The Beak Speaks

by Jeremy Strong

  Divine wrenched the rear door open and jerked her head towards the house.

  ‘Inside,’ she snarled, in a voice you didn’t argue with. I couldn’t believe how much she’d changed. Her beauty had somehow become twisted and cruel.

  Just as we reached the front door, a loud howl drifted from inside, quickly followed by the scrabble of many paws, digging, scratching, clawing.

  ‘I want Daddy,’ Tamsin choked.

  Divine bent down and put her face close to Tamsin’s. ‘Don’t you worry. Your daddy will be here soon enough and then everything will be happy, happy, happy! Look, here’s Jaundice, come to make you feel at home.’

  The front door swung open. A man like a gorilla stood there, grinning at us with a mouthful of broken teeth. Tammy and I reeled backwards, but whether that was because of Jaundice or because of the animal stench that came pouring out through the open door, I couldn’t say.

  ‘Have you got their room ready, Jaundice?’ asked Divine, in an ever-so-sweet voice.

  ‘Yes, ladyship.’

  A second howl, much louder than the first, came down the stairs. Tamsin clung to me.

  ‘It’s all right, Tammy,’ I said, looking around. In the gloom I could make out several pairs of eyes staring at us from a pile of filth-strewn cages.

  ‘Are those chimpanzees?’

  Divine beamed at me. ‘Such a little clever-clogs, aren’t you? Yes, they’re chimpanzees. We also have vultures and hyenas and vampire bats and spiders and poisonous frogs…’

  ‘… And a hippopotamus in the bath,’ added Jaundice.

  ‘And a hippo in the bath,’ repeated Divine. ‘Big teeth,’ she reminded me.

  ‘But those animals aren’t legal. Nobody is allowed to…’ I shut up quickly. But it was too late.

  Divine folded her arms. ‘Too clever by half. If only Jaundice here had your brains, I could have made something of myself, but he has the intelligence of a slug. As it is, young man, I see that you could cause me a lot of trouble. I’m afraid that you and your little squawk-box of a sister will have to go to your room.’

  ‘That’s all right,’ I said, as calmly as possible. ‘We’ll wait outside until Dad comes to pick us up.’

  An excruciating shriek of laughter burst from Divine and immediately set every creature in the house gibbering. ‘Oh no, no, no, no!’ she cried. ‘That won’t do at all. You see, your father must come inside. That’s the whole point. And once he’s inside… GOT HIM!’ Divine clapped her hands in my face. She suddenly lowered her voice and hissed, ‘Jaundice! Take them to their room!’

  Jaundice grabbed us and carried us through

  into the back room. In the middle of the floor stood a filthy, empty cage. I stared at it in disbelief, but Jaundice propelled Tamsin inside. Then his hand was on my head, pushing me in. He shut the door and padlocked it.

  ‘Sweet dreams,’ he growled, and left, slamming the door behind him.

  Tamsin cuddled up close to me.

  ‘I don’t like it here,’ she whispered. ‘And I want my teddy.’

  ‘You’ll have to pretend I’m your teddy,’ I told her. ‘Don’t worry. Dad will be here soon, and then everything will be all right.’

  But secretly I knew that it was going to get even worse.

  13 Mark: The Great Escape

  I tried to think of something, but for once I’d run out of ideas. I kept telling myself I had to be brave. I was thinking that Dad would be coming to collect us soon. He would certainly think of something and everything would be all right. I suppose I thought Dad would suddenly turn into a Kung Fu king, or come bashing through the doorway in a tank. I know it’s stupid, but when you’re in the sort of hopeless situation Tammy and I were in that’s the kind of thing you wish for.

  I heard Dad knocking at the front door. I heard low voices. Gradually, the noise level rose higher and higher. There was a lot of shouting and a bit of banging about. Finally, the door to our room crashed open and Dad came hurtling in and went sliding across the floor.

  ‘Daddy!’ cried Tamsin.

  He struggled upright, but Jaundice wouldn’t let him get to his feet. Divine was standing behind her slave, cackling like some evil old crone. I couldn’t think why we once thought she was so beautiful.

  ‘Are you two all right?’ That was the first thing Dad said.

  ‘We’re OK. Are you?’

  Dad managed a smile. ‘I’m fine.’ He glanced around the filthy room. ‘I take it this is the best room in this de luxe hotel?’

  ‘Of course,’ answered Divine. ‘I’ve put you in with the chimpanzees. I think it’s best to keep things in the family don’t you?’

  Dad ignored her and glanced across at Tammy and me. ‘Looks like we’ve got a bit of a problem, Mark.’ I nodded.

  Divine burst out laughing again. ‘A bit of a problem? No, no, no. There’s no problem, my dearest, darling Peter. All you have to do is look after my animals. I want you to make them better, because if you don’t, then your children will end up in an even worse state than they are at present. Do you understand?’

  ‘You’re a nightmare,’ growled Dad angrily.

  ‘Oh, Peter! You have upset me! Only this morning you thought I was a dream come true and now, oh dear, suddenly I’m a nightmare.’

  She looked so victorious, so pleased with herself. It was hard to believe that we had once thought she was the most wonderful thing to happen to us.

  ‘You’re probably wondering why I picked you, dear Peter. Well, I’ll tell you. I needed a vet. But how was I to choose one? And then – bingo! There it was in the newspaper: your darling little advert. It was so, so sweet. My heart bled for you, Mr Poor-Little-Lonely-Heart.’

  Oh no, not that! This was all my fault! I couldn’t look at Dad’s face. I just stared at the floor. I wanted it to swallow me whole. I wanted to disappear forever and ever.

  Divine affected an enormous sigh. ‘Poor Peter. You came looking for a House of Love and what you found was a House of Horror.’ The mock concern turned into a snarl as she bent over Dad and almost spat at him. ‘If the animals get worse, your children get worse. It’s as simple as that.’

  Dad nodded. ‘I get the picture, but if I’m going to treat these wretched creatures, I shall need my medicines and they are at the clinic.’

  ‘Nice try’ crooned Divine. ‘But you will have to do better than that. You’re a vet. Vets always travel with a medical kit in their car. Isn’t that so?’

  Dad glared back at her, silent.

  ‘I shall take your silence as a “yes”. Hand over your car keys and Jaundice will bring the medicine to you.’

  Dad practically threw the keys at her.

  ‘Thank you so much. The more you cooperate, the easier it will be for Mark and Tamsin.’

  ‘What is it with you?’ Dad demanded. ‘Why are you like this? Why do you treat animals like dirt?’

  Divine folded her arms across her chest. ‘Like dirt? But I love animals, my darling Peter, I always have. I was going to be a vet, just like you, but no matter what I did, the animals seemed to die. I failed my exams because of them. If it hadn’t been for the animals dying all over the place I would have passed! So now I do the next best thing and I look after them in my little house here.’

  ‘And they’re still dying all around you!’ Dad pointed out.

  Divine rushed forward and began kicking the chimps’ cage, screaming at Dad. ‘Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!’

  Now she was hammering on the top of the cage with her fists, her face twisted with rage. The chimps cowered inside, with their arms over their heads, and howled.

  It was horrible. I don’t know how long it would have gone on, but Jaundice came hurrying back into the room with the medical box from the car. He pulled her away from the cage.

  ‘Mistress, don’t upset yourself now. I have the medicine. You’re overtired. You work too hard. Go and lie down. I shall make sure the animals get treated.’

  Divine looked like some evil witch out of
a cartoon film. She was all hunched up and white-knuckled, with her hair sticking out all over the place. She threw Dad such a red-hot scowl I thought he’d burst into flames on the spot, but she went.

  Dad had no choice but to set about attending to some of the animals. He looked at the sickest ones first. It took ages. Many of them were too bad to be treated and he had to put several animals to sleep. At last Jaundice allowed him back. Dad was locked into a cage on his own, on the far side of the room. We could only stare at each other through the bars. Jaundice left us to it.

  Dad looked completely haunted by the horrors he had seen in the other cages. He kept muttering to himself, ‘I’ve never seen such appalling conditions. I must do something.’

  ‘I’m hungry,’ wailed Tamsin.

  Dad fished in his pocket and found the remains of a chocolate bar. He threw it across to us, but it landed on the floor, short of the cage. Now none of us could reach it. Tammy started to cry.

  ‘I can’t get it, Tam. I’m sorry. You’ll have to suck your thumb.’

  The chimps in the cages around us were fascinated by the remains of the chocolate. Maybe it was the silver wrapping paper, but they kept trying to reach out to it. They rattled their cages, clicking and clucking their tongues and lips, as if they were talking to one another.

  Dad was examining his cage too, going over every little bit to see if there was a weakness somewhere, some way of getting out. It was hopeless. He settled back against the bars and looked across at me.

  ‘Miss Pettigrew tells me you want to be a vet when you grow up.’

  ‘Yes, but I –’

  ‘When I grow up I’m going to be a crockadipe,’ Tammy interrupted, her thumb half in, half out. ‘I shall be a big, big crockadipe with lots of teeth and I shall get Divine and I shall go Snap! Snap! And I’ll bite off her legs and Snap! Snap! I shall bite off her arms and then a really, really, really big SNAP! And I’ll bite off her head and all her blood will come out and her brains and that will be the end of her!’

  ‘I think we’d all like to do that,’ said Dad, and he turned back to me. ‘There’s still lots to learn, Mark.’

  ‘I already know loads,’ I said proudly.

  ‘That’s true, but there’s always more. It’s important to know what kind of creature you are dealing with. Spiders, for example. Can you tell the difference between a big house spider and a poisonous tarantula?’

  I was about to shout, ‘Easy!’ and then I thought, Hang on, why is Dad bringing this up? The penny dropped and I slumped back against the bars.

  ‘It was a house spider?’

  ‘It was pretty big,’ Dad nodded, ‘but a house spider nevertheless, and definitely not a tarantula.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  Dad smiled. ‘Got you there! It doesn’t matter. I thought it was quite funny especially when I went to tell Mr Raza and found him standing on a chair in the dining hall. He said he was changing a light bulb. He was obviously convinced it was deadly poisonous!’

  I knew Dad was trying to cheer me up, but I couldn’t laugh. He asked me if I’d tried to get out of my cage, so I began another search, but stopped almost immediately. Something else had caught my eye – or rather, something hadn’t caught my eye. The chocolate was no longer there. I looked all around. In a dark corner of the room a chimpanzee was sitting, examining the chocolate. And the chimp was wearing my dressing gown. I hissed at Dad and pointed.

  ‘Which cage has it come from?’ Dad asked. ‘It’s wearing a dressing gown just like…’ His voice broke off as he twigged. ‘Is that…?’

  ‘It’s the chimp that came down our chimney, Dad. Got you there! This must be where he came from. Look, he’s out of his cage. Hey, hey, boy! Over here. Remember me?’

  The chimp gazed across at me. He leaned to one side, made an unpleasant noise and shuffled closer. I reached through the bars and tapped his chest. The chimp grabbed my hand. It didn’t hurt – he wasn’t squeezing or anything, just holding it. He put my hand on top of his head. Then he put it over his ear. And then over his mouth. At last he let me have my hand back, and he sat there, waiting.

  ‘What’s he doing?’ asked Dad. ‘Is he mad?’

  I smiled excitedly. ‘He’s remembering the banana I gave him when he came to our house. I think he’d like another one.’ I leaned towards the chimp. ‘Sorry old friend. I haven’t got any bananas today.’

  The chimp pushed out his lips, blew the most enormous kiss at me, stuck his hand under one armpit and began pumping out a great symphony of raspberries.

  Spplllurrgh! Spplllurrgh! Sppllurrrgh! Spplllurrrgh!

  ‘Good heavens, he’s gone mad,’ muttered Dad. ‘He’s stark raving bonkers.’

  ‘Dad! That’s what I taught him. I showed him how to do that. He’s so clever! He’s remembered everything.’

  I was so excited. Maybe, just maybe, this strange creature could help. I watched him move back to the others and he began chattering quietly with them. It was as if they were having some kind of discussion. All of a sudden, the one in the dressing gown began gibbering away excitedly. He rushed to the fireplace and vanished up it, only to reappear a moment later. He raced across to my cage, banged it, rushed back to the fireplace and vanished again. Once more he came back.

  Dad was astonished. ‘He’s showing us the way out. He’s showing us how to escape! If only we could… wait… I know! A message – we’ll send a message!’

  Dad pulled a scrap of paper from his pocket and began writing furiously. ‘I’m putting the address of this house and a note to say what’s happening.’ He carefully folded the message and pushed it through the bars of his cage. The chimp stuffed the note into his mouth and began to chew.

  ‘No!’ I whispered. ‘Don’t eat. Important message. You take.’

  The chimp took the note from his mouth and gazed steadily at me, almost as if he was reading my thoughts. I pointed to the little fireplace in the room. ‘Take the note,’ I said slowly. ‘Now go. Take the message and go!’

  The chimp stood beside the fireplace. He stared back at us. All at once, he turned and came running back to my cage. He put one hand under his armpit and gave one final, glorious spppllllurrgh! before scampering back to the chimney and disappearing. For a few seconds we heard the sound of him scrambling higher and higher and then there was quiet.

  ‘As soon as that chimp is spotted he’ll be caught,’ muttered Dad. ‘And whoever catches him will find the note – I hope. Keep your fingers crossed.’

  ‘Daddy?’ Tamsin asked sleepily ‘Will the chimp bring my chocolate back?’

  Dad winked at me. ‘Of course he will,’ he said. ‘He is going to bring back the Army the Navy the Air Force, the Police, the Fire Brigade, the Animal Rescue people, the Scouts and Guides and Cubs and Brownies, AND your chocolate.’

  ‘Good,’ said Tammy. She stuck her thumb in her mouth, closed her eyes, leaned back against me and fell asleep.

  I wished I could sleep. I wanted to. I was so tired, but I had to stay awake. I had Tammy to look after and I needed to be ready, just in case. The room grew darker and darker. I heard Dad whisper it was almost midnight.

  Midnight, and no rescue party. My heart grew cold. I could feel tears stinging behind my eyes. I blinked. I shut them hard. I told myself I would not cry, but they squeezed out by themselves.

  14 Dinah: Mynah Bird to the Rescue!

  I’d been on my own for hours with no idea of what was happening. I could hardly contain myself. Somewhere in the town there was a big drama going on. The telephone rang from time to time, but the house was empty. I began to wish that Mr Peter had taught me how to answer the phone instead of French.

  The hours ticked away and night came. Where were Mr Peter and Mark? What was happening to Tamsin? I sat and fretted. A feather fell out. Another feather fell out. I was going bald with stress!

  All of a sudden there was a very noisy scrabbling from the chimney, a cloud of soot billowed out and Arnold crashed down into the fireplace with a bone-jarring thud
. He gave me a glum look.

  ‘I’ve lost my legs. They’ve fallen off.’

  ‘You’re sitting on them. They’re under your backside.’

  ‘Really?’

  I didn’t have any time to waste on this nonsense. ‘Arnold, listen, there’s big trouble. Divine has got Tammy.’

  ‘She has Mark and Mr Peter too. They’re all in cages at The Dark House.’

  This just about floored me. What on earth were we to do now?

  ‘I’ve got something for you,’ said Arnold. ‘The Mister man gave it to me, but you mustn’t eat it.’

  ‘Mr Peter? Show me.’

  Arnold looked in his armpits. He looked in his leg-pits. He opened his mouth and felt around inside with his long, hairy fingers. Then he began poking at his ears. This was getting wearisome.

  ‘Arnold, try looking in your pockets.’

  He gazed at me with astonishment. ‘I don’t have pockets. Do you? Birds have pockets? I’d really like some of those, Dinah.’

  Ah yes. I had forgotten that Arnold was terminally stupid. ‘The pockets are on the dressing gown that Mark gave you. Look in there.’

  He looked. He found the paper. Hallelujah! I looked at the scribbled note. ‘It’s a message. I bet Mr Peter wrote this.’

  ‘He did. What does it say?’

  ‘I don’t know. I can’t read. But it probably says “help!” amongst other things. That’s what I would put on a message if I was stuck in a cage in The Dark House.’

  ‘What are we going to do?’

  ‘First of all, you can get me out of this cage. Then we’ll take the message and give it to someone.’

  ‘Who?’ Arnold was fiddling with the cage.

  ‘I don’t know. I’ll think about it. Come on.’

  I whizzed across to the chimney and we both escaped on to the roof. I gazed out across the silent town and all of a sudden I realized how difficult my task was. How was I supposed to choose somebody? Suppose I gave the message to another animal smuggler by mistake? Suppose I gave it to someone too busy to help or someone who simply didn’t care?