A Heart of Little Faith

by Jennifer Wilck

  “Hi, Lil. I wanted to see how you were.”

  “Um, fine. Listen, about yesterday…”

  “I’m glad I could be there for you,” he interrupted, his earnest voice gravelly. “If you ever want to talk, you can always call me.”

  Appreciation ran through her. “Thank you. And thanks for agreeing to go with Claire. As much as I try, there are just some needs I can’t fill for her, and this is apparently one of them. She’s very excited.” Lily paused and bit her bottom lip. “You really don’t mind? I feel like I should repay you somehow—I know how busy you are.” She grabbed a strand of her hair and twirled it between her fingers. It pulled on her scalp and she winced in pain; whether from the conversation or the actual hair-pull, she didn’t know.

  “I don’t mind at all. We’ll have fun. I’m honored to go with her and wouldn’t have suggested otherwise. And hey, the next time I need a date for a work event, I’ll call you.” He chuckled and the sound created warmth low in her stomach.

  “Absolutely,” she said. “I’d be happy to go anytime.” She meant it.

  “I was kind of joking, Lil. I wouldn’t subject anyone to those events,” he said in an amused tone.

  “Come on, they can’t be that bad.”

  “Ha!” he said. “Obviously said by the innocent. If you’d been to them, you wouldn’t be so quick to volunteer.”

  Lily smiled. When they bantered like this, she enjoyed talking to him. “Don’t forget, I work in PR. I frequently have work events.”

  “Then you must be a glutton for punishment,” he said, his voice warm.

  “Well, my offer stands.”

  “Goodnight Lily.”

  ****

  The day of Claire’s lunch arrived, and with it came the most incredible weather. June brought warmth and sun. Winter had lasted forever, dipping into spring’s territory and taking over. But now, the sky was Crayola crayon-blue; the air enveloped Gideon and made him think of lazy afternoons at the beach.

  He left work early and made his way to Claire’s school. As he arrived, lots of other men entered the building. What am I getting into?

  He followed the crowd down the hall, around a corner and into the Kindergarten wing. The hallways smelled of chalk, paste and that unknown odor that all schools possessed. He smiled as he passed open classroom doors and heard the sweet voices inside. He and some of the other men stopped in front of Room 10, where the kids met each man at the door. When Gideon peeked in, Claire squealed. Then with a dignity she’d obviously practiced, she clamped her lips together, straightened her shoulders, walked up to him and hugged him. Her arms tightened around him in a bear hug, and he wanted to pick her up and spin her around. But he didn’t want to embarrass her, so he let her go and followed her to her table.

  “You came!” Her face glowed. Her rainbow striped dress and white sandals were adorable. Gideon’s heart swelled with the knowledge she dressed up for him.

  “Of course I did, Claire. I promised you I would.” She jumped into his lap and hugged him again. Her weight filled his heart. Nothing could be better than this. The children nearby studied the chair, while some of the fathers made efforts to distract them. Gideon ignored their reactions. The kids would adjust, probably faster than the adults. Besides, today was all about Claire. He hugged her hard before she sat in the chair next to his. He introduced himself to the other men at the table, and quieted when the teacher approached the front of the class to speak.

  “Good afternoon, everyone. I’m Mrs. Nelson. I’d like to welcome all of our guests to our Father/Daughter, Father/Son lunch. We are very happy you could all take time out of your busy schedules to attend.”

  She motioned to the class, and all of the children walked to the front of the room. As they moved into two rows, Claire met Gideon’s gaze and waved. He waggled his fingers and made a goofy grin. She hid her giggle behind her hand. At the teacher’s lead, the children began to sing “You Are My Sunshine.” Their off-key song made him smile. To his ears, their sweet, earnest voices sounded better than the most talented opera singer. After everyone finished and the clapping ended, each child stepped forward and recited a line of Edgar Guest’s poem, “Only A Dad.” When they finished, the children returned to their seats and Mrs. Nelson rose.

  “We hope you enjoyed our presentation. The children will now serve you lunch.”

  Murmurs of congratulations were cut short as chairs squeaked against the floor and the children rushed to the opposite side of the room, followed at a more leisurely pace by the dads. Platters of breads, meats and cheeses filled two tables against the wall. There were bowls of potato and macaroni salads and plates of brownies and cookies. There were also drinks the children poured, with only a little spillage. After Claire determined what Gideon would like from the selection, she brought him his plate and cup—carefully balanced so as not to spill—along with a napkin. This time, he didn’t mind being served. She returned with her own food and they sat and ate together. Gideon savored every salty bite as Claire gulped her food then rushed to point out her friends, including Max.

  “He’s your boyfriend, right?”

  Claire giggled and said yes as her cheeks pinkened. She was adorable. When they finished, she led Gideon around, as she showed off her artwork and pointed out the class’ caterpillars, waiting to turn into butterflies.

  While they checked out the classroom, some of the children came over and asked about the chair. They touched the wheels and the handles and Gideon put on the brake. He was amazed when Claire explained it helped him get around, like it was no big deal. Enthralled, several asked for rides, but before Gideon could reply, Claire informed them he was all hers. The sound of her matter-of-fact tone touched him, as well as the pride she took in showing him everything they did in class.

  Finally, she introduced him to Mrs. Nelson. “Mrs. Nelson, this is my friend, Gideon.”

  The teacher grinned and shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Claire has spoken often of you, and was excited when she learned you’d be attending today.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, too. I’m honored she would want me to come. The kids did a great job.” Claire beamed and Gideon squeezed her fingers.

  All too soon the lunch ended and the dads said goodbye. Claire gave Gideon a bear hug, and he tweaked her nose, pulled her curls and whispered in her ear, “I’m glad you asked me today.”

  When he returned to the office, he called Lily and left a message for her at work. Then he texted Samantha.

  i think I’m in love. He grinned, his cheeks stretched tight.

  really? with whom?

  Claire

  just her? I hear her mom is quite a catch

  She was, but he wasn’t giving his sister the satisfaction of hearing that from him.

  shut up, Sam

  guessing you had fun

  the best

  Smiling once again, he rushed to text her all about his afternoon. After a few more minutes, they signed off, and he went to work. Whistling.

  Chapter 9

  Gideon’s assistant knocked on his door before entering his office, surrounded by a cloud of Vanderbilt perfume. He pushed away from his computer and hid a smile.

  “Hi, Stella.”

  She had followed him from Boston to New York and had been his assistant for ten years. At sixty-five years old, she typed faster, behaved more professionally and worked more efficiently than people half her age. She was a mother-hen type, with a hippie twist. Bright orange hair framed her face and she wore long gauzy skirts with dangly earrings, and flip-flops. How she’d gotten past the office dress code, he never knew, but he expected some serious behind-the-scenes bullying occurred. When she wasn’t busy with his filing and phone calls, she read tealeaves, fortunes and zodiac signs. After his accident, she’d given him more articles than he could count on alternative therapies. She’d been after him for years to date, had set him up—almost—and nagged him about everything from his clothes to eating more green leafy vegetables. If she
hadn’t been good at her job, he’d have sacked her long ago. At this point, though, he couldn’t function—his office couldn’t function—without her.

  “Hi, Gideon. I just got off the phone with Steve Sant. He and his partners have made their travel plans and will be in town with their wives next week. They want to go to dinner on Thursday.”

  Gideon closed the program he was in and pulled up his calendar. He hated this part of work. Social business engagements—they weren’t one category and they weren’t the other. Everyone but him would be with a date. Unless… “ Can you make reservations at Bella’s? Eight people for seven thirty.”

  “Sure.” She started to leave the office. At the doorway, she paused and raised an eyebrow. “Eight? Hot date?”

  “Butt out, Stella,” he replied affectionately. He couldn’t really take offense. The good mood he’d been in since Claire hadn’t yet rubbed off.

  “Come on, Gideon, who is she? Is she cute? Where’d you meet her? When can I meet her?” Stella would have continued if he’d let her, but he rolled right up to her and forced her to move out of the doorway or get run over. He glanced over his shoulder at her as she shook her head in mock dismay. “Just make the reservation, Stella.”

  He left the office for lunch, doubting himself the entire trip. But he and Lily had joked about it on the phone the other night. Maybe she wouldn’t mind going. There was only one way to find out. He called Lily and recorded a message.

  “Hi, Lil, it’s Gideon. Listen, remember how you said you’d come with me to a work event? Well, I’ve got a dinner next week and I was wondering if you were free. It’s on Thursday at seven thirty. Bella’s. Let me know, okay?” He hung up the phone before he could say anything he might regret. His stomach was heavy as he considered all the possible answers Lily could give. But despite his doubts, he held fast to the memory of holding her while she cried. His heart had ached for her, but at the same time, warmth had spread through his body because he’d felt needed. He was glad to focus on someone else, to try to make her feel better.

  That night at home, his phone rang as he watched TV. He muted the sound and answered the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Gideon, it’s Lily.”

  The lilt he’d forever associate with her enabled him to hear her smile. His pulse pounded and he drew a deep breath. “Hey, Lil. Did you get my message?”

  “Yeah, I did. What’s going on?”

  “An associate from our LA office is coming into town next week, bringing some other associates and their wives. They want to go to dinner. I don’t mean it like a date, just as friends. If you’re free.” His tongue was thick and he had a bitter taste in his mouth. He held his breath and waited for her answer. This is ridiculous. It’s a business arrangement. She’s already volunteered.

  “After those rave reviews you gave these events, I’m not sure I should.” He swallowed and she rushed to reassure him. “I’m teasing. But are you positive there isn’t someone else you’d rather take?”

  He exhaled, his palms damp. “Honestly, you’re one of the few people who don’t pity me, and whose company I find somewhat enjoyable.”

  “Gee thanks, your enthusiasm overwhelms me. No wonder you don’t enjoy these things!” She gave a wry chuckle.

  He blew out a breath and ran a hand across the nape of his neck. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. When we’re not yelling at each other we have a good time. At least I do.” He stiffened at the unexpected admission.

  “True.” Her smile came through and he started to relax.

  “ Anyway, I have some work things coming up, this being one of them, and I’d rather not take my sister or go alone—I hate sticking out, or being set up, which is what will happen. I thought maybe you might want to go to them with me.“ For a non-date, this was surprisingly difficult.

  “So kind of like a business arrangement?”

  “Uh, yeah.” Gideon closed his eyes in relief, as a sliver of disappointment wiggled its way into his brain. No matter how attracted to her he might be, a serious relationship wasn’t a good idea. He’d only disappoint her.

  “Let me see if I can get a babysitter. Bella’s, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Fancy.”

  He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “These people like fancy.”

  “They should be pleased. I’ll let you know when I hear from Tara. How’s everything going?”

  She could have rushed him off the phone. Instead she was talking to him. He leaned into the sofa cushions, enjoying the conversation. “Things are going well. We’re just about ready to roll out our drug and so far, no glitches.” He crossed his fingers. “And you? How’s Claire?”

  “We’re both fine, thanks. She was excited about your coming to school with her, and she had a wonderful day. Thank you again.” She sounded hesitant.

  He rushed to reassure her. “My pleasure, Lil.” And it was true. Every time he was with Claire or Lily, he had a good time. He wanted that happiness to continue…for all of them.

  ****

  During the week, Gideon threw himself into work and the center, while experiencing a nervous energy he hadn’t felt before. You’d think we were going out on a date. He groaned. He’d been on many business dinners in his career, and every one of them filled him with dread. This one was different though. His throat went dry whenever he thought about it. And what about his clients? What would their response be when he arrived with her? Never mind his response to Lily.

  He recollected the movie they’d seen together when he’d first met her. He’d spent more time watching Lily than the screen. As they sat next to each other, her arm had brushed his and rustled the hairs on his forearm. He’d contemplated moving it, but the barely there warmth coupled with the cool smoothness of the armrest created an electric current he hadn’t been able to resist. Her silky, soft skin begged to be caressed, and reluctantly, he’d dragged his attention away from her and toward the screen. But the memory of it, and that barely there feeling, lingered after the movie ended. To this day, weeks later, his arm tingled whenever he thought of it, to say nothing of what he’d felt having her in his lap. She’d felt right, like part of a puzzle whose piece he didn’t realize he’d lost. And this was the woman he would spend a business dinner with?

  One thing’s for certain, he thought on Thursday as he watched her step out of the car he’d hired to bring her to the restaurant, she looks amazing. She wore a black suit with pale pink piping on the jacket, and a V-neck that showed enough cleavage to make him sweat. The skirt hugged her hips and ended above her knee with a small tailored pink bow on either side at the hem. His fingers itched to slip beneath those bows and travel farther up her leg, and he clamped them around the wheels of his chair as he stifled a groan. Black pumps and pantyhose and a black and pink purse, completed the outfit.

  She’s sexy as hell.

  “Hi, Gideon. I hope you weren’t waiting long.” She smoothed her jacket and hitched her purse onto her shoulder.

  He looked at her once again, starting at her waist and moving up, then down, to her shoes. He imagined himself running his hand along her smooth legs, spanning his hands around her waist, and his breath quickened as he indulged in the fantasy. The rasp of the ignition brought him to reality and he caught himself. Fool, she’s paying her obligation to you. He frowned. His mask slipped into place as he attempted to cover his desire.

  “Nope, just got here. We’re a little early. Let’s go in and get a drink at the bar.”

  He banged the wheels of his chair as he led them into the restaurant. The aroma of garlic accosted him through the open door and made Gideon’s mouth water. Toulouse Lautrec prints and wall sconces hung on gold walls, with portions of exposed brick. Piano music played in the background.

  At the front of the restaurant, a dark mahogany bar reflected his scowl in its polished wood finish and he made a conscious effort to smooth his features. He ordered them each a martini, the bar’s specialty, and wait
ed for the icy liquid to flow into him and dull his sharp nerves. It soothed his thirst, if not his mind, and he let his gaze rove the restaurant—anywhere but her.

  “So how have you been?” Her melodic voice broke the quiet and startled Gideon out of his uneasy reverie. Dread churned the pit of his stomach as he took in her strained smile and her white knuckled-grip the handle of her purse. Tension arced between them. Why do I always erect walls between us when we’re together?

  He wanted to soothe her unease. “Okay.”

  Lily fiddled with her martini glass and dragged her fingers through the condensation on the sides.

  What would those hands feel like on my body?

  “How is the new drug launch going?”

  “Fine.” Jeez, what is my problem? I’m sitting here with a beautiful woman and all I can give is one-word answers? That’s because whenever I look at her I have to fight not to be drawn to her. She wiggled her foot and clenched her jaw in time to some beat only she could hear. He had to do something to relax her. All he needed was for her to walk out in a huff and leave him to face his client alone. “How’s work going for you? Did you ever solve the software problem you were telling me about?”

  Lily’s eyes shone like emeralds reflecting the sun. “We did, although it isn’t the best launch we’ve ever done. The good news is there’ve been no other major disasters, and it’s going to wind down soon.”

  “Good, glad to hear it.” Gideon raced to find something else to discuss to preserve the easygoing manner between them. “How’s Claire doing? Is she okay now about her dad?”

  Lily smiled, although it didn’t quite reach her eyes. He had to do better. “Yes, she’s okay now. I’m learning life with a six-year-old is a series of intense thunderstorms, followed by deceptive calm.”

  Gideon huffed. “Sounds relaxing.”

  “It’s a day at the beach.” She snorted and took a last sip of the martini. Gideon’s clients entered the restaurant. It’s show time. With a nod to Lily, he led her over to them, welcomed them to the city and made introductions.