A Sweet and Sassy Match

by Stevie MacFarlane

  Her phone rang incessantly, but she sent every call to voicemail except her mother’s.

  “I won’t be over this weekend, Mom,” she told her sniffling. “I’m getting a cold.”

  “You don’t sound well at all, dear,” her Mother said fretfully. “Is Sam taking care of you?”

  “Sam’s working this weekend,” Johanna hedged.

  “Well, I know dear, but it’s not like Sam to…”

  “I’m fine mother, really,” Jo insisted with a fake cough. “I told him to stay away; I don’t want him to catch it.”

  “Oh, I see. Well, if you think that’s best, dear.”

  “It is, Mom. I’ll talk to you in a few days unless something comes up and you need me.”

  “Alright, Johanna, but if you get any worse you need to see the doctor.”

  “I will,” Jo promised. “I love you mom, talk to you soon.”

  “I love you, too, dear.”

  On Sunday afternoon, she finally forced herself to listen to her messages while she choked down a bowl of cereal. Light-headed and shaky, she refused to have a low blood sugar attack and prove Sam’s point so she nibbled on a cheese stick between bites.

  There were fifteen messages. Four from Sam and his deep voice was getting a little testier with each one.

  “I’m just checking on you, honey. Are you alright? Call me.”

  “Johanna, would you please answer your phone, sweetheart. I need to know that you’re okay.”

  “This is ridiculous! I can’t spank you through the phone, though at this point I would if I could. Stop being so damn stubborn and call me back.”

  “Johanna, it’s Sunday at 4:15 and if I don’t hear from you within the hour I’m coming over and we are going to have a very serious discussion regarding childish behavior and phone courtesy.”

  The rest of the calls were from friends. Lori wanted to know when she could go shopping with her for maternity clothes.

  Stephanie needed at sitter for a wedding in September and she was trying to line someone up.

  Josh was taking his Saint Bernard to the dog wash and wondered if Jo could go with him and help? What he really meant was would she hold the dog’s head while he slobbered all over her, an experience Jo had enjoyed before. Yuk!

  Carly was going to a flea market and wanted to know if Johanna would give her a hand. What she really meant was will you help me drag all my stuff in and set it up and watch my booth while I flit around and spend more money than I make?

  Priya, whom she hadn’t heard from in months, called and asked her to take her Donskoy while she spent two weeks in India with her boyfriend. Frankly, the hairless cat scared the crap out of her, and she was exceedingly glad to have missed that call.

  The list went on and on: Can you help me move? Watch my kids? House-sit? There was even a call from a girl she went to college with who wanted her to go on a blind date with a cousin coming in from out of state.

  What there was not, Jo realized sadly, was one call asking how she was, or wanting to chit chat, apart from Sam’s and he didn’t sound much like he wanted to chit chat on that last message.

  Glancing at the clock, she realized he would be here any minute, and she just didn’t have the energy or tears for further drama. Putting her bowl in the sink, she dragged herself from the kitchen just as he knocked on her door.

  “Go away, I’m fine,” she called as she paused in the entryway.

  “I want to see for myself,” he insisted, his angry voice clearly audible through the thick wood.

  “You’ll just have to take my word for it,” she yelled back, flipping the deadbolt. It took the last of her strength, but she walked away, tears flowing down her face and dripping onto her shirt. She fell into bed and pulled the comforter over her head, not even bothering to take off her dirty sweats and T-shirt.

  He knocked at the bedroom window, but she pulled the pillow over her head and ignored it. He was cursing a blue streak, but eventually he must have left because it got very quiet and she fell into an exhausted, dreamless sleep.

  Sam was so angry and frustrated that he picked up the box from her porch and shot it at his SUV in the driveway, where it smacked the vehicle with a thud. When he got his hands on her again, he would treat her like the petulant child she was acting like. They were adults and even if their romantic relationship was over, she could show a little maturity and consideration. He just wanted to make sure she was okay. Was that too damn much to ask after all they had shared? Picking up the box, he tossed it into his vehicle and got in, peeling out of the driveway like he hadn’t done since he was a teenager with his first car, the tires screaming. Although it was somehow satisfying, he slowed down, wondering if Johanna was literally driving him crazy.

  Monday morning, Johanna took one look at her reflection in the mirror and called into work, taking the day off. Her sunken, bloodshot eyes and lank hair shocked her and she immediately stripped and got into the shower, staying there until she ran out of hot water.

  Thankfully, there were no more tears, she thought, as she threw on clean sweats and an oversized tee, so she was either getting better or she was dehydrated.

  In the kitchen, she made a cup of coffee and opened the fridge. Her tummy was rumbling, and she realized she was hungry. What did I eat this weekend, she asked herself, trying to remember and coming up empty. Dumping her coffee into a travel mug, she grabbed her purse and her biggest pair of sunglasses and left the house.

  It was a short drive to McDonald’s, and she sat in her car and inhaled her breakfast sandwich, feeling a little better with each bite and realizing just how close she’d been to disaster. It galled her that Sam was right about her eating habits. Apparently, she couldn’t take care of herself for one measly weekend.

  Pulling out of the driveway, she turned north instead of south without thinking and realized she was heading toward Sam’s office. It was early yet, not quite 8:30, and she truthfully didn’t except to see anyone there so she kept going. It’s a free country, she told herself, and I can go anywhere I want. When she spotted people on the veranda, she pulled over about three houses away and parked under a big maple tree. Snatching a baseball cap from her backseat, she tucked her hair under it and slumped down. With the dark sunglasses on, she figured she wasn’t easily recognizable. Her car was a very common color and model, provided you didn’t see it from the back where the bumper was severely dented from her repeatedly backing into a concrete barrier as she parked at work.

  Sam was on the porch, looking oh-so-fine in black slacks and a black polo shirt, and he was shaking hands with the four people with him. She recognized them from the party and tried to recall their names. Oh yeah, they were nice couples: Marcus and Susan, and Ty and Kelsey. Sam worried about both girls and was extremely pleased when they paired up with the dark-haired twins. They were definitely eye-candy, Jo admitted with a sigh, but then so was Sam. In fact, even at this distance, he held a powerful attraction for her and she felt her heart crack a little more just watching him.

  After a short conversation, Sam handed over a thick envelope which Ty tucked under his arm. Jo knew they had to be the contracts the four had signed. Taking Kelsey’s hand, Ty and Kelsey walked down the steps toward a huge black limo that Johanna hadn’t even noticed was waiting in the driveway.

  Marcus wrapped an arm around Susan’s waist as they started to descend the steps but he suddenly stopped. Leading her by the hand he pushed her into a chair and removed her shoes, handing them to Sam with a comment that had Sam laughing. Sweeping Susan into his arms he carried her down the steps towards the limo, where the driver was just opening the door for them. Susan had her arms crossed over her chest and although Jo couldn’t hear her, it was obvious she wasn’t pleased, but the big man just kept walking and shaking his head no. He had a smile on his face when he turned and nodded at Sam just before he placed the redhead in the car, and Sam waved in response as he pitched the shoes into a nearby receptacle.


  Sam watched the vehicle drive away, and Johanna watched Sam until he turned to enter the building. She saw his shoulders slump just the tiniest bit, and she fought the urge to get out of her vehicle and comfort him. A little pinch from the broken spring in her seat brought her to her senses as she reached for door handle. No, not a good idea, she decided. He was angry with her, very angry and she had no doubt that anger would be transferred to her bottom. Why hadn’t she just called him back and told him she was alright? Why did she have to be such a drama queen?

  None of this was really his fault. She was the one who wanted to change their relationship, not Sam. She knew from the very beginning what kind of life he wanted, so she had no excuse. She could have broken it off at any time before her heart was involved. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. Her heart had been involved almost from the start. That hadn’t given her much wiggle room.

  While Johanna was mulling things over, Sam was crossing the lawn to her car. At the very last second she saw him and hit the lock button, sighing in relief.

  “Unlock this door,” he ordered.

  “No,” she replied, taking note of the furious expression on his face.

  “Then roll down the window; I want to talk to you and I don’t want to shout.”

  Johanna hit the button and lowered the window a scant two inches.

  “I don’t want you to shout either,” she said softly, her chin beginning a telltale quiver.

  Sam looked her over and ground his teeth. His hands were fisted on the doors edge as he leaned closer.

  “What’s wrong with you?’ he asked suspiciously. “You look like hell. Why aren’t you at work?”

  “I have a cold,” she sniffed.

  “Bullshit! Take off the glasses.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Johanna,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I want to see your eyes, and I have no desire to look at my reflection. Now take off the damn glasses!”

  Jo’s hand shook as she removed the glasses, taking a moment and pinching the bridge of her nose before she turned to him. His reaction proved just how right she’d been to call off work. He was clearly horrified.

  Sam moaned out loud, feeling a heartbreaking agony deep in his gut. Her beautiful indigo eyes were swollen from crying to the point they looked like they didn’t even belong on her face, the circles underneath so dark it looked as if someone had smacked her around. He realized that someone was him. Not physically of course, but emotionally she’d taken a beating. Guilt washed over him like a giant wave, trying to pull him under. It was not an emotion he was used to.

  “Baby, baby,” he groaned, “Let me in.” Tugging uselessly on the door handle he felt a level of frustration that threatened his sanity. “Please honey, unlock the door,” he begged. “I promise I’m not angry anymore. I just want to hold you.”

  Johanna hit the unlock button, and hid her face in her hands. She wasn’t aware that she was rocking back and forth sobbing as Sam folded his large frame into the little car.

  Sam pushed the seat back as far as it would go and unhooked Jo’s seatbelt. Leaning over he gently tugged her hands away from her face and pulled her to him. Taking of her cap he let her hair cascade around them as he pressed her face to his chest.

  “I’m so sorry, baby,” he murmured, stroking her back, face, and arms. “I’m sorry I hurt you, honey, you have to believe me.” Turning her face up to his he kissed her swollen eyelids softly. “I love you Jo,” he said, his lips traveling all over her face leaving tiny kisses behind. “I should never have given you that ultimatum, baby; I should never have said it. I just wanted so badly to take care of you, and you wouldn’t let me,” he whispered, his hands touching every part of her as if checking for injuries. “It doesn’t matter,” he assured her. “I’ll never spank you again, if that’s what it takes to make you happy. Just don’t stop loving me, Jo, don’t stop loving me.”

  He was pleading with her, his own eyes moist with tears.

  “I won’t, Sam,” she answered, hugging him tightly. “I know now I never could,” she moaned against his mouth.

  Neither of them noticed the flashing blue lights behind them until the officer knocked on the window.

  “Is everything all right miss?” he asked when she rolled down the window.

  “Yes, officer, everything’s fine,” she replied shakily as he peered into the back seat.

  “I don’t know, miss. You don’t look well,” he continued, eyeing Sam suspiciously. “I need to see your license, registration and insurance card”

  “Oh, okay,” she said, reaching for her purse and taking out her wallet. She grabbed a handful of tissues and wiped her eyes so she could see and pulled out her license. She retrieved the other documents from the glove compartment and handed it all to the officer.

  “I’ll be right back,” he said as he walked back to his car with the papers in hand.

  Sam gently brushed her hair off her face, softly reassuring her as she clutched the steering wheel until her knuckles were white and watched in the rear view mirror.

  “What are you so nervous about, honey? It’s just a routine check,” he promised.

  “I don’t know, Sam. I have a bad feeling about this, like I’ve forgotten something important.”

  Sure enough the officer returned and handed her things back through the window.

  “Did you drive this car here?” he asked a serious expression on his face.

  “Yes, sir, I did,” Johanna replied, chewing her bottom lip. “Is there a problem?”

  “It seems your license expired two months ago, miss. I’m not going to give you a ticket this time because it looks like you’re already having a bad day,” he informed her, frowning at Sam, “but you need to renew it as soon as possible and you won’t be able to drive until you do. Do you have someone to drive you home because if not you’ll have to call a tow truck? You can’t leave the car on the street all night.”

  “I’ll see that she gets the car home officer,” Sam told him. “Or I can move it to the parking area behind my office,” he said, indicating his building.

  “Okay, then. I hope you’re feeling better soon, miss,” he offered kindly before walking away.

  “Let’s park this out back and I’ll give you a ride home,” Sam suggested, reaching for his door handle just as Jo started the car.

  “Okay,” she said, her hand reaching for the shifter.

  Sam stopped her quickly, shaking his head.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, trying to keep his voice soft.

  “I’m moving the car out back,” she answered, confused.

  “Honey, you don’t have a license right now,” he sighed. “That police car is still parked behind you and if you drive at all, you will get that ticket. We need to change places and I’ll drive.”

  “Oh,” she said, rubbing her forehead. “I guess I’m not thinking clearly.”

  Sam got out and they switched places. He drove into the parking lot and parked the car, then walked around to her door, helping her out. Taking his keys out of his pocket he unlocked his vehicle and settled her in the passenger seat before getting in himself.

  They were quiet on the ride to her house, each lost in thought, neither sure where they were going from here. Once inside, Johanna made coffee and they sat at the kitchen table in an uncomfortable silence. Finally Sam spoke.

  “I think at this point, it’s pretty clear how we feel about each other,” he said. “The problem is we look at the world and our roles in it differently. I know you see me as old-fashioned, but I see you as careless and flighty. I think a spanking every now and then brings home to you how important you are to me and that you need to take better care of yourself.”

  “Sam, I…”

  “No, hear me out baby. I promised that I wouldn’t spank you again and I meant it. I love you so very much and I just hope you will try your best not to drive me crazy with worry. I think we should take it
slow and see how this works. I know it won’t be easy for me and truthfully it’s a good thing I made that promise before I found out you’d been driving around without a license,” he sighed, rubbing his face. “I’ll do my best not to boss you around, and try to keep my mouth shut and not threaten you with something I have no intention of doing, I don’t believe in that. So what do you think?”

  “I think I love you, Sam, no that’s not true, I know I do. I plan on changing my ways too. I’ll be more thoughtful and responsible so you won’t even have to think about keeping your word. I’ll be so good, the word spanking won’t even cross your mind,” she promised coming around the table to hug him.

  Sam laughed and pulled her onto his lap.

  “Somehow I doubt that’s possible, baby, but I love that you’re willing to try.”

  The next two months went smoothly, almost too smoothly Johanna worried. Sam took her out often and they always had a good time. They went to movies, out to dinner, to concerts and the theater. They spent time with her mother and Mike and Brandy as well as others.

  Sam took care of her in quiet little ways, packing her a lunch, having her car serviced and filling it with gas every week. Her favorite snacks would appear in the cupboard and he always had small gifts for her, flowers, perfume, or candy. When she had cramps from her period, he would heat up a bean bag for her tummy and rub her back. He slept over several times a week and they always made love, but he treated her like spun glass. The wild passion they had shared might never have existed.

  Jo knew he struggled with his promise because he had a tiny little tick that would appear at his jaw line and he would find a reason to go outside and putter around the yard or tinker with her ancient mower. He never yelled and only scolded occasionally, but she knew he was eating his emotions. He even learned to control that one eyebrow that scared the bejesus out of her.

  Sam never mentioned selling the business anymore and it seemed he was taking more out of town trips. No shingle appeared and he stopped checking out the local real estate for homes.