Her Fear

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “MY FAMILY IS real eager to meet you,” Noah said as he guided a beautiful, silver-colored gelding down a back road.

  Now that they were alone, Sadie kept waiting for him to state why he had really wanted to see her. But so far, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Actually, his behavior and actions were right along the lines of how Harlan had acted.

  Remembering how she’d believed so many things that had been obviously untrue, she steeled herself. “Noah, I’m not sure why you called . . . or why your family would want to meet me.”

  Holding the reins with one hand, he smiled at her. “I came over because I canna seem to stop thinking about you. And my parents are eager to meet Sadie Detweiler—because I’ve been talking about you for the last two weeks.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “All right, then.” Enjoying the feel of the open carriage, she said, “This is the first courting buggy I’ve ever been in.”

  “Yeah? Well, what do you think?”

  “I like it. My family observes such strict rules, no one was allowed to ride in topless buggies. Every time we passed one on the road, my father would deliver a ten-minute sermon about the dangers of them.”

  “For your safety?”

  “Oh, nee. For my soul.”

  “I’m sorry, Sadie. They sound like they were mighty difficult.”

  “They were.” Even though she felt guilty for even admitting that much, it felt so good to be honest. Realizing then that she’d let her uncle’s paranoia sabotage the outing, she said, “I’m sorry about how my uncle acted when you arrived.”

  “What was going on? Do you know?”

  “Nothing. They’re just really private people.”

  “Ah.” Glancing her way again, his light-gray eyes seeming to peer into her soul, he seemed to come to a decision. “Sadie, do you feel safe there? I mean, is there something going on in that house that you are worried or upset about?”

  “Why would you ask that?”

  “No reason,” he said quickly. “No offense, but your relatives all seem odd.”

  She felt like warning lights were going off in her head. “Everyone has been missing Verba,” she said, though she realized with a start that that wasn’t the case at all.

  “Of course you have.”

  “It was so sudden. One minute, it seemed like she was her usual cranky self. The next minute, she was on the floor in pain.”

  “I’m sure that was hard. Uh, why do you think she died? Any idea?”

  “I don’t know. Noah, why do you ask? I mean, you’re the one who has medical training.”

  “Didn’t the doctors say anything to y’all about her death?”

  She was feeling flustered now. “If they told Willis or Stephen, neither of them told me. It . . . it was simply the Lord’s will.”

  “So you don’t remember her eating or drinking anything unusual?”

  “Nee. I mean, I don’t think so.”

  “Are you sure?”

  It seemed Stephen was right after all. Noah hadn’t come over because he liked her. He had come for answers, and he was using her to get them.

  Maybe he wasn’t any better than Harlan. He was obviously only planning to pretend to like her until he got what he wanted.

  Feeling like her world had just caved in, she said quietly, “I think I’d like to go home now.”

  “But we’re almost at my haus.”

  “I don’t want to meet your parents or your family anymore. Please take me home.”

  He pulled the buggy over to the side of the road and pulled up the brake. “Sadie, don’t get upset. I’m sorry if I overstepped myself.”

  “You certainly did. You’ve been interrogating me like you were with the police.”

  Something flashed in his eyes before he attempted to hide it. “If I did sound like that, I had good reason. I care about you.”

  She didn’t know a lot of things, but Sadie knew that he wasn’t asking her those questions because he was concerned about her. “Noah, you should know something about me. Before I moved here, I was involved in a serious relationship with a man. I thought I loved him.”

  “You only thought?”

  “I discovered that he didn’t love me back after I . . .” She took a deep breath, intending to tell him about the baby. But as much as she wanted to blurt her news, she simply couldn’t. His questioning had been hard enough to deal with. She didn’t want to see his disgust, too.

  “After what?”

  “After I . . . after I gave him my trust.”

  Noah frowned. “He really hurt you, didn’t he?”

  She nodded. “Because of that, I guess I’m a little skittish where relationships are concerned. I’m not sure what your intentions are, but I’m . . . well, I’m not sure if I am ready for a relationship right now.”

  He stared at her, looking upset. “I understand.”

  “I’m glad you do.” She wondered if it was because he felt guilty about questioning her about Verba’s death, or if there was another reason.

  Still acting pensive, he coaxed the horse to turn around on the road, then headed back to the Stauffers’ home.

  Feeling like she’d just lost something important while also gaining something back of herself, Sadie clasped her hands tightly on her lap and looked straight ahead.

  She tried to ignore the tension wafting from Noah.

  Tried to not notice how much fun riding in a courting buggy was, or how good the breeze felt on her face and body.

  Fifteen minutes after they had first left the Stauffers, Noah at last pulled onto the drive as he said, “This sure didn’t go how I thought it would. I am sorry.”

  “I am, too.”

  Reaching out for her hand, he said, “I know I handled everything wrong, but I really do like you. I’ll do better next time.”

  Sadie liked him, too. But she’d made mistakes before. She knew it would hurt even more if she let down her guard and got her heart stomped on because of that. She needed to end things now.

  “My relatives don’t want you here, Noah. And because I owe them so much, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go out on any more drives together.” She took another deep breath, then forced herself to finish her little speech. “As a matter of fact, I think you should stay away.”

  “Stay away?” His eyes lit up. “I’m sorry but I don’t think that’s possible. You’ve bewitched me, you see.”

  “Oh, Noah.” Her heart softened . . . until she realized that he now wasn’t even looking at her.

  Noah was staring at Monroe climbing out of the storm cellar with a cardboard box in his hands.

  Chapter 13

  Monday, July 16

  The weeds were unruly and stubborn, and Noah had two sizable blisters on his palms to show for it. His shirt was also soaked with sweat. It clung to him like a wet rag. He would give a lot of money to be able to take it off and finish the job bare-chested.

  Since that wasn’t possible, he pushed the brim of his hat farther down on his face and picked up the spade again. If he kept up the pace, he’d have a good section of his mother’s garden tamed within the hour.

  Maybe.

  Or, maybe not, he decided as he heard the back door open.

  “Noah, I couldn’t believe it when I looked outside and saw you standing there,” his little brother, Harry, called out. “What are you doing?”

  Noah leaned back on his heels. “I’m thinking it’s pretty obvious. Ain’t so?”

  Harry, who at nineteen wasn’t all that little, tilted his head to one side. “Not really. Looks to me like you are trying to kill Mamm’s zucchinis.”

  “Nee, I’m trying to pull out these weeds that are choking them.”

  “Jah, you’re doing that, for sure,” Harry said in a superior tone of voice as he joined Noah in the garden. “Except for the fact that you’re taking out a good amount of the zucchini roots, too.” As if Noah was a child, Harry bent down and picked up one of the roots. “See?
You’re killing them.”

  Taking a better look at his work, Noah feared his brother might be right. He’d been slaving away in the hot afternoon sun, trying to do something of worth . . . but all he’d done was butcher innocent plants.

  He sighed.

  Harry grinned, revealing the best teeth in the family.

  Actually, Harry had gotten all the best looks in the family, too. Oh, it wasn’t that the rest of them were ugly. It was that Harry was mighty good looking. Their sister Melody had once described him as heart-stoppingly handsome. It seemed all the girls thought so.

  Harry would have probably gotten a big head about that, too, if Melody had said that phrase in a less-sarcastic tone.

  So, Harry was handsome. Dark-blue eyes. Dark-brown hair, athletic build, and blinding white, perfectly straight teeth. However, all that had ever mattered to Noah was that his little brother had also been blessed with an aptitude for farming, which meant their father never chided Noah for wanting to pursue a different occupation.

  Climbing to his feet, Noah said, “I thought you were going to be working in the barn with Daed today.”

  “I did. He and I went out to look at the cornfields, too, but Daed had to go. He wanted to take Mamm over to the Dollar Store and out to lunch today.”

  “Oh, yeah? Where’d they go?”

  “They went to El Mazatlan in Munfordville.”

  “Sounds good. You didn’t want to go?”

  “I wasn’t invited.” He grinned. “It was just as well. They’ve got marriage on their minds.”

  “Marriage and who?”

  “You.”

  “Me? I’m not courting anyone.”

  “That’s not what I heard,” Harry said in a singsong voice. “I heard you pulled out the courting buggy.”

  “If you heard that, then you probably heard that my efforts didn’t go too well.”

  After taking another look at the garden, Noah sighed and headed up the back porch. A few years back, Silas and some of his construction employees built a real nice wooden porch with an overhang. It was cool and comfortable, thanks to the wicker furniture that all the kids had gone in on for their parents’ thirtieth anniversary.

  Harry picked up the spade and hoe that Noah had left near the zucchini. After setting them against the house, he went inside to get them both some water.

  Noah sipped it gratefully . . . and realized that nothing about Harry’s visit was unplanned. His brother didn’t carry pitchers of water outside for family members unless there was a reason behind it. “Who asked you to stay? Mamm or Daed?”

  “Mamm.” Looking a little guilty, he added, “And Joanna.”

  “Joanna, too? Why?”

  “Joanna thinks you should stay away from that girl.”

  “Sadie is a perfectly nice woman.”

  Harry shrugged. “Maybe she is. I saw her from a distance the other day. She’s real pretty, I’ll give her that. But there are lots of pretty, nice women in the area who aren’t connected to the Stauffer family.”

  “I didn’t think you were the type of man to pay so much attention to gossip.”

  “I’m not.”

  “But?”

  “Well, we’re all real proud of you, Noah. None of us wants you to get involved with a girl who might bring you trouble. Joanna says all the time that she didn’t just marry Andrew; she married his family, too. Would you really want to get stuck with them?”

  “What I want isn’t going to matter anyway. Sadie asked me to stay away from her.”

  “Oh. Gut.”

  “I didn’t say I would do it though.” He coughed. “But I might.”

  “Because of all of us warning you off?”

  “Nee. Because I saw something when I dropped Sadie off. That’s why I’ve been in Mamm’s garden, killing vegetables. I’ve been trying to figure out if I should go speak to the sheriff.”

  Harry’s dark-blue eyes widened. “What did you see? Was it that bad?”

  Not wanting to go into the whole story about how he’d been asked to question and spy on Sadie’s relatives, Noah shrugged. “I’m still trying to decide what to do.”

  Harry stretched out his legs. “This might not mean anything to you, but . . . do you remember when all of us broke the door?”

  Noah grinned. “Jah.”

  When all of them were still in school, their parents had left to attend a funeral. They’d been given strict instructions to behave and look after Melody. Of course, within two hours, he, Joanna, Silas, and Harry got in a fight. Two of them—maybe it was Jo and Harry?—ran into their parents’ room and slammed the door.

  That, of course, led to a lot of yelling, shoving, and pounding on it. And, ultimately, a broken door.

  All five of them were staring at it in horror when their parents came home.

  They were mad. Real mad.

  However, the five of them, even Mel, stood together and refused to point fingers.

  Their father, after yelling until he was good and hoarse, finally looked at their mother in dismay.

  She, to everyone’s surprise, started laughing. “At least no one is bleeding, John,” their mother murmured.

  As they realized the yelling was over, they all relaxed. That’s when Melody blurted, “They took real gut care of me, Daed.”

  Which made everyone in the room start laughing.

  “You all sure don’t make our lives easy,” Daed said at last. “But I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

  Thinking back to that evening, Noah smiled. “We had to do hours and hours of chores to make up for that night.”

  “It was a real gut night.”

  “It was. But I have no idea why you brought it up.”

  “Well, I was thinking that if you didn’t feel good about telling on the rest of us when you were fourteen or so . . .”

  Noah nodded as he finally understood. “Then I shouldn’t feel much different about tattling on Sadie’s family.”

  Harry nodded slowly. “I came out here to warn you off . . . but maybe you gave me a good reminder about things, too.”

  “What is that? Not to tattle?”

  “Yeah. But also that sometimes good people make foolish choices.”

  Harry was right. Right about everything. Noah wasn’t going to start reporting back to the sheriff. He wasn’t going to let all his fears about what “might” be happening interfere with his pursuit of Sadie.

  “I got paid two days ago. Want to go to get some lunch?”

  Harry grinned. “Sure.”

  Noah pulled at his damp shirt. “Give me ten minutes to shower and then we’ll go.”

  “Thanks, Noah.”

  Noah didn’t respond, but he knew he didn’t need to. Something had happened between him and Harry today—and it was pretty special.

  It might have even changed his life.

  Chapter 14

  Monday night, July 16

  It was late. Easily past eleven. Sadie’s body was tired and she yearned to fall into a deep sleep, but no matter how much she tried to relax, she couldn’t stop thinking about their stressful day.

  It hadn’t started out that way. She, Esther, and Monroe had tended the garden in the morning while Stephen and Willis worked in the cellar. Monroe was a great help, and his penchant for joking made the chore much easier.

  But when Sheriff Brewer stopped by that afternoon, all the ease of the morning vanished in an instant. He said he’d come to see how they were doing after Verba’s death, but everyone in the house knew he’d had a different agenda in mind when he sat at the kitchen table.

  No sheriff called without a reason.

  Not sure where she fit into the conversation, Sadie lurked in the doorway. Because she hadn’t known Verba all that well, she didn’t feel as if she had anything to add to the conversation. But she also couldn’t seem to stay completely out of sight. The sheriff’s questions about Willis’s and Stephen’s business were too compelling.

  Sadie was embarrassed to admit it, but until
that moment, she hadn’t dared to question what, exactly, her male relatives did to make money. Oh, she wasn’t a fool. She knew they were doing something in the cellar, and sensed that it was probably something no one should know about. But she also had a lifetime of being told to not question anything her father did. Though she now realized that her parents’ rules had been excessive, it still felt almost impossible to not honor an older relative’s wishes.

  Then, of course, there was the fact that these relatives had also taken her in when she had no one else, and were both caring and supportive of her. How could she question or betray how they chose to live their lives when they’d accepted her so easily?

  But even though she was loyal to them, the sheriff’s presence in the house brought forth a new sense of foreboding. What if something was actually very wrong in this house? What would she do then?

  Though Sheriff Brewer’s visit had only lasted thirty minutes, its effects were felt for hours. Esther seemed more worried than usual. Monroe’s good mood vanished, and he started snapping at everyone. Willis paced in the living room, and Stephen acted like a fierce wind might knock him down.

  Sadie was never so glad when the time came to pull out her pallet in the kitchen and lie down. Things had to look better in the morning. They had to.

  Just as she was finally about to fall asleep, she heard all three men start arguing, then walk out the front door. It slammed behind them.

  Esther jerked awake. When she looked at Sadie and realized her eyes were open, she sat up. “What’s going on?”

  “The men are arguing,” she whispered.

  Esther rubbed her eyes. “About what?”

  “The sheriff’s visit, I think.”

  Before Esther could ask Sadie another sleepy question, the men’s voices got louder.

  “You shouldn’t have said a thing to the sheriff!” Willis yelled.

  “I didn’t have much of a choice. He asked me about the moonshine,” Monroe fired back. “It ain’t like he couldn’t go down to the cellar and find it.”

  “Watch your mouth, boy,” Stephen interjected.

  “Oh, Daed, please. Don’t act as if I’m a child.”

  “You might as well be.”

  “It’s too late for that. If we get charged with trafficking, I’ll get in as much trouble as both of you.” Monroe’s voice rose and became even more frustrated. “And that really burns me, since I didn’t want to do this in the first place.”