Howl

by Annalise Grey

  The pyre mound was black cherry and maple, cut down and shaved into velvety smooth strips only a few inches wide. Each strip of black cherry glowed the color of an unripe plum. The maple shone an iridescent pearl in the moonlight. The strips were intricately woven into a beautiful Celtic knot design that waved in and out, dark on light playing with the eyes. All together this formed a rectangular basket around what I assumed was a large pile of dry wood. Gavin’s limp body lay atop the mound, hands at his side.

  Tristan grabbed my hand just then and squeezed. He nodded to the pyre mound. “Gavin would have loved this.” He said softly.

  “Yeah” I sighed. “He would have.”

  Together my family gathered around the mound in a circle. Thomas walked up to the mound. Slowly, he began to speak. “Great spirits of the forest come forth. We are they who walk in two worlds. Our brother Gavin has left us and begins his travels to the Otherworld. Please take his hand and guide him to the other side so that we may all be reunited there in time.” Thomas reached into his left pocket grabbed a chunk of flint. He knelt by a corner of the mound. He brought the catalyst down onto the flint which sparked, setting flame to a portion of dried leaves at the base of the mound. He set flame to several pieces of kindling then passed one out to each of us. In turn, we set fire to the dried leaves and wood around the mound.

  Within moments the mound was smoking and burning high, flames dancing around Gavin. Thomas began chanting, “From the earth we come, to her we return.” The voices of my mom, Will, and Granddad followed, soon to be joined the rest of us.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off the pyre. It finalized this whole day. Goodbye Gavin. We love you so very much. I thought as the last salty tears drifted down my cheeks.

  ~Spinning wheel~

  By the time we got back to the house the sun had been up for a while. We all decided that we would freshen up and nap for about an hour and then we would meet in the kitchen for a family meeting. Thomas never went home. He told Kate about Gavin (what he could tell her, that is) and he brought extra clothes with him so he could stay with us for a few days. Since Daniel had occupied Thomas’ old room, Thomas just crashed on the couch.

  It was surreal walking back to the house after Gavin’s pyre had burned itself down to coals. It wasn’t just done, it was done. I got back to the house and immediately went up to my room. I looked at my bed for a minute wondering if I should take a nap. I had slept several hours the evening before yet my body still heaved from exhaustion. Wondering if a nap would only serve to make me feel more tired upon waking, I decided on a shower instead.

  The hollows behind my eyes ached dully and my eye lids squinted with puffiness. I dressed in my favorite soft-as-velvet jeans, tank top, and extra-large dark green University of Pennsylvania sweatshirt Thomas had given me for Christmas a few years back. I blow dried my hair and put it in a braid down my back. These simple actions made me feel better, more alive and calm.

  I headed to the kitchen a little early. Will was washing a few remaining dishes from last night and Kylin was setting the table with fresh ones. “Hey, do you guys want any help?” I asked.

  “Yes, can you make some coffee? And then can you set out the ingredients for biscuits? I’m making eggs and biscuits with gravy.” Will replied.

  I opened the drawer below our two coffee pots and grabbed new filters. Kylin was back in the kitchen then and handed me the coffee can from the freezer. “So...Thomas had some nice things to say about Jaime. After that whole mini-showdown, that is.” He said to me, trying to make light conversation.

  “Thomas seems to have a lot of respect for Jaime.” Will added.

  “He has a way with people.” I counted out my scoops for each pot before speaking again. “He’s genuine and people gravitate toward that.” A tickling sensation crept up the back of my neck as I realized that I was speaking of my lover in normal conversation, as if Gavin hadn't needed to compromise for me to be with him.

  Kylin got this really devious look on his face. “Are you going to be mated?”

  I started to pour water into the first coffee pot but stopped at this question. I noticed that Will stopped rinsing a plate just then. “Kylin, you are fourteen! You don’t get to ask me questions about mating.” I was blushing so bad I knew Kylin couldn’t have missed it. He just laughed and pretended to punch my shoulder.

  “Hey Sophie, I just want you to be happy so, you know, it’s cool.” He tried really hard to put his serious face on for a moment. “But if he ever hurts you, he’ll be sorry!” Kylin lightly punched his right fist into his hand.

  I leaned over to him, wrapped my arm around his shoulder and kissed his forehead. “I know, thank you.”

  My mom walked in then, followed by Lorelei teetering with a baby on each hip. John brought up the rear dragging the play pen into the space between the kitchen and dinning room.

  “I heard happy voices. What are you three talking about?” Mom strained to appear upbeat. Her voice was thin and her breathing was somewhat ragged. Even though she had showered and dressed herself in clean jeans with a sweater, she looked terribly disheveled. The grey streaks of her tawny hair appeared near silver as it hung in messy, wet tangles about her face. Her clear grey irises had dulled beyond recognition and the whites of her eyes were almost scarlet. The lines in her brow deepened to age her about ten years overnight. She looked every bit like a mother grieving for her lost son. I turned from her and brushed off the thought for it brought a knot to my stomach.

  “We were talking about Sophie being in love!” Kylin said laughing at his own wittiness. He was the only one.

  I hit the green ‘on’ button for the coffee pots and had the sudden desire to drown in the brewing dark liquid rather than look at any of my family in the face.

  Mom worked harder than ever to sound happy. “It's obvious he cares for you, to come here and face the inquisition the way he did.”

  Mercifully, more family filed into the kitchen and dinning room and the conversation shifted to breakfast. Thomas appeared at my side and inquired if we had time to have our family meeting before eating.

  “Your mom wanted to eat first if that's okay with you.” Will tossed the dish towel over his shoulder and handed Thomas a stack of plates.

  I rummaged through our cabinets until I found an extra-large mixing bowl, Bisquick, and sugar. I set them on the counter as Kylin handed me the eggs from the fridge. After measuring and mixing the biscuits, I popped the first batch in the oven and set about filling coffee cups for everyone at the table. Our kitchen is ridiculously small for the amount of bellies we feed. And because it is laid out galley-style, Kylin bumped into me several times as we passed out coffee and cream. A low murmur of voices carried throughout the dinning area though no one seemed particularly interested in heavy conversation. Despite the appearance of chatter there was a heaviness in the air that I was certain could crush boulders. Or a few good hearts.

  Will set about cooking an extra-large batch of scrambled eggs while the scent of biscuits filled the kitchen. Kylin busied himself with a gravy mix as I started a third and fourth pot of coffee. It occurred to me how much coffee my family goes through in the course of a morning. I wondered how much money was spent every month so that we could inject ourselves with our daily dose of caffeine. Not to mention the enormous quantities of food we consume. With a house full of fully-grown and nearly grown wolves, we could consume enough rations to support a small army. It is no wonder we have to grow the bulk of our provisions.

  After eating and clearing away the mountainous pile of dishes, everyone settled in around the table again.

  Thomas spoke first. “Today we have to work out who’s going to be the new Alpha. I was Gavin’s second so it automatically passes to me.” He paused and looked down at the table for a moment. I wondered if we were supposed to say something or wait for him to finish. He shook his head. “I’m sorry but it can’t be me.” A ripple of surprise went around the table.

  “Please hear me out befor
e you say anything. I am not a leader. I know that and I’m fine with it. I was never Gavin’s size or had his speed. I’m more brains than anything. Plus, I have my own life, one that greatly supports this family already. I will do whatever I can to still be here for you all and if whoever is to be our Alpha were to choose to make me his Second, then I would absolutely agree to it. But how can I justify taking over when it is so clear to me that I am not supposed to be Alpha?” He looked at each one of us, taking in our expressions.

  “Thomas you don’t have much choice in this. As Gavin’s natural Second, you have to step up to your given position.” Mom said.

  “I want to be formally challenged.” He said, imploringly. “I need to be. Please.”

  “I am too old to challenge him.” Granddad sighed, turning to Mom. “I’m sorry, honey. I just can’t.”

  The mood in our dining room sharply turned very serious. “Who is it going to be then, Dad? Thomas says he won’t and you’re too old so who then?” My mom sounded angry for the first time. “Will and John aren’t blood kin. Neither is Daniel. So Tristan then? Even though it’s likely he’ll go roaming in a year or two and leave this pack anyway? What will we do then? Or maybe you’d have Ethan or Kylin be our Alpha – at fourteen years old!” Her voice was razor-sharp. She folded her arms across herself and glared at Granddad, her grey eyes blazing.

  “I’ll do it, mom. Just please don’t get upset. I haven’t felt the need to find my mate yet. It may not happen for sometime. It will be okay, I promise.” Tristan said soothingly to her. To the rest of us he turned and said a little too loudly, “Let’s go! Let’s get this show on the road.”

  We all stood up and followed Tristan outside. In order for the power to transfer, the Alpha had to be formally recognized amongst the pack. If there was discontent or dispute over who leads the pack, the current Alpha had to be officially challenged and beaten. Tristan and Thomas both knew this wouldn’t be easy to accomplish. You can’t just ‘throw’ a fight to be released from your obligation (as if any other Alphas had ever wanted to besides those who were too old or sick to continue). There was very old magic at work. The current Alpha would fight to the death (if it came to that) whether he wanted to or not.

  If it weren’t for the Alpha, we would disband and probably not be together as a family ever again. It wouldn’t be our choice to leave. Without a strong natural leader, we would fall apart. This was our family’s lifeline.

  Tristan and Thomas each ran to a side of the house and disappeared. When they reemerged they were in wolf form. The rest of us formed an extensive circle around the front yard, giving Tristan and Thomas wide berth. The two humongous wolves entered the circle and faced each other, ruffs bristling. Thomas, who was dark grey with a spot of brown by his lower back, growled. Tristan, who was roughly the same size as Thomas but light tan, answered Thomas’s command with a challenge. I blinked and missed Tristan’s lunge for Thomas’s throat. He missed his mark by maybe an inch or two and grazed past Thomas’s long, shaggy neck. Thomas leaned down and lunged for Tristan’s neck just as Tristan rolled onto his side and stood back up, far enough away that Thomas couldn’t easily reach him.

  As I watched my brothers bite and yelp and paw at each other a hot, bubbling sensation crept into my belly. I had the incomprehensible urge to run into the ring and challenge both of them. I shook my head and refocused on Tristan and Thomas. It was excruciating witnessing two brothers tear at each other when another brother was now no more than ashes.

  After several minutes it became obvious that Tristan was wearing down. His lunges and bites became less effective. Tristan was able to get one last good bite into Thomas’s hind leg before Thomas was finally able to subdue him. Belly up, Tristan lay on the frozen ground, his throat within Thomas’s teeth. It was done. Thomas had not been replaced as Alpha. Thomas released Tristan from his powerful jaws and Tristan ran off through a large break in the circle to his side of the house. When he reemerged, he was in human form and fully dressed.

  I thought I saw a hint of relief mixed in with disappointment though Tristan's face fell in shame as his eyes met Mom's. She sniffed once and turned back to the circle. I wasn't sure who I pitied more. Gavin was gone and now our family was struggling to replace him. But to be my mom in that moment must have been terrifyingly painful. We are her children. Her love for us knows no bounds. And to see her family unraveling before her, with no physical way to stop it, must have taken what little she had left in her.

  I wanted to cry out to her, to hold her and tell her that I would find a way to make it okay. But I couldn’t bring Gavin back and as much as I wanted to challenge my brother, I couldn’t be our Alpha. There are no female Alphas among our people. I was stupid for even considering it, even if it was just one second. I didn’t even know if it were possible; I had just never heard of it before. Besides, I could never be what Gavin had been – decisive, commanding, and fearless.

  A cry out from Ethan broke the miserable silence among our circle. We all turned to him surprised. He ran quickly around the house and returned in wolf form just as Tristan had done. Without pausing to glance at our mom he ran into the circle and let out a menacing growl at Thomas. The challenge was met with an equally terrible howl and lunge from Thomas. In wolf form, Ethan was smaller than Thomas but not by much. He was faster for sure. He lunged at Thomas’s front right leg and as his jaws clamped down hard a piercing yelp from Thomas hit us like a bolt of lightning.

  This was wrong. Ethan was just a child. Being Alpha meant balancing the family’s finances and leading us as the head of household. But more than that, if there should ever be an attack from another pack, the Alpha would be the first to fight. He would be the one to meet any physical danger and a fourteen year old just didn’t have the emotional or mental maturity to handle life or death situations. The wave of bubbling heat turned volcanic and sickness overtook me. I stumbled into the house.

  Tristan caught me by the arm and helped me inside. I sat down at the dining room table and put my head in my hands.

  “Are you alright?”

  “Yeah, I just can’t watch anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I’m going to vomit.” I took a few deep breaths and slumped a little in my chair.

  “I’ll make you some tea.” Tristan’s voice carried a note of worry.

  One last whine shot through the yard outside, followed by chilling quiet. Ethan's conquest over Thomas pleased no one but himself.

  *

  “Local TV news stations are reporting the attack on the ranger and linking it with the missing hikers.” Daniel inched closer to me as I poured a glass of water.

  “Where did you hear that?” I asked.

  “I took Kylin out for breakfast at a café this morning. It was all over the television and the people around us were talking about it. It's everywhere. Folks are getting very anxious. I've even saw three men with rifles in their trucks.”

  “Rifles?” I nearly choked. “They have to have permits to carry guns.”

  “Well I doubt the police are going to arrest anyone for trying to protect themselves or their families. Not when there is a vicious beast roaming the area waiting to kill.”

  I wasn't sure which made me more uncomfortable, the way Daniel spoke or how close he stood to me. He had put some noticeable distance between us since Gavin’s death though I suspected it was only a show put on out of respect for my family. The shadow of Daniel always lurked in the edges of my sight.

  “Does Ethan know?” I asked.

  “I told him. Not sure if he's quite ready for this responsibility, though.”

  “I don't think any of us are.” I finished my water and turned to leave when Daniel touched my forearm gently.

  “Watch yourself.” In his expression was dark but gilded with something like kindness.

  I studied him. Inside, Daniel was a dichotomy – love and anger, pride and compassion constantly played out in his words and actions. I never knew exactly how to take him. The way
he looked at me twisted my stomach into knots. A mixture of protective adoration and jealous possession battled in his eyes.

  For the briefest of moments, he leaned in as if to kiss me. Against my will, my heart sped up, thudding as the thought of his kiss played out in my mind.

  Daniel stepped so close his chest pressed against my shoulder, his lips brushing the top of my ear as he whispered. “I know you have made your choice. You are not mine to protect. But these are dangerous days and I want to keep you safe. Please be careful. For me.”

  There was a sting inside my chest as if his words had morphed into a bee and attacked the softest part of my heart. Why did he have this impact on me? I didn't fully trust him or his words yet those words could damage me.

  “I will Daniel.” I murmured. He pulled away and walked out the kitchen door.

  ~Usurper~

  Jaime’s text message rang loudly on the counter next to me. 'Hey beautiful. @ home now. Call when u get some time.'

  I hit his speed dial number. “How was work?”

  Jaime's voice was heavy with strain. “Alright I guess. It seems as if everyone is hounding me with questions. I'm already stretched thin and fielding questions all day from concerned townspeople, my bosses, everybody – it's exhausting. I don't know how you keep yourself sane pretending to be something you're not, knowing more than you're supposed to.”

  “It's not easy. But I'm relieved that you know. For what it's worth, knowing that you are going through this with me makes it so much easier to bear. Once this all blows over, we will take a vacation. Just you and me. Forget most of this ever happened.”

  “I would love some time away with you. Maybe we'll go to the beach. Somewhere not in the woods.”

  I laughed out loud. “The beach would be perfect.”