Reaching Out to the Stars

by Donna DeMaio Hunt

The difference was that even though I created a fantasy in this dream, it was more like an actual reality. This person who I fell for was not a musician or even musically inclined and instead of indulging through a pair of hypnotizing blue eyes, I was absorbed in a seductive pair of brown eyes. I realized how easy it could be to replace my Jason Castro with an average Joe. Instead of a long awaited response from a fan letter, I was receiving mutual responses to mutual generated feelings where the safety and innocence was gone. This beautiful mistake actually scared me. I began to become more open minded about how things can happen and how easy it can be to get pulled into a situation, finding and channeling excitement through an unhealthy outlet without even knowing it. This is especially true for those people driven by feelings and heart. Situations are not always as black and white as people chose to see them. I realized how important it is to not be judgmental, unless you are perfect, and nobody is.

  I realized that in any obsession there is something deep rooted that lies within a person that provokes these feelings. Everyone’s experiences and reasons are different but it is all relevant. I realized that it is alright to have obsessions, as long as you realize what is at the root of it. If you are not aware of it, it can disrupt life as you know it and the things you hold dear to your heart.

  I realized why the depression occurred whenever a concert was over due to the fact that the feeling of excitement ended and I never wanted it to. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I never really knew my idols, that “Sometimes we thank God for unanswered prayers,” as spoken by Garth Brooks.

  My interaction with Jason Castro was exactly what it should have been, no words exchanged and nothing involved but a simple feeling of excitement to be kept alive by not having it all the time.

  In the time I signed a contract with an agent to move forward toward my dream of publishing a book, putting my dream at the tips of somebody else’s fingertips with nothing but time on my hands, in those months I met a friend whom I lost four months later.

  Like the dream, I was dealing with the loss of someone who I genuinely enjoyed in my life along with the acceptance of her betrayal as she found herself in an uncomfortable position in a particular situation.

  Sometimes when you fear something enough it’s easier to let another person take the fall because in humanity, people will go to extreme measures to protect that “something” that means the most to them. I knew what that was because she felt close enough to me to share those things and trust me with them.

  I believe that sometimes in life, people will deal with a situation in the best way they know how and even though it may lack sense, everyone has their own way of reasoning and rationalizing.

  There are also times in our life when we can look back on a situation and ask ourselves, How could I fall for that or how could I be that naïve? Then there are also times in our lives when we can distinguish between what was real from what was not because no one can be that good of an actress.

  Along with the hurt and betrayal, I had to overcome the harsh reality that a person that I held in such high regard could actually be one of the weakest people I had ever met, and that inner strength substantially exceeds the physical strength of a person. It’s called accountability, being honest, having enough character to admit that you’re human and growing from experience.

  I know that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime but what role did my friend play? Always having a habit of associating myself with people who were unhappy, and always wanting to save the world and need to be needed, I wondered if I felt that I needed to save my friend from her own unhappiness and that she needed me. In some respects, I think that was very true but I knew that was not the root of it. In truth, nobody can save the world, nor can you save a person who deep down is in fear of being saved.

  I started to realize that every experience in life is a learning experience, good or unpleasant. I started to feel that maybe I could move forward by holding on to the good memories, never regretting anything that made me smile, and the unpleasant ones would eventually make me stronger. I guess everyone has to have a Judas in their life somewhere along the way. In accepting the fact that my friend will never be a part of my life, I wish her well in hers, as hurt and angry as

  I may be. Finding it difficult to heal from, it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.

  No truer words were spoken than these by Richard Back. “There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn, whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.”

  This quote made me understand that my friend was a diversion. In the time I was waiting for someone else to make my dream come true, I got lost and traveled down a different path. One in which I needed to travel to come to the realization of who I am as a person and where I wanted to be in life. I was so far from whom I really was that I needed to take a step back, get back on track and learn that nobody was going to open doors for me. I needed to do it myself and this particular path pushed me toward reaching that goal and inspired me to take my unfortunate experience and make my dream a reality.

  It is important in life to know that in following any dream that there will be diversions, people who set you off track, bumps in the road, a temporary source of happiness that may not be real or delay what is of greater importance. But the key to success is to never give up. Nobody is perfect and we are not supposed to be or we wouldn’t be growing. It’s important to follow your dreams because no matter where they take you, what is meant to be will be. You’ll never know if you never try and then you will always live in wonder and maybe even in regret of passing up an opportunity for happiness.

  I believe that in some people’s lives there is more negativity than happiness. If this is true, they need to ask themselves, Am I really living my life or am I just going through the motions? In reality, if you’re not really living, then you’re dying. People should be happy in all aspects of their life. We create our own happiness and if we find ourselves in a place that is unhappy, it is because we chose to be there. Maybe the wake-up call is to make that change.

  Some people are terrified of change. More importantly people should try not to fear it but to look it in the face, conquer it, live and grow. It is true that some people don’t know who or where they want to be in life, but sometimes the best start is knowing who and where you don’t want to be. Unfortunately, living in a world of denial, no matter what the circumstances are, is a destined path to never-ending unhappiness, solitude and emptiness.

  Sometimes in life it is hard to not let others bring you down, but you can’t. People who try to bring you down are usually not happy in their own lives. They are not strong enough to face truths and take a step toward that most needed change toward happiness. The most you can do is say a prayer that their lives will improve for them and concentrate on what is important in your own. It’s important to be strong and hold yourself in high esteem no matter what anyone thinks or says.

  There are dream weavers in life but there is also what we call dream crushers and unfortunately, they can even be the people who seem closest to you.

  I thought good and hard about whom I really am as a person and what I wanted out of life because I am the creator of my own happiness. In taking stock of my life, I am lucky to have not only a husband by terms of marriage, but a companion and more importantly, a friend. In reality, I know that it is the strength of our solid foundation that can get us through anything.

  If you can’t say that your spouse is your best friend, the one who brings out the best in you, makes you feel important, someone who you look forward to spending time with, then maybe you haven’t found your soul mate.

  Someone once told me to make a list of all the things that I want to accomplish before my time is up, to keep life exciting and be a little crazy. Life is too short, and
it is. It’s important to have a wild side!

  I think that after eight years of pondering about what was missing in my life, I realized the answer to that mystery was that nothing was missing at all. I came to a realization that I really didn’t have a void in my life and that I have always had a happy life, but I am just always striving for happier. As I said, if we were always satisfied there would be nothing to look forward to. I think that in life we all at one point settle into a routine that becomes so every day for us that we begin to get a little bored. The key is to keep life exciting and stay young. For me, it’s not that I need to have a life of fame. My passion just lies within a fascination through music and my love for singing and musical expression. I also have a passion for romance and fireworks. Sometimes when we are in a long lasting relationship with children and everyday responsibilities, it fades. I continue to find that excitement through my celebrity crushes, keeping in mind that is alright to create fireworks through fantasy rather than create a fantasy in something real.

  My last online fortune cookie said, “Believe in yourself and you will be successful.” I do believe in myself.

  As far as my life goes, I am blessed to have many talents like playing guitar and expressing myself through voice. I will indulge in my music, especially if it is something that I can relate to whatever I am going through in my life at that moment.

  I will have the self-confidence to continue in my martial arts training.

  I am thankful for my creativity and my generosity toward others.

  Most of all, I am proud of my warm heart, which I have been accused more than once of wearing on my sleeve. This is who I am. It is a blessing that I have the amazing ability to love and even more than I should at times. Feeling is being human. Therefore, it is never wrong.

  At least I can say that if I die tomorrow, I don’t have to worry about anyone not knowing how I felt about them. There is no greater honor than to be loved. Say what you feel and mean what you say, the quality of being genuine.

  Instead of labeling people I don’t care for in my life as insignificant, I will thank them for helping to make me that much stronger in realizing who I don’t want to be and to take life to the next level, to stand proud and continue to be happy, alive and a free spirit.

  It is a great compliment to be a jack of all trades, master of none. There is really no need to be a master of anything, better to dip into a little piece of everything. If you love yourself and the things you are doing, this is what attracts others. People like to be around happiness, not those who bring them down.

  In the past few days, I received the death card on my Facebook page. This card represents the beginning of a new life as a result of underlying circumstances transformation and change; the end of a phase in life that has served its purpose. I believe in this as much as I live by my daily horoscope and my ability to fulfill the role of a lioness which is a zest for life with a warm spirit, deeply sensual and passionate, openhearted, creative, enthusiastic, independent, confident and generous. Leo’s despise dull and regular routines and create their own excitement.

  So I live for new excitement in my life, and when I get bored, I search for something new. There is nothing wrong with that. Even if I need to sometimes create a little fantasy, imagining what it would be like to walk on the red carpet, the excitement of writing a fan letter and hoping for a response, going to a concert and experiencing a rush, a simple trip to Mohegan Sun or the still dream of appearing on the Ellen DeGeneres Show.

  I imagine it all like this, as in Miley Cyrus’ song:

  “I hopped off the plane at LAX

  with a dream and my cardigan

  welcome to the land of fame excess,

  am I gonna fit in?

  Jumped in the cab,

  Here I am for the first time

  Look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign

  This is all too crazy

  Everybody seems so famous

  My tummys turning and I’m feelin kinda home sick

  Too much pressure and I’m nervous,

  That’s when the taxi man turned on the radio

  And a Britney song was on

  So I put my hands up

  They’re playin my song,

  And the butterflies fly away

  Noddin’ my head like yeah

  Moving my hips like yeah,

  And I got my hands up,

  They’re playin my song

  I know I’m gonna be ok

  Yeah, it’s a party in the USA!”

  I am fully aware that moment could recreate itself with me standing on the giant ottoman at the front of our sectional singing into a hairbrush, but who cares. Every small moment of passion that we find ourselves relishing in is relevant in creating a lifetime of positive energy. Music, expression through lyrics, the thoughts of performing and dancing on an episode of Glee, meeting a star and fantasizing about the feeling I get when I look into his eyes, and the opportunity to love or be loved. These are my passions and my happy places.

  It is important to have goals and dreams and it is even more important to follow them in some way or another. If there is a void or lull in excitement in your life, make it a goal to fill that void or to create that excitement. Follow a dream, and if it seems too far from your reach, fill the void and create excitement with another source of happiness. Create a healthy fantasy, find a fun loving hobby, explore your wild side and where your passion lies. In the wise words of an unknown author, “Someday your life will flash before your eyes, make sure it’s worth watching.”

  Everyone’s dreams and ideas of excitement are different but it’s all relevant. Keeping the excitement alive inside of us is where we all find happiness. Life is not only what lies on the surface but what lies beneath an American Idol dream.