Who We Were

by Christy Sloat

  Nolan laughed and said, “The one and only Nolan Rylan at your service. Twin brother of the oh-so-fabulous Nash Rylan. And before you say, ‘But you don’t look like him,’ it’s because we’re not identical twins.”

  I found myself with my mouth hanging open and closed it quickly. I couldn’t believe it. Nash had a twin brother. The more I stared at Nolan, the more I noticed slight similarities in their appearance. Nash had dark hair and so did Nolan. Their smiles were the same, big white teeth grins.

  Their eye color wasn’t the same though. Nash’s were crystal blue and Nolan’s were honey brown. Nash dressed casual like his personality, easy going. Nolan was crisp and clean. And from his personality, it didn’t seem to match. He really threw me when he put on his glasses and pulled out our homework assignment right there at the table. He leaned back, ignoring me with ease, and read. I couldn’t help but stare at him. He wasn’t a football player. No way.

  “You play football?” I inquired. He looked up from his book, and I felt a strange sensation. The other guys went back to talking and ignoring me.

  “Why is that hard to believe? Do I look like a nerd to you?”

  I looked at his body. No, not really. He was fit enough, but he was slightly nerdy. Between his well-manicured nails to his brown high end shoes, it was hard to picture him in a football uniform.

  “You just dress so … so,” I struggled.

  “So, nicely perhaps? Not like a jock, I know. But thanks for noticing.” He pulled his book higher and did as the other boys did, ignored me.

  I continued to eat my pizza in silence until finally the bell rang. Then and only then did Nash seem to notice my presence. He leaned over and gave me his million dollar smile. “Sorry ‘bout that. I had to talk to the guys about the big party tonight.”

  I wasn’t deaf. I could hear them talking about building a bonfire and who was going to buy the beer. I faked a smile. “Sure. No problem.”

  He tilted his head. “You okay today? You’re really quiet.” It was a little belittling to have him ask me that. I mean he hardly knew me. Who’s to say I wasn’t normally quiet?

  “I’m fine. Just ready to get this day over with.” I faked enthusiasm, and he took my tray and dumped it. I noticed Nolan had left the table. Why do I even care?

  “Come on. I’ll walk you to class,” Nash offered. He held out his hand, and I took it. The warmth spread over my hand and up my arm. It felt nice. Perhaps I was being a little harsh? Maybe he did like me, and I was being my usual insecure self. Or maybe what Nolan said to me really threw me off. We got just outside the lunchroom doors and just as I was getting used to Nash’s hand in mine, he dropped it. A cute girl rounded the corner at the same time and smiled at him and waved, her blonde hair waving in the wind. Nash smiled back, flashing her the same grin he gave me just moments before. When she was out of sight, he took my hand again. I really wanted to rip my hand away from his and stand my ground. I wanted to tell him, “I saw that, you bastard!” But who was I to say anything to him? I wasn’t his girl. I just met him yesterday. I sighed when we reached my classroom. Maybe tonight he’d get to know me better and ask me to be his girl. I could only hope.

  “Okay,” he said. “I’ll see you tonight at eight o’clock. If you have a hard time finding the place, call me ‘kay?” I nodded.

  “I’ll be fine. See you tonight.”

  He let go of my hand again and turned away from me. I watched him walk toward his class, simultaneously watching the eyes of all the girls around him. They wanted him just as much as I did, if not more, because they’d gone to school with him longer. They watched him every day. They saw him play football and laugh with his friends, and I was the girl who just met him. I had no history with him and no right to be anything to him.

  ***

  My mom was home when I got there, which was weird. She normally isn’t home for at least an hour after I arrive. I read the chapters assigned in class while she studied me from the kitchen. I even showered and heard her just outside the door. I knew what she was doing. She was hovering, smothering me and watching to see my next move.

  I put the floral skirt from today back on and found a pale blue tank top that matched. I found my favorite cream colored shrug and necklace. I watched my mom watch me. Finally having enough, I stormed into the living room at half past seven. She was smoking a cigarette, something I hadn’t seen her do in eight months. She’d quit after Cara and I begged her t, but tonight she’d gotten herself so worked up about this party, she had to light up.

  “Mom,” I addressed her. “What are you doing? Why are you following me around?” She put the cigarette down as it smoked from the ashtray.

  “Sadie, I just want to protect you. There are a ton of weirdoes out there that prey on innocent girls like you and …”

  “Mom! I know about them. I know because you remind me every single day.” I sat down on the couch next to her. “It’s a party with teenagers. Yes, some of them have bad intentions, but not me. I am only going there to get to know some kids. New friends.”

  She eyed me suspiciously. “New friends, huh?”

  “Yes mom. Lily can’t be my only friend forever.”

  “Why not? I mean she’s a good girl, and she comes from a good family,” she said as she took a puff from the cigarette. “Why do you need to be popular? Cara needed it too. I don’t get it.”

  My face reddened and my hands shook. I was getting angry with her. She couldn’t lock me up like she did Cara. I remember how she would make Cara stay in all night and sit at the couch listening for sounds of escape. She was our warden, and the house was our prison.

  “No wonder Cara stayed at school during the summer,” I spat at her, suddenly feeling brave. “She didn’t want to come home to your rules.”

  It was the truth. Cara told my mom she was studying abroad for the summer, but the truth was she stayed behind and got a shitty job so she didn’t have to come home.

  My mom almost dropped an ash on herself, her mouth hanging open. “Who told you that?”

  I stood up now.

  “Cara told me, Mom. She is sick of you smothering her, and frankly, so am I. I need to live my life. I want a boyfriend, like every other seventeen year old girl. And I’m going to that party tonight.”

  I stood up on shaky legs. I’ve never talked to my mom that way, never been angry with her. I grabbed my bag and keys and left the house before she made me stay.

  Six

  I don’t know why I was scared that I was going to miss the house or get lost. The party was massive in size. Tons of cars lined the street, and the sound of the music blared so loudly I could hear it before I turned on the road. I found a parking spot between a rusty pickup truck and a BMW. My car slid in, and I patted myself on the back for the great job I did on parallel parking. I slipped my lip-gloss tube and car key in my bra and got out of the car. Sometimes it pays to have big boobs, especially when it comes to storage. I searched the street of cars for Nash’s truck or Lily’s yellow Mini, but saw neither. I hoped they were there; if they weren’t, it would be awkward.

  I stopped at the stone steps on the front lawn of the house and wondered how to go in?

  Around back? Knock on the front door? Thankfully a girl came out of the side gate and I knew that was my entrance. She held the gate open for me and smiled. I entered and she said, “Cute skirt.”

  “Thanks.” I beamed with pride. I couldn’t imagine what a Ridgeline party would be like. No one would hold open the gate for me. I never got invited, so I couldn’t imagine being welcome by any of the students. They’d probably stare at me like I didn’t belong there. This party though, no one stared at me, except a few cute guys. They looked at me and then turned to their friends. I didn’t know what they were saying, but I hoped it was good things.

  “Hey,” Kyleigh yelled across the sea of people holding up her hand and waving. “Sadie, over here.”

  I waved back and headed in her direction. She hugged me before I knew what was
coming, and I hugged her back slightly. She caught me off guard, but didn’t seem to notice.

  “I’m so glad you’re here. This party is just starting to get good, but I was worried if you didn’t show it’d be lame. What’s your poison?” She handed me an empty red plastic cup.

  “Uh, I, uh. I don’t drink,” I whispered.

  “What? Are you driving for someone? Didn’t you say you were coming with Nash?” She looked around for Nash, or so I assumed. “Is he here yet?”

  I shook my head. “No. I don’t know yet. I’ll see him when he gets here, but I don’t drink alcohol.”

  She shrugged her shoulders and said, “No judgments here.”

  That made me extremely happy. I was worried about someone giving me hell about not drinking. Kyleigh was not that type of girl apparently, and for that I was thankful.

  “There’s soda in the house. They have it in the fridge. I’ll walk you if you want,” she offered. I could see her swaying to the music and noticed a cute guy behind her pulling on her shirt. He whispered something in her ear. I didn’t want to interrupt a dance or a private moment.

  “Nah. I got it. Thanks. Meet you back here.”

  She nodded and then turned to hottie behind her, and they danced to the song playing. I looked up at the DJ on the pool deck. He was young, and he knew what he was doing. I’d never heard music mixed this good, ever.

  I headed toward the back patio and slid open the glass doors. The house was not as busy as the outside. Everyone was flocking toward the music, and I didn’t blame them. I just wanted to get a drink in my cup and then dance. I didn’t want an empty cup for fear that people would try to get me to drink. I needed a decoy drink.

  The kitchen in the house was spectacular. Heck, the whole house was impressive, but the kitchen was huge. It was built for a chef. It had an oven and a Dutch oven to die for in all stainless steel and the counter tops matched; I’d hate to have to clean it. I found the massive fridge and soda was inside. I poured my cup and closed the fridge. There were no pictures on this fridge, and I wondered whose house this was. Don’t people put pictures of their kids in the kitchen? My mom did. Suddenly my heart hurt for what I’d said and how harsh I was to her. I slid out my cell and sent her a quick text letting her know I was okay. Sure I was pissed, but I couldn’t worry her. Her response text wasn’t as bad as I thought: We’ll talk tomorrow. Be safe and wake me.

  I knew wake me was so that she knew I got home okay. As I left the kitchen, I heard giggling from the dining room. I poked my head quickly through the entryway and saw a girl on the table and a guy between her thighs. I turned away before I saw anything that I couldn’t unsee.

  “Stop that tickles,” the girl giggled again. “Oliver, I’m ticklish there.” Oliver! He was hooking up with some tramp on a kitchen table while my best friend pined over him? Oh, hell no.

  I backed up and got a better look to make sure it was in fact her Oliver before I gave him a piece of my mind. Sure enough it was him. I recognized his hair and the way he slicked it back. The tiny girl beneath him peered over his shoulder and met my eyes. Lily. The trampy girl half naked on the table was my best friend. I turned away, pretending I didn’t see her, and ran out of the house.

  The noise from outside pounded away the odd feeling I had in my stomach.

  What is this feeling?

  Why do I care?

  Then I realized it was fear. I was scared the girl I called my best friend was doing God-knows-what with a boy she didn’t even know. I thought about going back inside, but then realized she was laughing not crying. She was in full control and was doing it willingly. Tears blurred my eyes. I thought about leaving, but seeing Nash walk in through the gate was the only thing stopping me. He didn’t notice me, but I didn’t try to get his attention. I wasn’t ready to talk to him just yet. I had to calm myself down. The door to my right was my escape route. I took it and found myself in a garage full of pot smokers. I coughed loudly, and they laughed like I had just told the best joke. I walked through to the other door that led out to the front yard.

  The fresh air hit me, and I took a deep cleansing breath and sat down. I put my head between my knees.

  “Not your type of shindig?” I looked up at Nolan Rylan’s face as he stood over me.

  “No. Not really. But why do you care?” I snapped.

  “Touche. I don’t really care, but when I see a girl sitting alone I wonder. Especially when she looks upset.” He knelt down and then awkwardly plopped next to me. “I hate these parties, really. It’s not my favorite thing to do.”

  I shook my head. Why was he even talking to me? He thought I was some Nash-bot who only lived to serve Nash. Well he was wrong.

  “So, if you hate these parties, then why are you here?” I glared at him, but found it hard since he looked so good tonight. His hair fell just right on the nape of his neck, and it shined in the light of the street lamp. He was wearing an aqua blue pocket tee shirt with loose fitting jeans. They hugged his hips, and I could make out his shape a lot better. What are you doing?

  I averted my eyes away from him and bit my lip. I couldn’t think of him like this! I was into his brother.

  “I’m here for the team and for Nash. He likes to hang here, so if I want any time with my bro, I have to come to this crap.”

  He really hated parties, and I got the sense he was lonely. I wouldn’t dare ask him about that though. We hardly knew each other which sparked my next question. “Why are you in summer school?”

  He laughed and hung his head making his hair fall into his eyes. He ran it back over his head and said, “To gain credits. Why are you?”

  I laughed. “To gain credits and graduate early.”

  “Looks like you and I have similar interests.”

  I looked away from the smile on his face. He wasn’t flirting, but more so bragging that we were the same. “Yeah, well I guess my interests aren’t solely on your brother, now are they?”

  He threw up his hands in defeat. “I guess not. It’s commendable that you are going to summer school.”

  Nolan was a complicated guy that was for sure. One minute he’s talking crap and the next he’s complimenting me. Ugh, I hated boys and their weird brains.

  “I’m going to go back to the party,” I announced. “So, have fun. I guess.”

  He smiled and I noticed he had two dimples in his cheeks. “Not likely.”

  ***

  I found Nash by the keg doing what most of the guys were doing, a keg stand. I stood by and watched him drink beer upside down and then burp loudly―why did boys do this? Then I watched a girl do one―why did anyone do this? Nash still hadn’t noticed me, but I wasn’t about to go up to him and be the attention seeker. No way. I would wait for him to see me. It wasn’t like I was hidden in the crowd. Sure, he was probably drunk by now and he hadn’t called me to see if I was lost. When he turned around and started talking to a group of girls, I gave up.

  I was absolutely not the kind of girl that went over and talked to the hot guy. If the hot guy was interested, he’d be with me now. That didn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed. But I sure as hell wasn’t going to take my top off and sit on a table for him like someone I knew.

  “Sadie?” Speak of the devil. Lily stood behind me, with her shirt intact and her hands on her hips. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m here for the party.”

  Her question seemed more of an interrogation, like I was ruining her time by merely standing there. “Was that you inside with Oliver?” I knew she saw me, and she knew I saw her. Her face reddened. I guess she hoped I didn’t recognize her.

  “Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. Oli has a thing with tables,” she giggled. Oli? Who was this girl?

  “I have so much to tell you.” She literally beamed with excitement while I frowned.

  “Oh yeah? I bet you do.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. Now she wanted to be chatty? Whereas before she didn’t want me here. Oh, hell no!

  I t
urned and saw Nash walking right at me wearing a huge grin. So instead of listening to Lily’s tryst story, I walked away from her and right to Nash. Instead of her asking where I was going she said nothing.

  “I didn’t know you were here! Why didn’t you come find me?” So I could look desperate? No way.

  “I didn’t see you. Having fun?” I asked over the loud music.

  “Now that you’re here, yes. Do you need a refill?” He peered into my cup, and I pulled it to my lips. I drank a bit of soda and then smiled.

  “Nope. Just refilled it. Thanks though.”

  Talking with him wasn’t comfortable, and I blamed Lily for that. She ruined my night, therefore ruining my chances with Nash. He leaned in and rested his chin on the top of my head. It actually wasn’t weird. Then he kissed it.

  “Wanna walk down to the water for a minute? It’s too loud here,” he whispered in my ear.

  I actually would like nothing more, so I nodded and he took my hand. We walked past groups of people, and I felt their eyes on us. I didn’t look at them, I just watched Nash pull me behind him. Finally we reached a lake that I had no clue existed here behind the house. He let go of my hand and jumped onto the dock then helped me up. A white boat sat next to it, and it bobbed side to side.

  “Whose house is this?” I asked dumbfounded.

  Nash laughed. “It’s Oliver’s house.”

  Of course it was. Only Oliver would have a house like this. And I remembered Nash telling me about Oliver’s family’s boat. So this was what it was like to be rich. You threw huge parties and made out with girls on your own dining room table. I shook the thought away and fought to focus on Nash. He sat down on the worn dock, and I sat carefully next to him.

  “I’m really glad you came, Sadie.”

  He looked at me intently, his eyes boring into my soul. He looked at me like this at the ice cream shop. It was either his signature move or he was really into me.

  I bit my lip and said, “I’m glad I came too. Parties aren’t usually my favorite thing to do.”

  He cocked his head. “I thought you went to Ridgeline parties.”