Benevolent

by Leddy Harper

  She reached her hand out in front of her. Did she really think I was going to shake her hand after she had ignored me for months? She was out of her fucking mind. I had no interest in shaking her hand.

  My hands went up in front of me and I grabbed her by the sides of her face. I pulled her to me until my lips were on hers, feeling her sticky lipstick all over my lips but not giving a shit. I kissed her until she took a breath, and then I took the opportunity to move my tongue against hers. I felt her arms go around my waist and pull me into her more. I never wanted to take my lips from hers. I never wanted to pull my body from hers. After living without her, I feared I would never get to feel that again. Call me paranoid, but after having my heart shattered into a million pieces and finally feeling as if all the shards were magically being put back together by her kisses.

  We finally pulled away to catch our breaths. I still held her face and stared into her eyes.

  “I called you. Why didn’t you ever answer?” I sounded like a pathetic boy, but I didn’t care. That’s exactly how I felt.

  “We’ll talk about that later. Right now, you have to get ready for your speech.”

  “I don’t want to give the speech. I want to talk to you. I want to know why you’ve ignored me.”

  “We’ll discuss it after dinner, when we leave.” She was trying to pacify me.

  It wasn’t working. “Then I want to leave now. Even if I have to go all caveman style and haul you out of here on my shoulder. I have no desire to be here anymore. I just want to know why.”

  She smiled at me and placed her hand on my chest. “Give your speech and then we can leave.”

  I didn’t want to hear that. I wanted her reasons why she left me hanging for so long. Why she hadn’t answered any of my calls or messages. I needed to know why she cut me out of her life when I so desperately wanted to be a part of it.

  Part of me was pissed that she had ignored me for so long. That she had left me with no hope. But no matter how upset I was with her, all I could think about was that she was back. Standing in front of me. Making me whole again. I felt torn between feeling the remnants of the pain she left me with and the healing her presence offered me.

  I was called onto the stage to give my speech. It was strange because I had been so nervous prior to that. I was so down, so distraught, lost, and hopeless. But knowing Eden was there, feeling her lips on mine, made all of that go away. She literally calmed my soul. She made everything go away and just made things right again.

  “I would like to thank everyone for coming. You don’t know how much it means to me that you’re here. Just showing up and offering your support means the world. Mr. and Mrs. Grant, the directors of the Advocates for America’s Youth, have asked me to speak tonight and I couldn’t be more honored.

  “Tonight we celebrate the opening of America’s Youth Rec Center. It has been an honor to be a part of this from the start. It is something that means a lot not only to me, but to my entire company. We are all proud to have this in our own backyard for our own kids.”

  I had my notes in front of me, but by the time I took the podium, I no longer cared what they said. My speech would come from my heart, and the only one I cared to listen to it would know what it meant.

  “My speech tonight is for those kids. They need to know a few things, and I think it’s only right that I say it here, in front of all of you. Be yourself. Don’t be something that others want you to be. Only you can make yourself happy, and that’s exactly what you should be. You deserve it.

  “With that being said. There will be times in your life that you will have tough decisions to make. You will have to choose between doing something selfless and doing something selfish. And sometimes, there isn’t a right or wrong choice. Sometimes, either decision could hurt someone. The only way to know if you’re making the right choice, is to follow your heart. Do you what you believe with everything in you, and it will be the right one. Some may call that being selfish; I call it being true to yourself.

  “There will be times in your life you just have to be different. As long as you’re staying true to yourself, you’ll be fine. Society likes to tell us what is right and what is wrong. Listen to you. Find your own way. It may take time, but in the end, it will all be worth it. You’ll know when things are right or wrong. You’ll know if what you’re doing isn’t what you should be doing. You may not know right then. You may not find out until years later, but I believe that you learn the truth exactly when you should. This may be in school, work, or even love. But I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, as long as you’re listening to your heart. As long as you’re paying attention to that voice in your head. As long as you keep your eyes open and your feet moving forward.

  “Let me close with this, and then I’ll stop boring you. When you screw up, because you will, own up to it. Apologize and mean it. Take responsibility for your actions and make it right. Now, let’s eat. I’ve been slaving over a hot stove all day,” I teased, listening to the laughs from around the room.

  People clapped and shook my hand, they thanked me for my support and for being there, but it was Eden’s reaction that meant the most to me. She sat at the table directly in front of the stage and smiled through the entire speech. It was the only reason I didn’t shorten it to just the first sentence so I could get out of there faster. Watching her smile at me made everything better.

  By time I reached the table, Eden was gone. My heart sank to the floor and then got trampled on by everyone in the room. I looked around frantically, desperately trying to find the red dress. That’s when I saw her, against the far wall. My feet began to move quickly all on their own. It almost felt like my body couldn’t keep up as I raced to reach her.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, spinning her around and noticing the streaks on her face left behind by tears. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I began to panic as I waited for her to respond.

  “I’m sorry. I just needed a moment. I just needed to catch my breath after what you said up there. We both made mistakes, Dane. But I don’t want to talk about those now. I want to eat and then leave so we can talk.”

  “I’m not hungry. You said we could leave after my speech.”

  “You can’t leave yet. Let’s just sit back down and eat. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

  I could only stare at her, waiting for some sign to let me know her words were real. That’s when she touched the hair on my face, scratched it with her nails, and then kissed me. It was a soft kiss, nothing overly sexual about it, but it ran through me like hot lava. It eased my lost soul and calmed my racing heart. The way she touched me, the way her lips felt against mine made everything in my world at peace.

  Janette and Eden did convince me to stay for the dinner. I had tried most of it while I was hiding in the kitchen, so at least I knew it was good food.

  The way Eden looked at me while we ate drove me nuts. The way she held her hand on my thigh and I could feel the heat through the fabric made my cock swell to the point it was almost painful. And the way she smiled at me when she caught me staring at her made my heart beat in my chest. It felt like it hadn’t worked in months. It hadn’t. She took it with her when she left. And now she was back. I had to keep staring at her to believe it.

  I felt torn again with my feelings. I knew we needed to talk. I knew there was a lot to be said, from her and from me. But I couldn’t help the way my body reacted to her. Maybe it was because I hadn’t had sex in over two months. Maybe it was finally feeling her touch me again. Or maybe it was because I suddenly felt that things would be okay between us, but I couldn’t stop the feelings that were coursing through me. I was a guy—a guy that missed his woman. I had missed everything about her. Her face, her smile, God, her laugh, but I also missed her touch. The more I thought about it, the more I became conflicted.

  The dessert tray came around and Eden stopped the server.

  “We’ll take ours to go please.”

  I lo
oked at her with a smile on my face.

  The server looked at me questionably. “It’s okay. We’ll take it to go.”

  Her cheeks turned pink and her smile curved up on the side of her face. It was the sexy smirk that reeled me in that very first time, and she was doing it all over again. It wasn’t just my dick that ached for her—it was my entire body. Everything from my head to my toes drummed with electricity.

  Our desserts came back in a box and we quickly excused ourselves from the table. We were almost to the door when Gabi walked by. She smiled and said goodbye and kept going, but I couldn’t miss feeling Eden freeze up next to me. I looked at her and she smiled back, but I could tell it was only a front. I couldn’t get her out of that building fast enough. I couldn’t have been more excited to know that she didn’t drive herself. I knew that would give us time in the limo to talk.

  “Talk, Eden,” I demanded once the driver came around to pick us up.

  Once we were settled in the back, I hit the privacy button. She finally spoke as soon as the glass partition was closed. Her voice was small but certain. She knew exactly what she wanted to say. Nothing about her words was uncertain.

  “Do not take this as me being insecure, because it’s not. I know what it is that I want, and even though I may still be a little scared of it, I’ve learned that it’s just something I have to deal with if I want to be with you. But seeing Gabi there made me uncomfortable. There’s no need to have a conversation about it because I understand the situation, I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”

  “Eden, she was volunteering.”

  “I know. Janette told me everything. That’s why I said we don’t need to have a conversation about it. You clearly noticed my unease around her so I thought I would be honest with you and tell you how I feel about it.”

  I couldn’t understand her tone. She didn’t seem mad or upset. She wasn’t angry, and she certainly wasn’t happy, but she was feeling something. She called it being uncomfortable, but I didn’t understand why if she knew the story. “Are you about to tell me you don’t want me to have anything to do with Gabi?”

  Her eyes grew large on her face as she looked at me. Her eyebrows raised up and pinched together in the middle as if she were surprised by my question. “Heavens no, Dane. That woman has been through enough in her life. She needs all the support she can get. And if you give that to her then I’m okay with that. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t like the idea of you running to her rescue every time she needs it, but I would never ask you to turn your back on someone that needs help. Your caring nature is what I fell in love with, and I would never ask that you lose it.”

  I fucking knew it! I knew she loved me. I couldn’t wipe the shit-eating grin off my face. She fucking fell in love with me. I had waited months to hear her admit it and nothing prepared me for what it would feel like to finally hear those words fall from her lips.

  I pounced on her, threw my full body weight on top of her like a lion going after its prey. She let out a squealing laugh and I felt it through my whole body. I’m sure she felt it on hers, too, once I pressed myself into her. There was no denying my reaction to her.

  “Dane, we still need to talk,” she huffed out in short breaths.

  “Tell me to stop and I will,” I answered as my hand fished its way beneath her long dress until it found her sweet spot. She was so fucking wet. There was no denying her body’s reaction to me, either.

  I moved the side of her underwear until my fingers were touching her bare cunt. I took one swipe through her folds, moving her juices from the back to her clit, before adding a little pressure until she moaned, “Mmm, don’t stop.” Her hips moved into my hand, finding a rhythm. Once she found one, I switched things up. She grunted in protest until I pushed a finger inside of her.

  Oh sweet baby Jesus. I thought I would lose my load at the feeling. She was warm and wet. I pulled it out and then inserted two. My lips found hers but we could barely kiss beyond the heavy panting we were both doing.

  “I’ve fucking missed this pussy,” I growled out into her open mouth.

  “It has missed you, too.”

  The last time it had taken me almost a day to bring her out of her quiet shell. Her words were what ran through my head on a loop every time I was in the shower. I wasn’t going to wait that long again. I needed to hear her.

  “How much, Eden? How much has your pussy missed me? Tell me.”

  “So fucking much.” Her voice was strained. Her answer wasn’t good enough, but I couldn’t stop finger fucking her. I wanted to stop until she answered me the way I wanted her to, but she was about to come and the sight of that was also something I had missed.

  Her head arched back against the leather seat and her mouth opened. Her hips bucked up as she lifted her ass off the seat, pressing into my pumping fingers more. The lights from inside the limo lit up her face. I watched as it turned red just before her cunt tightened around my fingers and squeaky gasps were released into the cab. I thought I was about to nut right then as I watched her orgasm wash over her.

  I let her ride it out before pulling my hand from beneath her dress. I tasted her come from my fingers as I licked them clean. She watched from her relaxed position in her seat and I saw the glimmer in her eyes as she took in what I was doing.

  After only a second, she was up and on the floorboard in front of me. Her hands worked my pants quickly as she tugged them open and down just enough to spring my cock free. It was so heavy I knew it wouldn’t last long.

  Her hand tightened around my shaft and she squeezed, looking me right in the eyes. She pulled herself up my body just enough to press her lips to my softly. I wanted more but she pulled her face away. I felt her hot and heavy breaths on my ear just before she spoke.

  “You may have missed my pussy, but I can guarantee you I’ve missed your cock more.”

  “Oh yeah?” I questioned her, egging her on for more.

  “Yeah,” she said just before licking my ear and pulling my earlobe into her mouth. She pressed it between her teeth as she started slowly, achingly, jacking me off in her hand. “My hands have missed it. My pussy has missed it. And my mouth has missed it. But what I’ve missed most is the taste of your come on my tongue as I swallow it.”

  “Eden,” I barely grunted out her name. “Sweetheart, I won’t last long. I’m just warning you now.”

  She pulled her face back and smiled, landing one more soft kiss on my lips before moving her mouth to my ever-ready cock. Her tongue stuck out and licked the tip, sending a warming sensation straight from the head to my balls. It was just one quick lick, one flicker of her tongue, and then she wrapped her lips around it.

  “Fuck, Eden,” I gasped, trying my hardest to not thrust to the back of her throat.

  Without warning, she stopped what she was doing and backed away. I opened my eyes and looked at her, wondering why she had stopped. I gave her a confused look and she gave me that sexy smirk.

  “I want you to fuck my mouth, Dane.”

  “What?” Hearing the sexiest woman alive tell you to fuck her mouth should be a no brainer. You should answer with a fistful of hair and her mouth full of your dick. Asking “what” should not ever come out of your mouth.

  “I said. I. Want you. To. Fuck my. Mouth. Is that a problem for you?”

  I wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice. I reached out and took her by the back of the head, pulling her face to my lap. Once her mouth was covering my cock, I pushed her head down and pulled her back up by her hair.

  I may have gotten five pumps in before I released my come in spurts to the back of her throat. I let my hold on her head go and she sucked my cock until it popped from her mouth. I had so much to say, but I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.

  That was when I realized we were stopped. Looking out the window, I noticed we were home. I tucked myself back into my pants and then opened the door. Before the car drove away, I noticed a car in my driveway. I took one look at it and noticed it was
Eden’s. I looked at her, silently questioning why and how her car was already there.

  “Janette had something to do with that. And my bags are already inside.”

  I needed to remember to give Janette a raise. “So is she the reason you’re here?”

  “No. You are. But we still need to talk and I’m dying to see that dock.”

  I wrapped my coat around her shoulders and we both headed through the house to the backyard. “Why did you ignore me for months, Eden?” I asked as soon as we sat down.

  She took a deep breath and looked out over the lake. “I was angry, Dane. To begin with, I was pissed and angry. You chose her over me.”

  “I don’t understand. You just told me on the way here that you fell in love with me because I cared about people. So why would you have been so mad at me for doing just that? I was doing exactly what you said you loved me for.”

  She bit her lip and looked over at me. “There is a difference between being a caring person going to someone’s aid, than a reckless and angry man avenging the honor of the one he had once promised his future to. It makes it worse when he leaves behind the one he also promised to never abandon. You gave me no explanation, yet you had time to call Janette before getting arrested.” Her words were spoken carefully and full of pain.

  “I’m so sorry, Eden. That’s not at all how I meant it to be.”

  “Maybe not, but that’s exactly how it was. And I felt hurt and betrayed. I didn’t hear from you for a day and a half. You spent the night in jail and then went straight to Gabi again. I worked for you, Dane. You had to have known I would’ve found out where you went. There’s no way you could have been ignorant enough to think you could have gone to the hospital to see her immediately after being released from jail and I wouldn’t have found out. That turned the hurt and betrayal into anger.”

  “So you were mad at me for months? I called you. I sent you flowers and gifts and text messages. I wrote you letters and sent emails. I explained to you and begged you to hear me out. I chose you, Eden.”

  “I was angry when I left. That anger turned into pain. And that pain turned into resentment. I never asked you to choose me. I have always told you to choose you. And you didn’t do that.”