Blake Byron: Paranormal Investigator

by Andrew Beymer

  “I knew you didn’t have it in you to hurt them,” he sneered.

  I was getting sick and fucking tired of this. Something snapped inside me. I brought the gun up and fired off one shot. The SUV hissed behind me and I heard a scream somewhere in the house that was almost a match for the scream the old chief let out.

  Though he really wasn’t all that old for a chief of police. I got the feeling that sucking some vampire cock on the public dime probably had something to do with his rapid rise through the ranks.

  “You shot me!” he screamed, holding up his hand and staring in horror at the spot where his middle finger had been moments ago.

  “Yeah, and now every time you look at your hand you can think of me flipping you the bird,” I said.

  The screaming drew closer. The chief’s wife appeared at the door. She looked at the state of her husband’s hand, then to the hissing SUV with steam escaping from under the hood as whatever mechanical thing I’d hit that wasn’t designed for bullets dealt with a sudden change in the world where bullets were suddenly part of its world.

  “Honey?” she shrieked. “What’s going on?”

  “Get back in the house and…”

  “Stop right there,” I said, my voice quiet. It didn’t hold a candle to some of the screaming, but it was enough to shut both of them the fuck up.

  Good. All that screaming was starting to give me a hell of a headache.

  I walked over and hit the garage door opener. It raised revealing a pair of headlights underneath attached to a nondescript sedan. The sort of thing a government agent might drive when they were trying to blend in, though they didn’t really blend in at all with those U.S. Government plates or the fact that they were driving a nondescript sedan that screamed “government agent” because they were the only ones who drove the damn things.

  Anderson leaned against the roof of the sedan shaking his head. Hooks scowled, but he looked like he was having a very difficult time keeping his government issue frown from turning upside down.

  “Evening chief,” Anderson said in a conversational tone as though the chief wasn’t standing there with a missing finger.

  “Told you we’d be back,” Hooks said.

  “I think I also remember mentioning something about how things would go pretty bad for anyone who didn’t want to help Uncle Sam deal with the little bloodsucking problem in this city,” Anderson said.

  “You know I do remember saying something like that,” Hooks said. “Right before someone started screaming at us to get the fuck out of his office, if memory serves.”

  “What the hell is going on here honey?” the chief’s wife asked. She’d gone from terrified to confused.

  “You’re going to go for a little ride with these nice men is what’s going on,” I said. “They’re going to make sure you and your family are safe, and they’re going to make sure they wring every last drop of information out of your prick of a husband.”

  “But…”

  “Get in the house and get the kids damn it!” the chief roared.

  “Did you really have to shoot him?” Hooks asked.

  “I guess I didn’t,” I said. “But it was a hell of a lot of fun.”

  “You cost me five bucks on that one,” Hooks said.

  I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help but smile too. These guys might be a little out there, but it seemed like they had my back and they were funny.

  Besides, I’d take whatever levity I could get right now.

  “Looks like a whole lot of nothing here,” I said. “They’re doing something big at The Factory but the big guy here doesn’t want to tell me what that something is.”

  “Don’t worry. We’ll get it out of him,” Anderson said. “At least if he wants his wife and kids to go to a safe location where the people he’s betraying can’t get them we’ll get it out of him.”

  I shook my head. “No dice. I’m going out there tonight and taking care of this. They have my little girl, and damn it I’m going to find her.”

  Anderson and Hooks looked at each other. I could tell what they were thinking without either of them opening their mouths. They were thinking that the last thing they needed was for me to go off half cocked and ruin everything because I started killing vampires indiscriminately.

  Finally Anderson shrugged.

  “I shouldn’t let you go out there and kick ass and take names, but that seems to be working for you so far so who am I to deny the master of mayhem?”

  “Exactly,” Hooks said. “Be sure to tell us what you find.”

  I looked down at my watch. Surprisingly it was only about two in the morning. This night felt like it had gone on forever, but there was still plenty of time for me to do some preparation and get back out to The Factory.

  “I have two more favors to ask you guys,” I said.

  “Depends on what the favor is,” Hooks replied.

  “Well first I’m going to need some explosives. Preferably of the plastic variety. Think you can swing that?”

  Anderson answered by popping the trunk. I whistled as I looked down at the impressive arsenal of toys that would’ve been highly illegal or gotten me on a watch list if I wasn’t getting them from the feds.

  “That’ll do nicely,” I said.

  “And for the second favor?” Anderson asked.

  “Think you guys could help me break into Reef Sensations down on Walnut?”

  “Reef what?” Hooks asked.

  “Trust me on this,” I said. “I just need a little help covering up some breaking and entering. It’ll be totally worth it.”

  They looked at each other like they were going to regret giving me what I wanted. It was a look they’d been exchanging just about every time I ran into them, but whatever.

  I had work to do, and I was going to need to update some of my weapons if I was walking into a vampire den.

  34

  Back to The Factory

  Amazingly enough everything looked the same as it had when I was out casing the joint earlier. There was still the long line of college students and probably more than a few townies trying to get in.

  Heck, a line that long meant there were probably people coming in from out of town too. I’d had time to do a little research on my phone on the drive into town, far more productive than beating the shit out of Higgins even if the temptation had been there.

  Amazing. Four in the morning and still there was a line. Bars and clubs around here were supposed to close at three unless it was on the one night a year when daylight savings sprang forward, but it looked like local booze laws meant as much to the vampires as every other law they were regularly bending and breaking.

  The place had been around for years. Operating quietly in the shadows. I wondered how long the bloodsuckers had been using this location for their nefarious games.

  I wondered how difficult it was going to be to take them out.

  Well, there was nothing for it but to get down to business. Anderson and Hooks had dropped me off a few blocks away. Said they didn’t want to be associated with this if everything went south.

  Their tones said they fully anticipated things going south very quickly. I was inclined to agree considering I was potentially going up against an entire night club full of vampires with nothing but my wits.

  Well, my wits and a whole shitload of custom vampire killing weapons I’d hidden under a leather jacket that was less than comfortable in this warm night air. There was that. If you were going against overwhelming odds it was always a good idea to bring some overwhelming firepower.

  Otherwise it would be an unfair fight with the other guy having the advantage, and where the hell was the fun in that?

  I recognized the bouncer as I got closer. It was clear from the way the bouncer stared me up and down that he remembered me from earlier. I grinned.

  Always nice to meet an old friend in a bad situation like this.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked.

  Other people in t
he line were glaring at me. Some were looking at me like I was crazy. I was wearing a leather jacket on a night that was way too warm for leather, after all, stuffed to the gills with everything I could think to stuff into a jacket if I was going to fight a bunch of vampires.

  Not to mention my trusty bat I’d retrieved from the grime of that back alley. A thing of beauty like that didn’t deserve to rot in the muck. Not when there were more vampires to kill.

  I was pissed off. Too pissed off to just whip out a squirt gun full of holy water and give this asshole a bit of the business.

  No, I kept right on walking until I was about even with the bouncer and I took a swing.

  He wasn’t expecting that. I got the feeling a guy as beefy as this one wasn’t used to people challenging him. Well that was tough shit. My little girl was probably in there somewhere and I was going to get her out, damn it.

  My fist slammed into the bouncer’s stomach and he bent in half like the little bitch I was pretty sure he was.

  People started screaming, but I wasn’t listening. My blood was pumping and I was enjoying this. After all, this was the guy guarding the entrance to what could very well be the largest vampire den in the region. Maybe even in the whole damn state.

  My knee came up and into the guy’s nuts. If he didn’t like the punch to the gut he really didn’t like taking a knee to his favorite piece of anatomy.

  Not my problem. I followed through with an uppercut that sent a tooth flying. Not a fang, but it would do.

  The guy stared at me, went cross eyed, and fell to the ground. He looked for all the world like a tree toppling over.

  It was a good sight. It made me feel pretty good about what I was doing out here. Then again I always felt good when I was able to take out some of my aggression in a positive way. Really work on my anger in a productive fashion.

  People were still screaming, but no one was running yet. Well it was time to change that. I pulled out one of the small squirt guns and hit the guy a couple of times.

  There was the space of a breath where I worried I might’ve been wrong about the guy. Maybe he wasn’t a vampire after all. Maybe he was just some asshole who was getting paid by bigger assholes.

  Then the guy started to sizzle. He looked for all the world like a plate of fajitas at some cheesy chain restaurant, and a moment later he actually caught fire.

  I turned away as the fire enveloped the guy. Yup. Definitely a vampire. I had no sympathy.

  I turned and looked down the line. Now everyone was standing stock still. Staring at me as though they were having a hell of a lot of trouble understanding what they’d just seen.

  I could sympathize. I would’ve had trouble believing it a few days ago. In those few days I’d discovered far too much about the way the world really worked, though.

  Time to get them out of here. The last thing I needed was a bunch of normies hanging around while I was trying to kill a bunch of bloodsuckers.

  “Anyone who isn’t a vampire better get the fuck out of here right now!” I shouted.

  They stared. A few blinked. None of them made a move to get the fuck out of there though.

  I sighed and rolled my eyes. Pulled my gun out and fired into the ground. Better than firing in the air where it might come down on some poor son-of-a-bitch.

  That got them moving. Oh yeah, you see an undead creature of the night melting away on the pavement and it’s not a big deal. Someone fires a gun and they all run like hell.

  Kids these days.

  Another bouncer stepped through the door. I eyed him long and hard. He stared at the people running across the lot and then down to the steaming pile of muck that had so recently been a bouncer.

  I arched an eyebrow and the guy held his hands up.

  “You’re him, aren’t you?” he asked.

  “Yup.”

  “Look, I just work the door for these fuckers. I don’t want any trouble,” he said.

  “Then you won’t have any fucking problem with this,” I said, raising my squirt gun and firing a few shots right in the guy’s face.

  There was a pause. The space of a breath. I was waiting for it this time.

  Nothing.

  “Huh,” I said. “You really aren’t a vampire are you?”

  “I told you I wasn’t,” he said. “So does that mean I’m free to go?”

  “What the fuck ever man,” I said. “They’re in there?”

  “Whole lot of them,” the guy said. “They’re really freaking me the fuck out. This isn’t like normal.”

  I sighed and shook my head. Of course it wouldn’t be like normal. Of course everything would be fucked up on the night I decided to head in there and fuck things up.

  I shouldn’t let the guy go. He’d enabled these assholes, after all. Any blood on the vampires’ hands was partly on his, too, but I didn’t have the time. If he wasn’t a bloodsucker he was getting a free pass he probably didn’t deserve.

  “Get out of here,” I said.

  The guy didn’t need to be told twice. He was the first person I’d met since all this started that didn’t need to be told twice to get the hell out.

  I looked at the doors. Looked around at the deserted lot all around me. It was a hell of a thing marching into a building filled with vampires. Up until now I’d been taking them on in small numbers.

  Well then. There was nothing for it but to get down to it.

  I kicked the doors open. Not because I needed to or anything. I’d just always wanted to kick a set of doors open and I figured there’d never be a better opportunity than tonight.

  Especially considering I was doing the sort of stupid thing that would probably make this my last night on the planet. If I was going to go out then I was going to go out with a bang.

  I stepped into a room that was pumping with music and flashing lights. A semicircle of security people stopped, obviously on their way out the door to see what all the fuss was.

  Correction, not all of them were in a semicircle around me. There was at least one who was rolling on the ground with his hand on his nose, obviously broken.

  I grinned. Kicking in that door had been practical and fun. It was always nice when things worked out like that.

  “I don’t suppose any of you are human?” I asked.

  Not that it really mattered. I was in the belly of the beast here. I figured if any of them weren’t bloodsuckers they were at least so deep into the bloodsucking assisting lifestyle that it’s not like I could let them go. Not like that asshole outside who decided to get while the getting was good.

  Thankfully all of them bared their fangs which wrapped that question in a nice little bow. Well then. It looked like there was a semicircle of vampire security who were about to be turned to dust.

  They attacked me all at once. Figures. It couldn’t be easy like in the movies or in stupid action shows where the bad guys always attack the hero one at a time.

  The other people I’d faced down weren’t that good at fighting. It looked like these guys knew what they were about.

  The only problem? They weren’t counting on me bringing some fun to equalize the fight.

  I could’ve gone with the squirt guns, but I figured I needed something with a little stopping power. So I reached under my jacket and pulled out a trusty shotgun.

  A few blasts later the music was off, though the lights were still flashing. Even those eventually stopped, bathing the entire room in a dull red glow. All the dancers in the room stopped and turned to stare.

  The only ones not staring at me? The security pukes who were attacking me just a moment ago. They might be scary undead creatures of the night, but physics was physics and a stopping shot to the chest was a stopping shot to the chest whether or not you were a scary undead creature of the night.

  I figured they’d be back up soon enough though. So I reached down to my side and pulled out a bottle. Uncapped it and poured it onto all but one of the assholes.

  A moment later they were adding their own l
ight to the eerie red glow. I grinned. Yeah, they were definitely vampires and it turns out a little bit of holy water had as much permanent stopping power as my shotgun where the undead were concerned.

  I stared down at the piles of steaming goo that had been bouncers a moment ago. Then I started to chuckle. The chuckle turned to a full on laugh as I realized I’d done it. I’d actually done it.

  I figured getting through their security mooks would’ve been a hell of a lot more difficult than it actually was. A bunch of vampire muscle that was used to fighting people?

  Yeah, that could’ve been a tough nut to crack, but they turned out to be nothing. Now I could tell all the people partying in here to get the hell out, and while they were busy clearing out I could figure out who was running this thing and kick the ever loving shit out of them.

  I looked up. Frowned. Everyone was still staring. The lights were still pulsing that dull red. No one was moving.

  “Stupid fucking kids,” I muttered.

  I hefted my shotgun. Fired it in the air a couple of times. The nice thing about the shotgun was I didn’t have to worry about bullets coming back down on someone.

  Again no one moved. It was like there was no noise in the whole place. No breathing. No nothing.

  No breath. There was something about that. No one was breathing heavily like they should’ve been if they were out doing a hard aerobic exercise like dancing.

  No one was breathing at all. Like their bodies didn’t need to do gas exchange and the only time they’d actually need to breathe was when they needed that breath to move past their vocal cords.

  “Aw shit,” I muttered as every pair of eyes in the crowd started to glow a dull red to match the lighting from the DJ booth.

  Okay. Even I had to admit that was a little intimidating.

  35

  Dastardly Plan

  I raised my shotgun again. This was going to get messy. This was probably the blaze of glory I’d been expecting ever since I started this stupid quest to destroy the vampires in this town.