Finding Forever

by Linda Oaks

  I walked up the graveled pathway toward the front porch as mom stepped outside. “Oh good, Kara, I’m glad you’re home,” she said, appearing flustered. She was leaving.

  “Where are you going?” I asked, sliding the loop of the plastic bag with my ice cream and Snickers around my wrist. Mom was still dressed in her Sunday best, but instead of the regular bun hairstyle she favored, she’d left her shoulder length blonde hair hanging down her back. Her purse was on her arm. She wore her heels and a pretty pink dress. We both had a thing for pink.

  She smiled as she started down the steps. “I’m stopping by the Piggly Wiggly to have coffee with Mavis,” she explained, rushing her words. It was obvious she was in a hurry, and I found it odd since Mavis had said she would see Mom later in the week at Bingo. “Then I’m meeting with the Women’s Group at the church to discuss our upcoming fundraiser. Afterwards, we’ll have dinner. It’ll probably be late when I get in.”

  “Okay,” I replied, feeling slightly disappointed. I’d hoped we could watch a movie together. She frowned as if sensing my displeasure. She appeared thoughtful.

  “Baby, I thought you would probably spend the day with Addie.” She said, her eyes holding mine.

  “It’s all right. I just plan on hanging out here and eating ice cream,” I stated, shaking my bag at her and forcing a smile. “Jake and Addie are going to his parents this evening for dinner. I’ll be fine.” I reassured her when I saw the worry marring her pretty face. I didn’t want her to change her plans for me. “Go have fun.” I ordered sternly.

  She leaned in and kissed my cheek. When she pulled back, I caught the faint scent of lemons. “See you later, baby girl,” she said quickly and hurried down the steps to her car.

  It was just me, myself, and I. So, I planned on making the most of it… after storing my melted ice cream in the freezer and taking a quick shower. I stretched out across my bed wearing an old T-shirt and pair of panties and decided to text Brandon. I needed to check up on those two losers anyway. When I received no reply, I figured they were still in the air flying toward the sandy beaches of Jamaica. That sounded heavenly right about now.

  I climbed out of the bed, walked down the hall and into the kitchen to snag my Ben and Jerry’s from the fridge. My thoughts drifted to Devon as I made my way back to my room. I needed to stop thinking about him and with a sigh I plopped down on my bed and grabbed the remote lying there next to the box of tissues. I would definitely need those for later. I hit play and when Sandra Bullock came across the tiny screen of my TV, a smile curved my lips. I scooped out a big spoonful of creamy goodness and shoved it into my mouth. Cookie dough ice cream was the bomb.

  For the next two hours Devon rarely crossed my mind, but I’d catch myself glancing at the clock, curious about the meeting I had this evening at seven with Clyde. When the movie ended, I grabbed the pile of used tissues lying beside me and shoved them into the empty ice cream container, and then set it on top of the nightstand while I glanced at the clock. It was five-thirty so I lay back down on the mattress, turning my head so I could look at the clock. Maybe Clyde would help me make sense of this whole situation, but it seemed pretty hopeless.

  With a grunt, I rolled to a sitting position on the mattress and stood then walked over to my closet and opened the door. There were still a couple pairs of my old jeans left inside; the kind that Addie and I used to wear that had more holes than denim. I grabbed the first pair. They were soft and faded. With a smile, I noticed mom had also kept my favorite T-shirt around. It was black with red, hot lips splayed across the chest. It also brought back memories of Devon. Everything in this damn town reminded me of him, even my clothes.

  I walked over to the bed and laid the jeans and shirt on the mattress then bent down to slide my opened suitcase out from underneath the bed where I’d left the majority of my clothes stored and grabbed a bra. There’d been no need to unpack since I didn’t plan on staying long anyway, just until Friday. Sitting down on the edge of the mattress, I slid my feet through the legs of my old jeans, praying they would still fit. I stood up, sucked in my belly, slid up the zipper, and buttoned them. They were perfect, except for being a tad tight across my butt. I slid my arms into my bra, snapping it in the front and reached for the T-shirt. It was also a little snug and fit tight across my chest. With a sigh, I flopped back on the bed sinking into the mattress.

  As if it were yesterday, I remembered the last time I’d worn this shirt. It had been Devon’s birthday. To end the night, we’d celebrated up in the woods behind Clyde’s house while lying in the back of his truck counting the stars and drinking beers. He’d piled blankets and sleeping bags in the truck bed and we’d ended up making love beneath the starry sky. It had been the perfect ending to the day.

  The clock now read six o’clock. I couldn’t lay here and daydream any longer. I slid my feet into the pair of flip-flops sitting by the bed and headed to the bathroom. Running the brush through my straight blonde hair, I decided to leave it down. There was no need to try and impress Clyde. I could juggle flaming fireballs standing on my head while playing a violin with my toes, and I still wouldn’t be able to impress that man. He was a crotchety old coot.

  After brushing my teeth, I applied a thick coat of mascara to my lacking lashes then a shiny glimmer of gloss on my full lips. I was ready, even though there was a gigantic pit residing in the bottom of my stomach making me feel queasy. Once I was in my car and on my way, I tried not to dwell on whatever it was that Clyde had wanted to tell me. If I did, I may very well end up turning this car around and going back home. I fiddled with the radio and found a station I liked. When Harden My Heart began to play, I sang right along, belting out the lyrics at the top of my lungs trying to distract myself.

  When I finally pulled up outside of the old, two-story, white farmhouse, Clyde’s truck was parked underneath the huge oak tree standing in the yard. The front door stood open, a sign that he was expecting company, so I glanced in the rearview mirror checking my refection. “You can do this, Kara,” I whispered, feeling childish and silly despite my nervousness since he only wanted to talk. It wasn’t like he planned on burying my body in a shallow grave out back.

  I climbed out of my car and shut the door before turning to walk up the steps to the porch. Through the screen door, the subtle glow of a lamp was burning in the living room. I knocked, but no one answered. Where was he? I tried the door instead. It wasn’t latched so I pulled it open and stepped inside. I laid my keys on the table by the door. It was force of habit. No matter where I went.

  “Clyde,” I called out, but there wasn’t any answer. A sound was coming from the kitchen, so I walked down the hall heading toward it.

  I froze inside the doorway staring at the sight of Devon’s tall frame standing before the kitchen sink. He was looking out the window and talking on his cellphone. There was no sign of Clyde anywhere to be seen. “Damn it, Clyde,” I heard him swear, and then it hit me — this was a set up, and Devon didn’t appear to be too happy about it either. I was just going to leave — simply turn around and get the hell out of there. As quietly as I could, I tried backing away but my flip-flops squeaked against the hardwood floor causing Devon to look my way. He didn’t seem surprised to see me.

  A wrench lay nearby on the countertop. I noticed the doors under the kitchen sink stood open. Devon growled something into the phone that I didn’t quiet catch. His eye held mine. I mouthed as I motioned with my hand pointing down the hall, “I’m just gonna leave.”

  I started backing away. If I didn’t leave soon, I might cry. I didn’t want to talk to Devon not after what had happened between us this morning. He was so tightlipped. He would never explain anything to me anyway, and I would somehow have to learn to live with the way things were left between us. Sometimes, there simply was no closure.

  “Stop, Kara,” Devon ordered, and I froze at the tone of his voice. “I’ll deal with you later, old man.” He growled then laid the cellphone on the c
ounter, shaking his head.

  “You might as well have a seat,” he said, walking over to sit down at the kitchen table. What girl could turn down such a warm welcome?

  “Gee thanks, Devon, but I think I’ll go,” I told him with every intention of leaving.

  He ran a frustrated hand through his thick dark hair. His icy blue eyes traveled the length of my body before settling back on my face. “Please, Kara. Stay. I’m sorry that I’m such an ass.”

  Hesitant, I halfway managed to smile at him before walking to the table where he sat with his long legs stretched out before him. He was an ass, but he appeared solemn and lost in thought, so I stepped over his legs and sat down on the edge of the table by him. The room was quiet; you could have heard a pin drop. Silently, I cursed Clyde while I stared back at Devon who was now watching me with what could only be considered a wistful expression.

  At that moment, I wished I could read his mind. Then I’d have all of my answers. I would know how he truly felt. I hated always second-guessing myself when it came to him. “So,” I said, and his lips curved upward into a smile, “I guess Clyde set us up.”

  “Seems that way,” Devon replied, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “That sneaky bastard called me over here to fix his broken sink then wanted to drive my truck into town to pick up a part.”

  The silence stretched between us, and once again there was an awkwardness that left the both of us staring at one another. Outside a breeze stirred, and distantly I heard the twinkling of the wind chime hanging on the front porch. Devon sighed, his eyes momentarily focusing on the window over the sink. “About earlier,” he said, breaking the silence.

  “No,” I interrupted, before he could go any further. I didn’t need to hear a breakdown of the events that had led to Devon turning me down flat. My ego had already taken a beating. “I obviously don’t do it for you anymore,” I stated, feeling slightly embarrassed that I’d even said those words out loud, especially to him. There had been a time when I’d never felt flustered around him but that was in the past.

  He surprised me when he threw back his head and laughed. The sound warmed me from the inside out and made me momentarily forget my embarrassment. I loved Devon’s laughter. He leaned in close; his tattooed arm rested against the side of my leg. His eyes were drawn to the ragged hole in my jeans where my butterfly tattoo was on display. A soft smile curved his rugged lips. He remembered.

  My mom had paid the expense for the tattoo as a birthday gift, but she’d refused to take me to the tattoo pallor to get it. She’d claimed she would not be responsible for me branding my skin. This made no sense to me since she’d given me the money, but it was just the way momma was; to her… that logic made sense. Devon had picked me up and had taken me to get my first and only tattoo. He’d held my hand while the tattoo artist had placed the design and inked it into my skin. That day, I’d also picked out the fireball tattoo he’d had placed on his shoulder. Out of all his tattoos, it was my favorite. Devon and I’d had so many firsts together. He had been such a big part of my life, and I missed him with every ounce of my being.

  He reached around me. My breath caught at his sudden nearness. His muscled chest brushed against my knee. His hand moved to grip my thigh as he lifted me. Even through the denim, the heat of his touch warmed me. “Scoot,” he ordered, and I did as he asked which resulted in me sitting on the table facing him as he sat before me in the chair. Clyde would have a heart attack if saw me sitting on his kitchen table.

  “Devon, this is a bad idea,” I whispered as one of my flip-flops helplessly slid from my foot and landed on the floor. He was too close. This was too intimate, and all I could think about was sliding from this table and down onto his lap to straddle his hips. The smell of his cologne laced with the faint hint of tobacco made me break out in a cold sweat. His fingers slid along the sole of my foot. He placed my foot in the tiny space between his legs. Then, he reached for my other one. Goosebumps of awareness prickled my skin. This time, his shoulder grazed my knee as he removed my flip-flop. Distantly, as if in a daze, I heard it fall to the floor. With little space between us, I was held mesmerized by that sexy grin of his and those icy blue eyes. A single fingertip slid along the arch of my foot startling me. I giggled. Devon knew I was ticklish.

  “There’s that sound,” he murmured, his voice rumbling along every inch of my body causing me to shiver.

  This was going to get out of control and fast if I didn’t do something. I’d never had any willpower when it came to him, and there was no way I could survive a repeat of this morning. The thought of another rejection didn’t sit well with me. “Listen,” I ordered, pulling my foot from his grasp. Someone had to keep a clear head. “We need to discuss what happened at the hospital. Why did you send me away, Devon?”

  His shoulders tensed, his eyes focusing on the pack of cigarettes lying beside the ashtray on the table near where I sat. “Do we really have to do this now, Kara?” he asked, sounding as if he’d rather discuss anything other than the topic I’d chosen. He leaned back against his chair giving me space. His fingers slipped into the front pocket of his jeans, drawing my attention to the flexing curve of his bicep, and the strain of the faded denim stretched tight across his thighs. He pulled out a lighter and stared down at his hand as if trying to avoid my question.

  “Yeah, Devon, we kind of do, I can’t move on until I know the reason you just dumped me out of the blue,” I replied, and grabbed the lighter from his hand.

  His eyes lifted meeting mine. He shook his head. “What I have to tell you, Kara, will hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I did what I thought best at the time,” he stated matter of factly, his expression solemn. He moved his hands from his thighs resting them on my knees.

  “Dev, please just tell me,” I begged, and then he leaned forward and took me by surprise when he laid his head in my lap. His big body curling against mine. My fingers twitched uncontrollably against the table. I wanted so bad just to run my fingers through his hair. Finally, I gave into the urge and lifted my hand, carefully brushing only my fingertips along the silky strands. My heart squeezed with emotions.

  He didn’t pull away. His only movement was the steady rise and fall of his chest against my knees. “I’ve loved you for so long, Devon. I don’t really know how to stop,” I murmured, sliding my fingers further into the strands of his thick hair, savoring this moment with him. My eyes stung with unshed tears.

  He raised his head, his gaze intent. It was as if he could see inside of my soul. “Then don’t,” he replied huskily, whispering those two simple words that shot straight to my heart like a dagger. It gave me a glimmer of hope. His big hands slid along my legs and slipped underneath my butt, lifting me once again into the air in order to settle me this time onto his lap. Devon was a big man, and even though I was tall, the tips of my toes barely brushed against the hardwood floor. “Give me the rest of the time you have here, Kara,” he asked. His hands splayed along my ribs holding me in place.

  With the warmth of his body heating mine and the tenderness reflected in his eyes, I didn’t want to deny him anything… even if it made me go against everything I’d come here wanting today. I had so many questions. Questions with no answers, and Devon held the key. Would I be willing to take what he offered? Could I handle what he was asking of me? I was only here for five more days. Eagerly, I thought of spending those days with him, but how would I ever walk away? I didn’t think that I could.

  “But what happens when it’s over?” I murmured, his warm breath caressing my lips as his nose touched mine. I closed my eyes and felt his hands clench. His strong muscular thighs tensed beneath my bottom.

  “Friday,” he whispered raggedly. “Let us have the rest of this week. The way it used to be.”

  I placed my hand over his heart, feeling the steady rhythm beneath my palm. My own heart broke just a little bit more. He was it for me. I loved this man. No one came close in comparison. I know I should press him fo
r answers, but in doing so would I drive him away? He was so hardheaded at times, but could I live with myself without knowing if these next few days may have made a difference if I’d only agreed to his terms. The need to give into him consumed me whole, and even though I’d sworn I would never allow him the opportunity to destroy me again… I did just that.

  “Yes,” I murmured, sealing my fate and slid my hands up his chest to cup his face. Stubble prickled my palms. He needed to shave. He stared back at me smiling as if I’d made him the happiest man in the world. He pulled me closer and I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his.

  CHAPTER SIX

  THE NEXT DAY, I ARRIVED at Fred’s ten minutes late for my lunch date with Addie. I hated being late; it was one of my pet peeves. However, since I’d returned home to Crawley, it seemed to be becoming a habit of mine. As usual, the place was bustling and packed. Among the many vehicles parked in front of the diner, I’d spotted Addie’s when I first pulled in but I didn’t see her anywhere. Since we were only meeting for lunch, I’d worn a sundress that hit me mid-thigh and a pair of flip-flops. I decided to leave my hair down to go along with the whole causal vibe thing. Of course, my lips were painted Goddess Pink along with my nails and toenails. A girl needed a little pick me up every now and then.

  Dodging a couple on the way out, I held the door open for the man who was leaving and he nodded politely with a gracious smile. Hearing the bell chime above the door, Fred glanced up from the register. Recognition dawned on his kind face. It’d been years since the last time I’d seen him, but Fred smiled at me as if it were only yesterday.

  From the door, I smiled back and managed a brief wave. With his silver beard and matching hair, Fred could have passed for Kris Kringle’s twin. I’d always heard that somewhere out there in this big world we all had our very own doppelganger, but I had yet to run into mine.