Apache Heart

by Miller, Amy J

  Lozen nodded, “But you like him?”

  “I’m definitely attracted to him, that’s a fact, but it’s more complicated than that.” She stared at a puff of dust in the distance that signaled a vehicle making its way up the road. “There’s also something going on with me and Lee.”

  “Can I be nosy?” Lozen gave Randi a gentle smile. “Have you slept with either of them?”

  Randi shook her head, “Nope, but it got really close with both of them. The thing with Elan is—I’m the right age, we’ve got a lot in common, we like each other, we’re attracted to one another—it if weren’t for him being my boss, it would seem like a perfect match. Except, I think Elan still loves Maggie, and he’s doing what he thinks he needs to do to move on with his life.”

  “I see.” Lozen was like a good psychologist, listening without interjecting her own opinions.

  Randi twirled a piece of her hair around a finger as she talked. “But this thing with Lee—it’s really powerful. But maybe it’s because I’m scared about Joe, and maybe it’s because he’s scared to drink. And maybe there’s a part of me that’s afraid he has a violent streak that might return. Not that I think he would ever hit me, but he might get himself in trouble again.”

  Lozen clicked her tongue, “Yeah, I see what you mean…complicated.”

  “And frankly, there’s the part of me that wonders what folks on the rez are going to think about a white girl messing with any of their men. I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

  “What do you want, Randi?”

  “I wish I knew.” The puff of dust in the distance was getting closer, Randi noted, and the vehicle was traveling at a clip. After a long pause, she continued. “How does a person sort this kind of thing out? How do I know what the right thing to do is?” A tear started to well up in the corner of Randi’s eye and she wiped at it with the back of her hand. “I’m not feeling particularly good or strong, right now.”

  “Sometimes you have to cross the river,” Lozen said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know, I’m named after a great Apache warrior and once, when the American army was chasing them, she had to get a group of women and children to cross over the Rio Grande. The water was high and she knew the American cavalry wouldn’t cross it, and they would be safe on the other side. So she rode her own horse into the water first, and the horse swam across, so it made the others women feel brave. They conquered their fear of the river sweeping them away. Everyone got across safely, and they escaped from the army—because she didn’t let fear win. And she went on to do many brave things to help our people.” Lozen looked intently at Randi. “Don’t you think she was scared when she pushed her horse into the river? Feeling fear is natural, what you do with it might save other people, though.”

  “I can’t avoid things by hiding behind Lee or Elan, can I?” Randi began to understand the point of Lozen’s story. “I need to confront this situation with Joe head-on.”

  “I can’t tell you what to do, Randi, but I know when you became a doctor you took a vow to help others. If you let fear paralyze you at the edge of the river, something worse may come up behind all of you.”

  A heavy sigh escaped from Randi as she looked at the sun growing low in the sky. “Thank you, thank you for listening, and thank you for being wise.”

  “Don’t ever worry about what other people think about who you love, Randi. Sometimes, you have to choose your own tribe.”

  Jack and the girls appeared from around the corner of the house, “There you are! We were thinking about taking a ride down to Donnie’s Convenience to get ice cream sandwiches. How about it ladies?”

  “Can I take a rain check Jack? I’ve got to work a double tomorrow, so I better get home. And put my name on one of those rabbits in your freezer, too.” Randi smiled as she hauled herself up from her seat, “Thanks for a really wonderful evening.”

  “You’re always welcome here,” Lozen said.

  “We mean that,” Jack said, “I know you have your own family back east, but you can have family here too.”

  The vehicle speeding down the road toward them was now recognizable; it was an SUV belonging to the tribal police. Jack ushered the girls toward the house, “Go wash up the dishes and then we’ll go for ice cream.” The SUV had slowed down, but it still spun up gravel as it turned into Lozen and Jack’s drive.

  Russell jumped out, “I’m sorry to alarm you all, but Lee told us Randi was here. Maggie’s gone missing, and we think Randi needs to be in protective custody.”

  “Protective custody?” Randi echoed, looking shocked, “Why?”

  “Because we found blood at Joe and Maggie’s, and earlier today people saw Joe acting really erratic—not drunk, but crazy and violent. He threw a chair across the diner for one thing.”

  “Blood?” Jack interjected in surprise. “Do we need to be out searching for Maggie?”

  “We’ve asked for help from the Rio Blanco Sheriff’s Department. So yeah, maybe we’ll get people out looking, you want to be deputized Jack?”

  “Whatever helps, Jack shrugged.

  “What’s that mean, exactly, ‘protective custody’? You’re not going to throw me in jail somewhere, are you?” Randi asked.

  Russell shook his head, “We don’t even have a jail. It means you have to put up with me hanging around until we find Maggie and Joe.”

  “Well, I’m working a double tomorrow, so I won’t be lounging around.” Randi crossed her arms in resignation. “But god, for her sake, I hope you find Maggie quickly.”

  “I’ll call Elan, Randi. As medical director, he’ll need to know Russell is going to be hanging around Bear Paw.” She gave Randi a look to let her know it was more than just a professional notification.

  Randi appreciated Lozen’s discretion in front of one the Yahnaki clan, and nodded, “That would be great, thanks. I promised Lee I would call him when I left here, but I guess he already knows, huh?”

  Russell nodded his head, “He knows.”

  “Lee’s not doing anything stupid, is he?” Randi gave Russell her best piercing look.

  “Not if I can help it,” Russell rubbed his chin, looking worried. “But let’s get you home, Randi.”

  Lozen looked at Jack, “Maybe it would be safer if Randi spends the night here with us?” Jack nodded in agreement.

  “I don’t want to upset the girls.” Randi looked at Lozen, “Sometimes you have to cross the river, right?” She tried to smile. “I’ve got a badass Indian cop with a gun looking out for me. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’m not the only badass Indian looking out for you,” Russell said meaningfully. “And you will be fine, we’re going to make sure of that.” He walked Randi to her car and said in a low voice, “Calling it protective custody is a little bit of an exaggeration, but you’re going to be protected.”

  Russell followed Randi to her cabin. When they arrived, Lee’s truck was in the driveway and he was sitting on her picnic table. A sawed off shotgun was on the table next to him. Randi and Russell got out of their vehicles and he spoke to her in a low voice. “Lee knows his way around a firearm. I can’t have him deputized…but I rather have him here looking after you than beating Joe into a pulp.”

  Lowering her voice to a whisper, Randi asked, “How can he have a gun? He’s a felon.”

  “Because we’re on the rez, and no one here is going to tell the Feds. It’s only for a life- threatening situation. You’re okay with him being here, right?”

  “Yeah…I feel…safe with Lee.”

  They both walked to where Lee sat atop the picnic table and Randi looked into his face without saying anything.

  “Okay then, I’ll say goodnight and meet you here in the morning to escort you to work. What time will you need to leave?” Russell asked.

  “Since I’m working the ER tomorrow night, I don’t have to be in until 9:30, so I guess I should leave here no later than 9:00. But come when it’s convenient for you.”

  “Call i
f there’s any word on Maggie,” Lee said.

  “Of course.” He tipped his head to them, “Good night.”

  Randi climbed up on the picnic table next to Lee, her hands clasped between her knees.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going to put the moves on you,” Lee said.

  Randi nodded, “I’m sorry about Maggie, let’s pray that everything is okay with her and the baby. Maybe that blood they found is Joe’s. Maybe Maggie is hiding from him.”

  Lee looked unconvinced. “I think she would have called our mom, or maybe Russell, if that were true.”

  “How are you feeling?” Randi turned her head to look at Lee. “You have any urge to drink?”

  “Not so much. Feeling kind of numb, I guess. Maggie has been through too much. It’s not right. She’s never done a thing to hurt anyone.”

  “I—I know what happened to Maggie…at the casino. And I know you were in jail.”

  “Did Elan tell you that?”

  “No, I kind of pieced together that Maggie and Elan had some kind of connection, and that you and Elan aren’t on stellar terms, but Lozen told me so I could understand the big picture of what’s going on.”

  “I guess it’s only fair, now that you’ve gotten sucked in.” Lee stared into space. “So you know I’m a felon?”

  “Yeah.” Randi picked up Lee’s hand and held in between the two of hers, “But I don’t care about that, and I don’t care that you used to hit the bottle. I care about finding the right place in this community, and I care that everyone involved is happy and healthy.”

  Lee’s big calloused thumb swam over Randi’s skin as she held his hand.

  “You have to stop blaming Elan for what happened…what is happening to Maggie. It’s not right to hold him accountable. He was trying to save lives that night and it was just bad damn luck that asshole showed up at Maggie’s blackjack table.”

  “I can forgive Elan—it’s me that I can’t forgive.” Lee squeezed Randi’s hand. “When Elan didn’t show up that night, Maggie called me to come get her, but I was boozing it up with some buddies. I hung up on her—told her to find her own damn ride home.” A tear welled up in the corner of Lee’s eye and he wiped at it furiously.

  An icy cold rolled through Randi’s stomach. She had no idea what to say. It was the kind of stupid, selfish thing that everyone has done at some time in their life, but usually you get away with it. Usually, no one else pays the price for your self-absorption. “Lee…” Randi’s voice faltered.

  Lee slid off the picnic table and stood up, “I’ve never told anyone that. Maggie has kept it secret all this time.” He paced off a little distance from where Randi still sat, shoved his hands in his pockets, and looked up at the moon. “I can understand if that changes what you think about me now.”

  Randi got up and went to where Lee stood, taking his hand in hers, “Come on, it’s late, let’s go to bed.”

  Lee raised an eyebrow, “Same rules as last night?”

  “Afraid so.” Randi reached up and pushed his black hair away from his face. “We both need to rest.”

  As they walked toward the cabin, Lee grabbed the shotgun off the picnic table, breaking it over one arm for safety, and slipping his other arm around Randi’s waist. “I suppose you’re right,” Lee murmured, “I suppose you’re right.”

  When they got to the bedroom, Lee took off his t-shirt and Randi’s breath caught at the sight of his impressive physique. His shoulders were broad, his waist and hips narrow, and everything in between was taut and muscled.

  “If you’re trying to make it hard on me, it’s working,” Randi said.

  “No, I think you’re working to try and make me hard,” Lee softly teased as he set the shotgun carefully in the corner. “But I can’t keep a lookout for Joe if we’re all hot and bothered, so I’m going to ask for a kiss, and then I’ll settle down.”

  “One kiss?” Randi clarified.

  “Just one.”

  “Okay.” Randi put her hands flat on Lee’s chest, feeling his heart beat under her fingers. She tilted her head back, and Lee inclined his head to meet her as he pulled her tight against his bare skin. She gasped at the feel of the strength in his arms, and then she gasped again at the gentleness of his lips. Lee made his one kiss last a good long while and when their mouths finally parted, Randi felt breathless. Every bit of her fear melted away, though, and Randi knew that she could cross the river.

  ###

  The night passed uneventfully and when Russell came to escort Randi to work, she and Lee were dressed and ready for the day, sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. Russell politely tapped at the screen door and Randi invited him in.

  “Have a cup of coffee, Russell.” Randi waved at the empty chair at her little table and went and poured a fresh cup. “What do you take in it?”

  “Black is fine.” He pulled out the chair and sat down wearily. “All quiet here last night?”

  Lee nodded, “Yeah. I’m assuming no word about Maggie?”

  Russell took off his hat and brushed the top of his cropped hair with the flat of his hand, “No word.” He sighed. “You know what they say, the longer a person goes missing…the less likely you are to find them.” He took the mug from Randi’s outstretched hand and looked at her seriously. “We don’t intend for you to go missing, too.”

  “How about I fry some eggs quick and make toast?” Randi said, changing the subject. You two don’t need to start your day on an empty stomach. Lee’s got to work a twelve hour shift, and I have a feeling, Russell, that you didn’t get much sleep last night.” Randi pulled out a frying pan and grabbed a carton of eggs from the fridge, making it clear she was cooking breakfast whether they wanted it or not.

  “I won’t say no, thanks.” Russell stared at his nephew, “What time you get off tonight?”

  “I’m working noon to midnight.”

  “Okay, I’ll make sure Randi is safe until then.” Russell sipped at his coffee.

  Randi started cracking eggs into her skillet, looking back over her shoulder, “I’ll be fine at the hospital…too many people around there for Joe to try anything. You should focus on finding Maggie and stop worrying about me.”

  “Elan will need to agree with that, Randi. We can’t put more people at risk, or disrupt the hospital if Joe decides to do something crazy.” Russell shook his head.

  “What makes you so sure he’s coming after me?” Randi flipped the eggs and then put more bread in the toaster.

  Lee looked at Randi, “Dr. Bitch?”

  “The thing that’s worrisome, Randi, is that Joe is acting increasingly erratic. From what people saw yesterday, it wasn’t just Joe on a bender, he was really strung out.”

  “Do you think it’s meth? If he’s tweaking he could be paranoid or hallucinating.” Randi had seen it more than once in the ER back in Philly. “And really violent and aggressive.”

  Russell rubbed his forehead, “Yeah, it’s looking like speed.”

  The conversation was doing little for anyone’s appetite, but Randi nevertheless set plates with eggs and toast all around. “I know you don’t feel like it, but you need to eat this so you guys aren’t tweaking from low blood sugar.”

  Lee and Russell dutifully picked up their forks and Randi joined them as they mechanically chewed and swallowed. When they were finished, she swept up the plates, gave them a quick rinse in the sink, and said to no one in particular, “Dishes can wait.”

  Russell took the shotgun back from Lee and secured it in the police SUV while Lee walked Randi to the station wagon. “Just be a doctor, today, okay? No need to be a hero.” His big hand caressed her face.

  She returned the gesture, “Just be a medic today, okay? No need to be a hero.” And they both smiled. “You know we’ll both do what we think is necessary, but don’t take any stupid risks, and don’t let Joe get the better of your common sense.” Lee nodded in agreement. “Two words,” Randi continued, “Anger management.”

  Lee glanced over to ma
ke sure Russell wasn’t paying attention, and gave Randi a gentle kiss on the lips. “Anger management,” he confirmed.

  When Randi and Russell got to the hospital, Lozen and Elan came to meet them.

  “I think we got this, Russell. First sign of an Indian on the rampage, we’ll circle the wagons and call for help.” They all tried to smile at Elan’s feeble attempt at humor, but Maggie was on everyone’s mind. “Just find Maggie, I’ll make sure that nothing happens to Randi.” He opened up his lab coat to reveal an under the arm holster and a compact Colt .38. Russell raised an eyebrow.

  “Don’t give me that look,” Elan said. “I’ve got a permit for carrying concealed in Arizona.”

  “You know that doesn’t apply on the rez, Elan.” Russell sighed, “Desperate times, desperate measures. I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that.”

  Russell wasn’t the only one surprised to see Elan packing, “Elan!” Randi said sharply, “Remember the Hippocratic Oath? Do no harm?”

  Elan looked at her sadly, “It’s not always that easy. Believe me, I don’t plan on shooting anyone unless it’s a matter of life and death.”

  Lozen had stood by silently during their exchange. “Can we please get back to the business of doctoring people?” She said a little crossly. “Come one Randi, let’s go to work.”

  “Thanks Russell, I promise we’ll call if there’s a hint of anything weird going on—and I’ll try to keep Wyatt Earp here from shooting up the joint.” Randi shook her head at Elan. “I’ll be in the clinic if anybody needs me.”

  “I’ll be checking in,” Russell said with a wave, and soon, Elan was standing alone in front of the hospital, the weight of the gun under his arm feeling terribly heavy.

  “How was protective custody?” Lozen asked Randi as they walked down the hall.

  “Protective custody was Lee with a sawed off shotgun.” Randi sighed, a little wistfully. “We kissed last night, I mean, a real kiss. But that was all. I do feel safe with him, but I think you’re right, I think I have to cross this river on my own. I don’t know what that means yet, but I have a feeling I’ll know soon enough.”