Finding Forever

by Linda Oaks

  He sighed, his lips whispering a brief kiss across my cheek. “Grab some breakfast on the way out, and don’t forget the keys.”

  We stood staring at one another wearing silly grins. Devon amazed me. I loved the man he had become more than I loved the boy I’d been force to leave behind, if that was even possible. He smiled, his eyes twinkling.

  “Get on out of here, Kara. I’m starting to think some pretty dirty thoughts about what I’d like to do to you in that dress.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. It read nine-twenty. “Blair called and she’s on her way. They should be here any minute.”

  My feet moved toward him, and with my hands lying against his muscular chest, I stood on tiptoes meeting his lips. The kiss was sweet and brief. “Hold that thought about all those dirty things you have planned for me,” I said with a smile and turned for the door.

  “I will, baby,” Devon called after me. As I walked down the hall to the stairs, I heard him yell, “Be careful!”

  I made my way down the steps and in to the main room deciding to skip breakfast in the hopes of leaving before Blair arrived. Maybe mom would like to go to Fred’s for his fabulous blueberry pancakes. I hadn’t had those in forever. Smiling, I slipped on my flip-flops and spied the key rack by the door. Today was going to be a great day.

  The sun was shining and all was right in the world. Well… until I opened the front door and found Blair. “Hi there, Jagger,” I said, ignoring the hostile glare in her unfriendly eyes.

  “Do you remember me?” I asked, and he let go of Blair’s hand to wrap his arms around my leg. He looked up at me smiling. He was so cute.

  “Sunshine,” he said with those intense blue eyes just like his father’s twinkling back at me.

  “That’s right,” I replied, ruffling his thick dark hair.

  “Jagger, why don’t you go on in and find your dad?” Blair suggested, drawing Jagger’s attention. He released the death grip he had on my leg.

  “Okay,” he said smiling at his mom and then brushed past me to take off running at top speed through the house.

  “He’s in your room, Jagger,” I yelled, and watched as he slammed on the breaks. His sneakers skidding along the glossy hardwood floors as he did a one eighty and headed for the stairs.

  “Nice dress,” Blair stated, and when my eyes meet hers they were filled with malice. She obviously noticed it was the same dress that I’d been wearing the day before. Only today, it was wrinkled.

  Blair was dressed to the nines. Even in designer jeans and a red cotton T-shirt, she was beautiful. I loved her red high heels, but I would be damned if I told her. Her makeup was flawless as was her hair, making me feel dowdy in comparison. Slightly ashamed, I stepped aside. “Would you like to come in?” I asked, trying to be polite when all I really wanted to do was slam the door in her face.

  She never answered, but walked past me carrying what was sure to be a designer purse and a matching diaper bag. Her high heels clicked along the hardwood floor as she headed to the stairs, dismissing me without a second glance. I despised her. Sure, she was a pretty package, but that’s all she was… just an empty, fancy box. There was nothing good inside.

  I stepped out onto the porch, trying to let her dismissal roll off my shoulders and walked to the truck parked in the driveway. I couldn’t help but smile as I stared at its shiny coat of red paint and graphics. “My, my,” I muttered, opening the door. “You’ve come a long way, baby,” I said slipping into the black leather seats, which back in the day had been simply cloth with numerous rips and tears. I imagined the cab of the truck must resemble the inside of a spacecraft. It had a futuristic look and everything was decked out in chrome.

  It was obvious this was Devon’s baby by the shape she was in. He’d named her Stella, which I had thought was a pretty badass name for a 1996 Chevy S-10 truck. She was almost a classic, and considering the shape she was in, she would fetch a pretty penny if Devon ever decided to sell her.

  Feeling slightly nervous, I stuck the key in the ignition and turned it over, hearing the engine catch. With a touch of the gas, she purred like a throaty kitten. I placed my foot on the break and shifted her into reverse; backing past Blair’s black sedan, I noticed she drove a BMW. The woman had expensive taste, and it was obvious by all of her fine trappings that Devon footed the bill since he had mentioned last night that this was Blair’s first big modeling gig. It was for a new line of swimwear. Ugh, I hated to even think about her in a bikini. I put the truck in drive and headed down the paved driveway, hitting the gravel road just past the tree line.

  I’d never disliked someone so much at first sight as I did her. I was sure it was the fact that she’d mothered Devon’s child, but her attitude was lacking. She was such a bitch to me. Maybe Blair hoped that in time Devon might marry her so they could all be one, big, happy freaking family. Well, not on my watch. Unconsciously, I stomped the gas. Feeling the truck jerk, I slowed down when I heard the sound of gravel pinging against the underbelly of the truck. Can’t hurt this baby. I wasn’t going to think about Blair. Once I hit the blacktop, I opened Stella up and we sailed down the highway toward town.

  My hair was driving me crazy. The windows were down, and had been when I’d left Devon’s. The temp was in the mid-eighties. I wanted to turn on the AC, but had no idea which button went to what. Up ahead was a traffic light. It was on yellow so I slowed down before hitting the light and came to a complete stop. I was sitting outside of the Piggly Wiggly. I started flipping the buttons on Devon’s dash while trying to keep an eye on the light. I was not an imbecile, but nothing was marked. What the hell was up with that? I just wanted to turn on some air so I could roll up the windows.

  Music blared from the speakers, taking me by surprise. I jumped as if I’d been shot and glanced around noticing Mavis standing outside the store smoking a cigarette. My heart was pounding. She stood frozen in place looking at the truck. A cigarette clung to her bright red lips as she stared opened mouthed while the chorus from “Pretty Fly” by The Offspring almost deafened me. All I could hear screaming from the speakers was “Give it to me, baby!” Frantically, I hit another button and the truck began to jerk lifting up from the road then settling back down into its original position. It was almost like being on a rollercoaster ride.

  “Damn it all to hell,” I muttered as the truck raised and lowered again. Quickly, I hit another button. This time, the windows rolled up. At least those were tinted. I glanced at the light then at the dash, punching more buttons until the truck finally stayed in one position and the music ceased. Thank God! I’d just made a complete and utter ass of myself in front of at least five customers loading groceries into their cars and that blabbermouth Mavis.

  When the light turned red, I stomped down on the gas just a little bit too hard, causing the truck to jerk, and laid a streak of rubber from the Piggly Wiggly past the Crawley Police Department. As I took a left heading across the train tracks, I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw a police cruiser fall in behind me.

  “Fuck a duck,” I swore as the cruiser followed behind me until I turned into the driveway at mom’s trailer. Luckily for me, the cop went on. With a sigh, I shook my head and started to open the door when I noticed the front end of Clyde’s truck peeking out from behind the trailer. First dissed by Blair, then humiliated by Stella and now Clyde who had obviously stayed the night with my mom. This day just kept getting better and better.

  CHAPTER TEN

  I WAS MUTTERING TO MYSELF as I stood outside on the front porch cursing my luck. I couldn’t find my keys anywhere. They had to be at Devon’s, or perhaps he had taken them without telling me since he planned on picking up my car today. Twisting the doorknob, I sighed shaking my head. Just my luck, it was locked. This was just freaking great! So, I had no choice but to knock or stand out here on the porch while Miss Wallace our next-door neighbor stared at me strangely. Shit, I didn’t want to face Clyde right now. It was too early in the morning to deal with
him, but oh well, I had no other choice. I raised my hand and rapped my knuckles against the front door; I heard the muffled shuffle of footsteps. Slowly the door creaked opened, and I was face to face with none other than Clyde. He wore a smile, which was downright creepy at this time of day.

  I didn’t know if I would ever get used to seeing him smile. He held a cup of coffee in his hand. He looked well rested and too happy for a man of his disposition. “Well, good morning to you, Clyde,” I said as he took a step back allowing me to enter. “What a wonderful surprise.”

  “Good morning, gal,” he replied with a wide toothed grin as I walked in and came to a stop, eyeing him curiously. He was wearing the same clothes from yesterday. Only his weren’t wrinkled like mine, and I’d bet money Momma had washed and dried his clothes for him. He’d spent the night. Yuck! I didn’t want to think about it, but I couldn’t help but do just that.

  “Nice outfit,” I said, echoing Blair’s earlier words to me and hoping to embarrass him. I liked to ruffle his feathers. A telling red crawled up his wrinkled neck and settled in to his cheeks.

  His shoulders straightened then he eyed me right back, and that red flush suddenly disappeared before my eyes. “I ain’t the only one doing the walk of shame this morning,” he replied, and I glanced down, noting the condition of my dress and shot him a glare. “Your mom just woke up,” he said, motioning with the coffee cup toward her room down the hall. I didn’t like the thought of him with my momma. It was Clyde for Pete’s sake. Why couldn’t it have been anyone else but him?

  “Is that for me, Clyde?” I asked just to spite him and reached for the coffee cup in his hand. He yanked it back, staring at me as if I’d lost my mind.

  “As if,” he snorted. “This one’s for your momma. There’s a pot made if you want some. Get it yourself.”

  I walked toward the coffee table setting down my purse and keys. “How’s Devon this morning?” he asked. “You two got your shit straight?” He was never one to mince words, even in polite company.

  “He has Jagger. We’re going on a picnic later today.” I told him smiling sweetly and watched as a big smile spread across his craggy face. His expression made me want to cringe. It just wasn’t normal.

  “How’s my momma?” I asked, and his smile grew even wider — if that were humanly possible. I swear I could see his gums. Ugh!

  “She’s as right as rain,” he said with a wink, and took a sip of the coffee he’d told me was for her. I wanted to scream as he stood there proud as a peacock, obviously pleased with himself and the fact that I’d caught him here of all places.

  “Well, if you’ll excuse me,” I said and walked past him. I just wanted to go to my room. I was officially creeped out.

  “Girl,” he said. I stopped, silently groaned, and then turned around to face him. “Are you and Devon good?” he asked, his expression serious. Clyde might not like to act as if he had a heart, but where Devon was concerned… he did. It was his one and only redeeming quality.

  “Yes, Clyde, right as rain,” I told him with a wink, and he smiled back at me.

  “Get your sassy mouth ready. We’re going for breakfast at Fred’s.” he informed me.

  “You paying?” I asked, deciding to push my luck since everyone in this town knew Clyde was as tight as the bark on a tree. Everything in his house was outdated. His truck was almost as old as he was.

  “What if I am?” he asked, and I threw my hands up in the air before turning away to walk down the hall. I’d had enough of him.

  The man was so frustrating. Something the McGraw men had in common. Mom’s bedroom door was shut, but so was the bathroom’s. I could wait. I walked to my room and shut the door. It was the safest place for me right now. I might throw up if I had to endure watching Clyde mooning over my mom.

  I was lying across the bed thinking about Devon. I’d dressed in jeans and a tank top, having decided to wait in my room and delay the inevitable of seeing my mom with Clyde. The sound of her laughter made me smile. Maybe Clyde wasn’t too bad. No he was, but I guess I could tolerate him if he made my momma happy.

  A knock sounded at my door. “Come in.” I yelled, and the door opened. It was mom. She was wearing a dark pair of slacks and a pretty pink button up shirt. Her hair was down. Holy hell, she was wearing makeup! Clyde must be special.

  “There’s my baby girl,” she said, and I smiled back at her as she walked over to the bed and sat down beside me. “Are you okay?” she asked, and I didn’t know if she meant with Devon or if she was asking me if I was okay with Clyde being here. It was her house. I was only visiting.

  “Yeah, Momma, I’m fine,” I told her, and she smiled. “Clyde is a good man, Kara. Please give him a chance.”

  I sat up in the bed staring back at her. Her hand covered mine. “If he makes you happy, then I’m fine with him,” I told her, watching her eyes widen in surprise. Suddenly she leaned closer, wrapping her arms around me.

  “I love you,” she said near my ear. “I was so worried, but you’ve always had such a forgiving heart, Kara.”

  I pulled back, laughing. “You mean I’m a sucker,” I said, but she shook her head no. “You have a big heart full of love,” she replied, and my eyes drifted away from hers welling with tears. It was a really nice way of saying I was a sucker. She just didn’t want to admit it.

  I couldn’t walk past the homeless guy who lived outside my office building without giving him a few bucks each day. I gave up my seat on the bus for pregnant women, the elderly, and children. There was no hope for me. Her finger brushed my chin, urging me to look at her. “It’s a blessing, my dear, not a curse. The ability to love so freely with no expectations or fear.”

  “It’s stupid, Momma,” I told her, shaking my head and picking at the fringe around one of the holes in my jeans. I was afraid. I knew fear. I had no sense of self- preservation though when it came to protecting my own heart. It had taken a beating more than once.

  “You’re wrong, Kara. You’ve already forgiven Clyde because you know that he matters to me. You’ve forgiven Devon, even though he broke your heart. You are so much like me, baby. In a way, that’s good, but in a way, it’s not. When it comes to what you want in life, don’t take the road put before you just because you think it’s your only option.”

  “That’s exactly what I did, Momma,” I told her thinking of Devon and the choices I’d made. If I hadn’t been such a child, I would have stayed and fought for him, but, instead, I let him push me away because of his own insecurities and then ended up staying away because of my own. It wouldn’t happen again. I may be the only one to still bear my father’s last name of Thorn, but the Thompson women were as strong as steel.

  “I don’t want to get hurt again,” I told her, and she patted my hand as if in understanding.

  “I don’t want you hurt either, baby, but are you happy right now?” she asked, and I nodded my head yes in reply. “That’s what living is all about.”

  “I don’t think my heart can stand to be broken anymore,” I whispered, and a tear streaked down my cheek at the thought of leaving Devon on Friday. I didn’t know if I would be able to enjoy the rest of my time with him with that dark cloud looming over my head.

  A hand cupped my cheek, and I raised my eyes staring back at my mom. “A heart is pretty resilient. If it’s worth the chance, then accept the risks, baby girl. Go after what you want and hold on tight,” I nodded, and she wiped away my tears.

  “But what if he doesn’t want me to hold on to him?” I whispered, feeling slightly sick at that thought.

  I heard someone clear his throat and glanced up to find Clyde standing inside my room. I’d forgotten the McGraw men were half ninja. I hoped he didn’t hear our conversation. My mom turned to him; her face radiant. I’d never seen her look so happy… not even when talking about my dad. Suddenly, it dawned on me from out of the blue — she was in love with this man. So Clyde hadn’t been joking with his boast about becoming my ste
pdad.

  If this thing didn’t work out with Devon and me, then mom and Clyde would just have to visit me in the city because there was no way in hell I would ever sit down for a family meal with Devon and whoever he ended up with while pretending he was nothing more than my step-cousin. It was too weird and too Jerry Springer to even consider. Talk about fucked up.

  “You girls, ready?’ Clyde asked. My mom looked at me, and I nodded my head as she stood flashing a smile at Clyde. I sat my feet on the floor while thinking of our conversation.

  “Do you want me to drive?” I heard her ask. She was walking toward Clyde, and when his big arms started to wrap around her, I looked away.

  I stood beside the bed and slipped my feet into my flip-flops, giving them a moment, and then I grabbed a ponytail holder lying nearby on my nightstand. “We’ll take Old Red,” I heard Clyde say, and I started laughing, turning around as I pulled my hair up into a ponytail.

  Clyde was a head taller than my mom who was the same height as me. We both were five seven. Side by side, they actually made a cute couple, but I would never tell Clyde that. I guess I was so used to being on the defensive with him, I didn’t know any other way to act around him. “What’s so funny, girl?” he asked, frowning at me.

  “You mean Old Orange,” I told him, and his frown deepened. I grabbed my bag from the bed packed with the clothes I’d planned to take to Devon’s.

  “I meant what I said,” he argued, and mom stood wearing a wide smile as she stared at the both of us. She obviously thought our banter was hilarious. I shrugged my shoulders. It was no big deal if the man didn’t know the color of his own truck.

  “Your truck is orange,” I said, and walked past him. I could hear him mumbling underneath his breath as they followed behind me down the hallway.

  “She is red… a little faded, but red,” he insisted when we reached the living room. He walked to the doorway to grab his boots and took a seat in the recliner nearby.