Apache Heart

by Miller, Amy J

  “Kind of bossy, aren’t you?” Lee smiled a real, genuine smile.

  “Yep. If you’re going to hang out with me, you better get used to it.” They flopped down on the bed, and Randi turned the light out. “Goodnight Lee, I’m glad you’re here.”

  Lee spooned around her, but he left his shirt on.

  ###

  The next morning, Randi woke up with the feel of an arm slung over her hip. The weight of it was comforting, and it seemed as if everything about their bodies was in harmony as they lay there intertwined, even their hearts and breath seemed to move as one. She glanced at the bedside clock. It was time to get up and go to work, but she wanted to savor the moment just a bit longer. Then Lee stirred next to her.

  “Good morning,” he mumbled in a sleepy voice. “I guess we have to get up and join the real world.”

  Randi kissed his hand before scooting away, “Yes, and we have to figure out what to do about your sister. That’s got to be everyone’s priority right now.”

  Lee pushed his hair back, and as he watched Randi get out of the bed, his heart leapt like a trout in a fresh mountain stream. “Yes, you’re absolutely right,” he said, but he knew that he was right about their bond.

  “So what is your day like today?” Randi called from the kitchen as she started coffee.

  “Like most days—waiting around and hoping nothing terrible happens to anyone, then working with the dancers for the coming of age ceremonies. What about you?” Lee made his way to the doorway of the kitchen where he stood, watching her.

  “I have clinic, and then I’m supposed to have dinner with Lozen and her family.”

  “That’s good—it means she likes you. Apache won’t invite you in their home unless they are pretty sure they want to have an on-going relationship.”

  “Anything I should know about etiquette?”

  “When they answer the door, ask if you can come in. Don’t crowd anyone, I mean, physically. We like a little space, and I guess, don’t wear out your welcome after the meal is over.”

  “Thanks. I’ll try to keep all that in mind.”

  “Call me when you’re leaving Lozen’s place, will you?” Lee asked. “That’s a favor to me, in case I’m feeling stressed and—because you should be concerned about Joe.”

  “Okay,” Randi felt her stomach flip a little in anticipation. “Do you want to take a shower or anything before you go to work?”

  “You in the habit of inviting every man that comes through that door to take a shower?” Lee looked at her in a way that kept Randi from knowing whether he was kidding or not.

  “You and Elan are the only men…the only people who have crossed that threshold.” She grabbed the coffeepot and poured. “I’m not really in the habit of having anyone in my home,” she said meaningfully.

  “I don’t suppose I could persuade you to take a shower with me, now could I?” Lee tilted his head in the direction of the bathroom.

  Randi sighed. The thought of getting naked with Lee was…stimulating, to say the least. “As enticing as that sounds, Lee, I think…for now…we better stay focused on the problems in front of us.”

  “Can’t blame a guy for trying, though, right?” His dark eyes looked a little sad.

  Randi reached up and touched his cheek, “I’m not necessarily opposed to the idea, just the timing.” But in the back of her mind, the idea of Lee being in jail and the reason for it, nagged at her.

  Lee covered her hand with his, and pushed his face into her palm. “Yeah, you’re right, there is definitely some business I need to take care of.”

  ###

  Randi stepped into the staff restroom to freshen up at the end of the day. She combed her hair and caught in back in a headband as Lozen popped through the door. She looked at Lozen in the mirror and smiled, “Hey, you never told me what time I should come over this evening.”

  “Why don’t you just follow me home? I like company when I cook.” Lozen swirled some lip balm on her lips, smacking them together. “My husband usually comes in from work around 6:30.”

  “Sounds good, maybe you can teach me some new tricks in the kitchen.”

  “You like to cook?” Lozen asked as she turned around and leaned against the sink.

  “Yeah, I do, except lately I’ve been really distracted. I made this tuna noodle casserole the other night that was awful!” They both laughed.

  “You have got the craziest hair,” Lozen said. “It’s beautiful—the color, and those waves.”

  “Well, I grew up wanting hair like yours. In high school I used to iron it to get it perfectly straight.”

  “The things women do, huh?” Lozen said, a shadow crossing her face. Randi knew Lozen was thinking about more than beauty regimens. The nurse straightened up and smiled, “I need to pee before we hit the road. Give me a second and we can get going.”

  Randi wheeled her loaner car out of the parking lot and followed Lozen’s small SUV. Twenty minutes later, they pulled in at a neat, frame house. It had a long porch across the front with some potted flowers and an attached garage. To one side there were some raised garden beds with beans, tomatoes, peppers, and squash. Randi parked behind Lozen, so her husband could pull in.

  “Your garden looks amazing,” Randi said. “We used to always have gardens at home, but since I’ve been in school, you know,” she shrugged, “No time or place.”

  “Gardening in Arizona takes a little know how, but you know, next spring I could help you get some beds in, if you want.” Lozen looked mischievous, “We can sucker my husband into helping. You just have to let him think that everything is his idea.”

  The idea of a future, and a friend to do a project with made Randi smile. “That would be fantastic!”

  Randi stood on the porch as Lozen pushed through the door, calling out to her daughters.

  “May I come in?” Randi asked, and Lozen smiled.

  “Yes, please. Girls, come here, I want you to meet our new doctor.”

  Two energetic girls in colorful summer shorts and t-shirts came bouncing out of the family room, their braids swinging.

  “Hi!” The girls giggled.

  Lozen looked at them proudly, “Marianne is thirteen—she’s doing the coming of age ceremony this year, and Marta is ten. Girls, this is Dr. Randi.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Randi smiled.

  “Why don’t you girls pour your mom and Dr. Randi a glass of lemonade?”

  “Sure!” They said, as they bounced on to the kitchen.

  Randi laughed, “If you could bottle that energy and sell it, you’d make a fortune.”

  “Yeah, I know,’ Lozen laughed. “You just have to make sure it gets channeled the right way. The boys are already sniffing around Marianne and it makes me crazy!”

  “Do you worry about them? I mean with the boys?” Randi asked.

  Lozen hung her purse up on peg by the door and gestured to Randi to do the same, then led her into the kitchen where two, tall, glasses of lemonade waited. “Have you girls done your chores?” Lozen asked. “Or have you been messing around online?”

  They looked a little sheepish and Lozen pointed to the garden, “The weeds await,” she said with a smile, and the girls slipped into some pink crocs lined up by the back door and grabbed some gardening gloves from the counter. “Thirty minutes, you’ll be done in no time,” Lozen called, as they headed out the back door.

  “Do I worry? Heck yes, I worry.” Lozen took a sip of her lemonade as she started pulling things from the cupboard and fridge. “The rate of sexual assault of Native American girls and women is way higher than with any other group in the US, and almost 90% of the rapes are committed by non-native men.”

  “Whoa…that’s unbelievable.”

  “Yeah, like I’m the only nurse at the hospital who is properly trained to do a rape kit. And we have to beg to have them in stock. And the rate of conviction for someone who rapes an Indian is less than half of what it is for a white or black woman in the US. It always involves so
me confusion about whether it’s under Federal or tribal jurisdiction—or some crap like that,” Lozen spat the words as she mixed up the dough for her fry bread.

  “I—I had no idea, Lozen.”

  “So this gets us to the story of Lee and Elan and Maggie.”

  “Okay, I guess…let’s hear it.”

  Lozen started flouring pieces of a rabbit that she’s already dressed and cut up, preparing to cook it while her bread dough rested. “Well, when Elan came back from med school, he and Maggie became an item. She’d been in a few dead end jobs, and Elan encouraged her to enroll at the community college. She worked part-time at the casino as a dealer to help pay for school. Her plan was to transfer to the university to finish up her teaching degree after getting a bunch of basic requirements out of the way. She wanted to come back and teach here on the rez.”

  “And then something terrible happened,” Randi said.

  Lozen nodded as she put the rabbit over into a hot, cast-iron skillet. “So one night, Elan was supposed to pick her up from work, it was late when she got off, maybe two in the morning. But there was a bad car wreck that night, and we had three people hit our little ER all at once, and Elan completely forgot about picking Maggie up.”

  Randi had a horrible feeling about where the story was going.

  “Earlier in the night, there was a guy from Albuquerque playing blackjack at Maggie’s table and when he started losing badly, he accused her of cheating him, and called her all kinds of racist names. There were witnesses who confirmed that, and the casino security footage shows him yelling and making a scene. Security escorted him out, and an hour later, Maggie finished her shift and went outside to meet Elan. Except Elan wasn’t there and this guy jumped her. He forced her at gunpoint to go around to a dark corner at the back of the casino and he raped her over the hood of his car.”

  Randi covered her mouth, feeling sick at the thought of what that must have done to Maggie—and to Elan.

  Lozen poked at the rabbit with a fork, “So you can imagine how Elan felt.”

  “And Lee blamed Elan for not being there to pick up Maggie.”

  Lozen nodded, “Elan was at the hospital when Lee brought Maggie in. She’d gone home and showered like a lot of rape victims, and to make bad matters worse, we didn’t have any rape kits. I tried to collect evidence, we took pictures and all that, but it wasn’t enough to stand up in court.”

  “And that’s when Lee decided to take matters into his own hands.”

  “Yeah.” Lozen rolled dough into balls for her fry bread. “So in those days, Lee was like a lot of young men, he occasionally got liquored up on a Saturday night, but he wasn’t what I would call a problem drinker. But Maggie was pretty shattered when the DA told her their wasn’t enough evidence to bring her rapist to trial, that it would be her word against a wealthy white guy. He said the guy’s fancy lawyer was claiming that it was rough, consensual sex and didn’t she just want to get on with her life? That’s when Lee started hitting the bottle hard. And about a month later, he tracked the rapist down in Albuquerque and beat the living crap out of him.”

  “Oh my god, Lozen, he deserved that beating—he ruined three people’s lives with what he did.”

  “Justice and being lawful are two different things. Fortunately Lee’s judge knew about Maggie’s case and was sympathetic. He said there were mitigating circumstances, extreme emotional disturbance, and he encouraged a plea bargain, and that’s why Lee only served a year. He could have gotten five to fifteen—especially with a jury in Albuquerque. All the same, he has a felony on his record. A lot of the white people in Rio Blanco who don’t know him think he’s an animal, but here on the rez, he’s kind of a hero. Especially since he stopped drinking.”

  Now Lynette’s comment made sense, Randi thought. “So where is Maggie in all this? How did she end up with Joe?”

  “Maggie dropped out of school. She was really depressed and withdrawn, and Lee going to jail didn’t help. Elan kind of fell apart, although I’ve never gotten the sense that Maggie blames him the way Lee does. At any rate, their relationship disintegrated, and Elan buried himself in work. After some time, Maggie did some afterschool babysitting for a white family in Rio Blanco that owns a construction company. Joe worked for the husband as a roofer, and somehow she met him through them. Joe was good looking and charming—like a lot of sociopaths—and he used her shame against her, convinced her that he was the only man in the world that wouldn’t mind that she was ‘damaged goods.’ Then once they were married, his true colors started to show—the gambling, the drinking, the rages, and the beatings. But I guess Maggie doesn’t think she has any other choices. He’ll go along for a while promising that he is cleaning up his act, but then it’s always right back to the same old shit.” Lozen sighed. “Joe doesn’t want to let Maggie go, because then he’d lose tribal benefits.”

  “Lose benefits? Why?”

  “He wasn’t born on the rez, and he can’t really prove his family lineage. Joe probably has a little sliver of Apache, and maybe a little Navaho, but the rest is just Heinz 57 mutt. Maggie is his meal ticket. No Maggie, no free money.”

  “And when he has a kid, there will be more benefits, right?” Randi was starting to see how Joe operated.

  “Exactly.” The hot oil sputtered as Lozen threw in some dough. “That son of a bitch probably poked holes in his condoms, or put sugar pills in her birth control dispenser. I don’t think Maggie would have gotten pregnant on purpose.”

  “Joe said the weirdest thing to me, though, he said he wasn’t sure that it was his baby.”

  “I sure don’t know who else’s it would be,” Lozen said with a shrug.

  “Can I speak to you confidentially, woman to woman? Because I really need a girlfriend, right now.”

  Lozen looked up from the stove to Randi, “Yes, of course.”

  The front door opened and closed with a whack, and Lozen’s husband came into the kitchen with a broad smile. He was average height, solid looking with an open, weathered face. His black hair was parted on the side and he pushed his bangs back with one hand, “Smells good in here!” He turned to Randi, “So you must be Dr. Bitch!” he teased.

  “Yep, that’s me!” Randi smiled.

  Lozen shook her cooking tongs at her husband with a mock scowl, “Be nice! Randi, this joker is my husband,.”

  “Pleased to meet you,” Randi said.

  “I’m pleased to meet anyone who can put up with my wife,” he winked at Randi.

  “How was work today, dear?” Lozen said, batting her eyelashes playfully. She looked at Randi and joked, “See? I can be a good wife.” They all laughed, and Randi liked that they felt comfortable enough with her to be cutting up. Lozen gestured with her tongs, “Jack is head of grounds and maintenance over at the resort.”

  “How do you put up with all those golfers?” Randi rolled her eyes.

  Jack tore off a piece of hot fry bread and popped it his mouth, “You know, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I’ve got a good long game, but my putting sucks.”

  A short while later, Randi was sitting down with the family at the dinner table. She had to admit that she was enjoying the atmosphere, the company, and the distraction, but she did want to talk to Lozen about Lee and Elan. But for the moment, there was nothing to do but enjoy the feast in front of her. In addition to the fry bread and the rabbit, Lozen had made a succotash of fresh corn and beans, and there were sliced, garden tomatoes. Randi realized it was the first time in days she had an appetite.

  “Oh my god, this is so good,” Randi said, as she swallowed another bite. “My mom taught me this French recipe for rabbit…in mustard sauce. I’d love to make it for you all some time, except I’d need a rabbit!”

  “We’ve got a few in the freezer,” Jack said, “We’d be happy to donate to the cause!”

  Randi put her fork down, “Thank you for making me feel so welcome. Sitting here with a family…” Randi started to choke up a little, “I guess I’ve been
a little homesick and I didn’t even know it.”

  Lozen smiled, “This thing with Joe—it’s stressful, Randi. Everybody needs friends to lean on. We know you’re trying to do right by the community here. We get that.”

  They finished up the meal and Jack took the girls outside to inspect their garden weeding. Their chattering and laughter drifted in through the open windows as Randi helped Lozen clear the table.

  “You have a wonderful family. I hope someday I’ll have that in my life, too,” Randi said a bit wistfully.

  “You’re a good person, a strong person. You need someone who is as good and strong as you are—that might take a little time, but the right man will come along.” Lozen looked at her family through the little window over her kitchen sink and smiled, “I used to think I got lucky, but now I think maybe you make your own luck.”

  Randi glanced at the clock on Lozen’s stove, “It’s getting late. I should probably get going so you guys can settle in for the night.”

  “There was something you wanted to tell me, before Jack came in. We’re on summer hours around here. The girls won’t go to bed until ten. Let’s go sit on the porch.”

  “Are you sure? I—I don’t want to be a bother,” but Randi felt relieved to get things off her chest

  “You’re not a bother.”

  Lozen settled into a plastic patio chair as Randi flopped down beside her. “I’ve got man problems.”

  “You mean romantic problems?”

  Randi sighed, “I know, I’ve barely been here any time at all, it doesn’t seem possible that I’ve gotten myself into a tangle. But it’s mixed up with the Joe and Maggie stuff too.”

  “Is it Elan?” Lozen asked.

  “Yeah, it’s Elan. How’d you know?”

  “I can see the way he looks at you, not exactly a boss’ interest in his employee.”

  “Crap, is it that obvious?” Randi slumped.

  “Probably not to everyone, but I’ve known Elan a long time. So you’re worried because he’s your supervisor?”

  “You bet I’m worried. I’ve put the brakes on it, because frankly, I’m going to be in a world of hurt with my med school loans if something screws up with this job and I don’t get my loans forgiven.”