Sleepless Fate

by Janae Keyes

  Patrick squeezed my hand. This relationship with him had rocked everything I ever knew to its core. Had I gone through my life with blinders on? Of course what I had with Keaton was real, we’d loved one another, but the concept of true love now seemed to take on another meaning with Patrick.

  Our waitress returned with our water order that she screwed up as she got two flat waters and one sparkling, but I couldn’t blame her. Patrick had this hypnotizing effect on women of all ages, everywhere we seemed to go.

  “Patrick, how was New York?” His mother asked as we ate.

  “Typical. I didn’t get to spend much time enjoying the city. It was all business. Though I tried to meet him for dinner, he stood me up, but that isn’t anything new,” Patrick explained.

  “I don’t even know why you try with him, there is no point,” Patricia responded. I wondered who this person they were speaking of was.

  “I don’t know either. He is already a sorry excuse for a father, of course he is a sorry excuse for a man.” Patrick seemed to spit his words and that is where I realized they were talking about his dad. I ran my hand over Patrick’s knee. He turned to me and gave me a soft smile. He didn’t talk about his father much, but there wasn’t much to talk about, he’d abandoned a pregnant Patricia and has barely made time for Patrick.

  “But business wise, it was a good trip?” Patricia questioned, obviously working to change the subject as Patrick was visibly upset. It wasn’t often that I’d seen Patrick upset. Normally, he was pretty easy going and nothing seemed to get under his skin. A few times when it came to business matters I’d seen him get a little rattled, but that was rare.

  “Business wise, it was a great trip. The management there has already heard of Bri’s project and they are excited to work it on their end,” he explained and I beamed. I’d still been working very hard on our project. Patrick had taken a backseat and was letting me drive it. My favorite part is that he has been promoting this as my thing and giving me credit where my credit was due and not hogging it all for himself, like most men seemed to do in the business world.

  “Well, she is a smart businesswoman,” Patricia beamed. I couldn’t help, but blush.

  “The smartest I know, for sure,” Patrick added. I looked at the man that I was so proud to call my boyfriend. With him I felt like I was constantly smiling, I hadn’t smiled this much in a long time.

  We all seemed to jump as a cell phone started to ring. Patrick pulled his phone from his pocket and frowned. He always seemed to make that face when we received a business call outside of business hours.

  “If you will excuse me ladies, I have to take this,” he grumbled as he slid his finger across the screen of his phone. “Patrick Bailey.” I watched as he stood and made his way to the front door of the restaurant.

  “I really am so happy that you are with my Patrick. When I first met you in London I was so disappointed to learn you had a fiancé because I knew you would be perfect for Patrick,” Patricia said before taking a sip of her water. “How is he anyway? The, I guess, ex-fiancé?”

  “The same.” I sighed with a shrug.

  “Patrick told me you still go see him,” she mentioned.

  “Yes, I try to go every other week. I’m slowly getting closure.”

  “That’s good. For him and for you. Plus, you get to move on and be happy. I can tell Patrick makes you happy and you make him happy. And I like seeing him happy. When he was in Germany he dated this girl, ugh,” Patricia wrinkled her nose as she spoke of this ex of Patrick’s. “It was so obvious she was a gold digger and only wanted Patrick to live a nice lifestyle. When he finally broke up with her. I was overjoyed and now he has you. You obviously want him for him. I can tell, plus you have your own career going and you are successful on your own. It also doesn’t hurt that you are extraordinarily beautiful.”

  “Aww, thank you Patricia. And yes, Patrick makes me very happy,” she seemed to beam at my words about her son. Every word I said was true. Patrick made happiness radiate from me.

  OUR LUNCH WITH Patricia was beautiful and after Patrick and I decided to take a walk along the beach. I held my heels in my hand as I walked barefoot in the sand with the water hitting at our feet. I looked out at the waves as I saw families playing together and surfers enjoying themselves. Patrick squeezed my hand, I looked to see him smiling at me.

  “Lunch was good,” he commented.

  “Yeah, it was great. Your mom is a sweetheart,” I replied before looking forward.

  There was a female surfer who had just come out of the water. I noticed on the bottom of her board there was writing that read: Kea-Man’s Girl. It reminded me of Keaton as his surfing friends called him Kea-Man. She turned slightly and at the sight of her face I stopped dead in my tracks because I knew her. She seemed to have seen me also as she stopped too. We seemed to check one another out for a moment before she gave a smile and jogged in our direction. I looked over her face. Her dirty blonde hair was as dark as it was wet, her pink lips pouty, and blue eyes bright.

  “Brielle… Hey, how are you?” She asked as she approached Patrick and I.

  “Oh wow, Angela. I’m good,” I cheerfully said, though my cheer was all fake and my heart was pounding. When Keaton cheated on me, I’d asked him to not tell me who it was. I knew it was someone he worked with, but that was it. Angela was also a nurse and they had become close friends as she was also into surfing. She was the one who called me that night frantic. There had always been a little something that pointed to it being Angela, but I didn’t want to believe it. I’d invited her over to our house for events and seen her plenty of times when stopping by the hospital. She would just smile in my face and now I knew she was smiling while having sex with my fiancé.

  “I haven’t seen you since… the accident and all,” she commented as she shifted on her feet. She seemed uncomfortable around me, but it had always been that way, it made so much sense now.

  “Yeah, it has been awhile,” I answered.

  “Well… um… have a good one,” she blurted with an awkward wave before running off.

  “Someone you know,” concluded Patrick. I simply nodded and we continued to walk.

  As we walked I thought about Keaton and Angela. I wondered if he treated her the same way he treated me. Was he the sweet and caring romantic one moment and filled with anger the next? Did she have to live on the edge the way I did or was it completely different with her? What about her did he want that I couldn’t give? I knew I gave him everything, absolutely everything. Knowing it was here brought so many questions to my mind, though I knew I would most likely never have them answered. I took a deep breath while I looked out at the water. I needed to let it go.

  Patrick

  BRIELLE HAD BEEN quiet since the beach. Ever since running into that girl she seemed to know. I drove and stole glances in her direction. She was staring out of the window into the fog that was starting to roll in. She let out a sigh and instantly I placed my hand on her thigh. I wanted to know what was troubling her, what about that girl on the beach made her mood shift so dramatically?

  “Are you okay?” I asked her, my voice clearly laced with the concern I had for her. “You’ve been quiet since we ran into that girl you know the one from the beach. Obviously, there is a story in there.”

  She let out a breath. I didn’t like the sound of it. What about this girl was troubling her so much? I wanted to be there for her.

  “Keaton and I were in a rough patch before his accident. I’d found out he was cheating on me and we were trying to work things out.” At the mention of him cheating on her, my heart was pounding. “I never knew who the girl was because I’d asked Keaton to not tell me. All I knew was she worked with him. Angela and Keaton worked together and also enjoyed surfing together. Um… I suspected it might be her, but it was confirmed today. The bottom of her surfboard said, Kea-Man’s Girl. Keaton’s surfing friends called him Kea-Man.”

  My hand left her leg right away. I was trying to control
my own emotions in the moment. I took a hard grip at the steering wheel. I was pissed off and angry. The more I learned about this guy, the more I hated him. Brielle was the kindest girl around and had the most beautiful spirit, how could one guy spend so much of his time hurting her. Hurting the girl who would love him through anything.

  “He fucking cheating on you?” I asked her with a grunt of frustration.

  “Yeah,” she answered plainly with a shrug. I hated that she could dismiss it like that. She seemed to be used to his less than loving actions. She should have never had to deal with any of that. “I should have figured that out years ago, but I guess it was meant to be confirmed for me now.”

  “That piece of trash. Don’t ever let me near that hospital or I will pull his fucking plug myself... I can’t… fuck!” I couldn’t properly piece my words together. My blood was boiling, this guy didn’t deserve to even live, hurting an angel like Brielle. I kept my grip tight on the steering wheel and my foot was digging into the accelerator, my car was picking up speed at a quick rate.

  “Paddy… Baby… slow down, please.” I could hear the pleading in her voice as her hand touched one of mine. At her simple touch all the tension seemed to melt away. I lifted my foot to slow the car. It worked out that we’d reached my house, I pulled directly into the driveway. “I’m sorry… I just… I can’t fathom how he had the most wonderful woman who loved him beyond reason and would love him through anything and would betray her like that. You are amazing and you don’t deserve that.” I cut the engine and turned to her. I took her hand into mine. “Just know, I would never do anything like that to you. I care about you too much to hurt you like that.”

  “I know you do, thank you for that,” she said softly with a smile. Right away, she leaned in and her soft lips came in contact with mine. I allowed the pounding of my heart to subside as she kissed me. I would never hurt her, I couldn’t do that. She meant too much to me to ever see her hurt by anything especially by me.

  WATCHING THE WOMAN who’d stolen my heart sleep, I felt a sadness wash over me. Having her tell me that Keaton had cheated on her, it infuriated me beyond reason. Brielle was everything a man could ever want in a partner and she loved him so deeply that it confused me that he could ever want the affections of another woman. Brielle didn’t deserve to be treated that way. She had the biggest heart and it hurt me to know she’d been betrayed

  I sat up in bed and looked down at her, she was peaceful. I wondered about her dreams. I ran my fingers along her smooth cheek. She still seemed to shiver with my touch, even in her sleep. I watched her eyes flutter open and cursed under my breath.

  “Hmm, what time is it?” She mumbled out sleepily.

  I glanced at the clock. I hated that I’d woken her. She was finally getting the sleep she needed and deserved. I of course ruined it.

  “It’s after 3. I’m sorry I woke you,” I apologized. She yawned before giving me a gentle smile.

  “It’s okay. What’s up?” she sat up slightly. She was adorable like this, no makeup and her hair a mess. With no words I pulled Brielle close to me. I slipped my hand under the fabric of her tank top, allowing my fingers to trace along her skin. “Mmm,” she murmured at my touch.

  “I was just up thinking. I’m still a little thrown with what you told me today about your relationship with Keaton. The fact that you were hurt, I hate knowing he hurt you,” I explained to her. She shrugged slightly before placing her hand on my cheek, running it over my stubble.

  “Patrick, I’m okay. It happened and we can’t go back. I was a little shocked, but at the same time I knew that I should have known it was Angela all along.” As much as she told me she was okay, I knew inside there was more going on. I held her closer to me. “Lunch with your mom was nice,” she commented in an attempt to change the subject. I knew she didn’t want to talk about it anymore and I accepted her invite to drop it.

  “My mom adores you. I’m so happy, she can be a hard woman to please especially when it comes to the women I date,” I said, thinking of my mom who gushed over Brielle the entire lunch. Brielle giggled.

  “I think I got that. While you were outside on the phone, she told me about some girl you dated back in Germany, your mom was not pleased with her.”

  “No, mom did not like her at all, but now I have you and my mom loves you, maybe more than she loves me. We will have to do dinner with her and Gerald again very soon.” I thought of my parents, my family. For most of my life, family only consisted of my mom and I, but with Gerald there, something about it was more complete and now that I had Brielle, I felt I was ready to branch off into starting my own family. I glanced at my girlfriend, I wondered about her desires for our future. “Babe... would you ever want to have kids?”

  Her face lit up, apparently I’d said the magic words. “Of course, I want my own family. One or two kids and a husband of course.”

  “Of course, a husband that would love you through everything and love every part of you more and more each day,” I spoke my own truth to her. She was beaming at me. I knew I’d communicated to her that I wanted to be that husband and the father of her children.

  After only a month with her, it wasn’t hard to want these things with her. I knew I loved her, but saying those words out loud, that was a whole new ball game. I’d never said that to any woman except my mom. I knew I wanted to say them to Brielle, but I didn’t know how. I was afraid of her rejecting my love, though I didn’t know why I had this fear. I knew Brielle was experiencing feelings of her own.

  In a way I wanted to thank her for wanting to take this slow, I learned to appreciate her more than I already did. We were together without the complications of sex. I fell in love with her spirit and drive, her body was only secondary.

  “Thanks for offering up your place for my sister’s shower,” she commented. It really wasn’t a big thing. Brielle was so stressed about it and seeing her stressed, had stressed me. My favorite way to see her was happy and content, the way she should always be. Plus, now nobody had to put up money for a venue.

  “No problem, I’m sure it will be a great time for all of you,” I mentioned as I drew circles on her back. She wiggled, I watched her bite her lip before placing her mouth on mine. She kissed me gently. She broke away before leaning her head onto my bare chest.

  “April is making a diaper cake; she does such a great job.” Right away I was confused, why would anyone eat a cake of diapers.

  “What on earth is a diaper cake?” I questioned.

  Brielle b into giggles before tilting her head to look up at me. “You want babies; you’ll have to learn about these things. It is diapers assembled in the shape of a tiered cake. They are the centerpiece at baby showers a lot of the time. The mom-to-be gets to keep it and use the diapers for the baby,” she explained. I was still confused, but went with it. I guess I would eventually have a whole new set of skills and vocabulary when it came time to have children. I held Brielle tight and planted a kiss on her forehead. Children would be a huge adventure, but for now I had to figure out how I was going to tell her those three words that would change everything.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Brielle

  EXHAUSTED, WAS THE word to describe how I was feeling. I’d taken the day off work to get ready for my sister’s baby shower. There was so much driving back and forth between my mom’s place in Vallejo and Patrick’s place in Sausalito. I’d made my final trip and walked into Patrick’s place to the sounds of smooth jazz. If his car in the driveway wasn’t an indication, then the music most certainly gave it away, he was home.

  “Paddy!” I called out from the living room. It only took a moment before he emerged from his home office with a huge grin on his face. I was used to that grin and he seemed to have it on his face whenever he saw me.

  “I see my house has started to become Baby Shower ready,” he mentioned as he nodded to the little yellow ducky decorations that I’d started putting up earlier. I made my way to him and allowed him to pull me
close with his hands resting on my hips.

  “I have a few more things in my car, but I need my big strong man to help me get them,” I cooed, as I placed my arms around his neck.

  “He is prepared to take care of any task for his lady,” Patrick whispered against my lips before kissing me softly. I didn’t want to escape from this moment, but I knew I had so much more to do. I knew that I would be so happy when tomorrow was over and I could just relax.

  I’D BEEN WORKING on the favors for hours. My sister had the most ridiculous and time consuming idea, of course she wasn’t going to execute it herself, and that part was up to me. The very tips of my fingers were sore from all the times I’d burned them with the hot glue. I wasn’t one for being crafty and this was not my idea of fun. I let out a breath as I glued on the last little ducky. I closed my eyes for just a moment when I felt strong hands on my shoulders giving them a rub. Smiling to myself, I leaned into the hands, letting them rub hard into my shoulder blades.

  “Mmm, so nice,” I moaned out in response to the massage Patrick was giving me. I felt the warmth of his breath on my ear and giggled at the ticklish feeling I had from it.

  “I ran you a bath upstairs,” he whispered. I opened my eyes and turned to him. “Come on.” He took me by the hand and walked upstairs with me, into his bedroom. “Take as long as you need and relax. You’ve had a long day.”

  “Baby,” I whispered, giving him a smile. He was always so sweet and always seemed to cater to me. He didn’t have to do anything for me, but he always seemed to do absolutely everything.

  “Go… now.” He urged before giving my backside a swat. I let out a yelp and saw him smirk at me. I stuck out my tongue before making my way into his master bathroom.

  I loved everything about his bathroom. It had everything you could ever need in one place. The entire room was lit with only candlelight and I could hear smooth jazz playing in the background. I made my way over to the round jetted tub that was filled with warm water, bubbles, and rose petals. I smiled to myself thinking of how romantic Patrick was. I pulled my hair into a bun before I stripped myself of my clothes and stepped into the water, that was warmed to the perfect temperature.