Cutting Cords

by Mickie B. Ashling

  I’d changed in the years we’d been apart, and Cole had acknowledged my new and improved stability in many ways over the last few weeks. Entrusting me with his children’s lives and responding to all my suggestions with mounting respect had been a giant step up in our relationship. The former cutter who cried out to be loved had turned into a fucking warrior, and Cole’s response was not only favorable, it was satisfying as hell. I would always be grateful to Trent for my current mental stability, but I was also smart enough to know that I’d had the tools all along. I’d just needed his guiding hand to show me the way.

  The most important thing I’d learned over the last three years was that there were no easy answers. Good relationships were bloody difficult, and being perceptive enough to realize the enormity of the task ahead gave me an advantage. When Cole and I had first hooked up, it was, in part, a result of our fathers’ machinations. Ironically, one of those men had been the catalyst that tore us apart. We’d lost our way through lack of communication, neglect, and poor choices. By some miracle, or possibly good karma, we’d been given a second chance.

  Cole’s long journey to self-enlightenment had been catastrophic, to put it mildly. He’d almost lost his life on two occasions, and if that didn’t serve as a cosmic wake-up call, nothing would. Swallowing his pride and taking a backseat to Trent had been a humbling experience. He’d always relied on his superior intelligence to get him through most situations, but it had failed him when he chose his father’s agenda over mine. The magnitude of his mistake had haunted him for three years and served as an object lesson in humility. Cole didn’t always have the right answers, and hearing him admit that on more than one occasion lately had been a helpful part of our healing process.

  Trying to compete with Trent in bed was probably the most daunting task of all. Cole had heard me brag often enough about the guy’s mad skills as a lover, but my shogun was competitive as fuck and stubbornly driven. Knowing that I’d chosen him over Trent was sure to be a huge ego boost, and I let him take the lead tonight, allowing him to enjoy our reunion in his own way. I preferred being with men who were in charge, so this was certainly no hardship. So, yeah, maybe Max was right all along. I was a submissive kind of guy wrapped up in the feisty coat of a pit bull.

  “I love you,” Cole whispered against my ear. “Very much,” he stressed.

  “I love you too.”

  He was unbuttoning my shirt methodically. “Are you remotely interested in Trent’s suggestion that we time-share?” Cole asked in a husky voice.

  “Absolutely not, and for the record, I strongly object to that entire conversation. How dare you discuss me like I wasn’t even there? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you hadn’t even mentioned getting back together, and there you were discussing vacations, goddamn condoms, and who gets to marry me. What am I? Chopped liver?”

  Cole pressed his forehead against mine and chuckled. “I was so taken aback by Trent’s proposal, I jumped right into the debate. You can accuse me of a lot of things, Sloan, but being dim-witted isn’t one of them.”

  “Don’t I know it,” I said, kissing him soundly on the mouth. “Still, it was demeaning to be haggled over like I was a prized bull or something.”

  “More like a fucking stallion,” Cole breathed. He’d slipped his hand below my waist and wrapped tight fingers around my cock.

  I held him in check and joked. “You just wanted in my pants.”

  “Then it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that I was willing to negotiate and come out ahead.”

  “I thought Trent’s head would explode when you put your foot down about schedules.”

  “Time management is critical at my job.”

  I groaned out loud. “You guys can be such freaks about the same things.”

  “It’s no wonder you love us both.”

  “I might love you both, but I’m only in love with one of you.”

  “Who’s the lucky guy?”

  “Who do you think, you dope?”

  Cole pressed his forehead against mine. “Say it.”

  I cradled his face and assured him. “I’m in love with you.”

  “And Trent?”

  “I’ll always love him in a way, but nothing like this. Can you accept that?”

  “I hate the idea, Sloan, but it doesn’t mean I don’t understand. You would have never considered Trent if I hadn’t gone off the deep end with Noriko. There’s a part of me that’s grateful he was there to see you through our crisis, but I’d also like to tear him apart for poaching.”

  “Good to know you agree on something.”

  “I thought he was okay with sharing?”

  “He resents the hell out of you.”

  “Then his offer makes no sense.”

  “Nothing has made sense since he decided to reenlist. The Trent I fell in love with is gone, and soldier boy isn’t a good fit for me. I can’t relate to him in any way other than sexually, and it’s not enough. Being emotionally invested is more important than good sex.”

  “Are you invested in me?”

  “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t.”

  “There was a brief period when your brain went walkabout.”

  “Even then, you were always on my mind.”

  “Same here.”

  “So where does this leave us, Cole? You haven’t even asked me back.”

  “Will I get a favorable reply?”

  “Why not take a chance and see?”

  He was still pressed up against me, and he ran his fingers over my face with a light touch, reading my features in the only way he could. Softly, he said, “Do you know that you’re the last thing I remember seeing before I went completely blind?”

  “Really?”

  “Uh-huh,” Cole said, kissing me deeply before he went on. “The part of you I’ll never forget is your eyes. They’re an extraordinary shade of gray and guileless. I didn’t trust you in the beginning because I’d never seen that before. Everyone had an agenda—Dad, Mom, even Julianna. You were the only one who looked me in the eye and loved me with no expectations.”

  “In those days I was afraid to hope.”

  “And now?”

  “I’m almost certain we could make this work if we put our minds to it.”

  “Marry me, Sloan. Give me another chance to prove how much I love you.”

  “All right.”

  Cole went rigid, as if he’d heard another answer, and then he sagged against me and clutched me so tight I could barely breathe.

  The immense relief in his voice almost broke me. “Are you certain?”

  “Yes.”

  Cole’s face was transformed, and the deep sadness hovering around him like some noxious cloud eased away, creating such a dazzling change he looked like someone else. This man was an older version of the boy I’d fallen in love with, but my heart couldn’t tell the difference. He was one gorgeous enigma—proud and irresolute one minute, achingly vulnerable the next. At the moment, he was clearly a man in love and would do anything to make me happy.

  “I’m here to stay, Cole.”

  “Speaking of staying,” he said.

  “Yes?”

  “Can we go somewhere else?”

  “Why?”

  “The room reeks of Trent. I want our first night as lovers to be somewhere neutral.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “The Plaza.”

  “Okay.”

  We took a cab uptown and held hands as our crazy driver zigged and zagged through the hellish traffic. Talking would have broken this magical spell we’d woven around each other, so we remained silent, entwining our fingers and squeezing each time the cabbie braked unexpectedly or jammed on his horn. I’d missed New York a lot, but I could honestly say that I hated the gridlock.

  Because we had no reservation, we’d been given one of the only remaining rooms, which happened to be a suite—no hardship at all when I laid eyes on the gorgeous appointments and Jacuzzi tub. I’d asked for cham
pagne when I’d called for a room, and it was already chilling in a silver bucket near the table. I’d also asked for fruit, chocolate, and assorted cold cuts, which were spread out in a beautiful display that made my mouth water. I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday, and I was starving. Then again, Cole and I had only one thing on our mind right now, and it wasn’t food.

  Freddie circled around until he found a comfortable spot and then curled up for what I hoped would be a very long nap.

  I held Cole’s hand and drew him closer, kissing him gently on the mouth. “Why don’t you pick up exactly where you left off?”

  He smiled and began to unbutton my shirt. He parted the fabric and rubbed a thumb over one of my nipples, and it puckered under his warm touch. He couldn’t see the scars that laddered my chest, but he sure as hell could feel them, and he grimaced as his fingers traced the grooves.

  “Does this hurt?” he asked considerately.

  “Don’t stop.”

  In bed, he kissed his way down my torso with deliberate care. He wasn’t in tip-top shape either after his unfortunate encounter with Noriko’s blade but he didn’t waver as he began to rediscover my body, finding the pulse points that made me cry out with pleasure. It had been forever since he’d touched me so intimately and I felt him trembling slightly, but he didn’t stop, encouraged by my enthusiastic prompting when he hit the right spot. Neither one of us was up for vigorous sex, but for some reason, I wanted Cole inside me. I had to get past this barrier, or it would become some insurmountable task that would take on a life of its own. I refused to give Noriko or her goon the satisfaction of ruining anything in my life, especially reunion sex.

  He paused to unzip my pants, and I raised my hips to help Cole slide my jeans and boxers out of the way. I sensed a momentary hesitation as he deliberated his next move.

  “Let me help you undress,” I said quickly.

  I drew up his T-shirt and laid it to the side. “Lie down, Shogun.” He stretched out and didn’t move when I removed the rest of his clothes. I buried my face in his groin, inhaling the faint smell of Neutrogena Rainbath along with the musky scent so uniquely Cole’s. His hygiene was impeccable, and dipping my tongue into enticing crevices was no hardship. He responded passionately, urging me on while I explored the tempting landscape I knew as well, if not better, than my own. Shouldering his legs apart, I shoved my hands under his ass and lifted him slightly. My eyes zeroed in on that rosy hole that was clenching in anticipation, and I planted my lips on the very spot and began destroying him with my mouth. I licked, twirled, and sucked, loving the gasping, frantic sounds escaping from his normally uptight throat. He was losing it, and I couldn’t wait to hear him screaming and begging for release. Surprising me, he lifted up and swung around, knee-walking around my torso so he could get to my cock while I returned to the rim job he was obviously enjoying.

  His technique had definitely improved in the three years we’d been apart, and I had a hard time concentrating on my own task as he expertly deep-throated me, a feat, considering my size, but one he seemed to have mastered.

  I pulled away from his ass for a split second to voice my appreciation. “Cole, you’re killing me.”

  He responded by sucking harder and swallowing around my cock. I thought I’d burst into a gushing fountain, but he wrapped his fingers around the base of my cock and squeezed. Tricky bastard. I speared his hole again and smiled in satisfaction as he froze and whimpered unconsciously. We went at it with renewed vigor, and when he released the choke hold around my dick, I blew with such force I’m surprised Cole didn’t drown. He swallowed greedily, making audible noises of delight. Christ, I could have come again just hearing that, but he’d sucked me dry.

  I knew he was borderline desperate, so instead of wallowing in postorgasmic bliss, I rolled over and wriggled around so Cole was hovering over me expectantly. I raked my fingers through the beautiful curtain of dark hair and pulled him down for a hungry kiss. I could taste myself, and I’m sure he tasted a bit of his own musk, but no one ever said sex was sterile, and I sure as hell didn’t object to dirty and messy.

  Breaking away for a second, I prodded. “Go ahead, Shogun, fuck me.”

  He frowned. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Be gentle and use extra lube, but get in there before I lose my mind.”

  “You’ve just shot a huge load down my throat, Sloan.”

  “Perhaps you haven’t noticed I’m still hard?” I asked, rubbing against his thigh. “You’re making up for three long Cole-less years.”

  “You always were a greedy little bottom.”

  “Won’t deny it.”

  “Where’s the lube?”

  I handed him the tube I’d casually thrown by the pillow and watched him uncap it with deliberate concentration. “Should I suit up?”

  “I’ve been tested twice since the incident, and I’m clean, but it’s your choice. Do what feels right.”

  He slathered the lube in and around me, then greased himself without bothering to cover up.

  “This might hurt,” he said, breathing a little heavier.

  “No pain, no gain, Shogun.”

  “My hero,” he said, breaching me with a swift push.

  I inhaled sharply and shut my eyes, trying to adjust to the sensation of being filled so thoroughly.

  “Oh God.” He sighed. “I’d forgotten how great you feel.”

  I whispered a little desperately, “Move.”

  He pulled back a little and then sank back in, managing to graze the magic spot that made me cry out with relief. “Right there,” I hissed, canting my hips to help him along.

  He got down to the job with the same single-minded purpose he did everything else. Determined to do the deed and do it right, Cole pumped in and out like a greased piston. I was slowly losing my mind, caught up in the unbearable combination of pleasure and pain. Cole kept murmuring words that sounded like “fuck me,” but could have also been “fuck you.” I didn’t really care at this juncture, too caught up in my own pleasure to try to figure out whether he was cursing or blessing me. Just before he convulsed, he growled “mine” and crushed my mouth possessively, giving me no time to respond. My orgasm followed closely on his heels, and the hot spurt of semen oozing between us in a slimy mess was a glorious affirmation of his success in exorcising the last of my Japanese demons.

  “I love you,” he gasped, all twitchy and breathless.

  “Me too,” I said. “Spoon with me, Shogun.”

  We sidled around, and his warm ass butted up to my groin. Wiping my mouth on his shoulder, I inhaled the sexy combination of sweat and musk oozing from his pores. “When did you get so proficient at blowjobs?” I asked huskily.

  He snorted. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  Curious, I leaned up on an elbow and peered down at him. “I would.”

  “You’re not the only one who’s been experimenting, Sloan.”

  A hot flash of jealousy swamped me so thoroughly I almost lost my breath. “Don’t tell me,” I said quickly. “I don’t want to know his name, or I’ll end up in jail.”

  Cole actually laughed out loud. Fucker!

  “I’m glad you haven’t evolved that much,” Cole said. “You’re still a possessive little shit.”

  “You’d better believe it, Shogun.”

  “I not only believe it, I welcome it. It’s been a long time since anyone cared enough to put me on a short leash.”

  “You don’t mind?”

  “As long as I have the same rights.”

  I sank back down and draped a leg over Cole’s, hugging him tightly against me with a sense of entitlement that was all too familiar. He was mine, and God help the next one who tried to break us apart. After my blood pressure sank down a few notches, I threw out a new question to keep him on his toes and make sure he realized I hadn’t morphed into a compliant geisha—God fucking forbid!

  “I don’t suppose you’d consider a theme wedding, would you?”

  H
e made a derogatory snort and rolled over. Thumbing my lips, he pondered the question with a slight frown between those dark eyebrows that made him look so fierce. “Is it really what you want?”

  “Only if you’re on board,” I assured him.

  “Your being such a superstar does have a downside.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “My preference would be something smaller, more intimate, and devoid of paparazzi.”

  “I can do small.”

  “You won’t feel deprived?”

  “Hell no.”

  “What’ll you wear?” Cole asked.

  “Anything you want.”

  “How about matching tuxedos?”

  “It’s a deal.”

  “Sloan?”

  “What, Shogun?”

  “Your phone just dinged.”

  “I didn’t hear anything.”

  “I’ve got daddy ears.”

  “Used to be bat ears.”

  “Go see what he wants.”

  “How do you know it’s him?”

  “I have a feeling we haven’t heard the last of Trent Hamilton.”

  I let out a long shuddering breath. “You’re probably right.”

  I reached for my phone, which had fallen on the floor during our striptease. There was one missed text.

  flying out in two hours. u guys should reconsider. it could be a hoot.

  I shook my head and texted back.

  rejecting the offer again, marrying Cole asap. try not to get killed.

  He replied almost instantly.

  Him: thought you didn’t care

  Me: I’ll always care

  Him: ?? confused

  Me: love u but IN LOVE with him.

  This time a few minutes went by, and I figured he’d given up, but the phone dinged once more.

  Him: i’m sorry

  Me: it’s for the best… be safe.

  “What did he say?”

  I spooned up against Cole and pulled the comforter over us. “He doesn’t understand how I can love him and still reject his proposal.”