by Ayles, Abby
Despite returning to England some time ago now, he had only attended the masquerade ball hosted by Lord and Lady Morrison. He had otherwise been at Mountbank. This would be society’s great chance to express their newfound or reaffirmed opinions of him.
The house was already filled with guests. John scanned the crowd, trying to see who he could recognize. Many people he registered as dim acquaintances, but there weren’t many there he could call friends.
Miss Natalie spied several people she admired and took Emma’s arm, guiding her over so that she might introduce them.
John watched as Miss Natalie took his sister in hand, literally and figuratively. She moved Emma through the crowd with a deft hand and introduced her to various people, many of them eligible young men.
John felt something inside of him settle as he watched Miss Natalie helping out his sister. Emma needed a friend like that. She’d had no real girl friend or sister figure in her life. Miss Natalie being that for her and watching out for her made John feel less afraid. It helped him to know that there was someone besides himself watching out for his sister.
“Ridgecleff, my dear man, where have you been?”
John turned to see Mr. Perry, the son of an old friend of his father’s and someone he had spent quite a lot of time with over the years. Hence the dropping of the honorific and calling John only by his last name.
“Perry, good to see you.”
They shook hands. Perry was an affable man with a wide smile and an easygoing nature. He was the kind of sociable where he was not overly charming or popular, never in the center of the room.
Rather, he was on the sides, the sort of gentleman who made himself friendly with everyone and was just the sort of nice man that everyone always wanted around. Not a one had a bad thing to say about Perry. He was like a breath of fresh air.
John heaved an inner sigh of relief. At least there was one person here with whom he could be himself.
“I had heard of your return from the Continent,” Perry said. “That did not surprise me nearly so much as the announcement of your engagement.”
“Did you not think me capable of finding a woman who would say yes?” John replied, grinning easily.
Perry chuckled. “More like I was unsure that you could find a woman to suit your tastes. I must commend you on your choice, however.”
“You think the lady a fine one, then?” John asked. Perry was not the sort of man to speak ill of anyone, especially out of turn. Still, he knew his friend would give him an honest assessment.
“Why, do you doubt her?” Perry laughed, clearly intending it as a joke. “Miss Natalie has always been a fine companion. You would be hard-pressed to find a better option for a hostess for your balls. She is quite clever, as well. I should have liked to get to know her better had you not snapped her up first.”
John was surprised at the rush of heat that filled his chest. It wasn’t the warmth of joy or pleasure that he got when he was with those he cared about. It was harsher, more surprising.
Could it be that he was…but no, that would be ridiculous.
“It is not that I doubt her,” John said carefully. “It is only that I have not had much occasion to see her in such public spaces. I am accustomed to her out in the country.”
“Ah, I’m sure she’s charming without the distractions of the ball.” Perry smiled. “I’m afraid I have never had the luck to spend more than five minutes with her. She is always being drawn to another person. Such is the life of a popular woman, is it not?”
John knew that he could very well say some things to disillusion his friend. Had it been a month earlier, he might well have disabused Perry of the notion of Miss Natalie’s charms and found an advisor, someone to confide in.
But now…
He looked across the ballroom to see Miss Natalie speaking to some other young ladies. She was smiling, saying something, and the others around her all laughed.
She really did look beautiful. And she was charming when she wanted to be.
And she had done quite a lot to try and improve over the last few weeks. She had become better at listening and had become more considerate in her manner.
Even now, watching her, John could see that she was not dominating the conversation. She was standing and listening intently to something that another lady was saying. She no longer seemed bored or as though she was only listening for propriety’s sake.
John felt his chest swell a little with pride. Although he knew that he had done nothing but lecture her. It was not that he was proud of himself or his involvement. More that he was proud of her, that she had taken his words to heart and was doing so much better for herself.
He also felt that spike of heat again in his chest as he saw a young man approach the group. The gentleman was not someone John knew but most likely quite respectable. There was no reason for him to grow irrationally irritated when the young man engaged Miss Natalie in conversation.
This was a ball, the place where, of all places, young people might be introduced to one another and make new acquaintances. And Miss Natalie was not married. She did not yet wear a wedding ring. Of course, a young man seeing a pretty girl should wish to find a way to get introduced. Miss Natalie wasn’t going to run off with him.
But what if she found him, or another young man, more to her liking than John?
He had done little to earn her affections, after all. He had scolded her and all but railed at her. He had spent most of his time holed up in the office conducting business. Some courtship he had given her.
He had given her flowers, of course, and ribbons. Tried to give her gifts to make up for his absence in behavior and thought. But surely that wasn’t enough. A woman needed a man’s presence as well. She needed his words and his active participation.
He had really been a horrible fiancé. He would not blame Miss Natalie if now, back in London society, she saw him unfavorably compared to the many more attentive men who would surround her.
“Perry,” John said, almost thinking aloud. “If you were to try and show a lady your affection, how would you go about it? A lady to whom you are allowed to show such affection, that is.”
“I take it the green-eyed monster is striking,” Perry noted. His eyes tracked the young gentleman speaking with Miss Natalie and her companions. “I am not surprised you are a little possessive.”
“I am not…” John swallowed his words. He could hardly explain how he felt without revealing the ludicrous circumstances of their engagement.
It wasn’t that he was possessive—was he? He had little right to be possessive of Miss Natalie in the romantic sense. She was his fiancée and soon to be his wife, yes. He supposed there was the right there. But he knew Miss Natalie wasn’t going to betray him.
It wasn’t a fear that she would disgrace her good name and his. That would give him the right to be possessive. But surely he had no other. If he felt more, then that might suggest…
Ugh. His thoughts were all muddled up in his head. He couldn’t think properly.
“There are the usual gifts, of course,” Perry went on. “But I should think that you would be well acquainted with how to woo a woman. I have heard stories of your flirtations on the Continent.”
“Flirtations are different from a proper wooing, as you surely are aware.” A flirtation meant nothing in the end, although it might lead to something and was why many women placed too many hopes upon it.
“I am well aware, that is true,” Perry conceded. “But don’t all matters of wooing start with flirtations?” He looked over at John, frowning slightly. “Are you experiencing concerns, Ridgecleff?”
John held in his sigh. “Not exactly. It is more that…I’ve been busy, as of late. My father is preparing for me to take over the day-to-day matters of the estate at Mountbank.”
“A wise decision. So many men stubbornly hold onto their responsibilities and do not prepare their sons, then when the man dies the estate is mismanaged through want of training.”
“I agree, yet it has left me unable to devote the proper time to my intended.” That was all that John dared to say. He trusted Perry, but he did not trust that someone else might not be overhearing. It happened so often at these balls.
Not to mention that Perry might let something slip out by accident. John did not wish for either himself or Miss Natalie to be embarrassed by his own carelessness.
“That is an easily smoothed over matter, I should think,” Perry observed. “Personally, I should treat her as you would any young lady with whom you are beginning a flirtation.”
“That seems to me rather callous.”
“Nonsense. My sister—she was married two years ago as you well know—confided to me that when her husband flirted with her it made her feel desirable again. As though she was still a young lady out on her first season.
“It reminds her that she is still someone that you find pretty and engaging. That you are caring enough about her opinion of her to make an effort just as you would with someone you did not yet know well. It shows that you do not take her for granted.”
John thought about that. He hadn’t even really flirted with Miss Natalie in the first place. She must think he did not care for her at all.
Did he, care for her?
He watched her as she moved about the ballroom. It seemed as though she knew everyone, and everyone knew her. People were stopping her to chat, always exclaiming and smiling, glad to see her.
If he had gotten a chance to see her like this…in her element…
He could easily see why so many men had fallen for her initially. She was laughing, smiling, making others laugh. She looked radiant in her dress, with her hair done up like that, revealing her pale swan neck and framing her face.
Yes, he could imagine himself falling for her had he met her in this setting. Such a vivacious young lady. How could he not?
Perry laughed. “You look quite struck, my friend. Lightning could hit you and you wouldn’t notice.”
John shook himself. “I assure you, I look no such thing.”
“You cannot even see yourself. I had worried considering how quickly you seemed to take a lady for your intended. I thought perhaps something might be afoot. But now I see that you are merely trapped in love the same as many other men.”
John felt his stomach twist. He couldn’t tell if it was a pleasant feeling or not. On the one hand he felt embarrassed, called out. On the other hand, he felt something inside of him soar a bit, like a dog that hears its name being called and perks up its head to say yes, that’s me, here I am.
“I can hardly blame you,” Perry went on.
“I am not the sort of man to fall in love abruptly,” John replied. “I proposed to her for her name and her face and qualities. You know that I do not believe in this whole true love business.”
“Yes,” Perry drawled, his tone dry, “and you not being in love with her is why you are staring at her in such an intense manner whenever a young man speaks to her. Come now, you can’t think I’m stupid.”
“I never suggested such a thing.”
“You don’t sound particularly happy at the idea of being in love.”
“How many of us are truly in love when we marry, Perry? It is a luxury, you know that. Marriage is to find someone you can esteem who will help secure the continuation of the gentry. Something such as love…it’s fantastical.”
His voice was firm, yet his words sounded feeble. Like they were excuses he was giving himself just as much as Perry.
“Yet it’s something we can find unexpectedly,” Perry said. “Surely you did not propose to the woman without feeling some manner of warm feelings towards her.”
If only he knew.
“Is it not possible that at some point along the way something greater than esteem crept into your heart while you were not looking for it?”
John glared at his friend. “Perhaps you have been reading too many of those new novels, Perry.”
“It is merely a suggestion,” Perry replied, still good-natured.
John watched as Miss Natalie was asked to dance. She could hardly say no. Although she was engaged and would be certain to tell the young man so, only once a woman was married—or if she was the hostess of the party—did she have the excuse of not dancing.
Men had no such privilege even after they were married. If a man was married and there were young ladies without partners, he was obliged to dance with them still.
Ironically, a man was not allowed to dance with his wife. It was considered rude, for of course a man would favor his own wife and many a man would dance only with her if he could. The purpose of dancing was for young people to strike up an acquaintance and perhaps find a match for marriage. Therefore, a married person should have no reason to dance. A married man should only dance to oblige any poor young ladies stuck without partners.
Miss Natalie curtsied and allowed the young man to lead her out onto the dance floor. It would be rude of her to say no, despite her engagement.
John could not help the feeling of frustration that he felt, however. He could, if he wanted, dance with her as well and put his name on her dance card. As her fiancé he could, in fact, take the privilege of dancing with her twice.
Yet he found that he did not merely wish to dance with her. He wanted to cut in and inform the young man that Miss Natalie was already with someone else. With him.
Perhaps Perry was not so far off the mark after all.
Perhaps…while he had not been looking, he had developed stronger feelings for Miss Natalie than he had expected.
He engaged Perry in a discussion of other matters concerning mutual acquaintances and such. The entire time, he kept an eye on Miss Natalie.
She was an exceptional dancer and seemed almost to him to be showing herself off. He could see many other young men watching her. They were undoubtedly planning to ask her to dance as well—and unfortunately, they could, for he was certain that she knew many of them.
John felt that spike of dangerous heat inside of him again, that desire to remind everyone that Miss Natalie was his intended and not a lady for the rest of them to consider as a potential wife.
He watched as she moved across the floor. They were not to be married this season. As a respect to Miss Elizabeth and her intended Mr. Denny, they had to wait a short bit after their wedding in order to be married themselves.
He would have to take advantage, then, of this one opportunity to dance with Miss Natalie. He was reminded of how he had enjoyed the one dance they had together at the masquerade ball. He would dance with her as much as he could this season both for his own pleasure and to remind everyone assembled that they were, indeed, engaged.
Perry had a point—wooing began with flirtation. And he had not bothered to truly flirt with Miss Natalie. He hadn’t taken the time to show her that she was desirable to him.
And she was, he was realizing, desirable to him. He felt possessive towards her. He wanted to remind people that she was his and his alone. That they were partners. He wanted to make her blush and laugh and feel wanted and valued.
When he saw that Miss Natalie was free, he excused himself from Perry.
“Off to stake your claim?” Perry said, smiling in a manner that was entirely too knowing.
“When you are engaged, Perry, I shall take great pleasure in poking fun at your state,” John replied. He felt entirely justified in getting a parting shot in. Perry was having rather too much fun with the idea of John being a fool in love.
He moved through the ballroom towards Miss Natalie. She was practically surrounded by men, and he could see them talking while she held out her dance card.
At one point he lost her in the crowd, and then suddenly felt a hand on his arm.
It was Emma.
“John!” she said, sounding breathless. She held up her dance card. “Miss Natalie filled my card for me!”
John stared at her, uncomprehending. “What do you mean?”
Emma’s smile
could have lit up the entire room, or so it seemed to him. He had rarely seen her so energetic in her happiness.
“Miss Natalie danced with one of the young men with whom she had previously made an acquaintance. She then talked to every man who came up to dance with her after and explained that her dance card had her fiancé on it next but she would be happy to direct them to me.
“She simply praised me up one side and down the other, said that I taught her everything that she knew! I was quite speechless. But my dance card is quite full, look.”
Emma showed him that, indeed, her dance card was already filled for the evening. John recognized several family names—all of them quite rich and respectable.
Miss Natalie had managed to fill his sister’s dance card with the most eligible men in the ballroom.
John sucked in a breath. This was quite selfless of Miss Natalie. It was, quite honestly, something he had not expected from her. He knew how much Miss Natalie loved to dance and interact with others.
Yet she had refused a dozen offers to dance, risking being called rude and insolent, in order to give his sister the best partners. She had made sure that his sister’s first ball would be a memorable one where she made valuable connections with potential suitors.
It was clever and thoughtful of her. John hadn’t thought for a moment that she was dancing for any reason other than she wanted to. But she must have done so in order to get the attention of all her male acquaintances.
Giving Emma a dance card like that would give her an immense leg up on finding a suitor for her to marry. Saying that Emma had taught Miss Natalie all of her dancing and conversation was also a huge benefit to his sister. Miss Natalie was known for her conversation and dancing at balls.
John had admittedly not thought Miss Natalie capable of such a thing. He had to thank her.
“She said that I was the next partner on her dance card, did she not?” he asked.
Emma nodded. “The next quadrille will be starting soon, you ought to find her so that she does not seem a liar or rude.”