Catching On Fire

by Sue Knott

  Of course, the biggest problem was that the interviewers had a different agenda than I did. Some wanted to focus on the terrorist angle and talk about the shooting. Some wanted to label the Glyphs community as some kind of a nutty cult. Others wanted me to address the fanatics (all non-Seers, it seemed) who were taking the Glyphs vision as a sign for their own particular brands of religion.

  All I wanted to do was set the story straight and get people interested in deciphering the Glyphs. I skirted answering questions that would divulge personal information. I kept a Southern drawl going, but that was really, really difficult. I hoped it was believable.

  The toughest show to do was with an arrogant, loudmouth who was pretending to be a news anchor when he was really just an opinionated blowhard. I had to admit I was predisposed to dislike (okay, detest) the guy. My sweet, caring grandmother was a fan of his. I’d seen how the venom he spewed – under the guise of “reporting the truth” – had been successfully filling Grams with the particular brand of hatred he championed.

  Of course, the guy also employed nasty tactics. I figured he was going to try to make me look like a nutcase. I was right. He knew how to push all my buttons. He was real pro at being an aggravating jerk and I was an inexperienced lamb going in for the slaughter.

  His opening line was, “It seems to me that these ridiculous Glyphs, as you call them, are your way of undermining American beliefs with some sort of mystical hoo-ha in the same vein as L. Ron Hubbard or Jim Jones?”

  How was I supposed to answer an attack like that? He intoned it like a question, but it wasn’t a question. I was totally unprepared. I’ve never been one to think fast on my feet.

  “I’m sorry. I thought this was a new show. Do you want information from me, or do you want me to sit here while you deliver your own opinion?”

  “Listen, Missie, just answer the question. Fair enough?”

  “‘Missie?’ What kind of way is that to address a guest? When I agreed to this interview, I thought I’d at least be treated with common respect.”

  “Could you just answer the question? Huh? I ask the questions. You answer the questions. That’s the way a news interview goes.” He was really perturbed.

  “But, you didn’t ask me a question, you just made a broad derogatory statement with no basis in fact. There was no question there.”

  I must have hit him on a really bad day because he absolutely exploded and started screaming for someone to “get her the @#$# out of here.”

  I have to admit, I was relieved not to have to complete that interview. Still, it was hundreds of thousands of dollars in free publicity down the drain. My only hope was that details of my imploded interview would leak out and become a news story in its own right. If that happened, perhaps it would generate enough attention to make up for loss of the interview audience.

  As I walked out of the building, some of the employees gave me subtle signs of support. I couldn’t understand how they could work there if they didn’t believe in what they were supporting. I hoped I’d never be reduced to being a whore like that.

  Chapter 50

  An interview for a weekly news magazine show didn’t go much better the next day. But, at least the interviewer was being fair and respectful. It was her job to shoot holes and boy, did she know how to shoot:

  “So, these pictures in your head come with a feeling that they are of earth-shattering importance. But, you don’t actually know why they’re important?”

  “No. I assume that it has something to do with clean energy, but that is just a guess.”

  “Complete conjecture?”

  “Well…it’s a sort of feeling that comes with the visions.”

  “But, these Glyphs could just as easily prove to represent something destructive?”

  “I suppose. Though, that would mean the sender of the message was being deliberately deceptive. And, realistically, I don’t see what purpose it would serve to try to get a destructive formula in the hands of every person.”

  “You said you’ve seen the Glyphs since you were a child. If there’s such a powerful feeling that the Glyphs need to be shared with the entire world, why did it take you 24 years to do that?”

  “I was afraid that I’d be locked away as insane if I told anyone about the Glyphs. And I thought maybe I was insane. It wasn’t until I discovered that other people saw the Glyphs, too, that I got the confidence to act on them. I suppose it’s similar to people who have synesthesia. If they think their experience is unique, they tend to hide their experience. Once they discover there are others like them, they’re more likely to admit to their condition.”

  “Perhaps you should share with our audience what synesthesia is.”

  Oh, hell, why-oh-why did I just say that? “As I understand it, synesthesia is when people experience certain things to be always associated with some sensory experience. For instance, when they see an ‘A’ it may always be red. When they see a ‘6’ it may always be blue. But, I’m no expert. I was just making an analogy.”

  “So, are you saying synesthesia has something to do with the Glyphs?”

  “Oh, no. No. I was just using the analogy to demonstrate that people are prone to hide sensory experiences that they think are unique to them…in answer to your question as to why I didn’t follow the urge to share the Glyphs with the world sooner.”

  Could I have clouded things up any worse? Me and my analogies! One of the art directors at work had labeled them: Shannonalogies. I think the term inferred that I saw connections where no reasonable person would. The synesthesia analogy clouded the issue and made me sound like an idiot. The only thing that stopped me from crawling into a large hole and dying was that, at least for now, only a handful of people knew it was Rachel Shannon talking. Hopefully they weren’t watching.

  After three days of interviews, I was ready to go home. I’d proved to myself that I was totally incapable of being a spokesperson. When I resumed my regular career, I’d have to make sure I always had a “behind the scenes” job. I always thought that was the case. It was just hard to face how incredibly true it was.

  I’d been in constant contact with Dana and the twins. The twins convinced me that they did not mind finishing the year at a new school. They said they were used to shuffling from one school to another. That didn’t make it right to switch them yet another time, but I couldn’t think of any other option. Even if I could figure out a way to afford living in New Jersey for the next three months, I thought it was risky to stay where so many people would know the twins were involved with the Glyphs shootout. In Buffalo, no one would know them or their connection to the shootout. Their names and faces were never released to the media.

  That didn’t relieve my guilt in moving them. Especially since I was pretty sure the school they’d be going to in Buffalo was not the greatest. I lived in a moderate-to-low-income area. There were a lot of good kids, but also a lot of thugs. I knew Buffalo had at least one magnet school that was one of top schools in the country, but I doubted I could get the kids into it this year. And I wondered if Gerry would be better off going to a special school for the blind. Man, it was tough having to think like a parent.

  I’d been in touch with Kim and my parents. They still weren’t aware that I wasn’t home. I didn’t know how I was going to explain the twins to them. Or to anyone, really.

  Chapter 51

  The minute I was back home, I called Jim under the pretense of getting Ozone back. But, deep down, I knew what I most craved was Jim’s moral support. He was the one person I could talk to who knew what had happened. He would be the one person who could understand why I had to foster Terry and Gerry. Plus, I was hoping he was still serious about starting a relationship. Now that I had the responsibility of the twins, in some way I felt more alone than ever.

  Jim said he’d bring Ozone right over. I didn’t mention the twins; I just told him I had a big surprise.

  “A surprise? With any other person, that would be something to look forward to. Wit
h you, Rae, I’m not so sure.” His voice was smiling, but I was pretty sure I heard an anxious undertone.

  “Yeah, well, with me – life is interesting.”

  “Isn’t that a Chinese curse? ‘May you lead an interesting life?’”

  “Didn’t Confucius say ‘He who asks too many questions before delivering dog becomes annoying?’?”

  “See you in an hour.”

  “You are so good at taking a hint.”

  The girls got settled in quickly. They didn’t own much stuff and I had no bedroom furniture for them to unpack anything into. Fortunately, I had a sleeper couch. They’d have to make do with that until we could go shopping the next day. There was so freaking much I had to do! Buy bedroom furniture. Get some real food in the house. Enroll the twins in school. Get back to the website. Get a real job.

  I was so overwhelmed, I was paralyzed. Tonight I’d just decompress with Jim and the twins over pizza. Maybe tomorrow I’d be able to prioritize and move forward.

  I heard Ozone barking with joy as soon as he entered the entrance hall. The girls were really excited to have a dog and couldn’t wait to meet him. They went barreling down the stairs to answer the door before I could hold them back. I’d certainly not have let Gerry run blindly down an unfamiliar set of stairs if I could help it. (Okay, there it was, I was definitely already in mother mode.)

  This was not exactly the way I wanted Jim to find out I’d brought the twins home, but there probably was no good way to say “hey, the girl you’re interested in dating now has two teenage daughters.”

  I met Jim halfway up the stairs. I wasn’t sure what the look he gave me said, but my guess was that may have been because he didn’t know exactly what he thought of the situation yet.

  “So, are these lovely young ladies your surprise?”

  “Yep. Bet you never would have guessed this one.”

  “Not in a million years.”

  Jim presented me a bunch of flowers and carried my bags upstairs. (Not only had he gotten my bag from the hotel, he had checked at the airport and found the carryon I’d abandoned on my flight. He was such a pragmatist. And so thoughtful.)

  We sat in the living room and played cards (Gerry had a set of Braille cards she brought with her) until the pizza arrived. The girls pretty much demolished the pizza in seconds. (Mental note: remember those ravenous appetites on my next trip to the grocery store.) After dinner the girls went to watch TV in the living room while Jim and I chatted in the kitchen. The two rooms were on opposite ends of the flat, so we’d have complete privacy.

  I explained the girls’ foster parent horror stories and my concern for their safety. Jim agreed I’d done the right thing, though he didn’t think doing the right thing was necessarily a good move for me or the girls. But, he couldn’t see any other option either. I think he was proud of me in a way. This fit in with his altruistic ideals. Though, he certainly wasn’t altruistic when he spent the rest of the night mocking my talk show appearances. He hadn’t missed a one. And he said he had them all on tape to better torture me for eternity. I neglected to tell him that his VCR was destined to become a dinosaur he’d never be able to replace – and I foresaw a tragic accident befalling it in the near future.

  Jim couldn’t stay late. He had to work the night shift at the hospital.

  “I’ll be working ‘til 4 tomorrow afternoon. After that, I can swing by and help you shop for furniture or whatever else you might need.”

  “No. Don’t you worry. The girls and I can do all our shopping in the morning. With luck, we’ll have everything delivered and set up before you even get off work.”

  “You’re incapable of accepting help aren’t you?” Jim wasn’t kidding. Those earnest, sparkling eyes were trying to delve down through mine and deep into my soul. And he’d hit the nail right on the head. I could not ask for help. Had a hard time accepting it when it was foist upon me.

  “Just accept that it’s the way I’m wired.”

  “I’ll be on the lookout for a good electrician then.”

  “Uh-uh-uh. Ain’t nobody gonna go messin’ with my faults. Might screw my positives up.”

  “I am fond of those positives.”

  “Then maybe you can come by for dinner on Sunday? I’m going to have Kim and her FBI man over…and my parents, too.”

  “And you’re going to spring me and the twins on everyone at the same time?”

  “Am I that transparent?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Good. I’m glad you can definitely be there. This time, I really do need backup. See, you’ve already fixed me. I’ve arranged for your help.”

  “I think maybe asking for help and tricking someone into helping you are two different things.”

  “Perhaps it’s the way us non-askers cope.”

  Jim had to run to work and the girls were in the next room, so our goodbyes weren’t exactly romantic. But, Jim hadn’t balked at meeting my parents. To me, that meant he was still interested in doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I couldn’t be happier. Or more exhausted.

  Chapter 52

  Shopping went great. We found some really nice, high-quality bedroom furniture at Gently Used Home Furnishings. I wasn’t sure the girls appreciated that the used furniture was actually better quality than anything we’d be able to get new. But, they did seem to love what they picked out. And they went nuts when we went shopping for accessories at Target. I even got a good deal on new mattresses at the mattress shop. To top it all off, I found some friends of friends who had a truck and were willing to pick up and deliver everything that day for $75.

  That night, after we got their bedrooms all arranged and had a halfway (emphasis on half) nutritious dinner, we were definitely starting to feel like we were living in a real home, not just some temporary way station. At least, that’s how I felt. It was a nice, warm feeling that helped calm my underlying sense of desperation.

  I’d been prepping the girls on the absolute necessity of never, ever telling anyone about the Glyphs or how we came to be together. I didn’t know if we’d truly be able to pull off hiding the Glyphs debacle. I mean, they were only 12 and they had this incredible story of shootouts and terrorists. How long would they be able to resist impressing their new schoolmates with that tale? But, I told them that, for their own safety, I might not be able to keep them if the story leaked out. And I emphasized that no one except Jim knew and no one was to know. Especially not the new foster grandparents they were going to meet that night.

  Jim arrived early, bless his heart. I had already filled him in our cover story. Bill was also already aware that he was supposed to know nothing. Though, I wasn’t exactly sure of how much Bill did know. (I hoped he didn’t know Jim was at the shoot out with me.) What a comedy this was. So many people not being able to tell the entire truth to people close to them. And this was supposed to be the start of my return to normalcy!

  Considering I sprang a couple foster kids on Kim and my parents, dinner went rather well. I could tell my folks were concerned that I was taking on more than I could handle. But, they seemed mighty pleased that I was dating Jim. (They might not have been as enthusiastic if they knew our first date was a shootout.)

  While my parents might have been reconciled to the idea that I was on my own and making my own decisions, Kim seemed a tad offended that I’d made such a major life change without even mentioning that I was considering it. But, she sounded enthusiastic about developing a friendship with Terry and Gerry. In fact, we made a date for her to come over later that week to teach Terry some drawing techniques.

  I was glad Kim seemed so interested in the twins. Through the entire Glyphs ordeal one of the things that bothered me the most was the growing distance between Kim and me. It was a nightmare having to live a charade of normalcy when I was caught up in so much turmoil. Not being able to share such an important part of my life with my best friend put a strain on our relationship.

  Now, while I couldn’t yet tell Kim all that had gone on
, I could at least hope to move forward as we had before: friends sharing everything. (Okay, the fact that her boyfriend knew so much about my life that she didn’t know was still going to be tough, but I was going to totally suppress that thought.)

  After everyone went home, the “post game” calls started rolling in. The calls all started with the pretense of thanking me for dinner, but they quickly got to their underlying agendas. My mother asked me if I understood what a huge responsibility raising two teens was going to be. My father asked if I needed money. Kim wanted to know if I was okay. Jim wanted a recap of what I thought everyone really thought. Bill assured me that the FBI considered my case confidential and that he’d never divulge any details to anyone not involved in the investigation…and he reminded me that I was never to tell Kim that he started dating her as a pretense to investigate me.

  I finally hung up the phone for the last time and it was just me and the twins. They selected outfits for school the next day and loaded their backpacks with the supplies I’d gotten them. (I really hadn’t a clue what they’d need. I pretty much just tried to grab a few of everything in the office supplies aisle.) Then, I fell into bed, exhausted.

  The next morning we all got up bright and early. Gerry was like me, not really a morning person. It was work to get her up and ready for school. It was also problematic that we only had one small bathroom. I’d forgotten how long young girls can take getting ready – longer than my former roommates!

  Even though I’d allowed plenty of extra time so we could get to the school early and get all the paperwork done before classes started, they barely made it. The school wasn’t happy about the two being in the same classes. The principal had a policy of splitting up siblings. But, since Gerry was blind and they didn’t yet have an aide for her – and there were only 3 months of school left – she said she’d keep them together for this year.