A Heart of Little Faith

by Jennifer Wilck

“Do you remember the time we were in the tree house and you saw Sarah across the street?” Samantha reminisced.

  “No, I don’t,” Gideon interrupted. His look should have silenced her, would have done so with most people, but had no effect at all on Samantha. Undeterred, she continued.

  “Yes, you must. Sarah was your current crush and—”

  “Samantha!” he said. Her eyes widened at his murderous tone. With an apologetic glance, she tipped her head and changed the topic of conversation.

  Lily tried to figure out the siblings. Gideon resembled a huge block of granite, and she’d bet he felt as hard and unyielding under her fingertips. In contrast, Samantha was a butterfly, as she waved her arms with animation and her light, flowery perfume gently wafted through the air. Her face became fluid as it changed expression and the table moved under Lily’s arms as Samantha jostled it.

  She didn’t understand why Samantha’s stories annoyed Gideon. Maybe it was his personality. He grumbled a lot, she’d noticed, and he certainly didn’t hesitate to grumble at her. Unless children were around. She’d seen a totally different side of him with Claire—gentle, funny, understanding. Obviously he liked Claire better than he did her, even if he thawed out some during the movie. I am not jealous of a six-year-old. Besides, he seemed to like Claire better than Samantha at this moment too. She glanced around with a slight shake of her head. He was an enigma. Her mind raced, trying to figure him out.

  After about an hour, they decided to go home. Outside on the sidewalk, Samantha grabbed Gideon’s chair. He spun around and glared at her, but with a quick glance at Lily, remained mute. She gazed across the street as cars whizzed by, her hands in the pockets of her coat, and pretended not to notice. Brother and sister definitely had issues, and she preferred not to be involved. A moment later, the storm passed.

  “Good night, Sam, Lily.”

  “Good night, Gideon,” Samantha said. “See you around.” He headed home, and Samantha and Lily caught a cab to their own building.

  “Sorry, Lil,” Samantha said.

  “About what?” she asked.

  “Gideon and I were having a silent argument. It was rude of us and I’m sorry.” She smirked and turned away as if to hide it.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad it had nothing to do with me.” Her voice trailed off and her stomach fluttered. He was intriguing and attractive, but complicated. The last thing she wanted was complications.

  ****

  Gideon had just entered his apartment when his phone rang. He rolled into his apartment’s second bedroom and booted the computer. He used it as a home office and home gym; it held the sport chair he used for basketball, free weights and his computer. Like the rest of the apartment, the room had cream walls, beige-carpeted floors and large windows. Family photographs personalized the place, which prevented it from appearing cold and inhospitable.

  “So, what did you think?” Sam asked.

  “We already discussed the movie.” He sighed as he waited for her to continue what was bound to be an annoying conversation.

  “I wasn’t talking about the movie, Gideon, and you know it.” Her voice reminded him of their childhood, when she’d accuse him of bothering her on purpose. She’d been right then, and she was right now, but he wasn’t in the mood. He clenched and unclenched his jaw.

  “No, what I know is you’re going to butt your nose into my business.” He scanned through his emails as he made an effort to reign in his temper. Shaking his head, he tried to mentally ward off the headache he could feel coming. She’d taken it upon herself to be his personal matchmaker, despite all of his protests, and he’d had enough. It was time she allowed him to sort out his own life.

  “I don’t butt in, Gideon, I facilitate.”

  “Oh, is that what you call it?” He ground his teeth. “And just what are you facilitating?”

  “The resumption of your life. Now tell me what you thought of Lily.”

  His body heated at the sound of her name and he paused to clear his throat. “My life does not need to be resumed.” He deleted junk mail with a hard tap on the keyboard, much harder than he’d intended. If only he could delete his sister’s current train of thought as easily. She’d never been one to surrender easily. She was stubborn. Just like him. “It flows along quite nicely without your help.”

  “You didn’t answer my question.” Her tone was sharp, as if she had any right to be annoyed.

  Gideon held his breath. She was just about to cross the line…

  “What did you think of her?” she persisted.

  …and there she went. “Don’t do this, Sam,” he warned as he rolled back and forth from one end of the room to the other. He smacked the wheel rims, each slap an echo of his frustration. “It’s bad enough you felt it necessary to tell her all about our childhood, as if she’d care. Don’t do this too.”

  “Don’t do what?” she asked.

  He hated when she played dumb. It was a device she used when she was trying to get her way. He hadn’t liked it when they were kids; he liked it even less now. “Don’t try to fix me. I’m not broken.”

  “I never said you were, brother dear. I just thought you might enjoy getting to know my friends.”

  “You mean one friend in particular.”

  “Well, actually two. She has a daughter, you know.”

  Gideon removed his glasses and scrubbed a hand over his face. That’s what made this tough, and Samantha knew it. “Yes, I know.”

  “So, what do you think of her?”

  “I think Claire is adorable.”

  “And her mother?”

  Lily. His stomach knotted thinking about her. She was fascinating. Strong with an air of fragility. Confident with a hint of vulnerability. At another time he would have been interested. His voice lost some of its forcefulness. “Her mother is… amusing. There, are you satisfied?”

  “Very. Now how about coming over Sunday for brunch?”

  “Will it get you to lay off of me?” he growled. Anything to get her off the topic of his love life. He sagged back in his chair. No matter how much she begged, he wasn’t giving in.

  “It’s free food, Gideon, what’s the harm?”

  Chapter 3

  Saturday morning dawned sunny and warm, so Lily decided to spend time with Claire riding their bikes. A beautiful day, not even the stink of car and bus fumes could dim their enthusiasm. Lily gripped the ridged handlebars as she simultaneously watched her daughter pedal on the sidewalk and watched for cars and distracted pedestrians. Claire’s bright pink bike had a bell and long pink and white tassels on the handlebars. She loved to pedal ahead of Lily and rang the bell incessantly, which pretty much guaranteed everyone steered clear of her.

  Along the way to the subway, they passed the community center on St. Marks, enclosed within a tall iron fence and surrounded by shade trees. On the blacktop, some boys played and Claire slowed to watch them. With a squeal of brakes, Lily stopped too. The chipped iron bars were cool in Lily’s grasp and the splat of the ball against the pavement kept time to the symphony inside her mind—a rhythm comprised of spring sounds in the city. She sighed as she listened to birds chirp, boys grunt and the ball bounce. The scent of lilacs in the corner of the yard completed her sonata.

  “What are they doing?” Claire asked.

  “They’re playing dodge ball,” Lily replied.

  “That looks like fun.”

  “Mmm. I think it might be the place where Gideon works.” Samantha mentioned he mentored kids at a community center nearby. Her skin tingled at the thought of him being this close to their apartment. How often had she passed this exact place? Would she run into him?

  “Is he there now?” Claire craned her neck.

  “I don’t know, honey.”

  “What does he do there?”

  “He probably plays with the kids, helps them with homework, that kind of thing.” A desire to go inside and find out what he was like with the kids overwhelmed her for a moment. Was h
e grumpy with them like he was with her, or was he kind, like he was with Claire? She huffed. Why do I even care?

  “Maybe we can visit him here sometime,” Claire said.

  “Maybe,” Lily said with a shrug. “Now come on. I’ll race you.”

  After a trip on the subway to Central Park, they both enjoyed their ride down their favorite paths toward Heckscher Playground. They passed lots of other kids and their families biking. The scent of popcorn and hot pretzels scented the air and made Lily’s mouth water, as the memories of this place made her smile. She had taken Claire here to learn to use her bike without training wheels and the flat, wide, even stretches of pavement made it a great area of the park to ride.

  When Claire started to get tired, they picked a shady, grassy area near Wolman Rink to picnic. Lily had brought a basket filled with sandwiches—peanut butter for Claire and turkey for herself—along with water, cookies and fruit. They munched as Claire chatted about her friends at school.

  When they finished eating, they walked their bikes across the grass to the Central Park Zoo. They visited Claire’s favorite animals, the sea lions, and watched them frolic in the water and eat fish the zookeeper fed them. After a brief visit to see the polar bears, penguins and monkeys, Lily and Claire decided to return home. Tired, they found a cab willing to put their bikes in the trunk.

  When they got home, Lily sat to make a list of the things she had to get done the next day. She groaned to herself—this was one of the worst parts of being a single parent. There was no one to delegate the chores. Claire came in as she wrote the last item.

  “Can you read me this book, Mom?” Claire plopped on the sofa next to Lily and handed her a library book. Lily cringed. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom was one of Claire’s favorites. She took it out of the school library every week, and Lily had read it often enough she could do it with her eyes closed. It was her least favorite book and she was sick of it.

  Then she had an idea. “Why don’t you read it to me,” she suggested.

  “I can’t read this book, Mom. It’s not an easy reader,” Claire protested and pushed the book at her mom.

  Lily gently pushed the book toward her, setting her jaw. “It’s not hard, and I’m sure you’ll remember the words that are harder to sound out since we’ve read it so many times.”

  “What if I can’t do it?” she whined.

  Claire’s whining set her teeth on edge, but she pushed through her distaste. “I’ll help you if you need it,” Lily reassured, “but why don’t you give it a try first.” Lily loved to read, and she was dying for Claire to feel the sense of accomplishment that came from reading something yourself.

  Claire stared at the cover for a moment before she opened the book. She rubbed her palms along the page and looked at Lily for reassurance. With a nod, Lily encouraged her, holding her breath. She knew Claire could do it. Slowly, Claire tried the first words. At the end of the first page, grinned.

  “I did it! I read the whole page!”

  Lily hugged her, bursting with pride at the milestone. “I knew you could do it. You did a great job. Now why don’t you try the next page?”

  Claire snapped the page and continued reading. Soon, she’d finished the whole book. She jumped off the sofa and twirled around as she chanted, “I read the book! I read the book!” Lily joined her, dancing. Soon enough, Claire sat down, turned to the beginning of the book and started over again. “Listen to me read it again, Mom,” she insisted.

  This time, the repetition didn’t bother Lily. “Okay, but just one more time. I have things to do, and you have to get to bed.”

  Claire read the book again and repeated it to herself while Lily tidied the apartment. As she left the room, her daughter become completely absorbed in the book, and Lily smiled with satisfaction.

  Soon it was time to get ready for bed. By the time Claire finished her bath, brushed her teeth and straightened her stuffed animals, she could barely stay awake. “I had fun today, Mommy,” Claire said with a yawn as she went to bed.

  “Me too, sweetie. Me too,” Lily replied. She kissed her on the head and turned out the light, wishing once again that Daniel was here to see this.

  ****

  A deep, gravelly voice among a clatter of dishes greeted Lily the next morning as she and Claire entered Samantha’s apartment for their weekly Sunday brunch.

  “Gideon’s here,” Claire whispered. Lily was at a loss for words. Her palms began to sweat. He was everywhere.

  They entered the kitchen, and Gideon froze, gave them a brief nod and glared at his sister. The hot glare would have melted Lily into a puddle on the floor. But Samantha remained where she was and tipped her head at her brother. She greeted Lily and Claire with her usual hug. As Lily squeezed her friend and pecked her cheek, she glanced over Samantha’s shoulder. Gideon’s back was to them and he cooked at the stove. She didn’t know which burned hotter – the omelets sizzling in the pan, the sight of the man cooking, or his temper. His spatula made angry scrapes against the frying pan, his arm abrupt with circular motions through the eggs. Since when did he join them for brunch? Would their encounters always be this fraught with anger and confusion? Maybe we should leave. She sighed.

  The noise made Gideon look up. His gaze skipped over Lily as his face reddened, and met Claire. “Hi, Claire.”

  “Hi.” She remained by Lily’s side as she fingered her soft cotton pants and refused to meet his eye. His gaze softened as he watched her and he went over to set the table. “Would you mind getting me the napkins?” he asked her.

  “Okay.” She took them off the counter and brought them over to him.

  “Thank you. Samantha has some art paper and colored pencils around here somewhere,” Gideon said. “Maybe you can draw me a picture after we eat.”

  Claire chatted to him about drawing rainbows and people and houses, her previous shyness all but gone. Lily didn’t say a word. Why is he ignoring me? What did I do now? She stood in the middle of the kitchen. Sweat trickled down her spine and her shoulders slumped. Words swirled around her, delicious aromas of bacon and eggs wafted through the air, but all she wanted was to melt into the floor. Despite the mouth-watering odors, the hunger she’d felt earlier abated. Before she could announce they were leaving, Samantha brought the eggs to the table.

  “Okay, everyone, brunch is ready,” she said. The four of them sat and passed platters of food. Fluffy yellow omelets, crisp smoky bacon and fresh bagels made their way back and forth, and tempted everyone. “Gideon, your omelet looks amazing, as usual. Oh shoot, I forgot the salt. Gideon, you’re closest, can you get it?”

  “I’ve got it, Samantha,” said Lily as she jumped up, happy for any reason at all to get out of the tense room. Normally an event she anticipated, today’s brunch would be excruciating if Gideon didn’t snap out of his mood.

  “It’s okay, Lily.” Gideon kept his voice hushed, but his hardened stare froze her in place. “I’ve got it.”

  Treating his sister like this was one thing. But doing it to her? No way. “While you’re up, can you get the orange juice too?” Forcing a bite of food into her mouth, she refrained from groaning. The omelet didn’t just look delicious. It tasted divine. A man with such a harsh attitude should not be able to make such a luscious meal. The buttery egg and cheese concoction melted in her mouth. Refusing to give him satisfaction, she chewed silently. Samantha covered a giggle with her napkin.

  Gideon wheeled over to the refrigerator, maneuvered to swing open the door, retrieved the orange juice, slammed the door shut, picked up the salt off the counter and banged the juice and the salt on the table. “Would you like me to pour it for you as well?” His tone dripped with saccharine politeness.

  “Why that would be lovely. Thank you.” Two can play this game. His shoulder brushed hers. The contact sent shivers along her arm and the clean scent of his aftershave tickled her nose. When he finished, she smiled at him. His jaw bulged from clenching his teeth. He returned to his place at the table, nostrils flar
ed and fists clenched.

  “Can I go draw pictures now, Mommy?” Claire rose halfway from the table. “Gideon said Samantha has colored pencils I could use.”

  Lily observed Gideon and Samantha before focusing on her daughter. “You have to eat more first. You’ve hardly eaten your bagel and you haven’t touched your fruit.”

  Claire frowned, but sat and continued to nibble. Everyone else ate in strained silence. The clink of the silverware against the dishes and the gulp of food became more pronounced as the stillness dragged on. Trying to break the mood, Lily and Samantha made polite, if stilted conversation. Conscious of her every word being weighed, she missed the easy atmosphere of past brunches. Why had Samantha bothered to invite her brother? At last, the meal came to an end and Claire asked to be excused to play in the living room.

  With that, Gideon pushed away from the table. “Thanks for breakfast, Sam, but I just remembered something I have to do.”

  He spoke briefly to Claire and left the apartment.

  The slamming of the door dampened Lily’s anger. Her face heated and she wrung the napkin between her hands. She stood. “I’d better go apologize to him. I was rude.”

  Samantha straightened in her seat, eyebrows raised as she turned toward Lily. “Wait Lil, don’t. You didn’t do anything he didn’t deserve.”

  “Sam, I baited him and embarrassed him in front of everyone. I have to apologize.”

  Samantha reached for her hand. “I’m not saying not to apologize. But he didn’t acknowledge your presence. He behaved just as rudely as you did. Besides, confronting him is just going to make it worse. Trust me. I know my brother.”

  No matter how valid Samantha’s arguments were, she had to set a better example for her daughter. “Give me his phone number so I can at least leave him a message.”

  Samantha picked up the phone, pressed speed dial and handed it to her. Lily recorded her apology at the beep and resumed eating, no longer tasting the food. She didn’t know who to be more annoyed at, Samantha for inviting Gideon, Gideon for behaving like a boor, or herself for rising to the bait. The uncomfortable quiet remained until Samantha chuckled.