A Heart of Little Faith

by Jennifer Wilck

  ****

  “I wonder if Lily knows she has such a faithful keeper.” Tony chuckled, not bothering to say hello when Gideon called him that night.

  “Shut up, Tony, and tell me what happened today,” he demanded. He longed to have been with them, feeling her presence, listening to her voice.

  “Hey, is that how to treat an old friend, one who’s doing you a favor, I might add? No, hey Tony, how are you, or gee, thanks Tony for your help?” He sounded like a game show host.

  Gideon removed his glasses and gritted his teeth. He was more concerned than he’d care to admit to himself. For someone who wasn’t supposed to be more than a casual friend, Lily had worked her way into his heart but good. I’m only showing the concern I’d show for any friend. Yeah, right, said his heart. Shut up. “Tony.” The word was a near growl.

  “All right, all right, chill out my friend. So far, everything looks okay. I haven’t found out anything different from what the cops know. It’s sounding like a random burglary. I can see why you like Lily so much, though,” he said. “She’s great, and funny. Quite a looker, too. Odd you never mentioned that to me before.”

  Despite Gideon’s attraction to her, and a chaste kiss or touch here or there, he and Lily were friends, nothing more. Yeah, there was a part of him that hoped for something else to develop, but he was a man who was led by his head, not his heart. And as much as he might wish for it, they never would be more than friends. Why shouldn’t she and Tony get together? He would be great for her, even Gideon could see that. Handsome, strong, dependable. As he heard Tony’s words, and admiring tone, jealousy crept into him like an insidious snake, wound itself around his heart and squeezed his lungs until he could barely breathe. The more he thought about it, the sicker he felt. It should be him, not Tony.

  He made a rude reply to Tony, who snorted. “Later, Gideon.” They hung up the phone and Gideon attempted to work on the papers he’d brought home from the office. Unable to concentrate, he called Lily. Just to check on her. She answered on the second ring, Claire’s giggle in the background.

  “Hey, Lil, it’s Gideon. I just wanted to see how your day went with Tony.”

  “I was going to call you later,” Lily said. Scraping, like a spoon stirring a pot, came through the phone. “Hold on a sec, Gideon. Claire, dinner’s ready! Sorry, we’re just about to eat. I’m much better. Tony stopped by to check on me and to ask me a few questions. He’s terrific. Thank you for convincing him to help me.” She was breathless. Was it from doing too many things at once, or the thought of Tony?

  Nothing like shooting myself in the foot. Did she mean much better with Tony rather than me, or much better in general? Aargh. “You’re welcome. Glad I could help. Well, I’ll let you go, you sound busy. Tell Claire I’ll see her tomorrow, okay?”

  He hung up the phone, and as he went to work, he cursed himself out for screwing up his life.

  ****

  When Gideon arrived at the front desk of the community center, Claire let out a squeal, ran over, jumped in his lap and hugged him.

  “Hey ClaireBear, I’m glad you’re here.” Her thin arms were like wires wrapped around him, and he squeezed her. “Come on; let me introduce you to the boys.”

  They went into the all-purpose room. The kids decorated the large, yellow, cinder-block walls with their artwork. The center’s staff hung inspirational posters and anti-drug/anti-violence messages. Comfortable couches and beanbag chairs faced a unit holding a TV, DVD player and a Playstation, and a large table sat in the back for homework. The noise level precluded any studying though. Whizzes, bangs and bleeps burst from the TV screen as Gideon’s boys played a video game. They yelled at the screen and each other, trying to beat the clock and defeat the bad guys. They barely noticed as he and Claire came in, their focus glued to the psychedelic-colored screen. He went over and turned off the game and plunged the space into a mind numbing silence. The boys started to argue, but a look from Gideon stopped them.

  “Boys, I’d like to introduce you to my friend, Claire. Claire, this is Philip, Jonathon, Paul and Angelo. They’re eleven years old and they’re my buddies.” They slouched and stared at the floor. Gideon hoped the awkwardness would pass and they’d all have fun after a little while. He went over to the boys and ruffled their hair. The boys stared at Claire and naturally, it was Angelo who sauntered over to her and smiled.

  “Hi, I’m Angelo. Want to play dodge ball?”

  Claire gave a shy nod and followed him into the gym. They strode to the closet to get the ball. Philip and Paul followed, while Jonathon hung behind, as usual. The four kids started to play, while Gideon and Jonathon watched. The sound of the ball bouncing against the floor mingled with the shouts and laughs of the kids and created a deafening cacophony. Gideon was pleased to see the boys being gentle with Claire, and amused to see the adoration whenever she looked at Angelo. Lily’s going to kill me. He grinned at Jonathon.

  “How about joining them?”

  His face scrunched. “I don’t know about playing with a girl.”

  “I’m sure her cooties have already rubbed off on the other three,” Gideon said wryly. “You’re probably safe by now.”

  Jonathon tipped his head to the side as if he considered the possibility. Then he joined in the game.

  After a while, Gideon went over and suggested they show Claire how to play basketball. Philip took charge, and soon, all four boys competed to instruct her how to shoot and dribble. She wasn’t good at first, but the boys were surprisingly patient with her and after a little while she improved. Gideon joined in and the six of them played a mock game—him, Jonathon and Claire against Philip, Angelo and Paul.

  With the score tied at ten points each, Gideon ended the game and suggested everyone go into the all-purpose room to get snacks. All four boys fell over each other as they raced to give Claire enough food and drinks and checked to see if she was tired out, but it was Angelo who got to sit next to her. He smiled triumphantly as he slid into his seat and asked about her school and camp. Soon all five kids chattered about school, homework—Claire was jealous she didn’t have as much as they did—the center and things they did for fun. By then, it was time to go. Nobody wanted to leave.

  “Aw, Gideon,” moaned Paul, “can’t we stay?”

  “No, Paul, your moms are going to wonder where you are. They’re already waiting for you out in the lobby and Claire has to get home too.”

  “Can she come back tomorrow?” asked Philip as he looked from Claire to Gideon.

  “Well, not tomorrow, but would you all like her to come another time?”

  All four boys nodded. “I think it would be okay if she visited once in a while,” Jonathon agreed.

  Gideon hid a grin. His chest swelled with pride at the impression Claire had made. He was starting to think of her like he would a daughter. “What about you, Claire. Do you want to come back again?”

  Claire swiveled her head between Gideon and Angelo and nodded. “Yeah, I do, Gideon.”

  “Okay, I’ll ask your mom.”

  The six of them returned to the lobby. The four boys went over to their moms and introduced them to Claire, who, suddenly shy, hung back by Gideon and waved. When the boys left, he took her home.

  Chapter 12

  Monday afternoon, Lily was in a panic. Her heart raced and she’d bitten her nails to the quick. She’d stared at her phone all day, but it remained stubbornly quiet. After she’d picked up the phone and replaced it without dialing six times, she called Tony. “Have you found anything out?” she demanded, before he could say hello. “I can’t stand waiting for the police to call.”

  “Let me talk to my buddy again and I’ll call you tonight. Or I can stop by on my way home from work, if you’d like. I finish around eight.” His suggestion popped some of her anxiety.

  “Perfect. Claire will be in bed.”

  “Okay. See you then.”

  That evening, Claire played a computer game before bed while Lily cleaned the apar
tment and burned off some of her excess energy. Rachmaninoff streamed from her playlist and Lily swayed to the music as she scrubbed. For the first time all day, she felt more at ease. The piano crescendos invigorated her; the decrescendos soothed her. She adjusted the volume of the music as loud as she dared to drown out her worries, much to Claire’s chagrin.

  “Mommy, why can’t we listen to my music?” she complained from the office.

  “Because we’re listening to mine right now, hon.” Lily peeked her head in the door. “Besides, you’re playing a computer game. You’re not even paying attention to the music.”

  “Yeah, but I can’t help hearing it and it’s bothering me.” Lily cringed as her daughter’s whine increased.

  “Well, you’ll just have to deal, kiddo.” She left before she could hear any more of Claire’s complaints. The doorbell rang, and Lily glanced at her watch. Tony was early. She raced to the door, eager for an update. Instead of Tony, Gideon sat there. “Hi, you’re a nice surprise.” Lily opened the door wide and touched her throat. “Come on in. Can I get you anything?”

  “No, I’m fine, thanks. I came over to see if you want to go to a baseball game. My boss is taking a bunch of us and he gave me two tickets.” He held them out to her.

  Lily reached for the ticket and their fingers brushed each other, sending a curl of heat up her arm. “Another one of our arrangements?”

  Gideon’s face reddened. “Yeah, something like that.”

  Should she tell him she’d go even if it wasn’t part of their arrangement? She wasn’t brave enough, despite how much she’d come to enjoy spending time with him. He was prickly and she was new to all of this. Instead, she took ticket and ran her fingers around the edge. “Steve’s not going to be there, is he?”

  Gideon chuckled. “Nope, just some friends from my office and their husbands, wives, etc.”

  “It’s next weekend?”

  “Saturday at four.” Lily checked her calendar in her purse. “Claire has a sleepover that weekend. I’m free.”

  “Wow, an entire weekend to yourself? What are you going to do?”

  “I haven’t decided yet.”

  “Okay, well now you have plans for Saturday. I’ll pick you up. One of these days I’ll have to include Claire though.” He smiled, and happiness softened his features.

  “Yeah, she’s starting to get jealous of us,” Lily laughed.

  He leaned forward, hands clasped. “How would you feel if I picked her up from aftercare and brought her to my apartment for dinner one night? I could ask Samantha to come too if you’d feel better about it.”

  Lily met his gaze. This wonderful man wanted to spend time with her daughter. Her heart was full. “No, I don’t mind her being with you. If you’re free tomorrow, I have a meeting that’s going to run late.”

  His mouth widened in a grin. “Tomorrow’s great. I’ll drop her off here when we’re done eating.”

  She could accept his assistance, but she didn’t want to impose. “I don’t mind picking her up, Gideon. It’ll save you the extra trip.”

  “Okay, don’t rush.”

  Lily turned toward the office. “Hey, Claire, do you want to have dinner with Gideon tomorrow?”

  Her daughter charged out of the office and skidded to a halt in front of her and Gideon. “Yeah!” she shouted as she jumped up and down.

  Gideon laughed at her enthusiasm. “You haven’t tasted my cooking yet, kiddo.”

  “You’re a great cook, Gideon.” She leaped onto his lap and hugged him.

  “Okay, Claire, that’s enough,” Lily interrupted, laughing. “Go get ready for bed and I’ll be in to kiss you goodnight in a minute.” Lily accompanied Gideon to the door. As she clasped the cold knob, the doorbell rang again. Tony stood in the hallway with a bottle of wine.

  “Hi, Lily, hey, Gideon,” he said as he came inside. “I thought a bottle of wine might be nice,” he added. “Gideon, are you joining us?”

  Gideon’s face flushed and his nostrils flared. “Nope, I’ll leave you two alone,” he said. He headed out the door. It slammed behind him and Lily frowned.

  She gauged the distance between the door and Tony, trying to decide if she should chase after Gideon or not. Why would he be jealous of Tony? Taking the bottle of wine from him, she returned a minute later with glasses and a corkscrew. As she arranged everything on the coffee table, Tony took in his surroundings.

  “Nice place.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

  “Thanks. Let me just get Claire into bed and I’ll be right back. Why don’t you pour?” She retreated into Claire’s bedroom, and returned five minutes later.

  “Salut,” Tony raised a glass.

  “Salut,” Lily replied.

  “Gideon’s jealous,” Tony commented, his eyes crinkled in amusement.

  “Why would he be jealous? He’s the one who asked you to help me out.”

  “I don’t know why. I’m just telling you what I see when I look at him. And what I see is a jealous man.”

  “No, it’s just him in one of his moods.” Lily swished the wine in her glass. The yellow-tinged liquid sparkled like sunshine in the light. Did she really mean enough to Gideon to make him jealous? She bit her lip.

  Tony chuckled. “If you say so. After I got off the phone with you, Lil, I called the officer in charge of your case. He thinks they may have a lead, based on evidence in your apartment.”

  She gasped. “That’s wonderful. Do they know who did it yet?”

  “The guy said they may know more in a few days. I’ll keep at him and let you know.”

  “Please do. This not knowing is killing me.”

  Tony reached across the table and squeezed her fingers. “Try not to worry.”

  ****

  The next day, Gideon arrived at camp with a note from Lily, allowing them to release Claire to him. After a series of questions and ID-checking, Claire ran out, the sounds of giggling flowing behind her.

  “Hey there, ClaireBear.” Gideon smiled. Although he’d tossed and turned all night wondering about Lily and Tony, he was pushing all thought of them from his mind. He didn’t want anything spoiling his time with Claire. “Are you ready to try my cooking?”

  “Yippee, it’ll be fun!” Claire skipped out the door. With a smile, he followed her. His chest swelled at her excitement. Having someone to prepare dinner for, even a child, was a new experience, and one he’d been ridiculously excited for all day.

  When they arrived at his place, Claire explored the apartment while he fixed dinner.

  “Hey Claire, what do you want to eat?” he called out to her as he checked out the fridge. The blast of cold air was refreshing after the summer heat. “I’ve got pizza, pasta and hot dogs.”

  “Cool, look at me, Gideon! We’re twins!”

  Claire sat in his basketball chair, trying to wheel herself over to him. He froze, the sight of this darling girl trying to imitate him more than he could bear. His heart pounded and his lungs constricted. Dwarfed in the specially designed chair, her pale legs barely reached the foot pedals and swung against the neon green frame. Her sneakers banged the metal and sent shards of pain into Gideon’s head with each clunk. She struggled to push the wheels and blew hair out of her face in frustration.

  “Claire, no!” The image of her in a wheelchair burned itself into his brain and made bile rise in his throat – its sour taste made him gag. His ClaireBear ran, skipped, and jumped. She did not wheel herself around; her legs did not swing lifelessly. She was not like him at all. They were not twins.

  If she were an adult, she would have recognized his tone and his expression for what it was—heartache. But she was only a child. She whipped her head up and her face fell. Her breathing quickened into small sobs and she whimpered. The chair banged into an end table. A lamp crashed to the floor. The base broke in half, the shade tilted and the plug pulled out of the wall. “I’m sorry, Gideon. I didn’t mean it,” she cried.

  He didn’t answer, still caught in the vision
of her in the chair. Claire catapulted from the chair and ran into his bedroom, where she flopped on the bed in tears.

  Her sobs snapped him out of his reverie and he swore to himself. He hadn’t meant to yell at her, certainly hadn’t meant to scare her. He wheeled around the chair she’d left in the middle of the floor and into his bedroom. As he moved to the side of his bed, he lowered his voice and crooned.

  “Shh, sweetheart. It’s okay, honey. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

  Claire rolled over and pulled her knees to her chest. It was the same posture he’d found Lily in after her break-in. She stared at him, her breath hiccupping. Gideon reached over and brushed the tears from her face, following the wet trail across her cheek and into her hair.

  “I’m sorry, Claire.” He waited and let her focus on what he said, finding relief in his role of comforter of both Lily and her daughter.

  She sat up and he patted his lap. She climbed into it and he hugged her as he rocked her back and forth. The warmth from her body melted the icy casing around in his heart. “I didn’t know you had a green chair.”

  “It’s for basketball.” Various emotions rioted through him—sadness, grief, pride, discomfort, wonder. It was all he could do to focus on answering her questions. He wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs.

  “How come you don’t use this one?”

  “Because that one is specially made for basketball. This one doesn’t move the same way and isn’t as fast.”

  Claire examined the chair. “It’s not green, either.”

  Gideon huffed. “No, it’s not.”

  “How come?”

  Technical questions he could answer. Six-year-old girl questions, however, were tougher. Why wasn’t it green? He hadn’t ever thought about it before. “It just isn’t.”

  Claire thought for a minute. “Well, if I had one, I’d want it to be pink.”

  Again, his chest tightened at the thought of her in a wheelchair. Then he relaxed. She didn’t think his wheelchair was a big deal; it was a fun method to get around. She didn’t think about what he missed, what she would miss if she used one. His heart beat fast as he realized it didn’t matter to her if he was in a wheelchair. Had he focused on that thought, he never would have yelled at her in the first place. He should have remembered that children were pure and genuine. They could teach adults just as much, if not more, than adults could teach them. He kissed the top of her head.