Murder at St. Winifred's Academy

by J. D. Griffo

  In the films, Theodora Greenfield, Teddy for short, was Daisy’s paternal grandmother, and after Daisy’s parents were killed in a private plane crash while flying home from a ski vacation in the Swiss Alps, Teddy took Daisy in and raised her as her own. She was sophisticated, smart, well-dressed, well-bred, and a bon vivant. An Auntie Mame without a boozy best friend and poor accounting skills. Most important, Teddy loved Daisy with all her heart and soul. It was the combination of this lonely young girl who needed to be loved and this grandmother who was overflowing with enough love to warm the hearts of generations of children that made the series such a roaring success.

  They argued over which movie was the best. Was it Daisy Learns a Lesson or Daisy’s the Toast of Hollywood? Alberta and Joyce voted for Daisy Joins the Circus, but Sloan and Helen claimed that no film was better than Daisy Visits the White House. However, they all agreed that the most poignant film in the series was Daisy Finds True Love. The film showcased Daisy’s marriage to Willie Mueller, the butcher’s son from Hell’s Kitchen, a triumph of love over class distinction. The couple wasn’t sure their families would approve of their union because they came from different worlds and, at first, their suspicions were validated. But when Teddy and Willie’s widowed father, Milo, got locked inside the butcher store’s meat freezer, the two realized they had more commonalities than differences, starting with their shared dream that Daisy and Willie would find true happiness.

  The movie ended with Daisy and Willie’s lavish wedding and the two leaving for a six-month honeymoon traveling through Europe. It also signaled the end of the film’s franchise. While Vinny, along with many other young men at the time, hoped Daisy’s marriage would end in divorce so she’d be free to appear in their fantasies as a girl they could make their own, the only thing that ended was Missy’s career.

  “She never made another movie?” Jinx asked.

  “Not another Daisy Greenfield movie,” Vinny replied.

  “She made some B movies and did the talk show circuit in the ’70s,” Sloan added.

  “Other than that, Missy has been out of the public’s eye since then,” Alberta said. “And I don’t recall her ever doing a play.”

  “She never has,” Nola confirmed. “This will be her first.”

  “Missy must be one brave woman,” Joyce said. “I hate to be ageist at my age, but will she be able to remember her lines?”

  “If my sister can do it, so can she,” Alberta said.

  It was the moment Helen was hoping for so she didn’t have to make the announcement herself, and she was thrilled that there was a dramatic pause after Alberta’s innocent remark. She fought the urge to speak and allowed the words to settle in until she was sure that everyone understood their meaning. She had been practicing her next line and wanted to make sure it had the proper impact.

  “Sonopronto per il mio primo piano,” Helen announced.

  “What close-up?” Sal asked. “And why are you ready for it?”

  “Because Missy Michaels is gonna be my costar!” Helen declared.

  As expected, Father Sal showed signs of apoplexy. He coughed, he sputtered, he gesticulated wildly, and when he finally spoke, he sounded roughly the same age as Missy did when she made her screen debut.

  “I wanna be in the play too!” Sal shrieked.

  Nola made a futile attempt to advise Sal that the auditions were the following week, but he declared, as Helen had earlier, that he would not audition and that Nola had to give him the part of Jonathan Brewster, brother to the spinster sisters, the role originated on the stage by Boris Karloff.

  “I’m sure you’d be wonderful as Jonathan, but I can’t give parts away willy-nilly before the auditions start,” Nola said.

  “Give me the part, Nola, or I will tell everyone everything you’ve ever shared with me in the confessional,” Sal declared.

  Everyone was shocked that a priest would use his priestly duties in such an unpriestly manner. Everyone except Helen.

  “I told ya he’d be jealous,” Helen said, grinning from ear to ear.

  “Oh, how you vex me, Helen!” Sal seethed.

  “Please, Father Sal, you can’t tattle on me,” Nola pleaded. “That goes against every oath you’ve taken.”

  “There are very few things I would cross a line for,” Sal said. “A bottle of 1811 Chateau d’Yquem, a pair of Testoni loafers in buttery calfskin, and the chance to star opposite Missy Michaels.”

  Throwing up her hands in defeat, Nola yelled, “Fine! But that is it. If anyone else wants to be in the show, they’ll have to audition, and the director has final say!”

  “That reminds me, Nola. If you’re not going to direct like you usually do, who will?” Alberta asked.

  “My boyfriend,” Nola replied.

  Immediately, Alberta felt a knot grow in the pit of her stomach, a feeling she had learned not to ignore. Whenever she experienced this sensation it was a harbinger of doom, a physical foreshadowing of bad things to come. Alberta didn’t know who Nola’s boyfriend was, but she sensed very strongly that he was going to do more than direct this show. He was going to bring trouble to Tranquility. And when he did, no one in town would be safe.

  CHAPTER 4

  Tutto il mondo è un palcoscenico.

  A star was reborn.

  The entire town of Tranquility was buzzing with the news of Missy Michaels’s imminent arrival. At first no one could believe that the former child star was coming out of retirement and making a beeline to perform on the stage at St. Winifred’s Academy. But when they heard how Nola dangled a carrot in front of Missy, assuring her that she could make her comeback in relative obscurity, everyone understood why the aging actress had chosen their town as the place where she would once again perform for an adoring public. The realization, however, had made Tranquility a bit less tranquil.

  All over town the denizens were making plans to celebrate the arrival of Tranquility’s most famous, if only temporary, new resident and conjuring up ways to give Missy a queen’s welcome. Ignoring that the primary reason Missy had agreed to perform in Arsenic and Old Lace with the Tranquility Players was the assured anonymity of her presence, almost every small business owner was preparing to exploit the actress’s name in the hopes of boosting sales.

  The Tranquility Country Club put Missy’s Manhattan on their cocktail menu, which was simply the standard drink garnished with a daisy along with a cherry. Alberta’s hairdresser, Adrianna, added the Daisy Bob as a new style choice at A Cut Above so any customer could get the chin-length-bob-and-bangs look Missy sported in her early movies. Even the owner of the new Tranquility Diner, which was formerly Veronica’s Diner but renamed once it was bought from the old owners, added the PBJ&F to their menu because Daisy’s favorite food was a peanut butter, jelly, and French fries sandwich. There was no doubt about it, the town was experiencing Missymania.

  At Nola’s request, Vinny instructed his officers to remind the population that if they turned Missy’s arrival into fan-hungry fodder for coverage on Entertainment Tonight, there was a very good chance that the actress would cancel her comeback before she ever set foot in town. It did the trick, and collectively, everyone agreed to corral their enthusiasm and wipe the stardust from their eyes. They kept their Missy-centric items on their menus and available for purchase but didn’t advertise them so boldly. In other words, they put the tranquil back into their town’s name.

  When Alberta told Joyce about Nola’s latest stunt, her sister-in-law didn’t react with the same amount of tranquility.

  “What do you mean, she used me?” Joyce asked.

  “She really had no other choice,” Alberta replied. “I know it isn’t fair, but we need you to take one for the team.”

  “Berta!” Joyce cried. “Are you suggesting I agree to an indecent proposal?”

  “Indecent?” Alberta questioned. She repeated her comment in her head, and this time she heard the indecency that was slathered over her words. “Dio mio! I didn’t mean it the way it so
unded. Gi urso su Dio.”

  Laughing, Joyce reassured Alberta that she didn’t think she was really suggesting Joyce compromise her virtue. However, she still didn’t know how she was being used.

  “Nola has arranged for Missy to stay at the Tranquility Arms for the rehearsal period and during the run of the show for free,” Alberta explained.

  “How’d she ever manage to do that?” Joyce asked. “Sanjay is a notorious tightwad.”

  While the Tranquility Arms had a reputation for being a cozy and inviting bed-and-breakfast, its owner, Sanjay Achinapura, was well-known for being a miser.

  “That is true,” Alberta agreed. “He does have the first rupee he ever made framed and hanging behind the front desk.”

  “Then why did he agree to let Missy stay at the Arms for free?” Joyce asked. “And even though I’d rather not know, how exactly am I involved?”

  “Because Nola promised him an opening-night ticket sitting right next to you,” Alberta replied.

  The second thing Sanjay was well-known for was his not-so-subtle crush on Joyce. He had asked her for a date on numerous occasions, but each time she gently reminded him that she was a married lady. He would always respond that his wife was a married lady too, so they had something in common. As expected, Sanjay was unsuccessful in convincing Joyce that because his wife, Urja, was living back home in Mumbai with his parents and their three children, she wouldn’t interfere with their romance.

  Another woman might be furious by such a misogynistic comment, but Joyce didn’t survive working on Wall Street in the ’80s by having thin skin. She was used to men like Sanjay. She didn’t particularly like them, but she knew from past experience that Sanjay fell into the category of annoying yet harmless. If sharing an armrest with Sanjay during the opening night of the play would help out Nola, she was up for the challenge. She was also secure in the knowledge that if he crossed a line and she had to change seats in Act II, causing Sanjay to renege on his bartered deal to provide free housing to the show’s star, she was rich enough to pay the remainder of Missy’s hotel bill. Who says money can’t buy happiness?

  “That’s fine with me,” Joyce said. “If it will give Nola one less thing to worry about, I’ll be Sanjay’s date for the opening.”

  “Are you sure, Joyce?” Alberta asked. “I am not a fan of the man. You know I don’t trust anyone who isn’t generous.”

  “Once you get past the miserly thing and his penchant for infidelity, he isn’t so bad,” Joyce confessed. “Also too, he makes a delicious shrimp curry.”

  “When have you tasted the man’s shrimp curry?” Alberta asked.

  “He made a bet with me once,” Joyce explained. “He told me that if I loved his shrimp curry, I had to go on a date with him.”

  “But you just said he makes a delicious shrimp curry,” Alberta said.

  “You know that and I know that, but I never told him that,” Joyce said. “I keep telling Sanjay there’s something not right with it and he should try again. I think he’s on his fifth recipe and each one is better than the last.”

  “Volpe furba,” Alberta said. “I can’t believe he keeps falling for it.”

  “I may be a sly fox,” Joyce declared. “But like Jinx said, boys are dumb.”

  * * *

  Jinx, on the other hand, was turning into one smart reporter. Whether a story fell into her lap or she had to go searching for it, she was learning to use every opportunity to her advantage. If she overheard an intriguing conversation, she followed up on it to determine if it deemed further investigation. If she read an article about an event taking place in another part of the world, she researched the topic to see if it had local ramifications or would be of interest to her readers. She had trained herself to be prepared to sniff out a story before it even was a story.

  When Nola told her that a major celebrity was going to star in her production, her first reaction was that she was thrilled for her friend. But as Nola started to tell her more about who Missy was and what she had accomplished in her career, Jinx knew a large portion of The Herald demographic would love to read more about the long-forgotten star. Within minutes, Jinx had secured an exclusive interview with Missy, and when she told Wyck about her scoop, her boss spun around in his chair several times before banging his fist on his desk and shouting, “I can always count on you to give our readers what they want!”

  “Thanks, Wyck,” Jinx said. “I really do feel like I know how to reach them. Even if I had no idea who this Missy person was a week ago.”

  Troy Wycknowski, Wyck to everyone who knew him, was the editor-in-chief of The Upper Sussex Herald and a man who had a flair for drama whether in print or real life. He threw himself back in his chair and clutched his heart as if he had just been shot. This time when he spun around he did it slowly, with his head hanging to the right and his tongue hanging out of his mouth. It was like a scene out of an old melodrama and, considering their topic of conversation, not entirely inappropriate.

  “That wounds me to hear you say that, Jinx,” Wyck said. “It really does.”

  “Should I call a medic?” Jinx asked.

  “I’m serious,” Wyck said. “Missy Michaels is a living legend. She should be widely known, not on the verge of being rediscovered.”

  “Save your spiel, I’ve already heard how wonderful she is from my grandmother, my aunts, Sloan, and the chief of police,” Jinx replied. “I think Father Sal has a shrine to her hidden in the tabernacle.”

  “And don’t forget Teddy!” Wyck shouted.

  “The grandmother?” Jinx inquired.

  “Yes!” Wyck shouted even louder. “She was the best part of the series.”

  “I thought Daisy was the character everybody loved,” Jinx said.

  “She was, but Teddy was single, rich, and owned a New York penthouse,” Wyck said. “That grandmother was the woman of my dreams.”

  The next day, when the director of Arsenic and Old Lace met Helen on the first day of auditions, he felt like he had just met the woman of his dreams.

  “I never thought I’d find a method actress hiding out in the suburbs,” Johnny gushed. “Thank you for dressing in character. It shows true commitment to your craft, and that is rare to find these days.”

  Helen gave herself the once-over from head to toe and realized that she was giving her director the wrong first impression. “This is what I always wear,” Helen said. “Including my pocky.”

  “Your pocky?” Johnny asked.

  “My pocketbook,” Helen replied. “Does no one understand slang?”

  “Nola!” Johnny cried out. “Look who I found to play Martha Brewster.”

  Clutching her clipboard to her chest, which held the names of all the local hopefuls waiting to audition, Nola bounded over to the back of the theatre where Johnny and Helen were standing. She had not yet found the courage to inform Johnny that Helen as well as Father Sal had already been cast in their roles, so she was thrilled to hear this news.

  “Helen Ferrara as Martha Brewster is brilliant casting!” Nola squealed.

  “I couldn’t have picked a better actress to play opposite Missy Michaels,” Johnny said. “They’ll complement each other perfectly.”

  “You’re a genius, Johnny,” Nola declared.

  Helen understood the dynamic playing out in front of her, and while she wasn’t an advocate of fabricating falsehoods, she didn’t want to contradict her director and her producer before the first day of rehearsal. When she witnessed Nola’s next move, Helen realized just how savvy and manipulative the schoolteacher could be. She wasn’t sure if she was impressed or made uneasy by the skill in which Nola sidestepped the truth.

  “And I found the ideal Jonathan Brewster!” Nola exclaimed. “You must meet Father Sal, I know you’ll agree he should be cast in the role.”

  Johnny’s face lit up like one of the million lights on Broadway. “We really are the perfect team, aren’t we?”

  “On- and offstage,” Nola replied.

&nb
sp; “Consider yourself cast as one of my leads, Helen,” Johnny announced.

  “What a wonderful surprise!” Helen exclaimed, continuing to lie. “I couldn’t have cast it better myself.”

  Helen couldn’t help but cast a conspiratorial smile in Nola’s direction that Johnny, still in director mode, didn’t catch.

  “Now if you’ll excuse us,” Johnny said. “I need to meet the man who’s going to play your brother.”

  Although Helen had never been in a relationship with a man, she didn’t think lying to your boyfriend was the foundation for a healthy partnership. In this instance, however, it had yielded favorable results. Helen had the role she wanted and Johnny had no idea that his power as director had been usurped, so they both came out of the negotiations feeling victorious. As Helen watched Nola take Johnny by the hand and lead him to the other side of the theatre to introduce him to Father Sal, she could sense even more victory. If body language was any indication, the couple was indeed standing on very solid ground. Helen didn’t realize that they had been ever since their first encounter.

  Johnny Fenn met Nola Kirkpatrick when they were both waiting in line to snag last-minute tickets to see an off-off Broadway production of Long Day’s Journey into Night starring former sitcom stars Tony Danza and Joyce DeWitt. They wound up sitting next to each other, and by the middle of the four-and-a-half-hour performance they felt their journey into downtown theatre had lasted long enough, so they split during intermission and spent the rest of the night at The Scratcher, a dive bar near the theatre, talking about how they would’ve directed the production and the necessary cuts they would’ve made to Eugene O’Neill’s ingenious, but wordy, script. After their third drink they agreed that either one of their interpretations would’ve been smash hits that would have made the leap to Broadway.

  By the time they shared a cab back to Grand Central Station so they could catch their respective trains to New Jersey—she to Mount Olive, the nearest station to Tranquility, and he to Parsippany—they had shared their first kiss and made plans to meet the next night for dinner at a more respectable establishment. They had been practically inseparable ever since.