Her Fear
Page 21
His mother, who’d been standing off to the side, exchanged a glance with her. Then her eyes widened when Noah stood back and Esther, Stephen, and Sadie’s mother and sister Grace entered.
“Mamm?” Sadie climbed to her feet. She looked over at Noah.
He looked resigned. Not angry. She could tell, though, he wasn’t pleased about her visitors.
“Noah?” she asked tentatively, thinking she did want to see her sister and mother, but had certainly not forgotten their treatment of her. She wasn’t ready for them to pretend that her being in the Freemans’ home was a giant misunderstanding.
“You have some guests. Are you feeling up to visitors?”
If she hadn’t already fallen in love with him, her heart might have melted right then and there. Noah was not only making sure she was all right with the visit, but he had even come up with a way for her to gracefully refuse to see them.
“I’m feeling well enough to see my mother and sister.”
He closed the door. “All right,” he said as he walked to her side. “But let me know if you start to feel differently.”
“Sadie,” her mother said as she walked to her with a smile. “I canna tell you how glad I am to see you.”
“I’m glad to see you, too. And you too, Grace.”
Grace bounded to her and gave her a fierce hug. So fierce that Sadie had to take a step back to keep her balance.
Noah moved nearer.
“Careful now,” Rebecca said. “The doctor said you need to be taking it easy.”
After hugging Sadie tight, her mother helped her sit back down.
Once everyone had said hello and gotten settled in various chairs and couches in the large room, Sadie spoke. “Mamm, what are you doing here?”
“The sheriff came and talked to us. A Sheriff Brewer around here called our local man and he came over.” She cleared her throat. “He told us what happened with your father.” Eyeing Sadie’s cast, she added, “How he hurt you.”
Sadie nodded. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to defend him, but she didn’t want her father to get in real trouble, either.
She looked warily at Noah.
He, as she hoped, merely shrugged. She knew what his look said—that there wasn’t anything anyone could do about the situation.
After his mother offered everyone glasses of water, and his father and Melody entered the room, and all the introductions were made, Sadie was at a loss of what to do next.
To her surprise, it was Stephen who filled the silence. “It was my idea to bring them over. If I’ve learned anything over these last couple of weeks, it’s that worrying and keeping secrets doesn’t help anyone at all. If anything, it only makes things worse.”
“I agree,” Rebecca said. “So, what is happening with Monroe?”
“Right now the police and a judge are trying to figure out if they want to press charges against him.” He rubbed his neck. “Obviously, the still has been dismantled. We’ve been fined, but that may be all that happens. They seem to believe we had no idea that treated wood shavings flew into the still and made the concoction poisonous.” He shrugged. “I don’t know, though. What the Lord wants to happen will, I suppose.”
Sadie knew there was much more to the story, but nothing that her uncle was going to feel comfortable talking about at that moment.
Gazing at her mother, she said, “Why did you and Grace come here?”
“We had to see your father, of course. But I wanted to see you, too.” Looking awkward and maybe even a little shy, she said, “I wanted to tell you in person that we would like you to come home.”
The whole room tensed. Sadie wasn’t sure what the “right” response should be. All she could do was speak from her heart. “Mamm, I love you. I love Grace and the rest of my siblings, too. But that place isn’t home anymore. I can’t go back.”
Her mother frowned. “Is it because of Harlan?”
“Nee. It’s because I wasn’t happy there. Don’t pretend that you don’t know how Daed treated me.”
“He’s gone now. When he gets let out, some of his cousins are going to take him in. He’s not going to move back home.”
Sadie knew her mother probably believed that, but she also knew that her mother had willingly turned a blind eye to many cruel things her husband had done. There was little chance that she would ever kick her husband out for good.
Sadie now knew better than to argue that point. Her mother was never going to listen. She preferred to live in her make-believe bubble and pretend that they were the most respected Amish family in the area.
But even if they were still that, Sadie knew that wouldn’t be enough for her.
“Mother, this is home now.”
“In this house?”
“Maybe. I feel happy here. Safe here.” Looking at Noah, she added, “I feel loved.”
“But the baby. Sadie, you can’t raise it on your own.”
“I would have, Mamm. I was willing to do anything to keep my baby safe.”
Standing by her side, Noah said, “I’ve already told Sadie that her baby is going to be mine in my heart. She’s not going to ever have to do anything alone again.”
Her mother gaped at him. “You’d be willing to do that?”
“Of course.”
“But it isn’t yours.”
Her mother looked so very confused. That made Sadie realize just how wrong everything had been in her childhood home. “Mamm, Noah’s love for me and this baby is as pure and right as Jesus’s love for us. As comforting as God’s grace is for me. Noah accepts me for who I am.”
Her mother glanced at Noah. Her expression wasn’t condemning, it was unsure. She really didn’t understand how to love without reservations.
“Mamm. Even though I’m going to live here, I’d still like to know you.”
“I’ll see—” She immediately stopped herself. “I mean, I want to know you, too, daughter. No matter what happens, I want to know you.”
Noah reached for Sadie’s hand, gently squeezed it, and smiled.
Later that night, long after her mother and sister left and Noah’s parents went to sleep, he held her close in his arms. They kissed and cuddled and he placed his hands on her stomach, laughing as he felt the slightest quiver.
Then she’d relaxed against him.
“You seem happy.”
“I am. I’m no longer fearing the future. I’ve learned that whatever God wants to happen, I will be able to handle it.”
“Because He is so good.”
Looking into his eyes, Sadie nodded. “Yes. Because of that, but also because of you, too. I love you, Noah.”
He stretched out and curved an arm around her. “I love you, too.” After he kissed her softly, he shifted on the couch. “Now, let’s go to sleep.”
“Right here?” She giggled. “You’re not going to leave?”
“Nope. I’ve found that right here by your side is the best place for me.”
Maybe she should have been the voice of reason, but at the moment, she couldn’t think of a single reason to say he was wrong.
And so she shifted, cuddled closer, and closed her eyes. Night had come and morning loomed.
The next day was sure to be bright.
Epilogue
Six Months Later
Knock, knock,” Silas called out as he opened the kitchen door and walked inside. “Everybody awake and decent?”
Looking at Noah’s aggravated expression, Sadie giggled. “At least he mentioned knocking. That’s something new.”
Her husband rolled his eyes as he got off the couch and headed toward the kitchen. “Are you ever going to start knocking at the front door, Silas?”
“Probably not.”
As the brothers continued to banter back and forth, Sadie looked down at three-week-old Joshua. “The more things change, the more they stay the same, little one,” she murmured. “It will serve you well to remember that.”
The baby looked into her eyes and
yawned.
She brushed a finger along his soft cheek and smiled. “You are right. It doesn’t matter if things change or not. What is, is, jah?”
“What is ‘what’?” Silas asked as he entered the room. To her surprise, her sister Faith was on his heels. Noah, looking like a cat who swallowed a canary, brought up the rear.
“Oh, nothing,” Sadie replied. “I was just chatting with Joshua about life.”
Silas reached for his nephew. “It’s good we came over, then,” he said as he easily pulled the baby into the crook of his arm. “That’s a mighty heavy conversation for a Friday afternoon. Faith and me obviously need to hang around for a while and lighten things up.”
After reaching to hug her sister, Sadie said, “When did you get here, Faith? I didn’t know you were coming down this weekend.”
Glancing shyly at Silas, she said, “Daisy mentioned that she had plenty of room and that she was hosting a barbecue tomorrow, so I brought down Emma. Silas and I met and started talking.”
“Emma is here, too?” Emma was a year younger than Faith.
“She’s at my house with Melody,” Silas said. Looking mildly annoyed, he added, “Those girls thought we should wait until closer to supper to come over.”
“But not you?” Noah asked.
“Of course not. Once Mamm and Daed and all the women get around Josh, I never get to hold him. I figured I might as well get my chance now.”
“Do you mind sharing your boppli, sister?” Faith asked. “He is mighty special.”
She shook her head. “Of course not. He’s blessed to have such a doting family.”
Smiling at Silas, Faith nodded. “He does indeed have that.”
Feeling the need to stretch her legs, Sadie said, “Would you two mind watching him for a little bit? I think it might be nice to take a little walk.”
“You sure you want to do that? It’s really cold out.”
“I know, but there’s snow on the ground. Noah, would you mind going for a brief walk?”
“Not at all.”
Feeling like a little girl anticipating a few minutes of freedom, Sadie slipped on her boots, cloak, and mittens and followed Noah out the front door.
After he closed it behind him, he reached for her hand. “Truth, now. What made you want to come outside? Was it really the snow?”
She laughed. “Partly. I do love a fresh snow, but it’s too cold for Josh.”
“And, what else?”
“Maybe I want to spend some quiet time with my husband of six months.”
“I like spending time with you, too.” He smiled as they walked down the sidewalk. “But . . . I’m thinking that ain’t the only reason.”
“Well, I thought maybe Silas and Faith might enjoy a few minutes alone together. They seem to have hit it off.”
“I was thinking the same thing. Right or left?”
To the right was the end of the cul-de-sac. To the left were his brother’s house and his parents’. “I think maybe right. If we go left, we’ll probably get more company.”
“That’s a good possibility. Mamm will look out the window, wonder where Josh is . . . then run over to ‘help’ Silas and Faith.”
Pleased that they were thinking along the same lines, she simply walked along by his side. Liking how fresh and clean the air felt . . . and how light her spirit felt.
For a while after her father tried to hurt her and all three men in the Stauffer family had been put on probation for their parts in making and selling the poisoned moonshine, it felt like a dark cloud had settled over all of them. She hadn’t known how to help any of her relations. Not even Esther, who was working at Bill’s Diner now.
But amazingly, the Lord had provided. Stephen and Daisy married quietly and moved into her home. Monroe had left the faith but rented a small apartment nearby and was working construction for Silas.
And Willis? Not surprisingly, he was having the most difficulty adjusting to his new way of life. He now fished a lot and frequented the library, reading several books a week. Though shadows filled his eyes, he also seemed less gruff. He’d even surprised them all by coming to the hospital to see Josh after he was born.
As they rounded the corner of the cul-de-sac, Noah said, “I go back to work full-time tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“It’s twelve hours.” He looked uncertain. “I told Mitch I was ready, but if you aren’t, I can tell him that I need to only work—”
“Don’t say that. It’s time you got back to your job, Noah. You do good work and the team needs you.” Smiling as they approached their house, which they’d moved into just two months ago, she said, “I’ll be fine.”
“You really will, won’t you?”
She nodded. She now had everything she’d always wanted. A home where she felt safe and happy, friends and relatives she loved and enjoyed being around—and a wonderful man at her side along with a baby who was as much his as hers, thanks to Harlan formally relinquishing all rights.
“With so many blessings, how can I not be?” she asked simply.
When he merely squeezed her hand in response, she knew he understood. Sometimes one’s heart was so full that words weren’t needed.
Note to the Reader
While Her Fear is set against the real backdrop of Hart County, Kentucky, the characters are purely fictional. In writing this work of fiction, I’ve taken artistic license in some areas so that I may create the necessary situations for my characters. Therefore, any resemblance between the characters in this book and any real members of the Amish and Mennonite communities are coincidental and unintentional, and are completely due to fictional license.
Shelley Shepard Gray
P.S. Insights, Interviews & More . . .*
About the Author
* * *
Meet Shelley Shepard Gray
About the Book
* * *
Letter from the Author
Moonshine in Kentucky
There Really Are Amish Firemen and EMTs
Questions for Discussion
Read On
* * *
A Sneak Peek from the Next Book in the Amish of Hart County Series
About the Author
Meet Shelley Shepard Gray
IN MANY WAYS, my writing journey has been like my faith journey. I entered into both with a lot of hope and a bit of nervousness. You see, I didn’t get baptized until I was in my twenties and didn’t first get published until I was in my thirties. Some people might consider those events to have happened a little late in life. However, I feel certain that God knew each took place at exactly the right time for me.
To be honest, these days I rarely stop to think about my life before I was a Christian or a writer. I simply wake up, drink my coffee, and try to get everything done that I can each day! I feel blessed to be a part of a large church family and a busy career. But, every so often, someone will ask why I write inspirational novels. Or why I write at all.
Then I remember how it felt to knock on a minister’s office door and tell him that I wanted to be baptized. And how it felt the very first time I wrote “Chapter 1.” Both felt exhilarating and nerve-wracking.
Perhaps you are a little bit like me. Maybe you, also, developed your faith a little after some of your friends or family. Maybe you, also, began a new job in a field that you didn’t go to school for. Maybe you started on a journey where you weren’t even sure you were going to be a success or even fit in.
Or maybe, like me, success wasn’t what you were hoping to attain. Maybe it was a matter of following a power bigger than yourself. If so, I’m glad I’m in good company. I’d love to know your story, too.
Now I have been a Christian for almost thirty years. I’ve been a published writer for about half that time. Both journeys have not always been easy. Both have been filled with ups and downs. Yet both have given me much joy, too. I’d like to think that anything worth having takes some hard work. It takes some time to grow and mature
, too.
And because of that, I am comfortable with the fact that I’m still on my journey, one morning at a time.
With blessings to you,
Shelley Shepard Gray
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About the Book
Letter from the Author
Dear Reader,
I have to admit that some of our friends get a little worried when they go out to dinner with me. While everyone else talks about their coworkers, the commuting they do for their jobs, or the latest escapade their kids have been doing, I talk about my books.
Sometimes this isn’t a problem. Everyone liked hearing about my research for baby pygmy goats when I was writing A Sister’s Wish. But when I’m writing a novel like Her Fear? Well, even my husband felt a little burst of trepidation now and then. Yep, for the last three months I’ve been asking people what they’re afraid of.
I know. Not the most soothing of dinner conversational choices.
To be honest, the discussions have been very interesting and sometimes really entertaining. We’ve talked about spiders and snakes. Clowns and enclosed spaces. But some of the conversations have veered toward the serious, too. Too serious and personal to list here.
As for me? Thanks to a mishap at the mall when I was five, I’m a little afraid of escalators. I’ll get on them, but it takes me a while to take that first step. And, yes, when my kids were teenagers, I think my hesitancy used to embarrass them terribly. Now that they’re adults? Well, they usually just stand by my side and let me know that if something happens they’ll help me out.
And that, I think, is ultimately what this novel was about. Not just about my characters’ fears but also whom they can lean on in times of trouble. As you might imagine, the people they love and their faith provided the most comfort.
I hope you enjoyed the book. And, if you happen to every so often stop and think about what you’re afraid of, please know you’re in good company. I hope and pray that you, too, feel someone’s guiding hand, even if it’s just to help you on and off a pesky escalator.