The Death of Arfur

by Jay Foolatum

  It is another day, and Pellam returns home, and is accosted by his mother. She looks angry.

  GWYNNE: A word, please!

  PELLAM: Hmm? (The pair go into a quiet room.)

  GWYNNE: The police have been round. You sent some woman threatening letters?

  PELLAM: (incredulous) Of course not!

  GWYNNE: That's what they said.

  PELLAM: I've sent letters when I've been trying to find out about my situation, but I'm not stupid enough to send threatening ones!

  GWYNNE: Well, that's what they said.

  PELLAM: Well, coppers are thick!

  GWYNNE: We know that! But stop it... (threateningly) I mean it! (beat) The woman doesn't want to press charges; she just wants it to stop. (Pellam is embarrassed, but, moreover, disappointed.)

  PELLAM: How did they know where I lived then? -- the cozzers.

  GWYNNE: The woman's son followed you home from the dentist's the other day. -- They said you tried to lose them. (Pellam looks bewildered, and tries to recall.)

  PELLAM: No, 'e didn't! Two Ginj-mates did! -- And then they didn't come right to this address! 'cause they knew where I lived anyway.

  GWYNNE: They got your name from the dentist's reception, and followed you home. That's what the cozzers said.

  PELLAM: (incredulous) A dentist ain't gonna give out a client's name!

  GWYNNE: Well, just stop it anyway!

  PELLAM: (resigned) Yeah, yeah. (thinking) I wouldn't put it past 'em making up that the cozzers 'ave visited. But given that those two goons followed me 'ome, it seems more likely to be true! (pause) I wonder if those Ginj-mates dressed up as cozzers? Me mum did tell me later that they were in uniform, but in an unmarked car. You can get police costumes easy enough, but you couldn't fake a panda car. -- And Francesca and the rest would 'ave the 'ump, since it became clear I weren't interested in 'em!

  INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

  Mordred is being interrogated by a police officer. The officer has one of Pellam's letters.

  POLICE OFFICER: D'you know anything about this? (The officer hands Mordred a letter. Mordred takes a look at the contents and smirks to himself.)

  MORDRED: No. (The officer is suspicious.)

  POLICE OFFICER: There's fingerprints on it. (Mordred still smirks.)

  The officer takes Mordred's prints, and lets him go.

  EXT. GEORGIAN HOUSE/GARDEN - DAY

  Mordred is with Arfur, when Gwynne joins them.

  ARFUR: (addressing his wife) 'E's just been dragged into the station over those letters. (Gwynne despairs.)

  GWYNNE: What did they say?

  MORDRED: (dismissive) They said they was gonna take some prints and be back in touch.

  GWYNNE: Well, they won't have your prints on them.

  MORDRED: Nuh.

  GWYNNE: And they won't have Ned's prints. [Gwynne muddles Pellam's real name up with her brother, Ned's, name.]

  After a thoughtful pause -- mainly from Gwynne -- she makes a suggestion to her husband.

  GWYNNE: How about getting him out to the places in France, for a bit? -- until it blows over. (Arfur seems tortured at the suggestion, and makes no audible reply.)

  INT. 91 GEORGIAN HOUSE -- NIGHT

  Pellam is off to post a letter. Arfur nervously eyes him.

  ACT II

  I/E. IRE VILLAGE - DAY

  MERCEDES Tungsten is now in her mid-twenties, and an exceptionally attractive woman. As she walks down Ire Village Road, she is watched by Ahab from the lounge window of his house. He has a hand in his pocket, playing with himself as he does so. Squeaker is in the house with him.

  AHAB: Cor! Look at the tits on that! -- You seen this bird, Will? (Squeaker rushes to the window. He is disappointed when he recognises the woman.)

  SQUEAKER: It's one of the freak's birds!

  AHAB: (surprised) Eh? I thought all the birds that you and yer brother 'adn't nicked were dogs?

  SQUEAKER: (sulky) They are!

  AHAB: (still drooling over Mercedes) No they ain’t! She's better than all yours and yer brother's put together!

  SQUEAKER: (squeaking, tearfully, under his breath) I ain't even got any. Wally's got 'em all!

  This gives Ahab something to ponder. He turns to Squeaker, in an epiphany!

  AHAB: That's all gonna change, son! That's all gonna change!

  SQUEAKER: How! Me and me mates keep trying it on with 'em, but they don't wanna know! (Ahab is cut to the quick by these words.)

  AHAB: I thought you said they was all dogs that was left? (Squeaker sniggers to himself at the thought.)

  SQUEAKER: We were gonna do 'em from behind, or with a bag over their heads. (Ahab is amused at the thought.)

  AHAB: But that one: what's 'er name?

  SQUEAKER: (disdainfully) Mercedes.

  AHAB: That one, yer want fer yerself! (Distressed, Squeaker agrees, but does not like to admit that he cannot see a way.)

  AHAB: Can't yer slip a drug in her drink?

  SQUEAKER: What, Rohypnol?

  AHAB: Yeah. Ribeen -- Ribeen -- Ribena, or whatever it's called!

  SQUEAKER: Can't get near her.

  AHAB: Why don't they want yer, boy?

  SQUEAKER: Dunno!

  AHAB: (pondering) I mean, what would they see in 'im? after all this time!

  SQUEAKER: (resentful) Fuck knows!

  AHAB: I mean, after we...reeducated 'em, and all!

  SQUEAKER: They believe he didn't know about them at the start, and think he should be given another chance. -- He told them that in some letter: that he didn't know. (Ahab is horrified to learn this!)

  AHAB: 'Ow could 'e not know!

  SQUEAKER: (resentful) Exactly! He's making it up, to win sympathy!

  AHAB: (furious) The sneaky cunt! (indignant) Well, I won't let it 'appen! I won't let 'im get away with it!

  SQUEAKER: (in despair) But how?

  AHAB: What are you and the boys doing about it?

  SQUEAKER: (Resigned) Everythink!

  AHAB: You ain't doing everythink, boy. Cummon! There must be more you can do?

  SQUEAKER: Harassing them, pestering them, threatening them, pressuring them, -- everythink we can think of! (beat) Gormo even wants to rape 'em!

  Ahab is not listening.

  AHAB: (thoughtful) There must be more!

  CLOSE UP: AHAB IS THINKING HARD.

  AHAB: What about that car 'e's got? Do they like it?

  SQUEAKER: It's a piece of shit!

  AHAB: (impatient) We know that! but do they?

  SQUEAKER: We told 'em so!

  AHAB: But did they listen? (Squeaker is sullenly silent.) (beat) Leave it to me, boy. I'll get you sumthink that beats that. (Squeaker is happy to hear it. But soon he is downcast again.)

  AHAB: What's a matter now, boy?

  SQUEAKER (crushed) Magic! They think he's magic.

  AHAB: Magic! Magic! 'Ow could 'e be! There's no such thing! It's all mumbo-jumbo.... Claptrap... Nonsense! (Squeaker is near breaking point.)

  SQUEAKER: But he is! He is!

  Ahab is again thoughtful.

  AHAB: What about what that doctor said: about ‘is dick?

  SQUEAKER: What, that's it's small? They just keep saying size don't matter!

  AHAB: Nuh! Yer daft...! I mean the condition of it?

  SQUEAKER: (despairingly) They say they don't mind. Merc says she'll mold it back into shape for him. (That news cuts Ahab to the quick, and he drops towards the sofa. Squeaker changes from shock to hope beyond measure in the instant. -- Ahab holds his chest, and struggles for breath. Squeaker is right by him, but looks delighted.)

  When Ahab is better, he continues.

  AHAB: I bet you thought that was me lot, boy? (Squeaker shamelessly acknowledges, and cannot hide his amusement.) I 'spose it's natural. You want to inherit me money. (Squeaker cannot confirm, but cannot deny.) -- You're get it soon enough, boy! -- and yer brother. (turning angry) But not before I've dealt with that cunt! (Ahab takes a turn for the worse, whilst Squeaker mockingly tries
to comfort him whilst trying to hide his delight and amusement.)

  I/E. SENLAC BOULEVARD - NIGHT

  Gormley chauffeurs Squeaker in a used (but the latest model) Range Rover car. In the back, sits Shorters, a previously unknown girl in her mid-twenties, and the similarly-aged TABITHA THOMS. -- Walking back from Senlac to Ire Village are the remaining female supporters of Pellam. Mercedes Tungsten is amongst them. It is pouring down with rain. They are not happy to see the car coming the other way.

  GORMLEY: Look, it's his birds! (Squeaker had already spotted them.)

  SQUEAKER: Who cares about the mingers! (Tabitha finds it funny, but scold him anyway)

  Slowing down, Gormley calls out to the women.

  GORMLEY: (addressing Mercedes) Eh, Merc, wanna lift? You can't walk ‘ome on a night like this!

  SHORTERS: But only Merc. ('Shut up!' -- the rest silence him)

  TABITHA: Why not, girls? We can squash you in. (joking) We're kick Shorty and Gormo out! (the two men look concerned.) -- The women impolitely decline the offer; but Mercedes seems sorely tempted, as the Ginj-mates drive off.) -- Don't worry, Willy, I'll talk them round. (Gormley and Shorters cheer at the news.)

  SQUEAKER: I only want Merc anyways. The rest are rough as fuck! (The car's occupants are amused.)

  EXT. MORDRED'S CAR PITCH -- DAY

  Mordred now has a small car pitch of his own, and is speaking to a potential customer, Mitchell HAYNES. They are by the roadside, looking at Mordred's car.

  HAYNES: The thing is, people slag left-hookers, but, in fact, 65 per cent of the world's population drive on the left. (Mordred nods in accord.) In fact, some countries have switched from left to right!

  MORDRED: Yeah?

  HAYNES: Sweden, for one. -- (joking) I was in a Swede only the other night! (beat) A Volvo. (Mordred acknowledges the lame joke, for the sake of company.) Good cars Volvos!

  MORDRED: Yeah.

  HAYNES: And Saabs too. (beat) Did you know how Saab came about?

  MORDRED: (pretending to be interested) Nuh?

  HAYNES: They actually started up as an aircraft manufacturer, Svenska Aeroplan AB; -- or Swedish Aeroplane Corporation, to you and me. (beat) They started up just before the war, to build planes to guard Sweden's neutrality in World War two.

  FADE OUT

  I/E. NIGHTCLUB -- NIGHT

  Mercedes, Nicole, Leah and Tabitha are all out on the town together. The night has come to an end. Again, it is pouring with rain.

  NICOLE: How we going to get home in this? We're never get a cab tonight.

  MERCEDES: Well, I don't fancy walking. (beat) Where's Tabby, anyway?

  LEAH: I don't know! She just disappeared. -- She's always doing that!

  NICOLE: (thoughtful) Yes... she is!

  LEAH: She's probably on her 'phone again.

  MERCEDES: I wish I had one!

  LEAH: Yeah; she's got all the best stuff nowadays!

  NICOLE: Where's she getting it from?

  INT. NIGHTCLUB/LADIES TOILETS -- NIGHT

  Tabitha is on her mobile telephone.

  TABITHA: If you come out to us now, you'll get her! (beat) Well, just leave them there and come for us. We're more important! (beat) Ok, I'll see you soon. -- Very soon! We won't wait here forever!

  EXT. NIGHTCLUB -- NIGHT

  Tabitha leaves the nightclub and joins her friends.

  NICOLE: Where you been?

  TABITHA: (holding up her 'phone, and joking) Some of us are popular, you know!

  The Ginj-mates pull up their car.

  NICOLE: How do they always know where we are? (Tabitha tries to stifle her amusement at the girls' ignorance.)

  Gormley once more drives the car, with Squeaker a passenger. Shorters is, again, in the back.

  GORMLEY: I bet you never knew we could read yer mind, Merc? (The other two Ginj-mates stifle a snigger. Tabitha attempts to hide a smirk.)

  MERCEDES: (aloud, to herself) It does seem like it!

  TABITHA: Well, I don't know about you, but I'm not walking home in this. (Tabitha gets into Squeaker's car, much to the approbation of its inhabitants.) (to Mercedes) You coming, Merc?

  NICOLE: No! No, she's not! We'd sooner walk!

  GORMLEY: (angry) Nobody's asking you, yer slut!

  SQUEAKER: Come on! Let's go!

  TABITHA: (to her friends) Oh well, suit yourselves!

  The car drives off, and the remaining girls start the long trek home in the rain.

  EXT. CAR PITCH -- DAY

  Mordred is once more outside, talking to Mitchell Haynes.

  HAYNES: And the story of Volvo's even more interesting (pauses, for a smug expression) It all started with ball bearings-- (At that moment, Gormley drives by in his old car, slyly glancing over. Art notices him, but Haynes is still too self-engrossed in his dialogue.) -- So, really they started in 1915, not 1927.

  MORDRED: (feigning interest) Not 1915!

  FADE OUT.

  EXT. IRE VILLAGE - DAY

  Pellam emerges from a bank and makes his way to a car park. At a bus stop across the road is a girl, barely of legal age. She is watching Pellam. -- To reach the car park, Pellam needs ascend a metal staircase. As he reaches the bottom of it, Squeaker and Leah are at the top, waiting to descend. Squeaker is busy staring at the aforementioned young girl; whereas Leah -- who is significantly taller than Squeaker, and plain to look at -- has her arms affectionately around him.

  AHAB: (V.O.) Use yer loaf, boy! swallow yer pride, and fuck Leah to fuck Rachael! -- just remember, boy: (laughing) Yer bag for 'er 'ead!

  SQUEAKER: (to himself) Who the fuck's Rachael?

  LEAH: Rachael? (miffed) Who's Rachael?

  SQUEAKER: Oh, I dunno! It was just somethink me granddad said. (Leah is confused, but does not question Squeaker further.) He was a bit of a lady’s man in his day!

  INTERCUT BETWEEN PELLAM, SQUEAKER, LEAH, AND THE GIRL AT THE BUS STOP.

  At that moment, Squeaker spots Pellam and starts to panic. He almost loses his footing, but recovers, and backs off. This causes Leah to notice Pellam for the first time, and, with a look between surprise and embarrassment, she waits, like a lemon, for him to approach her. -- The girl at the bus stop continues to look over with interest. -- But Pellam passes Leah, vacantly. -- Squeaker can be seen moving away from the scene, having broken into a trot.

  PELLAM: (thinking) I'm sure that young girl at the bus stop was one of my birds! -- now all grown up!

  EXT. GEORGIAN HOUSE -- DAY

  The Smallthorns are once more moving house. Arfur engages his wife.

  ARFUR: I said Hayney could move in 'ere until it's repossessed. 'E's not a bad lad, is 'e!

  GWYNNE: 'Spose not! -- don't know anything about him! Don't want to either, particularly!

  ARFUR: (shaking his head) Tch!

  EXT. HAYNES'S HOUSE -- DAY

  Mitchell Haynes (or 'Hayney') has a car for sale. Gary Gormley has come to look at it, as a potential buyer. It is an old wreck. Haynes is a few years younger than Gormley; who is now into his late-twenties.

  HAYNES: I recognise you, don’t I, mate? (Gormley recognises Haynes too.)

  GORMLEY: Mitch Haynes? -- from Hillview!

  HAYNES: Yeah, that's right, mate! Ain't seen you in ages. (shakes hands with Gormley) How yer doing?

  GORMLEY: Great, mate! Great! -- You?

  MITCHELL: Yeah; the same. The same! (pause) Well, nuh! I'm not actually! That's why I put this up for sale. (referring to the car) I gotta move out. The ol' lady's chuckinG us out. (Gormley laughs.)

  GORMLEY: Sound about right, mate! Me ol' woman chucked me out soon as I was born! -- Well, me ol' man did! -- At least, chucked himself out, I mean! and left. (Haynes returns the laugh.) -- Then me mum did the same when I was sixteen. (beat) So, where you going? Far?

  MITCHELL: Only up the road; -- to Filmwell. Me mate's family's moving out of their place, and so I'm gonna go there for a bit, -- 'til I find somewhere.

  GORMLEY: (thoughtful) All big houses over there.