Finding Forever

by Linda Oaks

  Tears welled in my eyes. My hands cupped his cheeks. I made him look at me. “It should have been my choice, Devon. You took that away from me.”

  “I didn’t want to hurt you, Kara. I didn’t want you to look at me with fucking pity. Everyone else did, and I couldn’t fucking stand it if you did too. I’d rather you hate me than to see myself broken through your eyes.”

  A tear rolled down my cheek, and his big arms wrapped around my waist drawing me against his chest. I placed a kiss against his cheek. Tears dampened my face. His silky hair brushed my nose, and I whispered in his ear, “I would have never seen you as broken. You are the strongest man I know. I loved you, Devon. All I needed was you — however I could have had you. I just wanted you.”

  “I can’t take it back, Kara,” he murmured regretfully. His words vibrated against my skin as his lips placed tiny kisses along my cheek. His hardness pressed against my thigh distracting me.

  “Every night before drifting off to sleep, I thought of you. It almost drove me mad,” he said, his voice filled with emotion.

  “I would have come back,” I told him, hearing him wearily sigh. His hands lovingly stroked my back.

  “I wanted you to, but it was too late. I’d fucked up with Blair,” he stated, his voice laced with frustration. His hands grew still.

  At hearing her name, I stiffened. I couldn’t stand the sight of her let alone the mention of her name while Devon was wrapped around me. Blair was an evil bitch. “Why didn’t you tell me about your son?” I demanded thinking about how crushed I’d been at discovering that Devon had a child. His body tensed beneath mine. He averted his eyes and drew in a deep breath then looked back at me.

  “Shit, Kara,” he huffed. “I don’t know. Maybe, I was afraid you’d shut me down… walk away. Maybe, I’m just a selfish asshole… not worth your time.” He stated, but the expression on his face revealed more than his words. It was one of regret. His fingers flexed against my skin; his eyes solemn.

  “Well, you are an asshole,” I said, fighting back a grin. I failed. My lips curved upward into a smile. His eyes regarded me intently.

  “Okay Kara, tell me how you really feel,” he smirked. I threw back my head laughing despite the seriousness of the situation. I couldn’t help. That look on his face was priceless.

  “Well you are,” I protested, and he huffed even though his hands slid along my sides stroking my skin.

  “I can’t help it, babe. It’s in my DNA.” That sexy grin of his made me want to give in and rock my hips against his, but he was finally willing to talk, and I wanted to take advantage of this moment before it passed.

  “And Blair,” I mumbled, thinking back to that day at Fred’s. I despised her. She’d deliberately hurt me just because she could.

  “It’s not what you think, Kara. It was a one-time thing with her that I don’t even fucking remember. I’d ended up asking Jake about you, trying to be casual. When he’d told me you’d started dating some dickhead guy, my fucking heart felt like it was going to explode. I’d been out drinking with a few buddies, and we went to some guy’s house one of them knew. Blair was there at that party. She used to date this guy who came into the shop like clockwork every payday. He was a friend of a friend. They even came once and saw me at the hospital. Then he quit coming around, but she still did. I told her I wasn’t interested. It was a fucking mess.” He shook his head regretfully. His eyes filled with remorse. “All I remember was waking up the next morning not knowing where in the hell I was and her lying next to me. When she showed up at the garage months later, I didn’t even know if the baby was mine, but I couldn’t let her go not knowing. I had to know, Kara.”

  Devon had always been responsible. Even though Clyde had never been one of my favorite people, he had done right raising Devon. At times I thought Devon was too responsible, if there was such a thing. He was always looking out for everyone else, often disregarding his own wants and needs for the sake of what he thought was the greater good. He was selfless to a fault, so I understood his reasoning in not wanting Blair to disappear with a baby that he wasn’t even sure was his or not.

  “What about you, Devon?” His expression portrayed his confusion at my question. My fingers stroked his cheek holding his gaze.

  “What about me, Kara? It’s hard for me to put everything out there.”

  I wanted to tell him that I still loved him despite everything we’d been through — that the years we’d been apart hadn’t changed my feelings for him, but I was hesitant. There was this small part of me fearful of facing rejection again. I’d given Devon everything once only to have him hand it right back to me. What if he did it again?

  He yawned, shifting beneath me and rubbing his hardness against my leg. “What do you think you’re doing Mr. McGraw? We were having a serious conversation.” I reminded him, unable not to smile at the boyish expression on his handsome face when he tried to act innocent.

  “Enough with the seriousness, Kara,” he stated, his hands flexing on my hips. I heard him laugh as he flipped me over onto the mattress stretching across me and positioning himself between my thighs. He felt so good against me. Never had anything felt as right as Devon’s skin pressed against mine. He brushed my hair aside smiling down at me.

  “Eyes as blue as the summer sky, my sunshine girl,” he murmured, brushing his lips against mine and recalling a memory of another time and another place when Devon had made love to me on a blanket in a field underneath a clear blue sky with the sun warmly caressing our bare skin. It also brought to mind what Jagger had said to me earlier at Fred’s.

  “You know, your son said close to the very same thing to me,” I told him, and a frown crinkled his forehead. His eyes regarded me curiously.

  “I met him with Blair at Fred’s. He slapped a sticky hand on my knee and told me my hair was like sunshine.” Devon chuckled, his abs and chest moving against mine with his laughter.

  “My boy has good taste,” he replied, shifting his big body over mine and rocking his hips. “He’ll be here in the morning. Blair has some sort of modeling gig and is dropping him off early. I’d like the three of us to spend the day together,” he said, anxiously staring down at me waiting for a reply.

  “I’d like that, Devon,” I told him with a smile and lifted my head brushing my lips against his while my hands leisurely stroked the sleek muscles of his back. I was excited for the opportunity to spend time with both father and son.

  “Jagger can be a terror, but he’s the sweetest fucking little boy you’ll ever meet. He may be kind of shy at first, but once he warms up to you, he goes nonstop,” Devon stated, grinning. “He’s hell on wheels, babe.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at the cautionary tone of Devon’s voice or his description of Jagger. He could have been talking about himself. “Just like his old man,” I told him, smiling and kissing his lips.

  When I started to pull back, he captured my bottom lip. His tongue stroking along the soft skin before letting go to hungrily place a trail of passionate kisses along my jawline. With his broad hands masterfully stroking my body, he managed to set me on fire in less than ten seconds flat.

  His warm breath fanned my ear, causing me to shiver as he teased a moan from my lips. His hand was between my legs. His chest pressed against mine as he whispered in my ear.

  “Are you ready for me to go full throttle on you, baby?”

  With a breathy moan, he had his answer. I was more than ready.

  CHAPTER NINE

  THE NEXT MORNING I AWOKE alone and to the smell of bacon. My stomach growled. Devon was cooking breakfast. The clock on the nightstand read eight forty-five. I smiled. I could get use to mornings like this. The only way my day could have started out any better was if I’d awoken wrapped up in Devon’s arms the same way I’d fallen asleep. Last night had been incredible. It may be lame, but it was the only word that came to mind. Devon was incredible. I stretched, noticing the soreness of my muscles. With Devon a
round, I didn’t need to worry about trips to the gym.

  Wrapping the sheet around me, I spotted my sundress, bra, and panties hanging from the cymbals of Devon’s drum set. With a smile, I walked over and grabbed them and then made my way down the hall to the bathroom. I planned to shower first, and then I’d track down Devon.

  I was actually excited about today and looked forward to spending quality time with Devon and Jagger, but I had to go home and grab a change of clothes first. Closing the bathroom door, I started the shower and dropped the sheet, testing the water before stepping inside where I started to work on my rat’s nest of hair. While soaping my body, thoughts of Devon filled my mind. My breasts were sore, not to mention the area between my legs. Both were a blissful reminder of how we’d spent our time together last night. I’d also managed to make him open up. It was a small victory, but it was progress.

  When I turned off the water, I heard the sound of the door opening. I peeked around the shower curtain spotting Devon. He was grinning from ear to ear. “Good morning, beautiful,” he said, leaning against the doorframe watching me.

  “Good morning to you, handsome. Do you mind handing me a towel?” I asked, since I’d left both of mine lying on the vanity near the door. Devon straightened momentarily, glancing away from me as he reached for a towel, unfolding it and walking my way. I wrapped the shower curtain around me and had reached to snag it when he yanked it out of my reach.

  “Devon,” I warned, and he laughed. Now was not the time to tease me. I was freezing, naked, and Blair could possibly arrive at any second with Jagger.

  “Babe, I can’t help myself,” he said playfully, giving me the sad puppy dog eyes. It wasn’t going to work, not today.

  “Towel, Devon!” I ordered, gritting my teeth. He smirked and then pushed the towel toward me, but, at the last minute, he yanked it away again.

  “Devon, Jagger will be here at any moment,” I reminded him, noticing the mischievous expression lighting his handsome features. Today, he wore another pair of jeans that hugged his hips and thighs and an old faded Metallica T-shirt clung to his pecs and abs. Just the sight of him made me want him more, but now was not the time. I had to get dressed, and I couldn’t do it with him standing there watching me. “Devon, please,” I begged, trying hard not to laugh.

  “Baby, you begged enough last night,” he informed me cockily, and I couldn’t help but snicker.

  “Ass,” I replied, ducking back in to the shower and letting go of the curtain.

  “Such language, Kara.” I heard him say laughingly. “How about you show me what I’ll be missing today, and I’ll give you the towel.”

  “No, Devon,” I said, smiling despite the chill bumps racking my skin.

  “That’s not the way this works, Kara,” he replied smugly. “It’s really quiet simple. I have something you need, and in exchange, I need something back from you. Simple bartering.”

  He thought he was so smart, I would show him. Simple bartering, my ass. I twisted my hair, trying to squeeze as much water as possible from it, intentionally taking my time, and then pushed it back past my shoulder. Standing straight, I cocked my hip sucking in my stomach and thrusting out my chest. If Devon wanted an eyeful… well, I would certainly give him one.

  “Any day now, Kara. Tick tock,” he murmured smugly.

  Without saying a word, I yanked the shower curtain aside standing naked before him. He stood leaning against the doorframe holding my towel in his hand. “Pretty as a fucking picture,” Devon said, and by the lustful expression on his face, I knew that he liked what he saw.

  “Such language, Devon. Tick tock,” I repeated, and his eyes narrowed, meeting mine. I held out my hand, waiting. “Towel please, or do you not understand how the bartering system works?”

  He smiled smugly and walked towards me. I’d beaten him at his own game. “Such a sassy mouth on you, babe. Good for you that I like sassy,” he said, handing me the towel. The air between us crackled, but one of us had to keep a level head. I didn’t want to be naked when Blair arrived, nor did I want to get caught jumping Devon’s bones no matter how much the idea appealed to me. I began to dry off as he stood there in my space, crowding me and watching me with those intense eyes of his.

  “Excuse me,” I murmured, since he was blocking my way. His impressive frame didn’t budge. His heated gaze studied my face. “I need my clothes and the other towel, Devon, to dry my hair. I’m dripping everywhere.”

  He smirked, placing a fingertip against my lower lip, refusing to move out of my way. “Well, it seems we’re at a stalemate. You need your clothes and another towel, but I refuse to let you pass.”

  We didn’t have time for these games. No matter how cute Devon was, I just wanted to get dressed and hopefully out of here before Blair arrived. He was making me angry. “What are you, Billy Goat Gruff?”

  He laughed, his big chest shaking as I frowned at him. “I think you’re thinking of the troll, babe, and as pleasant as the thought of eating you sounds, I’d settle for a kiss to let you pass. You can scale the bridge later tonight, beautiful.”

  I snapped at his finger poised at my lip, catching it between my teeth, deciding to torture him for his cocky behavior. I ran my tongue along the pad of his finger, watching his gaze heat as my lips wrapped around his fingertip. His chest heaved. The smile on his face disappeared as his eyes swallowed me whole. This had actually been a bad idea since the sight of Devon aroused was making me throb.

  He yanked his finger away glaring at me. “Not fair, Kara,” he replied, and I smiled at him as he stepped aside, but when I started past, his arm fell blocking my way.

  “I believe you owe me something,” he reminded me, and I turned toward him holding my towel and rose up on tiptoes brushing my lips against his. His fingers tangled in my wet hair, gripping the back of my head as his lips assaulted mine. When his tongue slid into my mouth stroking mine, I moaned and he swallowed the sound, pulling back wearing a triumphant smile.

  “Just wanted a kiss, babe,” he said, stepping aside as I walked past him grabbing the other towel and wrapping it around my wet hair.

  “I’d forgotten how witty you think you are, Devon,” I told him, letting the towel drop and stepping into my sundress to pull it up my thighs and past my chest. His eyes followed my every move.

  “Well, I haven’t forgotten one thing about you, sunshine,” he replied, walking toward me. “I’ll let you finish in here. Breakfast is on the stove. Bacon and eggs. Juice in the fridge. I’ll be in the little man’s room. He’s like a tiny tornado,” Devon informed me, smiling fondly.

  “I need to head home for a while, Devon,” I told him. “I need a change of clothes. Do you think I can meet up with you and Jagger in a couple of hours? Mom’s got the day off, and I wanted to spend a little time with her also.”

  “Sure, babe. The keys to the truck are hanging by the door. They’re the ones on the Superman key chain. Take it today. Jagger and I have to head to the shop anyway. I’ve got to do inventory, order a few supplies, and pick up your car.”

  “Shit,” I muttered, I’d completely forgotten all about my car. When I was with Devon, I forgot everything but him.

  His hands rubbed my shoulders. He stood towering over me staring down at my face. “I got this, Kara. It’s no big deal. If you could meet us at the garage around three this afternoon, that will give me enough time to tie up loose ends. I thought we could take Jagger to the park for a picnic. Hopefully he will wear himself out. That boy can go nonstop. You’ve been warned,” he said smiling then leaned forward, his lips gently brushing against my forehead. “I’ll let you finish getting ready. Tell me bye before you leave.”

  I nodded then he turned and walked out of the bathroom. Only then did I breathe a sigh of relief. Devon was as potent as a shot of tequila.

  With my hair dried, I stopped in Devon’s room quickly making the bed before heading down the hallway to Jagger’s. The door stood open, and Devon was si
tting in the middle of the floor sorting toys into color-coded bins. Needless to say, I was impressed, especially since this was coming from a man who never even makes his own bed. Jagger’s bedroom was the epitome of what every little boy’s heart desired. The room was painted an emerald green and a racetrack wound along the walls of the room. It matched the stripes on the racecar toddler bed. There were so many toys: dinosaurs, cars, trucks, building blocks, and the list went on and on.

  Only one time before in my life had I seen this many toys, and that was at Toys R Us where I’d run in to pick up a co-worker’s daughter a present for her sixth birthday. It was an eye opening experience. I’d vowed never to return there again. I noticed the tiny table and chairs sitting beside the bookshelf that also resembled a car and housed a vast array of books. The curtains matched the room’s motif with tiny racecars skirting along the hemline.

  Devon had yet to notice me, and with a smile on my lips, I walked through the doorway. “I think Jagger needs more toys,” I declared, giggling. He raised his head, smiling and shaking his head.

  “You think? I kind of got carried away,” he stated, scooping up the last of the building blocks and placing them into the bin he’d pushed back against the wall. He stood, smiling at me. “Come here, sexy,” he ordered, and I walked into his opened arms squeezing him tight. He felt too good and so right. I hated to leave him even if it was only for a few hours.

  “I have to go,” I told him, kissing his chin as he stroked my back.

  “I hate to let you go,” he murmured, pushing my hair behind my ear.

  It was nice to know he felt the same, and that he was actually telling me how he felt for a change. “The sooner I go, the sooner I can get back.”