Loving My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  They all nod.

  “I couldn’t stand being called Alpha,” Jace states.

  “Us neither,” Kellan adds seriously, pointing to include his twin in the statement.

  I purse my lips. “That means you’re not all equal anymore.”

  Reed laughs softly. “We never were, sweetie. Our dynamic has always worked for us. We’re happy to return to how we were before we got here. We’re still your mates, equal when it comes to you, and higher in the pecking order than the rest of the pack.”

  “Except Albert. He’s your personal advisor, but he’s still the Omega. His duty is to look out for your interests, as it always has been, but he’ll gain the title of your advisor as well. I have no need of him. I have Ash and Jace at my side, as always,” Remy clarifies.

  They give me time to process as we finish up our meal. I suppose nothing really changes, other than the responsibilities of my mates divvying up differently. Something that they clearly want and already discussed.

  “So glad you no longer look like you’re going to stab me,” Logan quips, breaking the silence.

  That comment gets the rest of the room laughing. I blow him a kiss, giggling when he pretends to catch it.

  They finally decided on a movie, Tristan and Logan grabbing snacks from the kitchen and everyone else getting pillows and blankets to make a pile in front of the couch. Yay! I guess we’re snuggling!

  Mikey and I were told to go get comfy, and I wait for him until he pops out of his room wearing his favorite hockey emoji sleep set. On our way to the living room on our floor I stop at Reed’s room, grabbing one of his long-sleeved white t-shirts and throwing it over my black cami. The shirt lands slightly past my pink and white stripped shorts, so I grab a hair tie as well, tying the shirt up in the back. I wiggle my toes in my black toe-socks that have grips on the bottom to look like paws and come up to my knees.

  “Those things freak me out,” Mikey says with a grimace as he looks at my socks.

  “They’re just socks.” I shrug.

  “They look like gloves for your feet. It’s weird.” He shudders.

  I laugh, putting an arm around his shoulders and strolling into the living room.

  Everything looks set for the movie so Mikey finds an open spot near Jace, who sits close to an end table dipping a cookie into a glass of milk. As for me, I happily slip between the twins who have chosen to lie on their sides, heads propped up on their hands.

  Finn lays in front of me, wearing a grey t-shirt and green and black checkered pajama bottoms. He rolls onto his back and scoots closer to me so I can wrap my arm around his stomach and use his chest as a pillow. Behind me, Kellan cuddles up to my back, throwing a leg over mine and placing his hand on my hip.

  The other guys settle in around us. Logan, Tristan, and Reed sit with their backs to the couch, legs stretched out, sharing a bowl of popcorn. Remy stretches out on his side on the couch, occasionally stealing a handful of the buttery goodness for himself. Ash lays closest to the television. His silky black basketball shorts are the only stitch of clothing on him as he lies flat on his stomach, propped up on his elbows. I can smell the Skittles he’s munching on and I’m half tempted to switch positions, but I’m quite comfortable with my twin sandwich at the moment and someone has already started the movie.

  It’s not too long before Mikey nods off, cookie crumbs still outlining his mouth. Jace follows my line of sight and smiles down at the adorable boy. He places a spare blanket around him and picks him up, carrying him to bed. My heart swells at the sight.

  A pillow hits me square in the face and I blink my eyes at Reed, who threw it. “Stop that,” he tells me lightly.

  “Stop what?” I ask, confused.

  “Fawning all over Jace. I can…feel it, and it makes me feel weird,” he explains.

  I chew on my lip in thought. “You can feel it? You mean you can see it?” I ask for clarification.

  “Nope. I can feel what you feel sometimes. And, I think, the baby. But it’s all new and weird and it’s hard to tell,” he says with a shrug.

  Our conversation gets everyone else’s attention as well. Especially Kellan’s. He pops up and stares at Reed open-mouthed. “You can feel the baby?”

  Reed scratches at the back of his neck, face turning a little pink. “I think so. I felt from Kitten that she was tired doing yoga the other day, but I also felt from someone not her, and not me, that certain poses were fun but also made them nauseated and want milk.” He shrugs awkwardly. “It’s very confusing to read. So much so that it doesn’t seem worth mentioning most of the time.”

  “That’s so fucking awesome!” Logan chirps. “What else? Does the baby like fashion or video games or what? Tell me everything,” he demands.

  “What’s awesome?” Jace asks, coming back in. Logan quickly runs through what he missed.

  Reed, and everyone else in the room for that matter, looks at Logan like he’s a lunatic. Reed is nice about it, though. “Uh, the baby can’t see, so…I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have an opinion on either of those things. To be honest, I don’t think it knows what it likes. There’s always a lot of different emotions when it’s awake.”

  “I know it likes our voices, though,” he adds. “It will pause whatever it was doing or thinking to listen to Kitten talk, and gets excited when Ash yells for some reason.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us?” I ask softly, rubbing my stomach at the thought of the baby listening to us right now.

  “I was going to, I just wanted to figure out how the whole thing worked first. And, like I said, the baby can be really hard to read. It’s almost as if…”

  “You can feel Kitten’s emotions, though, right? Like I can see her thoughts?” Jace interrupts him.

  Reed nods. “Yeah, Kitten is pretty easy to read, though I don’t always know what she’s feeling. It just goes in and out.”

  “That could come in handy if she’s ever scared or hurt,” Ash chimes in, looking satisfied with this development.

  “It makes me wonder what else will surface. I mean, will all of us share some extra connection like this? Or do you think it’s all temporary due to high levels of hormones caused by the pregnancy?” Finn asks no one in particular.

  “It’s hard to know,” Remy says with a yawn. “All we can do is take it one day at a time. We need to be able to communicate everything going on better than we do now. For those of us who don’t have a sixth sense, it will be harder to understand what’s going on with those who do. I know we’re busy most of the time, but we need to stick together and talk openly, guys.”

  A round of agreement sounds around the room, myself included. I try my best not to feel anything at all. Mostly the guilt. With Jace knowing my thoughts and now Reed knowing my feelings, it’s hard not think that my secrecy is the cause of all of this. Maybe if I was more open, these things wouldn’t have developed. Not that I would take them back, because I like being able to hear Jace’s thoughts, and I hope I’ll get to feel what Reed feels, too. I just hope any new developments hold off until after tomorrow.

  With that in mind, I suggest we get back to the movie. I can’t exactly sneak out if they’re all still awake. My suggestion gets me a couple of confused looks, but they settle back in. This time Kellan snuggles closer to me, his hand rubbing over my belly, like he’s trying to be closer to the baby. It makes me smile, and I find myself watching his hand a lot more than the movie. As the second movie is put on I feel myself drifting in and out, my eyes staying closed longer and longer as I blink. Maybe I’ll just rest them for a minute or two.

  The next thing I know, I’m being carried and hearing hushed whispers. My overtired mind barely acknowledges any of it. I must have fallen back asleep, because I jerk awake to the sight of a very dimly-lit bedroom not much bigger than the bed itself.

  As the room does a quick bounce, I realize that I was carried onto the plane. A plane that is very high in the sky, taking me farther and farther away from my mates. Oh, God…what have I d
one? Tears streak hotly down my cheeks and a sob is wrenched from me. I cry and shake uncontrollably, knowing that they’ll never forgive me. Knowing that my actions will hurt them.

  The tiny door slides open, light pouring through, but I’m sure it’s Albert since no one else knew of my plan. “Albert, we have to go back! They’re going to hate me and they’re going to leave me. I can’t do this. Please, we have to go back!” I choke out through a sob, covering my face with my hands and screaming silently into them.

  Arms wrap around me, pulling me into a hard chest. It’s an awkward hug and takes me a minute to realize that Albert would never be so familiar with me. Slowly, I raise my gaze to see steely gold ones looking back at me. My heart lurches in relief at first, but that quickly fades as I take in his ticking jaw and expectant expression.

  “I’m s-sorry,” I hiccup, my face crumpling once again when his eyes narrow before he turns his face away completely.

  Jace’s arms fall away from me as gets up from the bed, pacing in the too-small space between it and the door. “You’re sorry you got caught, not sorry you lied and went behind our backs in the first place,” he says coldly.

  I shake my head, but it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t believe me. As a new pain settles into my bones, I go back to crying uncontrollably. Jace eventually leaves when his phone rings and I curl into myself, crying until I pass out from it.

  When I awake next it’s to a leathery-feeling, snot-covered face, and itchy eyes. A long time passes as I just lie there. I don’t want to move, or think, or breathe. I’ve made a monumental mistake and now I don’t know how to live with it. Eventually, I get to the point where I either have to get up or pee myself. I guess bodily functions don’t understand the need to wallow in self-pity.

  I find the tiny bathroom near the bedroom at the back of the plane. Inside, there’s a sink and counter with an outfit supplied for me to change into. I go through the motions numbly—brushing out my hair, brushing my teeth, washing my face.

  I end up in nicer clothing than I normally wear. If it wasn’t for the bloodshot eyes and distraught expression, the cream-colored, wide-legged slacks and soft blue sweater I’m wearing might even make me look a little fancy. I opt to forgo the nude sling-back sandals with a low heel. I’ll put those on when I’m forced to. After staring at myself in the mirror for what seems like forever, I realize I’m stalling. I don’t want to face Jace, but I’m going to have to at some point.

  I find him in the main area, sitting stiffly with an ankle crossed over one knee, a cup of steaming tea on the table beside him and a newspaper held up in front of his face. Alberts sits a few seats away, nearer to the front. He also wears a suit, like Jace, though his is black with a white shirt and green tie. Jace is in a light grey one with white pinstripes, also wearing a white shirt, paired with white shoes, his gold cuff links, and gold watch. He always dresses nicely, but this is how he used to dress when he left the house for work.

  “Are you going to stand there all day, or are you thinking about going back to crying in your room?” Jace asks curtly without looking away from his paper.

  I swallow hard, forcing back the emotions his cold demeanor causes in me. I cautiously take a seat opposite him, biting my lip and tucking my hands between my knees. “Hi,” I rasp out.

  He lowers the newspaper slightly, just enough for me to see him raise a brow. “Are you sure you chose the right seat? Or are you trying something new and choosing your mate over Albert for once?”

  My eyes water, but I try to smile through it. “I didn’t choose him over you, Jace,” I say softly.

  He folds the paper perfectly, bringing it down with a snap to the table. It makes me jump, but he ignores my reaction. “Tell me, then, what did you do? Because from this side of things, it seems like you trusted him more than you trusted me or any of your mates.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, looking at my knees instead of him. I don’t know what to say, so I stay silent. I’m not used to Jace being this mad at me and it scares me. Also, it makes me unendingly sad.

  Out of the corner of my eye I watch him take a sip of his tea. He holds it in one hand, the little plate in the other as he stares out the window. “I’ve arranged the shipment of water for your new friends,” he informs me.

  That has me looking up quickly. “Thank you.”

  He turns his head, glaring at me, a none-too-friendly smirk teasing his lips. “Tell me, Princess Ivaskov. Is that one of those things you thought I wouldn’t, or couldn’t, understand? That wolves in South Africa were in need of water, and your barbaric, cruel mates would never let you help them if they knew the truth?”

  My head rears back in shock at the animosity being thrown at me. “Jace, I didn’t…”

  He cuts me off. “Because charity work isn’t something I’m interested in or anything. It’s not like I do that for a living, have done for hundreds of years. Not like I have the connections to make it happen quickly, safely, and efficiently. No, I’m just some selfish asshole who doesn’t give a damn about anyone. Isn’t that right, Princess?” he says with so much sarcasm it’s almost palpable.

  “I didn’t say that. I don’t think that,” I tell him quickly.

  When he goes to cut me off again I talk over him, louder this time. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. You guys were keeping secrets from me. I heard you talking about a war. In that same conversation I heard it mentioned that some of the other packs wanted to speak to me. So, that’s what I did. I spoke to them. One thing led to another, and I got it in my head to finish this stupid threat against us. I didn’t even know why I was keeping it from you anymore, and I didn’t realize until I woke up on this plane just how big a mistake I was making. Please, don’t be mad at me anymore. I can’t handle it.”

  I choke up at the end, covering my face with my hands to block everything out as I get my breathing under control. He doesn’t want to see my tears, remaining unaffected by my obvious pain. Rightfully so, I guess, but it still hurts.

  “That’s what this was all about? Tit for tat?” Jace chuckles humorlessly. “We kept something from you, so you did the same to us? We did that to protect you, so what’s your excuse?” He doesn’t wait for a reply, just stands and walks past me to the front of the plane.

  “You did it because you thought I was weak,” I say to his empty seat, low enough I’m sure he didn’t hear me. I blink rapidly, refusing to cry anymore right now. Maybe I am weak, look at me right now.

  “I’ve never, not once, thought you were weak,” Jace tells me, sounding tired. He walks back to me, roughly placing a finger under my chin and lifting my eyes to his.

  “That’s not why we didn’t tell you. Maybe it was wrong on our part. That doesn’t make what you did right, either. I know you’re young, and I know relationships in general are new to you, but you’re going to have to make a decision. Either you’re the type of person who confronts an issue head on, or the type to seek justice in the form of payback. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love someone, but Kitten…I won’t live with this feeling of betrayal the rest of my days. I won’t live looking over my shoulder, waiting for your retribution of a perceived slight toward you. I’ll never walk away from you. I don’t know how. But I’ll figure out how to harden my heart against you if you make me.”

  All the air leaves me as he walks away. I’m left with the image of his watery golden eyes and heartbroken expression as he tells me he’ll find a way to not love me anymore seared into my mind to forever haunt me. It’s all that I can see. Eyes open or closed, he’s there with the pain I caused him in his eyes. I. Can’t. Breathe.

  Chapter Seven

  I feel Albert’s hands on my arms, shaking me, and can hear the desperation in his voice as he yells for someone. But I can’t bring myself to care, to take a breath, or un-see the image running through my mind. Just as black starts to creep around the edges of my vision a pair of strong hands lift me in the air, hard lips pressing to mine. I gasp in shock, taking in
much-needed oxygen, and blink my eyes rapidly.

  Ash holds me in the air, away from his body, determination set on his face. “You don’t get to fall apart now, not when you’ve caused so much trouble proving your strength. You get to learn from this, you get to come back from this and be forgiven, but you don’t get to feel sorry for yourself and fall apart,” he rumbles.

  “You’re here,” I pant, catching my breath. “You’re mad at me, too,” I add sadly as he sets me on my feet.

  He nods once. “I am. Someone had to fly the plane. And yes, I’m mad at you. Not for sneaking around, we’ve all done that, but because you put yourself in danger with no thought as to what that would do to the rest of us.”

  My shoulders sag. “I didn’t really think about it.”

  He crosses his arms, shifting around like he wants me back in them, but at the same time doesn’t. “You shouldn’t have to think about it. That’s what I’m for. That’s why we have the family that we do, so each of us fills in the gaps where the others are lacking,” he tells me sternly.

  “This is a setback, but we’ll figure it out,” he adds in a softer tone. “We always do. Things have been hectic ever since you set foot through our door, and I don’t think we’ve had time to truly get to know each other. So, this is me, standing in front of you and telling you that I will protect you and everyone you care about to the best of my ability. It’s what I do. But I can’t do that if you don’t let me, so don’t shut me out.”

  I swipe the tears from my face, looking up to meet his hard almost-black eyes. “I won’t. Never again, I promise,” I tell him with all the power I possess in my words.

  “Then I’ll let it go,” he says, moving his shoulders in a small shrug. “Some of the others won’t forgive so easily, but I got to you before anything bad happened. I still hate this mission you’re on, but I feel better now that I’m by your side. No harm was done, as far as I’m concerned.”