Only Love

by Smith, Victoria H.

  Cracking the door, the visitor fortunately wasn’t them, and I widened it, blinking in surprise at the dark eyes, heart-shaped face, and long curls coiled tightly as they rested on her shoulders. They left tiny droplets of water on the tops of them, dotting her cinnamon brown skin. She must have just showered; a scent, feminine and sweet, suddenly wafting through the air of the normally musty apartment complex let me know that.

  Dampening my mouth, I stood tall, forgetting myself and my manners by not greeting her. “Aubrey. Hi. Good seeing you again.”

  I had to admit, she was the last person I thought would make her way up here. I always knew when folks wanted to be left alone. That came with the job and she had definitely been in that category when we spoke last night.

  She didn’t say anything. Her damp shoulders suddenly went tight, her body stiff, and when she wouldn’t look at my eyes, her gaze targeting lower to what I wore, I knew she wasn’t seeing anything but the uniform.

  I internally cursed at my choice not to dress at the precinct this morning. My voice did cause her to look up though, long lashes flashing up in my direction. She cleared her throat. “Hi, Officer…” Her eyes drifted to my name badge. I internally cursed again. “Holloway. Likewise.”

  She said this, but I knew she didn’t feel the same. That it was actually a good thing to see me again. Even if she hadn’t suddenly addressed me formally, her body language spoke of her true feelings. Last night she had her guard up. This morning, though? Something like Fort Knox came to mind.

  I stepped forward a bit, but kept a fair distance from her. I wanted her know I was approachable but didn’t want to intimidate her. Pushing my hands into my pockets, I smiled. “Glad to hear it, and I believe I asked you to call me Adam.”

  I hoped to break ground a bit by saying that and keep things casual with her. I didn’t know if it worked, but she didn’t step back from me. That was something.

  She let out a breath instead, smoothing her hands down the gray sweat pants she wore. “Adam, right. Sorry about that.”

  I simply smiled. “You’re forgiven. Can I help you with something this morning?”

  A familiar awkwardness in the form of silence cut through the air again. Just like last night. I was about to push again when her mouth moved, forming words.

  “Um, yeah. Um.” She went fidgety, running her fingers up and down the strap of her pink tank top restlessly. Realizing she was doing that, she let go, passing off the action when she scratched at the skin just beneath her earlobe, petite fingers continuing to be restless by brushing down to the base of her neck. “I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. Your advice with the baby.”

  I looked up from her neck, and it took me a moment to recall what she was referring to. Once I did, I gave her another smile. “It worked then?”

  She was still fidgety, opting to rub her neck now. “Mmmhmm. She slept through the whole night. That gave me a break.”

  I was happy to hear that, but did wonder why the burden to get the baby through her teething was left on her shoulders and why she had no one to help. I supposed that wasn’t my business.

  I nodded at what she’d said, my lips lifting with the knowledge that I had helped. “I’m glad. Hopefully last night is the first of many quiet nights for you.”

  I genuinely meant that. I wasn’t just saying that because I should, but I actually wanted that for her. Taking care of a baby wasn’t easy; especially if she was doing it by herself.

  I think she understood my sincerity because for the first time since we started talking, her hand dropped from her neck and she didn’t look so anxious. In fact, she was actually looking at me, finally in my eyes and not at everything else about me. She chewed her lip for a moment before her gaze wandered to my shirt pocket, the one with the candy bar poking out of it. Hesitantly, she lifted a finger. “Is that your breakfast?”

  I tapped the pocket lightly, chuckling. “I guess so. I just moved in recently. Haven’t really been out shopping yet, and well, I’m a guy, so me and the kitchen probably won’t be acquainted for a little while.”

  She shifted on her pink flip-flops in silence. Like she was in debate of something, but even still, I never thought that debate would be what she said next. “Do you want to maybe come downstairs? For breakfast? Gabby told me you were making that chocolate bar your meal,” she said, eyeing my hand on my pocket.

  Laughing, I dropped my hand. “I did say that.”

  The girl really surprised me by coming to my door. Again, I didn’t get many visitors. Not only that, but she tried to hustle me by selling candy she clearly bought at the store. I gave her a break and contributed to the cause. She had drive and that was good. Hopefully, she channeled it into the good stuff like school, too.

  Aubrey shrugged her tiny shoulders once. “So what do you say? About breakfast that is?”

  Aubrey’s invitation was the first sign of a welcome I had in the last couple weeks, but I was running late this morning. I raised my wrist, checking my watch. Maybe I had a few minutes; I could make a few minutes for her. She’d been so hesitant of me before. I didn’t want to ruin these new signs of trust she seemed to be giving off.

  “You’re busy,” she said.

  Before I had a chance to determine how much time I had, she was already lifting her hands, stepping away. “Have a good day, Officer.”

  Just like that, the guard went back up. I closed my door without thinking, locking it right after. I caught up to her in two strides and she stopped walking, looking up at me with those dark eyes.

  “Yeah, I am busy,” I said. “What’s for breakfast?”

  I guess I’d be skipping rounds today.

  Aubrey left that same trail of feminine scent behind her. It tagged along with every step she made downstairs. I kept close as well, but not too close, and she often peeked back, a quick look over her tiny shoulder, almost as if she was trying to keep me in check. I couldn’t get too close to her and she was letting me know. That same warning about her followed all the up to her woven, multicolored welcome mat despite the fact that it was she herself who’d invited me down for breakfast. When we got there, she turned her doorknob, but her hand hesitated pushing the door open. I thought to offer her an out, let her know I was running late anyway, but she pushed, granting me access to the same apartment I was in last night. The warm smell of eggs and bacon before I crossed the entry rumbled my insides, awareness that this morning’s chocolate bar just wasn’t doing the trick.

  After I entered, I closed the door behind me. Her apartment was the same, though a peek into her kitchen let me know she’d put her groceries away. I wanted to do that for her last night, but I had a feeling the effort would have been interpreted wrong. As more of an intrusion than a favor from a stranger.

  Sitting in a chair at a square table, the teenager who sold me the candy this morning, Gabby, turned, waving at me. Two dimples creased a round face, her dark skin. “Officer Holloway,” she said in greeting, grinning while she chewed a piece of bacon.

  I had to laugh. “You can call me Adam, Gabby. I’m not on duty here.”

  She looked more accepting of that than Aubrey did, not looking at the uniform at all. “Ah, okay,” she said. “You joining us for breakfast?”

  She crossed a look over to Aubrey, who only shook her head before going to the other person I noticed sitting at the table. Her little girl. The baby.

  “Uh, yeah. Aubrey invited me,” I returned to Gabby, my attention a bit distracted as I watched the mom with her child. Chubby arms reached up to her mom, which Aubrey appeased by letting them lock around her neck as she lifted her into her arms. The baby was a bit lighter than Aubrey, her curly hair looser, and I believed those indicated a mixture of races. She gurgled a laugh when Aubrey picked her up, and I smiled. The littlest things made babies happy, didn’t they? Attention and whatnot, and the smile Aubrey returned confirmed, for me at least, that happiness was always shared in return by the parent.

  Always.

 
“That’s Rissa,” Gabby said, tugging on her chubby leg and breaking my thoughts. “Short for Marissa.”

  I waved at her like I did last night, and both mother and child looked my way. More specifically, Rissa watched me while Aubrey watched Rissa, a curiosity in both gazes. Rissa studied me for only a moment before she released the material of her mom’s tank top and stretched her tiny fingers out toward me. I think Aubrey and I were both surprised by that, but I didn’t hesitate before I reached my finger out toward her to take.

  “She doesn’t really like strangers,” Aubrey said, but she barely finished the sentence before Rissa latched onto my finger. She giggled, shaking my finger in her small fist.

  Gabby laughed, looking up at her. “She seems to like this one.”

  “I like her, too,” I said, surprised my uniform didn’t put her off like it did her mom. I was glad.

  Aubrey’s lips actually threatened to smile while Rissa played with my finger, curling up a bit in the corner. Ultimately the expression didn’t completely make it when Rissa decided to use my finger for her own person teething ring, popping it into her mouth and chewing. I didn’t mind and laughed, but Aubrey clearly did. Removing her daughter’s newly chosen toy from her mouth, she apologized profusely, her eyes wide like I’d cuff them both at any moment. I raised my hands, hating the look.

  “It’s fine. Fine,” I said, taking a seat at the table across from Gabby.

  She didn’t accept that and said she’d put the baby in her playpen. I watched the pair again, folding my hands and setting them on the table. The playpen was in front of the couch and Aubrey placed Marissa there. She tickled her belly and that gurgled laugh hit the air again. The sound was magical.

  “So have you ever killed anybody?” Gabby asked, eyeing the gun secured in my holster. She picked up her tumbler of orange juice and took a sip casually, like she’d asked me about the weather.

  Aubrey shot her head around from her location at the playpen. “Gabby!”

  Gabby lifted her hands. I think she was trying to look innocent, but that grin she sported kind of had the adverse effect. Putting her glass to her lips, she asked, “What?” before taking a sip, laughing into the juice.

  Aubrey groaned, and I had to keep my smile in. She really was upset. She got to her feet and charged over to us, snatching a baby wipe out of a container on the end table by the couch along the way. Before I knew it, she had my hand in hers. I had no idea what she was doing, but I didn’t stop her as she rubbed it along the surface of my hand, taking extra care along my index finger. I relaxed and just watched her.

  “I’m sorry about this,” she breathed out with a huff. “Rissa’s spit,” she paused, dropping my hand and taking the other. She rubbed there as well with the baby wipe, sneering in Gabby’s direction. “Her.”

  Her annoyance only got Gabby chuckling into her juice even more. I kind of found the whole thing funny as well. Aubrey clearly freaking about how the morning was going, and now, rubbing down my hand to the point of making the skin raw like I was her own kid, but I didn’t dare laugh. That didn’t stop Rissa, though, as even she was having a laugh. She stood up in her pen, banging her hands on the bar as she watched her panicking mom. The whole thing went to all new heights when Aubrey dropped my hand, slid a plate over to me, and not only served me by putting eggs and bacon on my plate, but also picked up a piece of toast and continued to butter it for me.

  Gabby was nearly losing it at this point, her hand over her mouth, and I couldn’t contain mine either. I snorted, and that’s when Aubrey realized what she was doing.

  She lowered the butter knife from the bread, her expression nothing short of mortification. “You can probably do this yourself, can’t you?”

  I could. But I kinda sorta wanted her to. I liked watching her do so. I didn’t want her to be embarrassed anymore though, so I took the knife from her. “Thanks.”

  She nodded in return. Smoothing her hands down her pants, she backed away slowly. “I’m gonna get dressed for work.” She glanced over at Gabby. “Watch Rissa?”

  Gabby lifted her glass to her, and Aubrey breezed out of the room. All this was definitely worth missing rounds for. Definitely.

  I got started in on my food as Gabby finished hers. She got Marissa out of her pen and returned, placing her on her lap. Rissa watched me eat, wanting my eggs by reaching out toward them. I asked Gabby if it was okay, and she said fine, but just a little. I gave her only a little on the tip of an extra spoon on the table. She gummed it happily.

  “But seriously, have you killed someone?” Gabby wiped Rissa’s mouth free of the extra egg with a napkin while she asked.

  I shook my head in response, doing so with a laugh. I got that question a lot. I think people thought the life of a cop was way more exciting than it actually was. Especially the kids. Gabby looked let down by my response, and I could only shake my head again. An exasperated “Frickin-A!” came from behind our seats at the table. It seemed Aubrey only had time to get half dressed. When she came out of what I assumed was her bedroom from down the hall, she still wore her sweat pants with a dressy top. She charged down the hallway, ripping a hair tie off her wrist and placing it in between her teeth.

  “Can you walk to school today, Gabs?” she asked around the hair tie, bunching her hair up. She pushed her curls into a ball before putting the hair tie around it. “I have to take Rissa to my aunt’s today. She lives on the other side of town and I won’t have time to run you by the school.”

  Aubrey reached out for Rissa, and after the change off, Gabby nodded, saying “Sure,” before slipping her book bag off the chair she sat in. She pushed her arms into the straps. “Is everything okay? Why isn’t she going to daycare?”

  Aubrey opened her mouth, but then her gaze went to me still at the table. I turned away, giving them privacy. I didn’t want to listen in, but the thing about ears was they were hard to turn off. I didn’t miss when she said her check for the week of daycare bounced, though I made it look like I had, scraping my fork along my plate. Like I was distracted and not listening. Gabby started to say goodbye when I chose to make my presence known again. I rubbed my mouth with my napkin and stood.

  “I can take her,” I suggested. Both girls’ eyebrows twitched up at the proposal and I shrugged. “I pass the high school on my way to the precinct. Not a problem at all.”

  “You want to take her,” Aubrey said, eyebrows narrowed in my direction. Rissa patted lightly at her face, but the woman’s gaze didn’t let up. “In your squad car?”

  Yeah, the thing was an eyesore. But again, something my boss requested I drive once I moved in. I didn’t have to drive it all the time, but I did have to have it in the area. I shrugged again. “I’d take my car, but I’m headed into work right after.”

  “I like the idea,” Gabby popped in, exchanging a glance between the pair of us with a clear excitement in her eyes.

  Fighting a smile, I pointed at her. “She likes the idea.”

  With a quick goodbye, Aubrey let us go, though she did so begrudgingly, I think. Gabby gave Rissa a kiss before she went into the hallway. I was last and left to close the door. I raised my hand to Aubrey and Rissa still in the hall. “Thanks for breakfast this morning. It was great.”

  “Though a little crazy?” Aubrey added, her baby still patting her face while her mom stared at me.

  I chuckled. “Yeah, a little crazy. But still good.”

  I didn’t say what I really wanted to. I wanted to add it was a little perfect, too. Aubrey nodded and I got a cute little grin from Rissa just before Aubrey turned around with her, her back to me. I heard her mutter something as I closed the door. Something that sounded like: “Only one day with Aunt Jen today. We’ll figure out daycare tomorrow.”

  Again, I wondered why she had no one to help her.

  “Are these the lights?” Gabby asked, getting dangerously close to the car's police lights and siren.

  Raising my hand to the dash, I cut her off before she could draw the
neighborhood’s attention more than we already had. Being in my squad car, everyone already gave me more of it than I desired. Folks stopped in the middle of conversations and paused as they watered their lawns. I never used the siren half the time anyway. It was obnoxious and giving people a quick flash of the lights usually did the trick. I only used the sirens if I needed to get somewhere quick, an emergency usually.

  “Um, yeah,” I said with a laugh, making her look up and drop her hand. “Probably shouldn’t mess with that, though.” I redirected her gaze by pointing to the radio. “You can go to town on the radio.”

  I returned my hand to the wheel and watched as Gabby went for it. I liked that she didn’t seem intimidated by me. She hadn’t really been at all, even when I answered the door this morning in full uniform, so that was good. I hated that people saw us, police, as something to fear more than for their protection; especially when it came to kids.

  Gabby smirked before she touched the radio button. “Probably got country all geared up here. Don’t you, Officer Adam?”

  I indeed didn’t, and when lyrics full of more profanity than someone her age, or damn, really anyone should hear, blasted into the car in the form of the latest popular hip hop track, Gabby’s eyes grew more than two sizes in their normal diameter. Turning her head as if on autopilot, she looked at me and smiled.

  “My man Officer Adam,” she said, nodding in satisfaction by what she just discovered about me.

  I shook my head, waving my hand so she’d give me the reins to take over the radio. My partner hated what I listened to. He was more old-school, but when he wasn’t in the car I was going to listen to what I wanted. I began flipping stations, trying to find something a little more appropriate for a teenage girl. “It’s just Adam,” I said. “And maybe Kid’s Bop would be a little better for your ears,” I joked.