If Only

by Ashlyn Mathews

  She wanted to be with him, she really did. But if she left Willowbrook, Asa wouldn’t have a way to release her feelings, to get her natural high, and have the recharge she needed when she rode the track. Parties weren’t for her. Neither was the appeal of alcohol or drugs. And definitely no sleeping around.

  Catching her by surprise, Rhys came from behind and snatched her by the waist. Blood roared in her ears, her heart thumped fast, and she couldn’t contain her anger. An angel she wasn’t, and if he was okay to see the real her, she’d show him her temper.

  Pumping her legs and twisting, she tried to smack him upside the head, but he was twice her size and easily grabbed a hold of her wrist with one hand while securing her to him with the other. She elbowed him in the stomach. He grunted and released her.

  She ran, and breathless, stopped in front of her shed. If Rhys loved her and she dared to show him her emotional side, how long would he put up with her before he got tired of it and left her?

  Just now, he hadn’t been able to handle her temper, and she felt bad for jabbing at him. Yanking the door of the shed open, she snatched her riding boots from the corner, and jerking them on, she grabbed her helmet off the handlebar, and wheeled the dirt bike out. Before he could stop her, she hopped on the KTM, revved the engine, and sped to the dirt track.

  The sun was high in the sky, its heat rapidly melting the snow. Slush covered the ground, and she could see patches of dirt. Now or never. She needed to ride like she needed her next breath of fresh air.

  Why? Why did she have to move to San Diego? Why couldn’t Rhys live in Jo’s home? Why did she have to change for him? Dammit! She rode hard and braced for the whoop at the next corner.

  She took the whoop and rode the next one and the next until she came to the one where she had free-styled in front of Rhys. Mentally preparing herself, Asa flexed her fingers over the handlebars as the tension in her body disappeared and contentment took its place.

  Would she do another three-sixty, or was she satisfied to catch air, to suspend there as the sun shone on her? There wasn’t time to decide. Going with the flow, she caught air, and with a hard tug, yanked the handlebars back, and flipped until the sky disappeared, replaced by a view of dirt and snow.

  God, she loved this part. On the way down, she kept her ass off the seat, ready for the landing. Unfortunately, she miscalculated the patch of dirt she’d front-wheeled on causing her tire to slam into slush. As the bike slid, she vaulted over the handlebars.

  Shit! Asa twisted to land on her side. The impact knocked the wind out of her, but the pain dimmed in comparison to the tight grasp Rhys had on her arms. He wrenched her up, snatched off her helmet, and threw it on the ground. His KTM lay on its side by his feet.

  His body shook, his face a solid mask of fear and anger.

  “Rhys —”

  “Dammit, Asa. When you went over —”

  “I’m okay.” She shook her arms and moved her neck. “See, I’m fine. I’ve taken falls several times. Nothing to worry about.”

  “How long?” She must’ve looked confused. He pointed at her bike. “How long have you been riding?”

  “Um, since you graduated.”

  “That was five fucking years ago.”

  Asa backed up. He was really, really angry. “You were gone most of the time, and I snuck in rides when Jo wasn’t home. But, eventually, I’d tell you.”

  “When?” He clenched his fists at his sides. She tipped her chin. He grabbed her arm. “I’m thinking never, Asa. If you decide to move down with me, I don’t want you riding again. I won’t let you risk your life by doing those stupid stunts.”

  “You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do, and I’m not going with you. My life is here. The track gives me what I need — a release, my high, my recharge. Don’t you understand?”

  “You want all of that?” Rhys pushed her to the ground and straddled her, his fingers fumbling with her zipper and his own. “Then let me give you those things and not the damn bike.”

  She couldn’t think past the anger in his voice. All she saw was his fear and pain.

  “You could have broken your neck, Asa girl. Then what would I have done without you?” His voice trembled. “I love you so much.”

  He yanked his jacket off and threw it on the ground, leaving him in his t-shirt. Reaching up, she trailed her fingers down his arms. He grasped her hand and dropped desperate kisses over her knuckles. They lay in a blanket of untouched snow, and suddenly she realized what they both needed. A second chance.

  “Make love to me, Rhys.”

  His brow furrowed. “Here?”

  “Live a little,” she said smoothing the creases on his forehead with her fingers. “Give me what will make me whole again.”

  “And afterward?”

  “We’ll talk,” she promised.

  “I’ll live a little, but only if you’re on top.”

  Moving off of her, he grabbed her by her hands, and tugged her up. They started to undress, he grabbing a condom from his wallet tucked into the back pocket of his jeans, before he stretched out on their makeshift bed of clothes. In the cold, she burned for him, and he obviously felt the same for her as her gaze darted to his erection.

  Rolling the condom over his arousal, he raised a brow while his eyes twinkled. “Scared?”

  Asa covered her laughter with her hand then settled herself over him. “No, I’m just ready.” Dipping her head, she licked and nipped at his shoulder and neck.

  When his hands coasted over her back and down lower, she moaned and started to rub herself over him. For a few seconds, she swore she forgot to breathe, it felt so good.

  “I love you, Rhys,” she whispered against the curve of his ear before pressing her lips to his.

  Soon, she ignored the warmth of his hands at the small of her back or the feel of the angles of his face as she held him in place for her kiss. Only his mouth and tongue mattered. She sucked and tasted while he groaned his approval, his fingers slipping between them, and delving into the place where she wanted him to be. Asa rocked over his fingers and erection.

  “Rhys —”

  “Slow, sweetheart.”

  She gritted her teeth. “No, not this time. I’ve waited too long for —”

  The pressure built. She raised herself up, grabbed his erection, and slid his shaft inside her. The world stilled and minutes passed before he blew out a breath while she drew hers in.

  “Shit, you feel good.” He spanned his hands across her waist.

  With Rhys inside her, the pressure ebbed. They made love nice and slow, out in the open, with the sun shining over their nakedness. After he gave her the release she needed, and he had his own, he clamped his mouth over hers and kissed her senseless.

  “I love you, Asa,” he said after he released her mouth.

  “I love you, too.” Happy, she settled her head in the crook of his neck. “I don’t mind staying like this for the rest of the day, but I’m sure you’re not very comfortable, being on the bottom and all.”

  Laughing, he patted her butt. After they got dressed, they secured their bikes and headed back to his place. On the table by the door, the screen of his phone lit up. Rhys glanced at it.

  “That was the mayor. All’s clear. Power is back on.”

  The power was the last thing on her mind, her body still humming with satisfaction from their lovemaking. As though he had the same thoughts, Rhys grasped her by the waist, brought her to him, and kissed her. With his tongue intertwining with hers, she fisted her hands in his hair, and stood on her toes to be closer to him.

  “I want you again,” she said, unable to catch her breath.

  “And what you want, I’ll give.”

  He picked her up, and not breaking their kiss, Asa wrapped her legs around his waist and held on tight as he made his way to the guest room. Not willing to wait, she shoved him onto the bed and started to help him and herself undress.

  “Will it always be like this?” she asked, naked an
d lying on the bed beside a just-as-naked Rhys Miles.

  “Like what, love?”

  Asa smiled. “You went from Asa girl to love?”

  “I love you, so yes, I’ll call you my love. Now ask me your question again.” He dropped kisses on her tummy.

  “Will it always be like this, me unable to get enough of you? I want you inside me again and again until I can’t move or walk.”

  He laughed. “I’m not sure about other people, but after our first time, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

  “Were there other women after me?”

  A guarded expression replaced the happiness and love on his face. Asa squeezed her eyes closed. Why did she have to ruin the moment by asking a stupid question?

  Chapter Eight

  Rhys continued to drop kisses on Asa’s stomach long after she had asked her question. In the silence, he understood she regretted her words. The answer was obvious. They weren’t in a relationship when he had hooked up with a gal a few months after his night with Asa. A man had needs and so did a woman. But how to tell her without hurting her? He opted for the truth.

  “There was only one woman, but she didn’t mean a thing to me. You’ve always had my heart.”

  The uncertainty on her face disappeared. “You mean that?”

  “Yes, Asa. I’ve always loved you, sweetheart.”

  After they had made love in the snow, he realized she hadn’t been with anyone but him and the thought gave him more satisfaction than any guy had a right to feel. And if he had his way and things worked out between them, there would be no other man in her life. He was sure of it as he kissed the curves of her hips.

  She squirmed, and he moved lower, her hair soft on his face, the scent of her an aphrodisiac he could get used to. Parting her folds, he tasted her, and when she weaved her fingers into his hair, he sank further into her warmth.

  “Oh, God, Rhys.”

  Once she shuddered her release, he moved up to settle himself between her thighs. She lay on the bed with her black hair fanned out over white covers. His beautiful angel. And she would be his.

  Pushing inside her, he stopped as she stilled beneath him before she clasped her legs around his waist. He moved his hips again, and intertwining their fingers, he brought their hands over her head and made love to her. For as long as she wanted him, he would love her.

  After they showered and made love again — he taking her against the bathroom door — they hung out in the kitchen. It was nice and downright homey as she sat on the counter and watched him chop vegetables for their salad while their tuna casserole cooked in the oven.

  But when her brows drew together and her eyes glazed over in deep thought, he slipped in the chopping and almost nicked his finger. The talk.

  “When do you plan on leaving?”

  Gathering the vegetables, he dropped the pieces into the bowl of spinach. “Three days or so. It depends on how fast the snow melts and how quickly the Salvation Army can be here to get Jo’s furniture. The smaller stuff I’ll take to the Goodwill in Ashton.”

  “That’s quite a drive.” She snatched a peeled carrot out of his hand. “I’ll go with you, maybe buy me some new clothes.”

  “So, you plan on heading south with me?”

  Moving to stand between her legs, he gripped her waist and pulled her to him. God, he could never get enough of her.

  “I’ll visit. Is that okay?” She searched his face, the look on hers imploring him to understand she wouldn’t be saying yes to moving down to San Diego to live with him.

  He nodded at her decision, unwilling to ruin the good thing going for them.

  “I love you so much,” she said, draping her arms over his shoulders. “It’ll work out, you’ll see. It might be hard at first, this long distance relationship thing, but I want to give you space. I don’t want to be a distraction. I know this year was crappy for you, not making finals and all. And if you don’t win next year, your sponsors will drop you.”

  He tensed. Yeah, his grandmother must’ve told Asa everything in regards to his situation. This year, he had been distracted by Asa and her accusation, and by his words and their night together.

  Suddenly, without her and their almost daily contact, his drive to succeed and win had lessened until all he thought about was her. Would she be a distraction if she relocated to San Diego with him? Or could he rationalize it a different way and say that with her by his side, she’d bring the fire to win back in him again?

  “I’ll call you every day if you want me too. And I can fly down once or twice a month and cheer you on during practices. Tell me that’ll be enough for now. Please, Rhys.”

  The sadness and uncertainty in her voice gnawed at him, and he started to question whether he and Asa could pull it off. He’d seen his fellow riders’ long distance relationships fail. But for his Asa, he would give their love a try.

  “Okay, Asa girl, I can be happy with your plans.”

  She hugged him tight.

  “Thank you,” she said and rewarded him with a hard kiss that had him clasping her body to his before he broke off their kiss to cradle her face in his palms.

  “I plan on flying up here too, but while I’m gone, I want you off the track. If you ride, make sure someone is with you.”

  After he found out she rode, he changed his mind about having the track bulldozed. If the track was important to her, then it was important to him. But he’d be damned if she rode only to injure herself and lay alone on the track because she was too stubborn to ask someone to be there with her.

  “I always have my cell phone with me,” she said, as though she’d read his thoughts.

  Shaking his head, he pointed to her cell phone next to his on the small table by the door.

  “Not fair,” she said in exasperation. “The one time I forget —” He silenced her with his mouth to defuse and feel her melt into him.

  “Is it too much to ask of you?” he said after their slow and satisfying kiss. “Your safety and your life are important to me.”

  “And yours?”

  “It’s not the same, Asa.”

  “Why? Is it because you’re a professional and I’m an amateur? You had to start somewhere too, Rhys.”

  “So, what, you plan on competing?”

  “What if —”

  “No.” He backed away from her at the determination in her eyes and the set stubbornness of her jaw. “Actually, make that a hell no!”

  She shoved off of the counter and jabbed her finger into his chest. Shit, that hurt. Grabbing her finger and bringing it to his mouth, he bit the tip.

  Eyes widened, she yanked her finger out of his grip and crossed her arms over her chest. “What? Are you afraid I’ll show you up? Or maybe, you don’t want me mixed up in your shit.”

  “Such tough talk from a sweet mouth.” He dipped his head and flicked his tongue over lips. When she gasped, he ducked his head and hid his smile. Yeah, she was turned on.

  Surprising him, she straightened to her full height, the fire in her eyes having him bracing for an ass-whooping. “You didn’t mind so much in the bedroom. Remember the naughty words and my sweet mouth taking all of you in?”

  An image of her giving him a BJ shot to the forefront of his mind, and he groaned. Shit, she could sling mud, and he wasn’t used to fighting dirty.

  “You’re right about the riding, about starting somewhere,” he said and locked their fingers. “You have talent. I saw you. You were the one who kicked my bike, right?”

  “Yes.”

  He set his chin on the top of her head and sighed. “Competitions are fierce. The traveling and back-to-back weekends for months are rough. It’s not an ideal —”

  “I wasn’t serious, Rhys.” When she glanced up to look at him, he saw she spoke the truth. “That kind of life isn’t for me. Willowbrook is more my speed. But whether you’re here or not, I need the track.”

  This was the right time to tell her of his plans. “I’m gonna put Jo’s house on the mark
et.”

  She stepped out of his hold, disbelief evident on her face. “You can’t. The track will belong to the new owner, and there’s no guarantees they’ll keep it. They can plow it over until there’s nothing but flat land.”

  “I realize that, but I don’t plan on living in the house. When I come to see you, I’ll be staying at your place.” His excuse was lame, but maybe, if there was a possibility of a new neighbor and no track, Asa would leave Willowbrook.

  She sighed. “I’ll keep an eye on the place for you. Give the decision a few weeks or months.”

  “And later?”

  “Later is a ways off.”

  “Can I ask something?”

  “Sure,” she said.

  The oven beeped. Rhys grabbed a mitt, opened the oven door, and pulled out the casserole. From the corner of his eye, he watched Asa stand on her toes and reach up to grab their plates from the cupboard, the stretch of her body giving him a glimpse of skin where her shirt and jeans didn’t meet. Sexy.

  “How come you ride on the dirt track like your life doesn’t matter, yet you can’t get behind the wheel of a car?” After he set the casserole dish on a hot pad, he leaned over and kissed her. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For being a jerk at Jo’s funeral.”

  “You’ve already apologized for that,” she said with confusion on her face.

  “I’m apologizing again because I knew back then and should’ve offered you a ride home.”

  “Oh.”

  He kissed her again just because she looked so adorable.

  “Your mother’s in San Diego.” He handed her two plates. One with her salad. The other with her dinner.

  “And?” She went over and set her plates on the table.

  “Stay down there with me, and you’ll have a chance to patch things with her.”

  “I can do that with a phone call, too.” She came from behind and anchored herself to his body. “Drop it, Rhys. I’m not moving to San Diego.”

  He turned and faced her. “Even for me?”

  “Because of you. Call me crazy, but you only said you loved me a few hours ago. Now you want me to forget my life here and move to a new city and state? A few weeks away from me and back again into your racing life, and I’m afraid you’ll change your mind about us.”