Uniting Hearts: Discovering Me #3

by A. M. Arthur

  “Oh.” That landed like a kidney punch. All her talk of not being sure had been a lie? She’d known all along she wasn’t going to keep the baby? An odd sense of betrayal hit me all at once, and I worked hard to harness my growing temper. Bethann looked devastated enough; she didn’t need me lashing out at her. “You’re giving the baby up for adoption and leaving town? Leaving me?”

  She sobbed once. “I have to. I love you, Jeremy, but being around you is too painful. Not only because of Lulu, but because of all the memories I have of being in love with you. Of your support through my pregnancy. I’m not cutting off all ties forever, I just need distance. Please tell me you understand.”

  “I’m trying.” I wanted to sob, too, because my best friend was walking away from me. “I love you to bits. You’ve been my sister for so long, I can’t imagine not seeing you multiple times a week. Dropping into the Sow’s Ear just to say hey. Inviting you over for beer and a movie. You haven’t even left, and I already miss you.”

  This time, Bethann fell against my chest where she sobbed for real. We were alone in the park, so I allowed a few of my own tears to fall, my heart breaking wide open for her pain—and for my own, as well. When she calmed, I fetched some paper napkins from the glove box, and we both wiped our faces. Blew our noses.

  “There is one thing I have to ask you to do for me,” Bethann said.

  “Name it.” I’d do whatever I could to make this transition easier on her.

  “I want you to adopt my baby.”

  If I hadn’t been sitting, I probably would have fallen over from the force of my shock and disbelief. I blinked dumbly at her several times, positive I’d misheard her words. “You…what?”

  “I’ve already looked in to independent adoptions. We don’t have to go through an agency, all we need is a lawyer to handle things for us. I think you’ll be an amazing father, Remy. You have a business and own a home, and you’ve got Cole. I can’t imagine anyone else raising my baby.”

  As my shock dissolved, I finally started wrapping my brain around what she was saying. “So wait, you want to what? Make me the baby’s guardian so you can leave town, find yourself, make a better life, and then what? Swoop back in in five years and take her back?”

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying. Adopting her makes you her legal parent. I’ll no longer have a custodial claim, and I’d never do that to you. Maybe down the road I could be part of her life, even if only as a family friend, but you will raise her. You’ll love her so much. You already do, I could tell when you held her.”

  I had fallen for that little angel but this was too much too fast. “Okay, we need to back up a minute so I can think. You just dropped a ton of shit on my lap, and I don’t know how I feel about it all.”

  Bethann’s grief shifted into tenacity, as if she knew she was wearing me down. “You said you wanted kids one day.”

  “Yes, one day. After a long conversation about it with my partner.”

  Oh God, Cole is going to shit kittens over this.

  I eyeballed Bethann as my thoughts finally came together in a way that made sense. “Let’s say I agree to adopt the baby, and one day down the road Cole and I get married. Would you object to him also legally adopting her and raising her?”

  “As her father, that would be your choice, not mine.”

  “So not an answer.”

  “You love Cole, and I trust your judgment, so no. I wouldn’t have a say in it, but I also wouldn’t object, because I trust you’ll put your daughter’s feelings first.”

  My daughter. No, I can’t think about her like that yet, not until I talk to Cole.

  “I need to talk to Cole before I make any decisions. He’s part of this, too. A huge part.”

  “I know. And if you decide you don’t want her, I’m still putting her up for adoption. Probably through an agency.”

  “Okay.” I hated that idea, because it was unlikely prospective adoptive parents would want the best friend of the birth mom in the baby’s life. I also couldn’t accept the adoption offer without Cole’s input. This was way bigger than inviting someone to live with us for two weeks. This was eighteen years, minimum. “Are you ready to go home?”

  “I guess.”

  I was starving by the time we got back to the house, but I could hear Cole banging on something in the workshop, so I went to the garage instead, while Bethann went into the house. The main part of the garage that I used for storage didn’t have air conditioning, but the smaller workshop area with all my tools, shelves of eBay items, and tablet stand had a small unit I’d installed right through the wall. It puffed out enough cool air to keep it from being overwhelmingly hot inside during the summer.

  The banging stopped, and I found Cole bent over what he said was eventually going to be a bench. He’d fashioned legs out of something else metal to go with the headboard back, but it still didn’t have a seat.

  “Hey,” I said.

  Cole didn’t jolt or startle, so he’d probably heard his car in the driveway. He straightened and turned, his expression passive. “Hey, back.” Glanced at the analog clock on the wall. “You guys didn’t stay very long.”

  “Bethann’s giving up the baby.” My chest ached just saying those words. “I got to hold her, feed her, but Bethann wouldn’t. She doesn’t want her.”

  “Oh, Jeremy.” He came to me, and I let him wrap his slender body around mine. Seeking comfort in his familiar warmth. “You got attached, didn’t you?”

  “A little. She’s so precious, Cole.” Once I thought I could stand on my own again, I showed him the photo I’d taken of little Baby Quinn in her incubator. “I understand Bethann’s reasons, but…she’s leaving town.”

  “The baby?”

  “No, Bethann.”

  Cole gaped at him. “For how long?”

  “I don’t know. Months, probably years. She wants to find someplace new, where no one knows her, and start over. Get a better job, more prospects. Wider dating pool, too, I guess.” A tiny bit of resentment overtook my grief, and I allowed myself to feel it. But I hadn’t lived Bethann’s life, and I couldn’t judge her choices too harshly. Not really.

  “So she’s dumping the baby and running away?” Cole looked equal parts shocked and furious. “I know she’s dirt-poor and would struggle for a while, but damn. I just…wow.”

  “She’s not dirt-poor, she’s just paycheck-to-paycheck like most folks around here.”

  He titled his head, confused now. “Jeremy, have you ever looked in her fridge or cupboards? Because when I got her food yesterday, she was living on canned beans and mayo.”

  I stared at him, sure he was making it up, because Bethann would say something if her hours were low at work and she was struggling to eat well. Wouldn’t she?

  No, she wouldn’t, and you damned well know it. She’s too proud to ask for charity.

  Maybe that pride was also why she couldn’t stomach the idea of trying to raise a child using government assistance programs. Maybe not. Her choices were her own, but damn it, I wish I’d known how bad things had gotten.

  “You didn’t know, did you?” Cole asked. “Of course, you didn’t know. If you had, you would have helped her, because that’s who you are.”

  “I guess she didn’t want my help.” She’d once wanted me to lie about being the baby’s father, but she couldn’t ask me for twenty bucks for groceries? “Damn it. What if the baby came so early because Bethann wasn’t eating right?”

  “The baby came for whatever reason she came, and the good news is she’s healthy. Right?”

  “Yeah, the doctor is pleased with Baby Quinn’s stats and she’ll be released at the end of the week.”

  “Released to who, though? An adoption agency?”

  My insides quaked, and I reached for one of Cole’s hands. Held it tight as I prepared to drop this particular bomb on my boyfriend’s carefully ordered life. “An adoption agency is Bethann’s backup plan.”

  Cole tilted his head, hazel eyes flashing w
ith confusion. “Backup? What’s her first plan?”

  “Bethann asked me to adopt her baby.”

  He stared, and I braced for shock. Maybe even anger. I did not expect Cole to calmly nod his head and say, “Yeah, that sounds like Bethann.”

  I blinked. “What?”

  “She did the same damned thing back in February, Jeremy. She used the baby to insert herself between you and me. First with the ‘be the baby daddy’ request, and now she wants you to adopt the baby so she can…what? Change her mind about leaving town so she can stay in your life? Go away for a few months while we do the hard work, then come back once she’s out of the terrible twos?”

  Cole was getting worked up in a way I’d never seen before. He wasn’t quick to anger, and he almost never raised his voice, not even during flashbacks. When he was upset, he got quiet and turned inward instead of reaching out to me. This simmering anger was brand-new.

  And a little bit scary.

  5

  COLE

  Irrational anger and I were not close friends, and my own body surprised even me with the instant rage I felt over Jeremy’s “Bethann asked me to adopt her baby” announcement. My rage surprised me because I had honestly been expecting a variation of this request; only my scenario led with Bethann asking Jeremy to be her co-parent going forward, or she’d have to put the baby up for adoption.

  Either way, it still felt like emotional manipulation on Bethann’s part, and I hated her a tiny bit for doing this to Jeremy. For knowing Jeremy would fall in love with the newborn simply because of the baby’s connection to his late wife. The baby was his sort-of niece, after all. Not by blood but by marriage, and that connection meant something to Jeremy.

  It all boiled down to “adopt my baby or you’ll never see her again.”

  Yeah. Rage. But not at Bethann or the baby. My rage was for Jeremy and the inner turmoil that was playing out all over his expressive face.

  “I had the same questions for her, trust me,” Jeremy said in the familiar, placating tone he used to draw me back out of my increasingly infrequent flashbacks. Probably hoping to calm me down so we could talk this through. “I’ve known her for a long time, and I believe her about leaving town for a year or two. Creating a new life someplace else. And with what you said about her food situation, I understand her reasons even more now.”

  “I get needing to start over where no one knows you, trust me.” I didn’t snap the words the way I wanted to, because this wasn’t Jeremy’s fault. “Do you know how hard it was for me to come back to Franklin last year? How much I hated knowing people were whispering behind my back, gossiping about me and my parents and their hoarding? I wanted to clean the property and leave town as fast as possible. Take the money and maybe go to Canada where Martin would never find me. Start a brand-new life where no one knew me.”

  Jeremy’s eyes glittered with tears. Eyes already red-veined and puffy from grief. “She isn’t trying to win me away from you, Cole, and it wouldn’t work anyway, because I love you. One of the reasons she says she needs to leave is because of all her old feelings for me. She needs distance from me as much as this town.”

  “She actually said that?”

  “Yes.”

  The admission dampened some of my rage but she’d still put Jeremy in an untenable position. “So she’d really give you full, binding custody of the baby and walk away?”

  “Yes. It’s what she said, and I believe her.”

  I wasn’t so sure I believed her, but this also wasn’t about me. This was about Jeremy’s life and the huge decision he had to make. “So what do you want to do?”

  Jeremy took my other hand and gave both a strong squeeze. “I needed to talk to you about all this. A baby is a huge thing we haven’t really sat down and discussed in any great detail, and it’s going to affect you as much as me.”

  “But she isn’t asking me to adopt the baby, she’s asking you.” This wasn’t my decision, it was his.

  “I know but you are my boyfriend. We live together. We’ll be raising this baby together, so I need to know if you’re okay with this, or if you hate the idea. I know you said you think you’d be a terrible parent, and while I disagree, I also acknowledge how you feel.”

  The idea of being responsible for the care and well-being of a tiny human filled me with a kind of dread I had no words to describe to Jeremy. I could screw that baby up in so many ways without even trying—but didn’t all parents take that risk? Jeremy would be an amazing, doting, supportive dad. Any child would be lucky to be adopted by him. And he wanted kids. How could I deny him the very thing he said he wanted?

  Especially with my own future still so uncertain.

  “Do you want to go inside?” Jeremy asked. “Sit down and really talk about this?”

  I didn’t want this to be happening at all but here we were. “Yeah, okay. I’m done with the bench for today, anyway.”

  We cleaned up my small mess and put all the tools back where they belonged, because we both liked the order and the routine. Tools didn’t get misplaced or lost. I’d just shut the workshop door when a blue minivan pulled into the driveway behind Jeremy’s van. We both walked around the van, and I was surprised to see Lucy Boyle get out.

  “Lucy,” Jeremy said. “Can I help you with something?”

  “Sure, you can carry down Bethann’s suitcase,” she said.

  My heart gave a funny lurch.

  “Do what?” Jeremy replied. “What are you talking about?”

  “She called me and said she couldn’t stay here anymore. That you and Cole needed privacy, and she asked me to come by and take her home. Said she didn’t want to bother you with it.” She glared daggers at me a beat, before fixing her cold stare on Jeremy again. “So much for your hospitality.”

  He grunted. “For the record, I did not ask her to leave, and I am hearing about this plan for the first time.”

  “Well, whatever you did, she wants to go home. So can you go get her suitcase? I’m not carrying it down two flights of stairs.”

  The woman had two kids but couldn’t handle a small suitcase? Yeah, right. Lucy was being a diva about this, and she obviously thought I was the reason Bethann was leaving.

  “I need to go talk to Bethann,” Jeremy said to me. To Lucy, he said, “You can wait outside.”

  “It’s ninety degrees out,” she whined.

  He rolled his eyes and snapped, “Then go sit in your van,” before storming into the house. I watched him go, torn about following him but he hadn’t asked for backup. So I leaned against my car and waited, pointedly ignoring Lucy the same way she ignored me. She also wasn’t wrong about the heat, and the driveway didn’t have much shade, but I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of moving under the small back stoop’s awning.

  She gave in first and turned her van back on for the a/c.

  To be honest, I’d long ago given up caring what most folks in town thought of me. There were a few people, like James Rafferty and the Sow’s Ear owners, who I did like, but for the most part I made nice for Jeremy’s sake. And I stood in the heat seriously envious of Bethann’s ability to walk away from a man she loved and a life she knew, and to start over fresh. That had once been my own plan. A fresh start in an anonymous place, but then I fell in love.

  And Jeremy asked me to stay.

  He once told me that if I wanted to move, he could move his antiques business anywhere. Some nights, I dreamed of us setting up in a brand-new place, starting our life together from scratch. Other nights, I couldn’t stand the idea of leaving our beautiful kitchen and the store’s great spot off the interstate. We were an hour from Reynolds, a big college town and the largest city in our neck of the woods.

  With a baby on the way into our lives, there was no chance of relocating in the near future.

  A good ten minutes passed. Sweat was slowly trickling down my spine when Bethann exited the house, followed by Jeremy and the suitcase. Both were frowning and unhappy. Jeremy put the suitcase in the
side door of Lucy’s van. Bethann got in the passenger seat without even hugging Jeremy, and then they were gone. Jeremy gazed out at the road, his back to me, hands clenched by his sides.

  “Did she take the food I bought for her?” I asked, genuinely hoping she had. Her kitchen was sparse enough.

  “Damn it.” Jeremy turned, shoulders stooped. “I didn’t even think. I’ll swing it by her apartment later.”

  “Why’d she leave?”

  “Says she needed to give us space to talk about the future and what we both want. Didn’t want to be around and influence either of us. Says since she’s not keeping the baby, she won’t need the extra help anymore.”

  “Man, she changes her mind faster than anyone I’ve ever met. And I don’t mean the baby, I mean about her staying with us. The last thing you need are rumors that we kicked her out because she decided to give up the baby.”

  Jeremy sighed. “Well, I imagine rumors are going to start up. As soon as Lucy knows, the whole town will know by Wednesday afternoon.”

  And today was only Monday. The perils of small-town life.

  “Come on.” Jeremy took my hand and led me toward the house. “You look like you could use some iced tea to cool off. You didn’t have to stand outside in the sun like that. You burn too easily.”

  “I was feeling territorial.”

  The stairs were wide enough for us to go up side-by-side. Jeremy poured us each a glass of tea and we settled on the couch, facing each other. Jeremy’s silence spoke volumes about his mood, and I tried to start the conversation on a less controversial note. “How do you feel about her leaving?” I asked.

  “Confused. I told her that her decision about the baby didn’t change my offer to stay here for a while. She’s still my best friend and that hasn’t changed. But she says it’s what she needs. Starting the separation process.”