A Heart of Little Faith

by Jennifer Wilck

  Work provided him the only break from his own thoughts. So, he immersed himself in it. He stayed late at the office, brought papers home with him, traveled as often as possible and volunteered for projects he normally wouldn’t have taken. His sister wouldn’t let him off the hook, so what little free time remained he spent with her, or with her and Tony. As he passed Lily’s door on the way to Samantha’s, he would try not to glance at it, or listen for noise from inside, knowing it would be the end if he did it. He was miserable, and did a good job of making everyone around him miserable, too. Gideon vowed when he finished this next round of travel, he’d reevaluate his life and start working on being a nicer person.

  He went to work on Wednesday, ready to clear his desk in preparation for his next trip. With meetings in two cities in three days, he intended on leaving work early today to rest before leaving for the airport.

  As he approached his office, Stella waylaid him. She hadn’t been happy with him for breaking things off with Lily, and she’d had no qualms about showing her displeasure. Although she’d offered loads of sympathy after his accident, she had apparently changed her strategy since then, because she brought Lily and Claire up any chance she got. She favored pouring salt on wounds rather than salve, because the more he balked at her tactics, the worse she got, asking when he planned to call Lily and beg her forgiveness, or if he’d stopped by her apartment on his way to Samantha’s. He cringed inwardly as she came to him.

  “Your itinerary is set, along with all the supporting materials.” Her clipped tone and accompanying tone assured him today would be no different than any other recent day. “I have a car picking you up from your apartment today at five and another one driving you home on Saturday night.” She cocked her head to the side. “Did you tell the boys at the center, and Claire, you’re going away for a few days?”

  “Of course I did, Stella. I always do, you know.”

  “Yes, well, I just wanted to double check. I’d hate for you to let them down,” she said, and added “again” under her breath. Her voice was loud enough for Gideon to hear, and he fumed as he entered his office. If she wasn’t good at her job, and if he didn’t have such a history with her, he’d fire her, because hers was the voice of reason he was trying to ignore.

  He shut the door and remained inside until he finished his work. Then he packed his briefcase and left.

  ****

  Lily arrived Wednesday evening at The Inn at Penn, in Philadelphia. Back in her old stomping grounds, the city that gave off such a different vibe than New York. Here, buildings were shorter and more sky was visible. Historic houses from Revolutionary times mixed with modern office spaces. There were fewer people, but more students at the surrounding colleges.

  She called Claire to say goodnight, showered, changed and met Anne downstairs in the lobby for a working dinner. At least, Anne ate; Lily picked at her salad and moved food around on her plate. Not even the crisp lettuce, aromatic garlic bread or Anne’s fragrant bowl of clam chowder tempted her. If Anne observed her lack of appetite as she perused her notes, she said nothing.

  “Okay,” said Anne, “Rapture wants us to sit in on their press tour. I figure you can take the morning appointments and I’ll take the afternoon ones. Okay?”

  “That’s fine.” Lily jotted notes in her calendar, glad for the excuse not to eat. “What about lunch or dinner meetings?”

  “Lunches are free. We’ve got Rapture for dinner tomorrow night, and on Friday late afternoon we have the pharmaceutical presentation.”

  “Right. Why don’t we get together tomorrow night after dinner to rehearse?”

  “Fine. In the meantime, why don’t you get some sleep? You look exhausted.”

  Lily averted her gaze. “Gee thanks, Anne, I love you, too,” Lily snapped. Abashed, she softened her sarcasm with a smile.

  “I only comment ‘cause I care,” Anne replied. “Besides, I’d hate for you to scare the client away before we get a chance to wow them with our amazing skills.”

  Lily snorted and rose, and they headed to their rooms.

  ****

  The next morning, both were on the show floor by eight with the marketing people from Rapture. While Lily supported them during media interviews, Anne listened in to the product demonstrations and toured the rest of the showroom floor. In the afternoon, they switched; then off to Twenty21 for dinner.

  After dinner, Anne and Lily worked out their presentation for the next day. Lily took the lead and Anne provided backup, since Lily would be point-person if the client hired them. By the time the women finished, it was eleven o’clock and Lily flopped into bed, exhausted. Her body ached from spending so much of her day in heels and her face was stiff from faking a smile. Despite her exhaustion, she barely slept, as usual unable to sink into anything more than a drifting, semi-awake kind of sleep all night.

  On Friday, they continued their routine. Lily would have liked to catch up with old friends in the city, but she didn’t have time. The only thing she’d been able to arrange was dinner with Tom after her presentation. As the trade show wound down, she and Anne met again to compare notes from the past two days.

  “I’ll meet you in the conference room, okay?” she said as they finished up. “I’m just going to run and fix my makeup.”

  Lily returned to her room, brushed her hair and twisted it on top of her head. She washed her face and reapplied her makeup. Then she stood in the mirror and evaluated her appearance. Anne was right; she looked awful. Her inability to sleep caused dark circles beneath her eyes. Although makeup covered the color, it couldn’t hide their presence. Since her breakup with Gideon, she’d lost about ten pounds, pounds she could ill-afford to lose. The weight loss hollowed out her cheeks and made her clavicle and hipbones more pronounced. Well, I may be thin, but at least I look professional. She doused the light and went downstairs.

  Anne waited for her in the conference room. Chairs sat around the conference table and a large screen was available for their power point presentation. They were skimming their notes when the door opened.

  Lily’s stomach plummeted to her toes. Her heart pounded. She gripped the table edge for support as her knees buckled when Gideon and his boss, Joe, entered the conference room. The scent of his musky aftershave transported her six weeks into the past. Her stomach fluttered, a combination of nausea and desire, and she swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth. She flipped through her notes and searched for Gideon’s or his company name anywhere on the supporting literature. Unsuccessful, she steeled herself and approached Joe.

  “Hi, Joe, it’s good to see you today.” She pulled her mouth into what she hoped was a smile and held out her hand, willing it not to shake. Anyone who didn’t know her well would see nothing more than a pleasant expression on her face.

  Joe’s large palm enveloped hers. “Why, Lily, I didn’t realize you worked for this firm. What a great surprise. Isn’t it, Gideon?” His voice boomed and made the awkwardness more pronounced. Without waiting for him to answer, Joe moved toward Anne and they introduced themselves to each other.

  That left her and Gideon alone.

  She studied him as if through a telescopic lens. Everything else faded to a blur and every detail of his face became magnified out of proportion. Gideon’s face reddened and his dark eyes snapped with hostility. The creases she’d found so endearing became sharp weapons as he squinted at her in anger. Not bothering to speak to her, and barely touching her for more than an instant, he dismissed her and turned toward Anne.

  As Joe and Gideon settled themselves around the table, Anne mouthed, “I’m sorry,” but Lily shook her head. With a deep breath—several, actually—she ignored the shuffling papers, clearing throats and whispered comments, and instead, called to mind a box. Into the box she put all of her feelings for Gideon—the desire, hurt, anger and anxiety. With those emotions packed away, she squared her shoulders and prepared for the task ahead. All she had to do was get through the presentation she and Anne rehearsed. It did
n’t matter who listened. She’d spent the past six weeks on automatic pilot. She could continue for one more hour, two at the most. Then she could fall apart. The room came into focus. Everyone was ready and waiting, so she moved to the head of the table and began the presentation.

  As she spoke about the history of her firm, the firm’s experience with technology clients and why her firm was perfect for their new product, she showed a polished and in-control veneer. Her tone projected confidence. She blinked, shifting her gaze from face to face; if she lingered more on the rest of audience instead of Gideon, she hoped no one noticed. She struggled to breathe, but covered her efforts with pauses, as if she wanted to make sure everyone followed along. The presentation continued, and her mind wandered – how had he not known she’d be there? From his initial reaction, she could tell he was as surprised as she was. For all her research and preparation, she hadn’t known this was his company. Nothing in the literature mentioned the parent company. She snapped her attention to the presentation and forced him from her thoughts. As she wound down her speech, Gideon motioned he had question.

  “Yes?” There was no warmth in her voice, and she stared through him.

  “I could tell by your reaction you hadn’t realized who you’d be presenting to. That lack of research concerns me.”

  Before Lily could respond, Anne interjected. “I knew who we were presenting to. I knew your company spun off a division specifically to handle software. But other than a brief mention in one document,” and she held it up, “nothing you gave us mentioned the name of the parent company.”

  At this, Lily spoke. “Actually, the lack of company awareness is a problem that should be rectified, and relates to item three, point b in our presentation. Your company is well-respected in its field and should be connected to the software you offer. If you hire us, your software will become synonymous with your company name.”

  She sat with teeth clenched and toes curled in her shoes as she controlled her heartbeat and breathing. Her jaw ached and her head pounded. He had baited her and she was pissed. Lily made a fist beneath the table. His smoldering anger, stiff posture told her how angry he was. His contempt for her simmered beneath the surface. Later, she would remember this and try to mend the last of her shattered heart. At the moment though, the professional side of her cackled with glee—she was much better at hiding her feelings than he was. She drew unexpected strength from this knowledge.

  Next to him, Joe took notes. He glanced at her, smiled and directed his questions to Anne. Lily let her mind wander as she prayed for this meeting to end. If they got this account, she’d convince Anne to let someone else handle it. She could not work with Gideon. She heard her name, and she perked up.

  “If we hire you, I would want Lily handling this account directly,” Joe said.

  Anne cleared her throat and returned her focus to Joe. “That was our original intention.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Gideon interrupted. “How do I know I can trust you to carry out your promises?” Joe whipped around and Lily froze. Gideon’s words sounded professional, but he wasn’t talking about business. He was killing her, but she wouldn’t roll over and make it easy on him. Instead, she reached into her folder and pulled out a contract.

  “Because if you read the contract, you’ll see in this section,” and she leaned over and pointed an elegantly polished fingernail to the paragraph she mentioned, “we can be fired, without compensation, for not delivering on certain promises we set out before we begin. And,” she raised her head and peered at him from under long lashes, until he broke eye contact with her, “we have seven references for you to interview, all of whom I’ve worked with personally. If these are not enough for you, we can find others.”

  Both Anne and Joe covered their mouths to hide their grins as Gideon took the proffered documents and backed down.

  Chapter 28

  Ten minutes later, the meeting ended.

  They said their goodbyes and Lily excused herself to go to the restroom. Gideon packed his papers. She practically ran down the hall. It was the only indication that he’d gotten to her, and it offered him less comfort than he’d expected. He still reeled from his first glimpse of her. Her presence overpowered him—the whiff of her jasmine perfume tickled his nostrils, the burn of her smooth hand in his callused one as they greeted each other, the shimmer of her lips as she smiled at him. Aside from her reaction when he’d first entered, she was completely professional. Thin, he noticed, but confident in herself and her presentation. Cold even, something she never was in the past.

  An ice queen. Boy was he wrong about her.

  He’d been less successful at hiding his emotions, and the result had been obvious to everyone. As Lily parried his thrusts, his virulent tone surprised even him. Her presence unnerved him, knocked him off his professional pedestal and forced him to claw back any way he could. And the only way he could do that was to attack her. He hated himself for doing it, but he hated her more for forcing this reaction out of him.

  “That Lily of yours is one amazing woman.” The sound of Joe’s voice startled Gideon out of his reverie. “Remind me never to get on her bad side.”

  “She’s not mine,” he said through gritted teeth, even as he silently agreed. Gideon’s jaw was tight and the tendon in his neck pulsed. “You’re going to have to work with her.”

  “I don’t see…”

  Joe’s gaze hardened. “You have no choice. You’re the lead on this project and you’d better find a way to deal with her.”

  ****

  “Lily, are you in here?” Anne’s voice penetrated the bright, floral-smelling restroom and Lily exited the stall. “Are you okay?”

  Shaking, Lily stumbled to the sink, rinsed her mouth, and braced herself on the counter, head down, shoulders heaving. Anne patted her shoulder. Her ribs expanded as she gulped deep breaths of air. She lifted a tear-stained face to the mirror. “He hates me. I don’t know why, but he hates me. How am I going to work with him?”

  Anne shook her head. “Listen, you did beautifully in there. Much better than he did, I might add. We’ll figure something out, okay? Let’s wait to see if we get the account first.”

  “Oh we’ll get it, all right. The gods are out to get me and we’ll definitely land this one. Why didn’t you tell me I’d be presenting to him?”

  “I only had Joe’s name, and I had no idea Gideon worked for him. I’m sorry.” She hugged her friend. “Do you want to go get a drink?”

  “I’m supposed to meet an old friend for dinner tonight. Not that I’ll be able to eat anything,” she said as she clutched her stomach.

  Downstairs in the lobby, Lily met Tom. He hugged her hard and she leaned into him, grateful for the support. He held her out in front of him.

  “Gosh, Lily, you’re all skin and bones,” he said. “I could knock you over by breathing hard.”

  She huffed self-consciously. “Don’t. I’ve had a rough few weeks.”

  “Well come on, you can tell me about it over dinner. I’m starved and you look it.” Her shoulder blades dug into him as he put his arm around her and steered her outside. “There’s a great place a few doors down that makes terrific ribs and an awesome cheesesteak. You’ll love it.”

  Lily followed along without saying a word. The cold air jarred her from her misery and she thought about when she’d lived here and hung out with Tom and Daniel. She let the shock of the day wear off and enjoyed having someone else take care of her for a change. The street noise filled her brain and provided a buffer from her thoughts.

  At the restaurant, the hostess seated them in a booth and served them a basket of bread and glasses of water. In the long and narrow room, red pleather booths and Formica tables lined the sides, with a linoleum-floored aisle down the middle. Not much in the way of ambiance, but the aromas made Lily’s mouth water. After the waitress took their orders, Tom sized her up.

  “Now, tell me what happened. You haven’t looked this bad, since, well, in a
very long time.”

  Lily’s face heated and rage filled all the empty places inside. Tom’s gaze bored into her and made it easy to confide her anger and heartache. She left nothing out, starting with seeing Elaine and ending with earlier today. Her breath hitched as she fought to get everything out and he reached out to soothe her. By the time she finished speaking, the food arrived, and they paused while they each tasted their meals. As Tom promised, the food was delicious, and Lily found some of her long-lost appetite.

  “I don’t know what to tell you.” He paused halfway through his pile of ribs. “When I saw him, he loved you so much, it was painful to watch. Whatever his reason, there is no excuse for his behavior today. Contact with him is obviously causing you a lot of pain, whether it’s Claire’s phone calls or your business dealings. Can you stop it?”

  Lily sighed, unable to eat. Her stomach gurgled in protest and she rubbed it. “There’s nothing I can do about the account, at least not until we get it. As for the phone calls, regardless of how painful they are for me, Claire needs them. I won’t make her suffer any more than she already has.” Somehow, she’d find a way to handle things better than she had today.

  Tom continued to eat and at her request, discussed other things. They entertained each other with stories from the hospital and stories about Claire. By the end of the meal, Lily felt better. Tom caught the waitress’ eye and signaled for the check. “It’s my treat,” he said and headed off her protest with a shake of his head.