Katie Opens Her Heart

by Jerry S. Eicher

  The Rabers’ house appeared ahead of him, and Jesse leaned out of the buggy to look up at the sky. He murmured, “You’d better give me a little help this time, Hah, or she’s over the fence, I’m afraid.”

  Lucy quickened her pace as they approached the place. He might as well arrive looking like an eager teenager, he decided. Keeping up the speed, he steered into Emma’s driveway, causing his buggy to tilt sideways. Perhaps he could get Emma’s attention with reckless driving if nothing else. He pulled to a stop with a loud “Whoa!” He leaned out and then leaped to the ground. He reached for the tie rope under the front seat and secured Lucy to the hitching post. He turned around and, not seeing anyone, marched up the sidewalk and knocked on the front door. Footsteps came at once, and he took a step back.

  The door opened and Katie stood there smiling.

  “Gut evening, Katie,” Jesse said. “Is your mamm home?”

  “Yah,” Katie said and motioned with her head. “Would you like to come in?”

  She was looking strangely at him, Jesse thought, but there was also hope and happiness in her eyes. He glanced down at his shirt and pants. Perhaps he still carried crumbs from Ruth’s pecan pie? But nothing appeared out of order. “Nee,” he said, taking off his hat. “Please tell your mamm I’ll wait for her on the porch swing.” He might as well be a real youngster and go for the swing right away, he figured. This would be a proper courting tonight—if any courting was going to happen. Emma might have nothing more to say to him than she had before. Basically “a gut day to you” and “a gut farewell.”

  Katie nodded and closed the door.

  Jesse walked over to the porch swing and sat down. It was gut to sit on the swing again tonight. Farm work didn’t leave much time or inclination to sit on swings. A man needed a woman to remind him what swings were for—reflection and meditation on the better things in life. He jumped to his feet when the front door squeaked on its hinges. Emma appeared wearing a slight smile on her face. He stepped toward her, and she offered him her hand.

  “Gut evening. I thought that was your buggy coming in the driveway,” Emma said.

  “Gut evening,” he managed. “Is it okay if we sit out here awhile?”

  “Yah.” She led the way to the swing and sat down.

  He sat beside her and looked out across the fields. With that smile of hers his thoughts had forsaken him. The glow of her beauty had appeared for just a moment. Why was the woman so friendly tonight? he wondered.

  “I hope you didn’t mind my sending Katie to the door,” Emma said, glancing sideways at him.

  He cleared his throat. “Of course not. I expect you were busy. I guess I have to stop these sudden trips over here. I know I’m making a nuisance of myself.”

  Emma looked away and didn’t say anything.

  Jesse waited. Whatever Emma was preparing to say couldn’t be easy. She was obviously struggling for words.

  “I’ve been thinking…” Emma’s voice came out a whisper. “I’ve been thinking about you…coming over here. And…and about what you asked me…and about what I told you.”

  “Yah?” Jesse waited. When she didn’t continue, he added, “I know I spoke plainly about what I was interested in. If I have troubled you, I’m sorry. I came tonight again…in the hope I could ask again and perhaps better express my understanding of what I believe Da Hah is telling me.”

  “You keep coming,” she said, not looking at him. “Even when I told you I wasn’t interested.”

  “Yah,” he allowed. “It is my way. I do not know any other.”

  “Do you plan to force my hand?”

  Jesse glanced at her, his look sharp. “I wasn’t meaning that at all. I would never try that, Emma.”

  She pondered the words, and Jesse settled back into the porch swing, waiting again. Whatever was troubling her, he wanted to hear the details. The discussion might not lead to the question of marriage, but if Ruth could bring pecan pies over to tempt his heart, he could listen to a woman’s troubles in the hope of winning hers.

  When Emma still said nothing, he offered, “I’m sorry if I’m not courting you properly. I know I’m not exactly a youngster anymore. At my age I find it hard to think of driving home from a Sunday evening hymn singing doing a proper courting.”

  A hint of a smile formed on Emma’s face, but she shook her head. “It’s like this…” Emma paused and her voice grew stronger. “I’ve been thinking about your offer to wed me.” She gave him a quick glance out of the corner of her eyes.

  “Yah?”

  Her voice trembled. “Is this still what you wish?”

  “Emma…” He reached over to touch her arm. “Of course it is. I wouldn’t be here if that wasn’t what I wanted.”

  She stared across the fields before meeting his gaze. “What if I told you I was willing to wed, but that I don’t love you?”

  He grasped her hand now. “Emma, this is often the way it is between older people who have been married before. We can’t expect our hearts to pound like two wild, young folks’s hearts.”

  A thin smile spread across her face and then vanished. “What if I never love you, Jesse? I mean, I would be with you, yes, but what if my heart were never truly yours?”

  He held her hand for a long moment before replying. “You had a great love for Ezra, didn’t you?”

  She nodded.

  “I would not hold that against you, Emma.” He took both of her hands in his. “My heart also hurt deeply when Millie passed. But Da Hah can bring about something new between us. I believe this with all my heart.”

  Emma hung her head. “That may be your faith, but it’s not mine…yet. And there is something else…”

  “Yah?” Jesse waited again.

  She finally met his eyes. “A big part of the reason I’m considering this, Jesse. It’s because of Katie. She needs a gut daett.”

  “For Katie?” He wrinkled his brow. “Katie’s a decent girl, I thought.”

  “Katie has taken up with the Mennonites,” Emma whispered.

  “Oh.” His voice fell. “I did not know this.”

  Her fingers moved in his. “Does this change your mind, Jesse? If it does, I won’t hold it against you.”

  He caught his breath. “Emma, nee, it does not. But I don’t know if I can be of much help with her if her mind is set.”

  “You can,” she said without hesitation. “You would be a gut daett for Katie, regardless of what happens. You might even win her back to our faith.”

  He was staring at her now, her words having sunk in. “You would wed me…because of Katie?”

  Her gaze was steady. “I have told you the truth. That is part of the reason. I will not hide behind a lie. I think that Da Hah is no doubt very displeased with my life right now. There are changes I need to make, but I still will not hide the matter from you.”

  His thoughts raced. This was something he hadn’t expected. The woman was willing to accept his offer partly because of what he might be able to do for her daughter. Well, she was being honest. What more could he ask of her? He glanced at her again. “And what if I fail in winning Katie back to the faith? Would you regret your decision to wed?”

  She didn’t wait long before answering. “I don’t think so. Katie needs a daett, and I think you’re a man with whom it would be easy to live with. And I know I need to change. Ezra would want that for me.”

  “Thank you.” Jesse looked away. The woman spoke plainly; there was no question about that. But he must also make his confession. His conscience wouldn’t allow any other option. He squeezed her hand. “There are some things I must also confess.”

  “You?” She gave a little laugh.

  “Yah, me. I was just thinking of Ruth Troyer and her pecan pies.”

  “Ruth Troyer!” Emma sat upright on the swing. “What does Ruth Troyer have to do with you and pecan pies?”

  “I just finished eating one of her pies before I came over here.”

  “You’ve been asking her to bake pecan p
ies?” Her eyes narrowed a bit.

  He laughed. “Believe me, it was the other way around.”

  She settled back into the swing and stole a glance at his face. “Has Ruth been getting anywhere with those pecan pies?”

  “Would I be here if she were?” He gave her a warm smile.

  She looked away. “Perhaps not. But does this mean you’ll be wanting pecan pies every week?”

  Jesse laughed. “That was a question I forgot to ask you. Can you bake pecan pies?” He grinned.

  The man has a sense of humor, Emma thought with a slight smile. “Not like Ruth can,” Emma admitted. “Nobody can bake pies like Ruth.”

  He gave her hand a squeeze and then reached up to touch her face. “Emma, I am teasing. For someone as sweet as you—and as beautiful—why would I need pecan pies?”

  “You really are a tease, Jesse. How will I ever get used to you?”

  He smiled. “I know I won’t have any problems getting used to you.”

  He used both hands to turn her face toward him. She didn’t resist and met his eyes. But her lips trembled as her hands reached up and rested on his shoulders.

  “Emma,” he whispered, “I already love you more than I should.”

  “You are too gut for me, Jesse. You shouldn’t even be…”

  He touched her hand. “There is something else I must tell you, Emma. It won’t make any difference to my purpose or heart, but it should be said.”

  “Yah?” Her eyes searched his face.

  “Most of my children don’t wish me to marry you.”

  She pulled away from him. “But you still came. Why?”

  He shrugged before admitting, “Because I love you, Emma. And I know we can make it work with Da Hah’s help.”

  She didn’t answer but buried her head in his shoulder.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The next morning Katie awakened to Mamm shaking her by the shoulder. “Get up! It’s already late.”

  Sitting upright, Katie threw the bedcovers aside to climb out of bed.

  Mamm didn’t say anything more. She left, her footsteps fading down the stairs.

  It can’t be that late, Katie thought, looking out the bedroom window. She stood up, trying to recall what had happened the previous evening. Jesse Mast had visited again. The memory was clear now. She could hardly believe her eyes when Mamm sent her to the door. Had Mamm known anything about Jesse’s coming? She hadn’t mentioned anything, so it was unlikely. And what had the two talked about out there on the porch swing for so long? Mamm wouldn’t be changing her mind about marrying Jesse, would she? Nee, that seemed next to impossible. Katie had tried to stay up late to talk to her mamm, but she became sleepy and finally went to bed with Jesse and Mamm still on the porch. There had been no sound of Jesse’s buggy leaving before she’d fallen asleep.

  Dawn was now breaking, red streaks of light running skyward. Mamm was up early, so she must be feeling gut about whatever happened last night. Katie pulled on her chore dress and went downstairs. Mamm had already left for the barn, so Katie went into the washroom and pulled on her boots. She headed for the barn. A few stars were still out on the western horizon, twinkling above the roofline of the barn. Katie pushed open the door to see Mamm bringing in Molly and Bossy through the back door. The two cows mooed at the sight of the piles of feed lying in front of the stanchions. Bossy made a dash for it, arriving first as usual. Behind Bossy, Molly lumbered along and put her head through her stanchion to eat. Mamm snapped the two neck sleeves into place.

  Katie moved closer. “Okay, tell me what happened last night, Mamm. You’re acting strangely this morning.”

  “I’m not acting strangely,” Mamm protested, but she avoided Katie’s gaze.

  “Yah, you are,” Katie insisted. “So you might as well tell me what happened.”

  Mamm met Katie’s eyes. “I have agreed to marry Jesse.”

  “You’ve agreed to marry Jesse!” Katie could scarcely believe her ears. “That’s a miracle, Mamm.”

  A slight smile crept across Mamm’s face. “Maybe and maybe not. I think it’s for the best.”

  Katie was puzzled. “But Mamm, that’s not like you at all. I was hoping for something like this, but…” Katie let the thought hang.

  “Weren’t you the one pushing me to marry him?”

  “Yah, I guess. How did Jesse talk you into this?”

  “I guess even an old woman can change her mind,” Mamm said, handing Katie a milk bucket. “It was hard, but I’m glad I did it. Jesse is agreeable and, yah, I’m coming around slowly.”

  Katie stood there for a minute before she sat down beside Molly and began milking. It seemed so incredible! Da Hah was clearly moving right in front of her eyes. If Mamm’s heart could be changed, anything was possible. But…She paused to think. Something wasn’t right here.

  “Mamm?” Katie leaned out to look around Molly. “Why did you agree to marry Jesse?”

  Mamm didn’t say anything, and Katie was about ready to ask again when suddenly Mamm spoke up.

  “I thought it would be best—for you and for me.”

  “Does this have anything to do with my going to the Mennonite youth gathering?”

  Mamm took even longer to answer. “It might be best if Jesse and I keep our reasons between the two of us. There are some things that can only be shared between a man and his future frau.”

  Katie leaned her head against Molly’s flank as she began milking again. Mamm never changed her mind without a gut reason. Could Jesse have brought some new reason to light last night that persuaded her? If he had, it must really have been something. But hadn’t Mamm asked her that night she went to the birthday party if she would change her mind about attending Mennonite youth gatherings if…

  “What are you thinking?” Mamm had come over to stand beside Katie with her milk bucket in one hand.

  Katie stood up. “Are you marrying Jesse because of me? Tell me the truth, Mamm.”

  Mamm drew in a deep breath. “Yah, but only in part. I’m sorry, Katie, but I didn’t know what else to do. I can’t go on like this by myself. I need a husband. I see that now.”

  “You mean to help with me?”

  Mamm’s gaze didn’t waver. “You’re a wonderful daughter, Katie. I have no complaints in that area, but you are considering attending more Mennonite gatherings. And that’s something I can’t handle by myself. But it’s more than that…”

  “And you need Jesse’s help?”

  “Yah, Katie. I admit the fact.”

  Katie held her breath for a long moment. “Mamm, I won’t stop going to the Mennonite gatherings because of what you and Jesse plan. I do want you to marry him. In fact, I’m very excited about it. But I don’t believe you should agree to marry him because of me.”

  Mamm touched her arm. “Don’t worry, Katie. I believe things will turn out okay. Jesse and I spoke for a long time last night. We both agree that our problems can best be handled together.”

  “What problems?” Katie asked and then winced as the thought hit her. “Am I now a problem?”

  “Nee, Katie,” Mamm said. “Jesse has problems with his children. They need a mamm just as you need a daett.”

  Katie took a deep breath. “You’re not telling me everything, Mamm. What is it?” Mamm was silent, so Katie continued. “Well, then when is the wedding? Or is that also a big secret?”

  A shadow crossed Mamm’s face. “We haven’t decided yet. But soon. We won’t be waiting too long.”

  Katie caught the look and said, “Mamm, why are you troubled? You had best tell me.”

  “It’s not what you think.” Mamm’s eyes sought Katie’s face. “Please, just trust Jesse and me on this.”

  Katie waited, not moving.

  Mamm stiffened. Oh, please forgive me, dear Hah, but I can’t keep this from my daughter. She faced Katie. “The truth is that most of Jesse’s children don’t want me as their mamm.”

  Katie froze and then half turned around. The two cows behind
her were bathed in the morning sunlight streaming through the barn window. Hanging from the ceiling, the gas lantern hissed, its light a feeble effort against the power of the sun. Bossy switched her tail and snapped Katie on the arm. The pain stung just like Mamm’s words. They went deeper than the pain in her arm—even to her very soul, turning there into a flaming fire of shame.

  Of course Jesse’s children didn’t want Mamm. She should have guessed it. Mamm was Emma Raber, which was even worse than being Emma Raber’s daughter. That would also mean they didn’t want Katie in their family either. This miracle had more thorns than any rose she’d ever seen. Why was Da Hah making them go through this?

  “It’s not as bad as it sounds,” Mamm said. “Jesse and I talked this through. I won’t tell you everything he told me, but I believe everything will be okay. I’m going over to spend time with his children soon. Jesse thinks we should start getting to know each other better as quickly as we can.”

  Katie knew shock was written all over her face, and she couldn’t help the words that came out of her mouth. “You’re going over to meet people who don’t like you? How can you do that, Mamm? They’re not going to change their minds.”

  “They’re Jesse’s children,” Mamm said. “They will do what their daett tells them.”

  “Does Jesse think children are just little people who can be pulled around by strings?” Katie asked. “How can he put all of us in this situation? It’s not right.”

  “It’ll be okay.” Mamm swung her bucket of milk. “That’s all I can say about it now.”

  Katie had no response, so Mamm continued. “That’s enough about it. We’ll just have to trust Da Hah. And now we must finish the chores or you’ll be late for work.”

  Katie remained silent as they worked. She threw down hay for the horses and turned the cows out into the barnyard. Her emotions were in turmoil. This couldn’t end well. She thought of Mabel. She had such a fierce will. Mabel as a friend would be a wunderbah thing, but Mabel against her would be an awful problem. Katie had wanted a daett so badly, but now she could see the wedding…Mamm and Jesse saying the marriage vows. Afterward, they would all move into the same house, and Mabel would be scowling at her across the breakfast table each morning. Mabel might have to accept her daett’s decision on whom he married, but she wouldn’t have to open her heart to either Emma or her daughter. Hearts were things that couldn’t be pried open by man. She knew that from experience.