A Heart of Little Faith

by Jennifer Wilck

  “Lily, it’s good to meet you,” the large florid man named Steve said, as he shook her hand. An overpowering tang of Brut encased him and Gideon breathed through his mouth. “Where has Gideon been hiding you?” He took her arm and led her to the table the hostess prepared, leaving the others to fend for themselves. Lily glanced at Gideon, but continued to walk with Steve.

  “I only moved back to the city a few months ago.”

  Steve’s hand rested close to her breast—Gideon’s face heated and his pulse raced as an overwhelming anger threatened to spill over. If he dared to do anything… The sound of Lily’s voice, cool and calm, doused his emotions as he realized she could handle him and he focused his attention to Steve’s wife, Pat. Gideon led Pat to the table and sat next to her. Lily and Steve sat across from them. Lily gave him a small smile, but inside he seethed. He still didn’t like how Steve manhandled her. If I wasn’t in a wheelchair, that never would have happened. He caught himself. If I wasn’t in a wheelchair, I wouldn’t have made this bargain with Lily and she wouldn’t have been here in the first place. And Steve is Steve. He takes over every situation, regardless of who is with him. Gideon took a deep breath and focused on Pat.

  “So, have you had much time today to do anything in New York?” He plastered his best tell-me-all-about-you grin on his face as he ignored her husband.

  “Well, we did a little shopping…”

  Gideon listened with half an ear to the mousy woman next to him. Her shrill tone jangled his already taut nerves and jarred his eardrums. From previous experience, he knew she’d speak forever about nothing, and would complain about everything she saw and did. It was going to be a long evening. He watched Lily out of the corner of his eye—a breath of fresh air amid the multitude of floral scents of the women around him—and his admiration for her increased by the minute. Steve could be hard to handle—even for him—and she controlled him with aplomb. Gracious and engaging, she kept Steve enthralled. He wished he and Lily could talk with such ease. A sudden thought made him pause. Maybe it’s me.

  The waitress came for their drink orders. Lily and Gideon both ordered club sodas, while the rest of the party ordered martinis and wine spritzers.

  “No drinking and driving, eh Gideon?” Steve boomed, and laughed at his own joke.

  Gideon inhaled, amazed at the man’s temerity. Before he could reply, Lily responded.

  “We got here a little early and are already one up on you, Steve.”

  “Well, I guess I’d better catch up.” He started to chug his drink. Unfortunately for him, a glance from his wife stopped him and he slowed down.

  Gideon watched the exchange with awe. Between Lily and Pat, they tamed Steve, which enabled him to relax.

  After they perused the menu, everyone placed their dinner orders, and soon the men brought the conversation around to business. In the meantime, the women spoke about their day shopping in the city. Typical of tourists, they thought the prices were high and the sales people rude. They could be, unless you knew how to work them. Their conversation moved onto their plans for the next day. The women wanted to go to a museum, but were having difficulty deciding which one.

  “I like the Guggenheim,” Lily offered. “The art is always interesting and the building itself is fun. Their cafeteria is good, too.”

  “Well, I’m not one for modern art,” one of the women said, “but we can try it this time.”

  Dinner arrived and everyone fell silent as they tasted their meals. Gideon caught Lily’s eye as he savored his smoky flavored filet mignon. He winked, and she grinned back. Whatever tension he’d felt faded, and he relaxed. He leaned more casually, rested his arm on the table and smiled at some of the jokes. When Pat called the waitress over to complain about her meal, Gideon made a face at Lily, who choked in response.

  “Are you okay, my dear?” Steve patted her back, concern showing in the grooves of his forehead. Gideon’s tight glare would have stopped him instantly if Steve noticed it, but he focused on Lily, and stared at her cleavage.

  “I’m fine,” she gasped. She changed positions and made eyes at Gideon, who leered and waggled his eyebrows at her. She gave him a murderous look and continued with her meal, smiling as he realized he was actually enjoying himself.

  Two hours, several reorders, drinks and dessert later, the meal ended and Gideon and Lily escorted Steve, Pat and their entourage into waiting taxis. The cars pulled away.

  “Wow,” Lily said.

  Gideon nodded. “Yeah, you can say that again.”

  “Wow.”

  “Funny.”

  “I can’t believe I let you do this to me. It’s not enough I had to sit through an endless dinner with Steve as my dinner partner, but you made faces at me!” Her voice was higher than normal, her eyebrows arched.

  “I know. I’m sorry.” He flashed a sheepish grin, secretly enjoying the memory.

  “You’re sorry. Sorry? Argh.” She threw her arms up over her head.

  “Come on, it wasn’t all bad, was it?” For some reason, he wanted her to have enjoyed the evening, for it to have been a bonding experience for her as much as it was for him.

  “Well, once you stopped frowning, no, it wasn’t bad at all.” She grinned and relief washed through him. “Although next time I’ll have to find out from you beforehand whom we’re entertaining. I don’t know if I can take much more of those people.”

  “You don’t have to.” Relief flooded through him at her words. She’d said “next time.” Her presence made things easier for him. Most times, he felt like the outsider, entertaining everyone but not joining in. Tonight, he’d felt like part of the group. Not that he wanted to be part of their group—they were overbearing and not his style—but having someone there with him tonight made him feel like part of a couple. They played off one another, defended each other, and it felt good.

  “Listen, I appreciate your coming with me tonight.” He clenched his fist to prevent it from rising and caressing her cheek. Her skin glowed and his fingers itched to trace the curve of her cheekbone to her jawbone, to feel the soft skin on the hard bone. He could almost feel her lips on his fingers, her breath cool and moist. He blinked, and the image receded. But his desire did not.

  Lily smiled. “I actually did have fun. It’s a fantastic restaurant and I enjoyed your company. It’s not your fault they’re like that.” The car pulled in front of the restaurant and the driver opened the door.

  “Your ride’s here,” Gideon rasped, still caught in his imagination. He shifted in his chair.

  “Do you want a lift?”

  “No, it’s okay. Consider this your private reward for putting up with the lecherous Steve.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well this was a nice touch.” She gestured toward the car.

  “It was the least I could do.”

  “Well, thank you for it, and for tonight. I did have fun, and I’ll join you whenever you want.”

  Unable to resist, Gideon pulled her down toward him and kissed her gently on the lips. As anticipated, her lips were soft and delicious. “Thanks for coming with me tonight. Get home safe.” He dropped her hand and reversed, as she got into the car and it pulled away. You fool. What did you do that for? You turned a perfectly fine evening into a disaster. She’s never going to want to be with you again. And you’re never going to be able to get her kiss out of your mind.

  ****

  After Lily paid Tara and checked on Claire, she lay in bed and relived Gideon’s kiss. She touched her lips, which were still marked with his imprint. The kiss had been soft, gentle, yet filled with promise. But maybe she was reading it wrong. Maybe it was only a goodbye kiss. Granted, it was on her lips, but some people did that, right? The last man who’d kissed her was Daniel. She was out of practice, but she didn’t think she’d read the signals wrong.

  When Gideon called to suggest a business arrangement, she’d thought it sounded strange, but she’d agreed because it was a chance to spend time with him. And she wanted to
do something to thank him for taking Claire to the Father-Daughter lunch. But she’d never expected him to kiss her.

  “He kissed you?” Samantha shrieked and Lily pulled the phone away from her ear the next morning as she waited for Samantha’s decibels to return to normal. With her back to her office door, she propped her legs on her credenza and tipped her chair back. She pointed and flexed her toes as she talked on the phone. She’d come into work and called Samantha first thing, wanting her take on the situation.

  “My brother? Big guy in a wheelchair? Kissed you?”

  Lily rolled her eyes. “Try to keep up, Samantha.”

  “Sorry, it’s just the thought of my brother kissing someone is so far beyond the realm of normal, I got sidetracked. Now tell me everything,” Samantha said, significantly quieter now, but no less excited.

  Lily told her the details, interrupted every few seconds by gasps or laughter from Samantha. When she’d completed her story, she waited. Samantha did not disappoint her.

  “I can’t believe he kissed you!”

  Her giddiness started to fizzle. “Do you realize that was my first kiss in years?” Gideon’s kiss was her first since Daniel. The thought made the kiss bittersweet.

  Samantha sensed her hesitation. “Are you okay with it?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I mean, I loved the kiss, regardless of what he meant by it. But there’s a part of me that’s sad too, for the old Lily. The one with the perfect life with the perfect husband and perfect baby daughter.” Her voice cracked. She tried to remember the fantasies she’d held for her future life with Daniel, but they’d faded with time and she couldn’t quite hold them in place. She just knew that her life now wasn’t what she’d imagined and she lowered her head. “I never expected my life to turn out like this, a single mother faced with the prospect of dating again. Do you understand what I mean?”

  “Do you think life with Gideon would be less than perfect?”

  “I don’t know what life with Gideon would be like.” Her face heated. “And as of right now, he’s considering this payback for helping me out. At least, I think he is. Besides, one kiss doesn’t represent a lifetime commitment, and I don’t know Gideon well enough to know if he’s perfect or not.” Lily sighed as she relived the kiss, lips tingling. “He’s a great kisser though.”

  Chapter 10

  Days later, and Lily didn’t have the guts to call Gideon out on their arrangement, or the kiss. But her body burned every time she thought about it. There was only so much patience she could manage, however, and tonight after Claire went to sleep, she was going to ask him.

  She and Claire returned to their apartment from work and camp that evening. She unlocked her door, swung it open and stopped short on the threshold. The stench of stale sweat assaulted her nostrils and she gripped the doorjamb in panic. Her typically tidy apartment resembled home base for a whirling dervish—overturned furniture, broken dishes on the floor, papers pulled out of drawers. Oh my God, what is this? Who did this? Questions swirled through her mind as her body twitched. Her brain accelerated in a million different directions—call the police, such an awful mess, impossible to clean, so much work to do tonight. Only when Claire whimpered did Lily realize her fingers dug into her shoulders. She pried her fingers away as she grabbed Claire in a big hug.

  “Mommy, what’s wrong?” Claire asked. Panic edged her voice.

  “Shhh, it’s okay honey, it’s okay,” Lily whispered. Her hollow tone seemed to come from far away and did nothing to reassure her, never mind Claire. “There’s a little problem with our apartment, though. Let’s go over to Samantha’s for a while, okay?”

  They crossed the hall. Lily clenched her teeth in an effort not to run, terrified whomever destroyed her apartment would come after them. For Claire’s sake, she made herself slow her steps. She thought about when she and Daniel lived in their house in Philadelphia. Whenever she was home at night, she’d race up the stairs after shutting off all the lights, thinking someone was downstairs trying to get her. Daniel would laugh at her and give her a hug, saying it was only her vivid imagination. Still, she kept an upstairs light on at night whenever she was home alone, so she didn’t walk upstairs in total darkness. This apartment always felt safe. But today, the boogeyman was real, and had already wreaked havoc on her home.

  Thankfully, Samantha answered the door quickly. When she saw the expressions on their faces, she ushered them inside. “What’s wrong?”

  Lily moved numbly to the sofa and pulled Claire onto her lap, wrapping her arms tightly around the child. “I think we were robbed.” After she explained the details to Samantha, her friend grabbed the phone. Her first call was to the police; her second, to Gideon.

  Lily couldn’t let go of Claire and she rocked back and forth. Thoughts of what could have happened if they were home when the break-in occurred made her shake. Samantha sat next to her on the sofa and patted her shoulder gently.

  When the doorbell rang, Samantha answered it and let the police officers in. While they interviewed Lily and accompanied her to the apartment to determine if anything was missing, she left Claire with Samantha. By the time Lily finished talking to the police officers, her limbs were heavy and her eyelids drooped. A little money and a few pieces of jewelry had been taken.

  As they gathered evidence, she surveyed her apartment. How could she put her apartment, and her life, back together? For it truly felt like whoever did this altered her life. She didn’t feel safe or in control. Her apartment no longer felt like her own. She’d worked hard to make it feel homey, comfortable, welcoming. The person entered, moved things, and destroyed things—thing that were all hers, things that were part of her life and Claire’s. Now, his imprint was on them and she hated him. Why had he picked her apartment?

  A noise behind her startled her, and she suppressed a scream as she whirled around. Gideon approached her, but she couldn’t move. He stopped a few feet away. “It’s just me, Lil. I didn’t mean to scare you, honey.”

  His words washed over her in soothing waves and she took a deep breath. Gideon. The man whose kiss she still couldn’t forget. He kept his eyes glued to her face as he closed the last few feet between them.

  She compressed her lips, as if by keeping her mouth closed she could control the fear in her belly that threatened to overwhelm her. She swallowed metallic-tasting bile as she waited for the fear to disappear. She wrapped her arms around her middle, her knuckles white where they gripped her shirt. He glanced around the apartment.

  “Go pack a bag, Lil, and come to my place.”

  His words made no sense. “What?” Why would he want me to come to his apartment now? It’s late at night.

  “You shouldn’t stay here tonight.” He took one of her hands and rubbed it. The heat from his fingers burned her icy skin and she pulled it away.

  “I can’t leave my stuff here. Someone might take it.”

  Behind his glasses, his eyes were dark with compassion, his voice soothing. “It’s all right, Lily. Everything is going to be fine.”

  The stillness deepened as his words sunk in. Faint traces of sweat from the intruder permeated the apartment. Lily didn’t want to stay here, and she would have to put the place back together before she and Claire could live here again. Claire.

  “What about Claire? I have to go to her. She must be scared.” Lily’s hair whipped around her face as she moved one way then another in an effort to maneuver around Gideon and all of the stuff on the floor. She felt like a bird with a broken wing, which tried to fly but remained on the ground, flapping aimlessly. Instead of letting her go, he blocked her in. When she’d stilled, he spoke.

  “Claire’s fine, Lil. She’s with Samantha. I checked on them before I came over and Samantha was just putting her to bed.”

  Lily teared up at the thought of Claire being frightened and not having her mom to soothe her. “I should go to her.”

  “She’s fine, and probably already asleep. Just pack a small bag for her an
d we’ll drop it off on the way to my apartment.”

  Lily was numb as Gideon moved out of the way and she entered Claire’s room. Remarkably, it was barely disturbed. Still, her anger boiled over when she saw Claire’s hippo on the floor underneath the one bookshelf that was knocked over. Fueled by her anger, she strode around, rescued the hippo and filled a bag with Claire’s clothes. “I’m not leaving here. He may have destroyed this place, but he won’t destroy my home. I won’t let him make me leave.” She stared at Gideon, who had followed her into the room – legs planted wide, nails biting into her palms.

  His eyes gleamed. “Would you like company?”

  Relief flooded through her. No matter how resolute she’d suddenly become about staying in her apartment, she was scared to death to be alone here. She started to reconsider Gideon’s offer, but it would be harder to return tomorrow. Better to stay and deal with this face on. “Yes, please.” Her voice was barely a whisper. He squeezed her fingers and released her.

  “I’ll just pack some of my extra things from Samantha’s and I’ll be right back. Are you okay alone for a minute?”

  She nodded yes as her mind screamed, No! Rather than stay in the empty apartment, she followed him without a word and stood in her open doorway until he returned, grateful he didn’t comment. As she leaned against her doorjamb, the carved edges jutting into her back, a man rushed down the hall. He met Gideon at the door of Samantha’s apartment.

  “Gideon, is Samantha alright?”

  “Tony, she’s fine,” he answered, frowning.

  “I heard the call on the police radio and I thought something happened to her.”

  “Oh, no, it wasn’t her apartment.” Gideon pointed to Lily, and Tony stepped forward. “Lily, this is Tony. He’s a friend and ex-cop, in addition to being the director of the community center.”

  “Hi.” Lily was too tired to say more, and too afraid to go into her apartment alone, so she waited while the two men finished their discussion. She kept her focus on Gideon as he told Tony what happened. His presence kept her grounded.