changing from content to silently brooding. He pushes his food around his plate, same as me, neither of us hungry any longer. It reminds me of my first meal with the guys. When we had eaten breakfast together. Reed had looked much the same in a long-sleeved white shirt, his cheeks pinkening when he introduced himself. The thought lifts my heart, even as Jace sighs and grumbles about me flashing things through his head. I give my golden boy a sheepish smile. I hadn’t meant to push that, just like he hadn’t meant to be pulling at the time. He narrows his eyes at me, but the grin playing on his lips lets me know he’s not really mad at me.

  “Perhaps we should watch a movie after dinner. A few of you look too tired for much else,” Remy suggests.

  “I’m not tired!” Mikey exclaims with a frown, as if calling him tired is an insult.

  I chuckle at him. “You’re never tired. I don’t know where you get your energy from, but I’d like to get some of it.”

  “It’s the pregnancy hormones. Creating life takes a lot of energy. All your resting is a good thing,” Kellan explains, approval clear in his tone.

  “We should watch a Clint Eastwood movie. I could be in the mood for that,” Ash says as he piles up his plate with seconds.

  “Like American Sniper, or Heartbreak Ridge?” Finn asks.

  Ash shakes his head. “Didn’t mean one he directed.”

  Logan’s hand shoots up into the air, waving wildly. “Oh, I know! Trouble with the Curve,” he tosses out happily. “He’s in that one and it’s about baseball. I fuckin’ love me some baseball.”

  I raise an eyebrow at him. “You do?” I didn’t know that.

  He nods his head. “Oh yeah, Yankees all the way.”

  “They have too many unfair advantages as opposed to other teams,” Finn and Kellan chime in, in unison. Okay, that was awesome.

  Remy sighs. “Some things never change,” he grumbles under his breath. “That is precisely why we’re not watching that movie. I don’t want to hear this argument yet again.”

  “Besides, you’d just get jealous once Kitten started fawning over Justin Timberlake,” Jace adds with a smirk. Logan sticks his tongue out at him, making a disgusted face.

  “I was thinking something older like A Fistful of Dollars or The Outlaw Josey Wales,” Ash explains.

  “He directed that last one,” Finn informs him. Ash glares down the table at him. “What? He did. Just saying.”

  “This is why we never get to watch movies,” Tristan says sadly, pouting.

  I can’t help it. I laugh. Not because anything said was particularly funny, but because I have so missed how they interact with each other. And probably because of the hormones. I’ll blame it on them. “This is why I love all of you,” I say with a giddy smile, swiping tears of laughter from under my eyes.

  “Love ya back, little Luna.” Logan winks at me.

  “Luna?” I narrow my eyes at him, rage bu
bbling up as I wonder why he’s called me by someone else’s name. My skin ripples, my wolf fighting to surface.

  “Oh, shit!” His eyes widen in horror as he realizes his mistake. “Fuck, someone explain before she tries to kill me with that fork!”

  “Explain what?” I growl lowly through clenched teeth.

  “Calm down, Kitten. Logan was referring to a conversation we’ve not yet shared with you. He hasn’t mistaken your name, he merely forgot that you haven’t been apprised of the conversation,” Remington says cautiously.

  I turn my head to him, tilting my head and baring my elongated canines. “Who is Luna?”

  “You are,” he states, silver eyes boring into me. If my mind wasn’t so clouded with anger, I’d swear he was getting turned on at my show of dominance and possessiveness.

  “Remy spoke to us about your conversation with Albert. About the two of you being an alpha pair,” Tristan adds in that calming voice of his. “We concluded that Remington should remain Alpha of the pack, and you should take on the title of Luna.” He stresses the name.

  My wolf backs down slightly, enough to allow me to be able to speak clearly. “So, no more ‘princess’?”

  “You’ll always be an Ivaskov princess. Born wolves love a good monarchy, but you can be called whatever you wish. We thought a new title and hierarchy would drive home our declaration of a new order,” Remy explains.

  “Luna is often used as the personification of the moon. A night goddess. Goddess of the moon,” Finn enlightens me.

  “Oh. So, I could simply be called Luna? Not Luna Ivaskov or Princess Luna, or any of that? Just Luna?” I ask.

  “If that’s what you want. I’d simply be Alpha, Jace and Ash Beta, and the rest are our advisors,” Remy explains.

  My teeth retract, my wolf settling completely. I look to each of my mates. “You’re all okay with this? This change will help us and the pack?”