Fake Boobs

by Ryan Ringbloom

  His words were like knives chopping me up into pieces. Was I just as guilty as Kyle? Or was I worse? Yes, I was in love with Tori, but I had no idea what she felt for me. I’d jumped in, and in a short amount of time had her doing everything I wanted. She asked me to finish the kiss and I didn’t. Not until I decided we would. She snuck out of her house every night this week to spend the night in my bed where I wanted her. I’d become familiar with every part of her body. She’d explored mine back with my guidance. I relished in her innocence and eagerness. Had I taken advantage? What did Tori want?

  I stared vacantly out the window as I rolled up and stopped in front of Kyle’s house.

  “I know you guys are all pissed at me. As soon as Jim calms down, I’m gonna talk to him and work this shit out. It was stupid. I know that now.” Kyle gave me a friendly punch in the shoulder. “I really owe you my life for stopping me that night. If something happened, I know he’d never talk to me again. Thanks, man.”

  I nodded and he left my car. His house was lit with colorful bulbs and waving snowmen. The holiday spirit I’d been so filled with the past week was completely sucked from me. I drove back to Wade’s although I didn’t plan on stopping. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Jim was outside with his hands in his pockets, kicking at a small snow bank at the end of the driveway. He looked part frozen, most likely he hadn’t gone back inside since I left. I pulled over and parked.

  “Jim, what are you doing? Get in the car.” I turned up the heat and Jim sat down in the passenger seat.

  “I really thought I was gonna kill him, Grant. When I called Tori that night, I felt like I really dropped the ball. It happened right under my fucking nose. One of my best friends.” Jim’s fists clenched and his lips pinched. “How could he have done something like that to my fucking sister?”

  My throat closed. I was rendered speechless. I looked out the window away from him.

  “Tori is not like other girls. She struggles with confidence and has no voice of her own. Shit, the girl believes everything people tell her. She probably thought Kyle was in love with her. She thought some dickhead at school was into her. She almost took the guy back to her place before he fucking went off on her. I think Tori is so desperate for…I don’t even know what, love or what she thinks is love, that she’ll fall victim to any simple gesture made toward her. She’s easy prey. A fucking tree stump could tell her she’s pretty and she’d think she was in love.”

  “I think she’s smarter than you give her credit for.”

  “Is she, Grant? How do I know what the hell is happening to her when no one is around? My parents practically ignore her, all caught up in their empty-nest life and fancy vacations. I’ve been caught up in my own life. Who’s watching out for Tori? No one.”

  “Are you sure she needs watching out for?” I asked, hanging my head.

  “Grant, you should have heard her that night I called her. She was crying. She told me about Kyle, some guy at school, some guy at a bar before she even left for school. She’s been depressed all week. I’ve never seen her like this before.”

  She’d been depressed all week? I hadn’t seen that. The Tori I was with all week seemed happy. Was that an act?

  “Well, maybe the right guy will come along. Someone who cares for her and she’ll be okay.”

  “Honestly, I don’t think that would even matter. She’s always been some cowering kid who never fit in. How would she even know what kind of guy she’s looking for? She needs to experience life a little bit first. And so far she has yet to do that.”

  “So you don’t think she’s able to fall in love?”

  “I don’t think she would know love if it bit her in the ass.” Jim’s phone sounded and he slipped it from his pocket.

  My chin dropped to my chest. Me, the ultimate planner, fell in love without thinking it all the way through and it backfired. I didn’t get the facts. I missed signs. My brain bowed out. It let my mouth, my hands, my heart and every other part of my body do the thinking for me. I fucked up. This was gonna hurt like hell. Never again.

  “Jeanie just sent me some cryptic message about ‘she’s not sick, but everything is not okay’, whatever the hell that means. I have to go call her.” Jim opened the door.

  “Wait.” I stopped him. “You’re going to take care of Tori? Watch out for her now?” I needed to make sure before he left. I knew once I pulled away, I wouldn’t be seeing him again. I needed to end things with Tori. In order to do that, I’d be ending it with all of them. The way I felt for Tori, I had to remove myself from this entire situation. As long as I knew Jim would step up and start being the big brother she needed, it would give me the peace of mind I’d need in order to walk away.

  “Yes, I will. I’m gonna make sure I’m around more for her. Check in on her more.” Jim creased his brows and studied my face. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” I rubbed a hand over my chin. “Just a stressful night with you and Kyle and everything.”

  “He’s just really fucking lucky nothing happened. I’d never get over something like that.” Jim tilted his head in a nod. “Thanks for talking with me, man. I’m feeling better. And cheer up, you told me you have a girl now. I know you must be excited to be spending New Years with her. Hopefully, I’ll get to meet her soon.” Jim’s phone went off again. “I gotta call her back. She’s freaking out over something. Happy New Year. Love ya, brother!”

  “You too.” I forced a grin. I waited until he was back in the house and I could no longer see him before pulling away.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Tori twirled in her black dress. She looked stunning. More beautiful than any other woman I’d ever laid eyes on. I didn’t tell her.

  The heart charm dangled off her wrist. I had another one tucked away to give her that night. But I wouldn’t be giving it to her.

  “I have a surprise for you tonight.” She lifted up on her toes and kissed me. My lips stayed paralyzed, numb.

  Her eyes took in the dark surroundings of my apartment. No signs of the New Year’s Eve date I promised her. I felt a lump building in my throat.

  “We need to talk.” I rubbed my chin, wishing I didn’t need to say these next words. “I need to go back to school sooner than I expected.”

  “When do you need to leave?”

  “Tonight.”

  “Tonight? Is everything okay?” Her brown eyes were confused and full of concern.

  “Yes, everything is fine.” I had to look away from her. My heart couldn’t take the way she was looking at me. “I made a commitment I forgot about.”

  “I guess we better make the most of our time right now, then.” Her soft hands rested on my chest. “And I still have a few weeks left before I need to go back. I can try and visit you at your school.”

  “No, you can’t visit.” She wasn’t understanding. I lowered her hands away from me and walked toward the couch. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about us and I’m not sure this is right. I think we may have moved too fast. I don’t think we should continue to see each other.”

  “Wha…what happened? What did I do?” Her voice started to break, understanding that I was ending things with us.

  “It’s nothing you did. I just…” I tugged at my hair. Oh, God, I didn’t want to do this. “You and I, we’re not a good match. We both still have years of school in front of us. We need to stay focused and make smart choices. Romance is a bad idea right now. You’re so young. I’m not sure a serious relationship is a good idea for either of us.”

  “Is this about sex? I’m ready to have sex again. We can do it right now. Please, I’ll do whatever you want.”

  Her sad pleas were breaking me. The desperation her brother told me about surfacing. I was dying a slow death. If I was going to do this, I needed to get angry, make this end.

  “Stop. Sex has nothing to do with this. I’m not the right guy for you. This is for your own good,” I yelled, the muscles in my chest tightening.

  “How is this f
or my own good? Something must have happened. When you saw my brother last night, did you tell him about us? Is that what this is? Did he get mad at you?”

  “No, I didn’t say one word about us to Jim.” I hadn’t. We’d talked about her, but not about us.

  “Then I must have done something wrong.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. We’re not ready for anything serious. I don’t want to wind up breaking your heart.”

  “But you are breaking it. You’re breaking it right now.”

  I looked up at my ceiling. Remember…remember everything Jim said. She doesn’t know love. She needs to experience life.

  “I couldn’t have broken your heart. It’s only been a week.”

  She looked down at her wrist. “You’re right. You didn’t break my heart. You broke a million of them.”

  My chest caved in at her words. “Tori, please understand I’m doing this for you. You’re a beautiful person. I care a great deal about you. I just don’t want to hurt you. You’re so young. Maybe if this was a few years from now, things would be different.”

  “I’m an adult. I’m nineteen.”

  “I just don’t think we’re ready,” I said, but my tone wasn’t as convincing as my words.

  “Ready? Give me one reason why you don’t think we’re ready.”

  “The night we had sex, that was a mistake. Afterwards, the crying, I don’t think you were ready.” I thought I had understood her tears that night, but I realized I didn’t.

  “It wasn’t a mistake. I didn’t cry because I wasn’t ready. I cried because…” She stopped. I guessed she was realizing the facts, the truth behind that night and the nights we’d spent together since.

  My vision blurred. I wanted her to finish that sentence. Tell me that night meant something to her, that I did. I wanted her to say that her feelings matched mine. I wanted a reason to think her brother was wrong and there a way for us to make things work.

  Her silence spoke volumes. I had to let her go.

  She slipped her coat on and stopped me from walking her out. This was goodbye.

  “Tori, if I could, I’d erase everything that happened with us. I would make it like none of this even happened,” I said in one last effort to get her to tell me I was wrong.

  She gave me a thin smile and left.

  The million hearts in my chest shattered.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Tori

  I was full on trembling by the time I returned back to where Kenna was.

  “That was Grant,” I said to her.

  “Grant?” She looked at me quizzically.

  I lifted my wrist and shook the charm. “Grant,” I repeated and her eyes went wide.

  “Holy shit! Bracelet boy?” Kenna exclaimed. “Did he totally die seeing you? The new you.”

  “I…I don’t know.” I placed my hands on my temples and tried to recall every detail that just occurred. “He said I had changed, but I don’t know.”

  Kenna frowned, pulling my hands into hers to steady them. “Snap out of whatever spell he put you in. Don’t go back to that sad, mopey girl. You saw him. It’s over. Now forget about it.”

  I nodded and didn’t say anything else. She was right. I needed to shake it off. I didn’t expect to see him and it took me off guard. A drink was placed in my hand and I looked up at the good-looking guy handing it to me. I smiled a very fake smile.

  “I’m Tommy,” he introduced himself to my chest. Guys always acted like I had a little microphone attached to my boobs, one that they needed to lean over and speak into.

  “Thanks,” I muttered a response.

  I turned and looked at the door. I wasn’t doing a good job shaking off any thoughts of Grant. I knew I’d run into him one day. I just assumed all these years later I’d take one look at him and realize he was nothing, just some silly crush that I was long over. I also thought he might take one look at me and realize how much he’d fucked up by letting me go, but when his eyes took in my new appearance, there wasn’t the approval I had longed for.

  “What do you do?” I was asked over the loud voices in the bar.

  “Oh, um…can you take this?” I handed the drink back to the guy whose name I had already forgotten. “I’m sorry I need to go.”

  I walked over to Kenna to tell her I was leaving. She rolled her eyes and gave me a quick hug. “Forget him,” she whispered in my ear.

  “I just want to go home. I’ll be fine in the morning,” I promised, hugging her back.

  “Fine. I’ll text you if I’m not coming back to the apartment tonight.”

  “Okay, be careful.” We had a policy of keeping each other updated on our whereabouts for safety reasons.

  It wasn’t chilly outside but I crossed my arms to rub away the chill I still felt over seeing Grant. I could kick myself for showing him any sign of emotion. I had a whole plan if I ever saw him of showing him just how far I’d come; how I had become a new person, confident and happy. But I screwed that up and gave him a small glimpse of the hurt he made me feel. Stupid. I wish I could rewind and do the moment over. At least he got to see how good I looked. And tonight I looked amazing. I hoped he was eating his heart out.

  My heel caught on a pebble causing my ankle to twist. I stopped, lifting my leg to massage out the kink. You’d think by now heels would be second nature, but they were still a lot of work. All of it was. There was so much maintenance in keeping myself an object of desire. Grant certainly had to notice I’d come a long way from the flat chested ugly little kid I was. Yuck. I stuck my tongue out in disgust every time I thought back to who I used to be.

  I clicked the keychain to my junky old car. I had saved enough to get a nicer one, a new one, but that money had gone for something much more important. When it came time to make the choice, it was an easy one. A car would only get me from point A to point B, but boobs would get me everywhere.

  The engine hummed for two whole seconds before stalling. Soon. Soon, I would have my savings replenished and have enough for a new car, courtesy of the two perky moneymakers I invested in. Tips on a Friday and Saturday night at Backsides more than paid my share of the rent. The rest of the week, it was just money for necessities and some extra to tuck away.

  The teaching job I applied for still hadn’t gotten back to me. The school year had just begun; it was likely they’d gone with another candidate. The salary was a joke. I made a ton more waitressing, but it still bothered me. I would have taken the pay cut. Being a teacher was my dream.

  I tried my key again. Ugh. The engine was flooded. I needed to wait.

  I used the time to think about Grant. Was he thinking about me? Why did he have to look so good? It wouldn’t have been so bad to have seen him with thinning hair or the beginnings of a spare tire. But nope. He looked better than ever. In all the commotion, I didn’t even check his hand. He could be married for all I knew. Most of Jim’s friends were married, engaged and having babies. Was Grant someone’s husband or father? My stomach lurched at the thought.

  Third time was a charm. The car started and I was off. I turned left out of the parking lot, even though our apartment was right. Seeing Grant triggered the need for some comfort. I pulled into the small parking lot, and even with the risk of my car pulling more crap, I parked. It was late, but a small coffee wouldn’t hurt.

  There was no line this time of night. I ordered my coffee and splurged tacking on a pumpkin donut. The presence of someone behind me made my spine stiffen. I just knew without even turning around, it was him. I braced myself this time. No emotion. He’d only see the new Tori.

  “Why, hello again, Grant.” I raised my shoulder and flirted. My voice was coated with the sugar Kenna taught me to pour on. “I don’t see you for almost four years and now twice in the same night. Are you following me?”

  “No, this is just a lucky coincidence.” He tucked his keys in his front pocket. “We think alike. Dunkin’ still has the best coffee.”

  In the brighter light, I could see h
is inviting green eyes. Nope. I needed to look away from those bad boys. They’d broken me once; they wouldn’t do it again.

  “Enjoy your coffee,” I said and blew seductively into the hot steam floating from my cup walking away.

  “We never finished our discussion before. Do you have time? We can sit and I can explain to you what really happened.”

  “We can sit.” I snipped out a giggle. “But you don’t need to explain anything. We can just catch up.” I discreetly checked his left hand. His ring finger was bare.

  Grant ordered his coffee and we walked over taking a seat at a table in front of the window. I hid my hands under the table. He’d already seen the bracelet on my wrist, but now that I wasn’t doing the “emotion” thing. I felt silly wearing it.

  “I never used you.” Grant didn’t hesitate. He jumped right in.

  “Okay, that’s fine. It was a long time ago. I’m over it.” I fixed my hair and took out a compact to check my reflection. He didn’t like the old me. It was time to give him the new me.

  “You didn’t sound over it before.” He clasped his hands together. “And I definitely want to set the record straight on how I felt about you.”

  “Stop. I overreacted before.” I snapped my compact shut and laughed. “Sometimes, I’m dramatic. Sorry about that.” I waved it off. “So, tell me, are you flying?”

  “Why did you ask if I talked to your brother before?” He ignored my question.

  “I don’t know. I thought maybe you did.” I shrugged and picked up my coffee. He stared at me like I was a puzzle. I tried to ignore his piercing stare and sipped my coffee looking out the window. “So flying? Yes? No?” I asked again.