Finding Forever

by Linda Oaks

  Addie’s hand covered mine, and I curled my fingers around the arm of the chair, lifting my gaze. “You need to be honest with him, Kara. Men can be so dense at times. From what Jake has told me, I think Devon has this idea in his head that he’s holding you back.”

  I rolled my eyes. “As if,” I snorted. “He’s already said as much, Addie. I told him he was wrong.”

  “Maybe you need to keep telling him until he believes it. I would never have pictured Devon McGraw as insecure, but when it comes to you… he is. Maybe, you weren’t the only one who had their heart broken that day,” she huffed, studying me as I considered her words. Jake walked past, his gaze momentarily lighting on the two of us before he disappeared inside the house.

  I was angry, but also miserable at the same time. I wanted to go back. I wanted for things to be the way they once were before Blair had her hissy fit of all hissy fits earlier this morning. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my time left here fighting with Devon. If nothing came of this, I wanted to walk away with at least good memories tucked away in my heart. I wasn’t jealous of Blair. Well… maybe just a little. She had a place in his life and would always have a tie to him. Could I get past that? I didn’t know, but I was willing to try.

  “You’re right?” I said, and Addie smirked, her eyes searching mine.

  “Aren’t I always?” she said, giggling.

  I stuck my tongue out at her and then raised my wine cooler draining the last sip. That was it; no more alcohol for me tonight since I already had a pretty good buzz going on and wanted to be coherent whenever I talked with Devon later.

  “Now what’s going on in that mind of yours? And which part was I right about?” Addie asked, her brown eyes twinkling merrily.

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m not going to feed your ego.” I smirked and she laughed.

  “You two need to quit screwing like bunnies and talk.”

  “We do.” I insisted and ducked my eyes. Was I that transparent? Obviously, I was. “What about Jake? I noticed that he was all smiles and couldn’t take his eyes off you tonight.”

  She smiled sweetly, shifting closer to me; her face glowed with happiness. “He’s thrilled that I finally told my mom. It’s as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can’t believe how good everything is working out. I just want you to have what I have. I want my bestie to be happy.”

  I heard a phone ring and glanced up to see Devon taking a call. Briefly, I wondered to whom he was talking, but then decided not to let it get to me. Maybe, it was just a business call or Clyde… not Blair. I squeezed Addie’s hand. “I love you,” I told her, and she grinned.

  Jake stepped out of the house and walked toward us. “Here, baby,” he said, handing Addie a bottle of water.

  “Thanks, baby,” I heard her reply, wanting to roll my eyes, but instead I smiled… baby and baby. If I heard baby one more time. Ugh!

  Jake handed me a bottle of water. He stood smiling down at me while holding a plate of raw steaks to the side in one hand. His blue eyes regarded me intently. “Are you okay?” he asked, and my gaze momentarily left his to land on Devon. He was still on the phone. “It’s a business call.” I heard Jake say as if reading my mind.

  My lips curved in to a smile. “I didn’t say anything, Jake.” I told him, unable to hide the amusement in my voice.

  He smiled. “Aww, but I know how you women think.” Addie and I both laughed at his keen observation.

  “I’ve taught him well,” she said, smiling from ear to ear.

  “You have, baby,” Jake replied, bending down to brush a kiss against Addie’s forehead. It was then that I noticed she had gone deathly white.

  “Oh no,” I heard her mutter and watched horrified as she leaned over the chair towards me and threw up. Hot wetness coated the tops of my feet and in between toes. My favorite flip-flops! My stomach rolled. She did not just barf on me! Addie was lucky that I loved her.

  “Jake,” Addie gasped, and I noticed Devon by his side reaching for the plate of steaks. He was laughing. “I’m so sorry.” Addie moaned. I looked at her. She appeared mortified. Jake had knelt beside the chair and was holding a towel. She wiped her mouth. I was afraid to move. All I could hear was Devon’s laughter ringing in my ears. I wished he had been the one who’d gotten puked on.

  “She got you good,” he said, and I couldn’t believe that he found this funny. No shit, I thought.

  “I forgot, honey,” Jake apologized. “Let me get you something to clean that off, Kara.”

  Numbly I nodded and vaguely heard Addie’s murmuring words of apology. I was afraid to move. I didn’t want to look down… but I did, and then promptly leaned over the side of my chair and threw up on the ground.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  AFTER THE INCIDENT, WHICH I will refer to no more, we sat around the table talking and playing cards. Jake’s arm was draped over Addie’s shoulder, and she leaned against his side. The tension between Devon and I had subsided. I needed to go with the flow — not worry about tomorrow. It would be here soon enough. I’d known this was temporary from the start.

  Devon’s hand rested on my knee, and his fingers lazily stroked my skin. I couldn’t get enough of him. There wasn’t one thing about this man that I found unattractive. He was it for me. I loved hearing my name on his lips. I loved looking at him, and didn’t think I would ever tire of the sight. He was beautiful. I couldn’t blame Blair for being such a bitch; I didn’t want to give him up either. Devon was a hard man to say goodbye too.

  I stifled a yawn and glanced over at him; he smiled at me. “I think it’s time we headed home,” he said, his gaze flickering from mine to across the table to land on Addie and Jake.

  “Already?” Addie asked, and I laid down my cards in defeat. I’d been dealt shit hands all evening. Anyway, I think Jake cheated at poker.

  “Full house,” he said triumphantly, and then he leaned over to peck a kiss on Addie’s cheek. Earlier he’d claimed she was his lucky charm.

  “It’s still kind of early. We can play rummy.” Addie said looking expectantly at me, but I shook my head no. I wasn’t a card person.

  “Baby, it’s almost ten,” Jake replied, and Addie glanced at the clock.

  “I didn’t realize it was so late,” she said, laughing.

  “You’re getting old,” Devon told her, smiling. He’d laid down his cards on the table not even bothering with turning them over. When it came to poker, no one could beat Jake Riley. The man should seriously consider going to Vegas.

  Devon’s hand reached for mine, and I pushed back my seat. I was barefoot. Even though I’d loved my old flip-flops, there was no way I could ever wear them again. Just the thought of what they’d gone through made my stomach roll. Of course Addie had been mortified, but after I’d hugged her and told her countless times that it was okay, she finally seemed to relax. My little pregnant friend, I thought with a smile.

  Addie and Jake followed us to the door. I slid my feet into a pair of flip-flops Addie had insisted I take. They weren’t pink like mine, but they would have to do for now. I hugged Jake, feeling him pat me on the back. He was such a good guy. “Take care, Kara. Give him a chance to come around.” I heard him whisper near my ear, and then he pulled away, smiling at me.

  Addie’s arms wrapped around me. I squeezed her tight. “No more uncooked meat,” I told her, and she giggled. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?’ I shrugged with a grin — maybe… maybe, not.

  “Bye Addie,” I heard Devon say as he squeezed her and grinned at Jake. “See you tomorrow, man.”

  “Sure thing,” Jake replied, and we walked outside on to the porch.

  Devon’s hand reached for mine. We made our way down the porch steps. It was dark. The light from the streetlamps lit the front yard with minimal light. The air was warm. A smile touched my lips as I glanced up at the sky and noticed the smattering of twinkling stars overhead. It had actually turned out to be
a good evening despite the rocky beginning and the puke.

  I was sitting in the cab of Devon’s truck fumbling with my seat belt when his hand covered mine. He took the buckle, slipping it easily into place. The click of the lock echoed in my ears. He was so close. The smell of him combined with the warmth of his fingers touching mine made me feel all gooey inside. His face was shadowed within the darkness. His light eyes regarded mine intently. Sometimes it felt as if this man could see into my soul.

  “I’m taking you home with me,” he stated. I didn’t complain because on the inside, I was doing cartwheels. I’d been filled with doubts ever since what’d transpired between us earlier.

  “Are you sure?” I asked, teasing him. His lips curved into a smirk.

  “I wouldn’t have said it, babe, if I wasn’t. Anyway, I don’t think you’d want to listen to Clyde and your mom go at it all night.”

  “That just gross, Devon,” I scolded him, and he leaned forward fitting his mouth against mine. The heat of his kiss made me forget everything but him. My fingers slid up his arms, along his broad shoulders to tangle in his hair. God, I loved him.

  When he pulled away, we were both breathing hard. I licked my lower lip savoring his taste and noticed his eyes following the path of my tongue. It was all I could do not to squirm underneath his heated gaze. He wanted me. With that thought dawned a revelation; it was as if someone had suddenly doused me in ice cold water. Addie’s earlier words rung in my ears.

  I couldn’t have sex with him tonight even though I wanted to more than anything in this world. We needed to talk. I was running out of time. Tomorrow was Wednesday. On Friday, I went home. This man needed to crave me just as badly as I craved him.

  “What’s with that look?” Devon asked. He straightened in his seat watching me. “Do you want me to take you home, Kara?” His eyes searched mine. I reached for his hand lying between us on the seat.

  “No,” I told him, and he smirked, looking cocky. He started the truck and shifted it into drive. His fingers slid in between mine.

  “Good,” I heard him growl. “I wasn’t going to anyway.”

  My heart hammered. I glanced away as he pulled out on to the highway, my lips curved into a pleased smile. He could kidnap me anytime. Maybe, Devon was finally coming around. I could only hope by the end of the week, he’d never want to let me go.

  When I walked into Devon’s house, he was right behind me, crowding me and taking control of my senses. This was the time to stand strong. Sex wasn’t all that we were about, and it was time for him to understand this too. There was more there between us. I knew it, and he had to realize it too, even though the need to feel his body against mine was driving me crazy. When the door closed, his hands gripped my hips and he pulled me back against him. The weight of his body curled around mine, and the feel of muscular arms holding me tight had a sigh escaping my parted lips.

  Before I could stop myself, I rocked against him feeling his hardness and hearing him groan in my ear. His warm breath prickled my skin instantly, causing an eruption of goose bumps. I could melt… melt right into him. It would be so easy just to give in, but I wanted more. I’d had his body. Now, I wanted his stubborn McGraw heart.

  “No, Devon,” I whispered, when his teeth skimmed my earlobe. Warmth rushed through my veins making me lethargic.

  “No?” He murmured. His tongue slowly slipped along the slope of my neck causing me to tremble. “Fuck, you drive me crazy.”

  When his hands slid along my ribs honing in on my breasts, I grabbed his wrists. “No,” I said again… this time with more conviction. I could feel the steady thrum of his pulse beating beneath my fingertips. His muscled body tensed behind me.

  “Why?” he asked, and tears pricked my eyes. He just didn’t get it.

  “I don’t want to,” I told him, and his arms suddenly released me. I missed the warmth of his body, but didn’t turn around to face him. I couldn’t look at him. When he walked around me, I stared down at the floor focusing on the toes of his boots.

  “Look at me,” he ordered, his voice husky with desire. I couldn’t. If I did, I’d cave. I was such an idiot. I should have insisted he’d taken me home…. Clyde or no Clyde. His fingertips brushed my chin titling it upwards, and I found myself staring into his eyes. His gaze searched mine as if he were looking for answers to questions neither one of us had the nerve to ask. His features softened, and I wondered just how much of myself I’d given away in that moment. His whole body seemed to relax. “Why, babe?” He asked tenderly. His voice was soft without an ounce of coaxing.

  A tear rolled down my cheek. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. It was as if he’d casted a spell over me. I was a goner. I bit my lip, taking a deep breath, silently willing the tears to stop. “Please, Devon,” I said, stepping into him and wrapping my arms around his lean waist. I buried my face against his chest. “Just hold me,” I whispered.

  Arms immediately wrapped around me. His warmth drove away my looming reality. I couldn’t obsess over Friday. I was here now. That was all that mattered. “I just want you to hold me,” I repeated, my chest tight and my heart aching.

  “I will,” he murmured, his chin resting atop my head. “Let me take you to bed, babe. Let me give you want you need. It’s been a long day. I promise, I’ll just hold you.”

  I nodded in agreement, feeling the lingering wetness on my cheeks. I needed to get a grip. I was ruining everything. When did I turn into such a crybaby? His hands slid down my sides, and I gasped in surprise when he scooped me up into his arms. He was so strong. My hands clutched his broad shoulders. He smiled down at me with that crooked grin which had always managed to make my heart skip a beat. I leaned up and pressed my lips against his scruffy chin.

  “No more crying,” he ordered in a gentle tone. I numbly nodded in reply, laying my head against his chest as he carried me up the stairs. I felt just like Scarlett O’Hara, but hoped that my story didn’t have the same ending as hers. I wanted to keep my Rhett Butler, but I wouldn’t beg. He had to ask me.

  When I awoke, it was in Devon’s arms. The faint glint of early morning sunlight peeked through the edges of the blind. I lay beside him staring at his face. His firm lips were slightly parted in sleep. Dark lashes rested against his cheeks. He was sleeping so soundly that I easily slipped from his grasp and scooted across the bed to continue to watch him sleep. It was moments like these that I treasured and tucked away for safekeeping. My heart ached. We’d lain in bed and talked until I’d fallen asleep. But our conversation had left me in no better frame of mind than I’d been in yesterday.

  I wanted to kick my own ass. I was such a little chicken shit. Afraid that he might not say what I wanted to hear, I’d skirted around the issue of leaving. The old Kara would have demanded to know where she stood. She had balls, but that was the old me. Somewhere along the way, I’d lost my backbone. The new me wasn’t so keen on having any more hurt dished her away. I liked to think of it as blissful ignorance; only it wasn’t blissful… it was torture.

  “I love you, Devon,” I whispered. His lips curved into a soft smile, and he cracked open one eye staring back at me. Had he heard me?

  “Hey you,” he murmured groggily, stretching and reaching for me in the same instant. “What time is it?” he asked, his gaze leaving mine in search of the alarm clock. “Shit, it’s after eight,” he mumbled, his hands caressing my back. Through the thin fabric of the T-shirt I wore I could feel the strength in his hands. Even though he had to go to work, he seemed as if he were in no hurry to leave me. “I want to take you out to dinner tonight.”

  My eyes widened, and my lips curved into a pleased smile. “I’d like that, Dev,” I replied, and squeezed closer to him. He felt so good. His body was warm and languid against mine.

  “I would love to stay here all day with you, babe, but Jake needs me at the shop,” he explained, his warm breath brushing my forehead. I could hear the steady beat of his heart against my ear. My finger
tips lightly danced along his skin. For someone who seemed forged of steel, his skin was incredibly soft.

  “Take the Mustang today. Clyde brought it back. There’s a reporter coming by the shop for an interview, and if she wants a picture I need Stella with me. I’ll pick you up at eight tonight.” I nodded in agreement as his lips brushed against my cheek. His arms were untangling from around me, and I had to let him go even though I really didn’t want to.

  I lay there staring at his sleek back and at all of the many different colors of ink embedded into his tan skin. As he stood, I watched the rippling play of his muscles. He glanced over his broad shoulder at me, and I couldn’t help but sigh. The view from behind was just as spectacular as the one in front, and it left me breathless. Devon McGraw was one fine piece of work.

  “You like what you see, babe?” he asked, teasing me. My nipples hardened. He cocked an eyebrow at me as if waiting for an answer. Well, he wasn’t going to get one. Instead, I stuck out my tongue and rolled over hearing him laugh behind me.

  “There’s my girl,” I heard him murmur. I stared at the wall refusing to watch his fine ass move around the room. There was only so much even I could take. I wasn’t sure Addie knew what she was talking about with this no sex thing.

  The sound of the shower starting down the hall let me know it was so safe, so I slipped from the bed, tugged off his shirt, and grabbed my dress from the floor. I pulled it over my head and glanced in the mirror grimacing; I needed to do something with my hair, but it was useless. With the hopes of at least fixing Devon a pot of coffee before he left for the day, I headed downstairs.

  When the coffee had finished perking, I took a mug down from the cabinet. “I could get use to this,” Devon drawled, and I halfway turned in surprise, watching as he walked to the counter to stand before me. “Just black,” I said, recalling how Devon liked his coffee. He smiled, and I reached for the coffee pot feeling his eyes tracking my every move.

  “I’m surprised you remembered,” he said, and I glanced at him, smiling.