Reaching Out to the Stars

by Donna DeMaio Hunt

  I woke up the morning of the concert and tried not to think a lot about it until it was time to get ready to go. I was immediately dreading the ride into Boston and found myself a bucket of nerves the minute we pulled out of the driveway. I put on my Jason CD and tried to close my eyes and put my head back and relax.

  Of course, after taking the Copley exit, we got lost. Feeling like I was going to either puke or have a major anxiety attack, I quickly texted David “Lost in Boston…Help.” He called me almost immediately. As he talked us to Boylston Street, we immediately parked in the Boston Common Garage, no more fooling around. I knew it was too good to be true when we found a space right away because as we walked through the Common to Boylston Street, as I looked up at number 120 I looked at Bryce and said, “We need to walk to 939?”

  It took us thirty minutes to reach The Red Room and the line was already backed up about ten feet, an hour and a half before the show. As a woman began to give us an update on what was going on behind the scenes, she informed us that they would open the doors after the sound check and there was no seating, standing room only on a first come first serve basis. As I was already trying to fan myself with my tickets, I looked at Bryce and said, “I am not sure this is worth it. I am too old for this shit.” He immediately said with surprise, “Jason is not worth the wait?” I told him I would let him know after the show.

  The doors opened at 7:45 and we ended up standing in the second row by the left wall which had an opening like a window you could look out of to the hallway along the side of the small room. We were so close to the stage. I remember thinking that I could have rolled up a napkin and hit him in the head with it.

  The opening act was Michael Castro, Jason’s brother. Knowing that he tried out for American Idol twice and did not make the cut, after watching him perform I wondered what American Idol was thinking. He was really good. He had a great voice, played both guitar and piano and had a really good sense of humor. He was also a very talented songwriter.

  At 8:30, the second opening act began, Camera Can’t Lie. As I could feel the music vibrating through my body, it was a little too loud for my taste. By the time they finished, I was just hoping that I could still hear when it was Jason’s turn to hit the stage. Bryce liked them. They dedicated a song to Red Sox fans which was cool and some jackass started yelling some crap about loving the Yankee’s. Only an asshole would do that in Boston. I just don’t get it.

  I remembered when they were about half way through, I caught a glimpse of Jason walking to the left of me to the men’s room. As I turned in surprise to catch a quick glimpse of him there was a guy behind me who saw the excitement in my eyes and started laughing. Then he said to me, “Don’t be a stalker.” When I could not help but keep looking over my shoulder, Bryce shook his head smiling and said, “He is going to be standing five feet from you in about five minutes”.

  Finally as 9:30 rolled around, it was Jason’s turn. I believe I had waited long enough. As he came on stage, it seemed a little surreal. I was so close to him it was crazy.

  He was wearing a black t-shirt with light blue torn jeans with an acoustic guitar around his neck. He wore two gold chains, one holding a cross. He had several bracelets on his wrist and his hair was crazy. I turned my camera on to take pictures throughout the show but did not refrain from taking it all in because I really wanted to enjoy the moment. Jodi would have been proud of me.

  He sometimes spoke in between songs. Although he seemed comfortable performing in front of the small crowd, it was obvious to me that he still had an uneasiness about him when he spoke. It was like he portrayed this goofy charm as a defense mechanism to deal with the interaction with the fans. Jason was great. He sounded just as good live as he does recorded. He did an unplugged version of “Hallelujah” right before his encore which was amazing. He then announced that he would be in the back hanging out after the show. That is when I was slapped with the huge reality that I may actually meet Jason Castro.

  As we started to leave the room, the stage now empty, it was nearing eleven o’clock. We had told the sitter we would be home around midnight. I turned to Bryce and said, “We can wait, right?”

  He actually made it pretty clear that we needed to go because we needed to be home by twelve and there was no telling how long we would be waiting. As I turned facing the room we had just exited, Jason was walking right toward me. As I could not take my eyes off of him, he never looked up from the floor passing right by me and headed toward the table in the back of the small room with Michael and Camera Can’t Lie.

  He was now about ten feet away from me, a pool of excited fans separating us. I began to grow really sad because I knew this was an opportunity that I did not want to let pass me by. I had waited a lifetime for this opportunity and at that moment it was all about Jason.

  I looked at Bryce and said, “If you think that I came here to stand on my feet for five hours and leave here without getting a picture with him when he is standing ten feet away from me, you are f’in crazy.”

  As I started forward, I looked back at him and said, “You’re coming with me because you need to take the picture so let’s go.” He was not happy with me, to say the least, but I did not care. While waiting amongst the crowd, Bryce bought two CD’s from the lead singer of Camera Can’t Lie. I really wanted Michael’s alb, his reference to his EP as a short album, but time was an issue so I decided I would catch up with him on iTunes. As I kept pushing my way through, within ten minutes I was the next to see Jason.

  I was anxious, but I patiently waited for the fifty-something year old women and her two teenage daughters to have their time with him. The woman had handed her phone to Jason, as I overheard that one of the daughters could not be there. Then I was thinking to myself, “Oh my God, now I have to wait for him to finish a phone conversation.” After he finished the conversation, she kept going on about how much she loved him and how she loved him on Facebook and as he seemed a little uncomfortable, he was really patient and polite. She finally started to move away but got stuck in the crowd and I could not make my way to him as he was just kind of wedged in the corner.

  Although up to that point I never made eye contact with Jason, I was amazed at how aware he was about what was going on around him. He definitely saw me waiting to get to him as he wedged his way behind the woman and stood directly in front of me, arms open as to say “Alright, here I am, I got around her.” As he made eye contact with me for a quick moment, he started to laugh about the situation and I also started laughing. At that moment, I was looking right at his face and as he kind of crouched down to my level, I realized that he was not that much taller than me. I always felt hugely attracted to Jason but there are no words to describe how I was feeling at that moment looking right into his beautiful face. It was amazing.

  As we both stood their laughing, I could not speak a word to him. I almost wanted to say, “I guess I am as bad at this as you are.” What could I really have said to him without sounding as stupid as the woman in front of me sounded? Artists know you love them. That’s why we are there to watch them.

  As Jason saw Bryce standing there with the camera, he just kind of knew that I wanted a picture with him so there was no need to ask. As I stood beside him and put my arm around his waist, all I felt were dreads. I believe I started to shake a little as he put his arm around me for the picture.

  After Bryce took the picture and started to lower the camera I said, “Take another one.” I then heard the next girl in line who was waiting patiently as I just was say, “That is a good idea.”

  After the second picture, I let go of him and turned to him but again I was lost for words. He just looked at me and folded his arms awkwardly and he said something, but I am not really sure what he said as I was still somewhat overwhelmed as to what was actually going on. I just had my arm around Jason Castro! As I walked away from him and left with Bryce my heart was racing and I was so excited to see my picture with him, the one and only memory that I would ha
ve of that night forever other than what would remain in my head for weeks to come. Just to be clear, it was definitely worth the wait!

  As we walked quickly down Boylston Street to get to our car I was trying not to pee myself because I had to go so badly. I was trying to keep my mind off of how badly I needed to go by reflecting on this experience I had just encountered.

  We reached the parking garage and got into our car, and not long after exiting the garage we got lost again. Why Boston, why? As we finally found the Mass Pike entrance, I called Kendra, the sitter, to tell her that we would be home closer to one in the morning.

  Sleeping that night was difficult. I kept replaying in my mind the events that took place that night, and actually meeting Jason Castro. It had all happened so quickly and I could only get it back through memory. I kept thinking about the fact that I did not let it all in when it was happening, just like the coffee. Sorry Jodi.

  As it kept replaying in my mind, sometimes to song, I felt like I was in an episode of Glee. Not only do I love that show for the music and for the singing, but it is just the fact that we all at one time in our lives or more take a situation and replay it as a production in our minds. The show is so close to real as far as where our imagination wants to take us…to some musical fantasy.

  I had to wait until Sunday night to develop my pictures because the day after the show, my in-laws were coming to celebrate Ethan’s sixth birthday. After the small party, as Bryce put the kids into the bath, I went to CVS and waited for my pictures to be developed. I did get my picture of Jason and I in an 8 x 10, which is now sitting framed on my nightstand.

  Even though I could not take it all in at the moment it happened, I am thoroughly enjoying the experience to its fullest from what remains in my mind from that night.

  As I recapped it to Jodi via phone conversation after she saw my cherished picture on Facebook, was the experience all I expected it to be? The answer to that question is twofold, yes and no.

  When I first started thinking about my interaction with Jason, I was beating myself up about it. For so long you dream about a moment like this and when it comes right down to this dream coming true, it never quite ends up like you hoped it would. I was mad at myself for not saying anything to him. I was mad at myself that I did not even thank him for the picture. On a good note, he will never remember that. I was mad that I did not soak up every moment of what was going on when it was happening. Then I thought, why didn’t I at least ask him for a hug? Then I would have been able to answer my own question of what he smelled like!

  I even started to think about all of the fan letters I had written. As Jason was the one and only person I never sent a fan letter to out of fear, I started to think maybe he would have been the most reachable out of any of them. I continued to overanalyze it, realizing that I did things just fine. My interaction with him was probably better than anything I could have dreamed about. Sometimes you don’t need to say anything. Words can be read into, picked apart, and at least I didn’t say anything stupid to him that I regretted afterwards. I think our mutual laughing together was better than anything I could have hoped for, an experience not ruined by words. I always thought of Jason as someone I could laugh with, and he was.

  When I started writing my book, I was confused and curious about the meaning of a life of fame. I always had this goal to meet one of my idols, which I now had.

  Bryce will probably say to me in the near future, “Are you happy now?” My answer to that question will probably be no. Although he will think that I am just never happy, I am always happy. I just always want to strive for happier. In the words of Jason, “When you need a little less or you want a little more…that’s what I’m here for.”

  To meet Jason again may just have the same turn out, but right now I could have that experience every day of my life and it would never get old. What is life without something to always look forward to? It would be boring if we always found complete satisfaction.

  I am very satisfied with my everyday life, my husband and my family. I would not know what to do without them. As the realism of the fans world may seem a little crazy, it’s always been my quirkiness.

  As I was listening to the lyrics of my new Michael Castro downloads, I really found myself connecting to the lyrics, “There’s no such thing as a perfect stranger.” This is truly reality but it does not always change the way we fantasize. Although my real fantasies would be a “beautiful mistake,” two people who really don’t even know each other just laughing together is a beautiful reality.

  I know that I will always have to put up with people, sometimes the ones who are the closest to me, always thinking that I’m a big weirdo, not really getting it. I am proud to know that I have no secrets and that this is just me. People will have to love me for who I am, take it or leave it.

  I have no shame in the truths of being a fan. Any fan will tell you that there is nothing that keeps us going than the inspiration of the unknown, the exciting, or the impossible.

  Regardless of what anybody says, there is no shame in reaching out to the stars. Whether it’s a person who inspires us to dream a little, or a goal in which we dream to achieve great things.

  2010

  Jason Castro Red Room Café

  Boston, MA

  Chapter 21

  Live & Learn: What Lies Beneath an American Idol Dream

  Live and learn” is probably one of the most important and true clichés describing this journey called life.

  I had a breakthrough today on this seventeenth day of November; the four year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing.

  Her anniversary is technically on the eighteenth but just before midnight on the seventeenth, four years ago, I heard her speak to me, letting me know that she was alright. Therefore, personally, the day stands out to me more substantially.

  During my daily two mile walk, which has been a recent priority since June, I was once again absorbed in lyrics while I was listening to my iPod. Sugarland’s “Something More” seemed to summarize my life at the present moment, as I was still soul searching.

  As my iPod continued to play, “Life don’t go quite like you planned it, we try so hard to understand it, the irrefutable indisputable totally beautiful fact is…shit happens.” Sugarland…isn’t that the truth?

  I was going through what I considered to be one of the most difficult times of my life. For a while, I had been feeling a lull in the excitement in my life. The fulfillment of my dreams came to a halt or a waiting game, and at the same time I was grieving the loss of a friend.

  The night before, I went to bed and what started out as a vivid dream ended in awakening me from a terrible nightmare. The dream began with this man entering my life out of nowhere. I could not identify him other than the fact that he had amazing brown eyes and a pair of perfectly chiseled arms that were better than Danny Gokey’s. He continually referred to me as “Sweet lips” and kept reminding me that he was drawn to my warm personality and that I made him “Smile.” He drew me in with his eyes and through his expressions of feeling. He seemed to have an overwhelming control over me like I felt possessed when I was in or out of his presence. Our connection was strong and a feeling of happiness was guaranteed, deeper feelings overshadowing everything else going on around us at the moment. We enjoyed the simplicity of each other’s company through a quick connection in personality, a mutual feeling of thinking we had known each other forever.

  All of a sudden, like the flick of a switch, he went from looking at me with stars in his eyes to not looking at me at all. I had never showed myself to be anyone but someone who cared for him from beginning to end but on his end, it was like he was two different people. One who truly cared for me versus one who respected me so little as a person that he dismissed me instantly. It was like an emotional roller coaster. One moment I was on an unbelievable high and then I was in a downward spiral, out of control, suddenly running off the track, crashing and exploding.

  I sat up in bed, re
al tears streaming down my cheeks with an actual feeling of true heartache, I couldn’t understand the true meaning of this dream. In truth, there were several interpretations.

  I started to revisit my whole purpose of who I am as a person and what I wanted out of life. I asked myself, “What is your goal?”

  Once again, I turned inward. I then realized at that very moment that there was more to my American Idol dreams than I was admitting…that what lies beneath those American Idol dreams may be a greater truth about the person I am, who I was and what I really wanted and or needed out of life. So what was at the root of it all?

  As I was walking, feeling down by those three realizations; a lull in the excitement in life, a delay in the fulfillment of a dream, and grieving the loss of a friend through a betrayal. I then realized the dream I had was related to all three.

  The dream started off with passion, a spark, a feeling of newness, excitement. All of those things that I spoke about that eventually disappear when you are in a long lasting relationship. What you are left with is the more important of the two but a lot of times women feel that they don’t need the other piece, that they are content without it, or are they?

  Had I been venting this missing piece that may be important to me through my idol obsessions? Was it all connected? I didn’t know this person in my dream any better than I knew Clay Aiken or Jason Castro, both who at one time I had a strong physical attraction to which provided me with that passion and excitement that I craved through fantasy. Were my idol obsessions and fantasies, masqueraded by musical ability through my passion for music, an outlet for that spark that was absent… something that you can never get back because it eventually fades in any relationship as things change?