Gunner (Devil's Tears MC Book 1)

by Daniela Jackson

  My last thought is that I want to wake up beside her, take her for a meal, and fuck her again. Then she’ll attend my concert and after, we’ll go to Coyote’s parents’ house. We’ll snuggle and talk, get to know each other better. I will cook for her and she will sit in the chair, smiling at me.

  Somebody’s hand shaking my arm tears me out of the blackness of my sleep.

  “Wake up,” a male’s voice growls into my ear.

  Uneasiness courses through me like an arrow. I lift my eyelids and my glance meets Coyote’s.

  “What the fuck?” I growl.

  “We have a concert, remember?”

  “Eavan,” I say. “Eavan.”

  “There is nobody here,” Coyote says and pulls my arm up. “Have you slaughtered a pig in your bed? Man, there is something wrong with you.”

  “Where is she?”

  “There is nobody here.”

  “She was here.”

  “Get up,” Coyote roars. “Tania wants to kill us all.”

  I jump off the bed and slide into my jeans, my eyes travelling to the bed sheet sprinkled with blood.

  Coyote slaps my arm. “Hurry.”

  “I have to find her,” I mumble.

  “There is nobody here.”

  I pull forward, but Coyote obstructs my way, his glance cold, sending a silent warning.

  “Compose yourself, man,” he says. “You look like you’re crazy.”

  “Get out of my way.” I shove him to the side, then run out of the room and leave the house.

  Clouds of vapour leave my mouth as I run towards the flower shop, my naked feet scratched and pierced by the tiny stones covering the pavement, but I don’t feel the pain. I feel overwhelmed by rage.

  Chapter 8

  Seafra

  She’s vanished like a ghost. Again. I’ve been looking for her the whole night and Tania had to cancel the concert.

  At 3.30 am, Coyote, Hale and I sit on the bench and stare at the sea. The sky is cloudless. A chill creeps under my hoody as the sea waves murmur their eternal song. The moon shines corpse white, a ghastly disc against the velvety blackness of the sky.

  “The old woman who owns the flower shop called her Julia not Eavan,” I say.

  “She said the girl had quit her job,” Coyote says. “Very fucking strange.”

  “I just don’t fucking get it,” I say, putting my elbows on my lap. “She looked happy.”

  “It stinks,” Hale says. “I’m telling you, man, it stinks like shit. Leave it.”

  “I will call Charlie,” I say.

  Charlie is my brother and there is an eleven year gap between us. He’s thirty-five now and works as a private investigator.

  He raised me after our parents were stripped of the parental rights due to their alcohol addiction when I was eight. I haven’t seen them since. Maybe they’re dead, I don’t really care. I have no memories of them. Charlie says sometimes that it was really bad, fights, police interventions, the lack of food. I don’t remember anything, but I hate it when people around me argue and raise their voices. That causes a lot of strain between Tania and me as I can be really nasty to her. She’s learnt to deal with me, cutting our fights short.

  Coyote and Hale’s parents helped my brother to raise me, but yes, Charlie was my mum, my dad, my older brother, my god, and my everything. He leads the kind of dangerous life and keeps me away from it. Since our band was discovered by Tania during our performance in a dirty pub in the middle of nowhere five years ago, I’ve seen Charlie six times. We call each other twice a month and those conversations resemble interrogations, Charlie asks questions and I answer them. The truth is the band is my family now.

  I was happy with my life until I met Eavan. She woke up my yearning for a real family, for a stable relationship, and for a boring normality.

  “Leave it,” Hale says. “There will be others.”

  “She may be pregnant with me,” I say.

  I didn’t plan that. It just happened that each time I came inside her. In fact, I hope she’s pregnant with me, with at least triplets inside her womb so she’ll come to me, crawling on her knees, begging me to marry her.

  I’ll be furious with her for a day or two then I’ll marry her and focus on my family.

  “You’re out of your mind,” Hale says.

  “I am,” I say.

  “Let’s get some sleep,” Coyote says. “We have a concert this evening. Then I will think about my advice for you.”

  I rise from my seat and pull forward. Coyote and Hale catch up with me. We part and go to our rooms. I sleep for twelve hours.

  The boys wait for me outside of the B&B as I walk out of it at 6.15 pm. We cross the road then two teenage girls block our way by the bus stop.

  “Are you Seafra?” one of them, the brunette, asks in a thin excited voice.

  “We’re the ‘Broken Souls’,” Hale says. “But people always mistaken us for ‘Red Asylum’.”

  The blonde sends him the glance of a dog pleading for some caressing. “Can we take a shot with you, guys?”

  We squeeze around the girls and the brunette takes a shot with her phone.

  “Thank you,” the girls say with one voice and they walk off.

  “They didn’t want to crush us under their feet,” I say with sarcasm. “Sometimes less is better.”

  Coyote nods at me. “This village is really nice. People are nice here. They respect your privacy.”

  “Are you fucking making an atonement or what?” Hale explodes. “The band is falling apart. Yeah, I’ve noticed that. Can one of you tell me what is going on?”

  “Our goals have changed,” Coyote says.

  Hale sweeps his hand through the air. “Mine haven’t.” He picks up the pace and enters the back of the pub first.

  I take a few deep breaths and adrenaline rushes through my veins. The familiar excitement stirs inside me, the fever of anticipation to face my audience, to take them to another realm, to shatter them and change them. Coyote pats my shoulder as I walk in and notice Tania talking to Tony. She tilts her head towards me so I move closer to them.

  “We’re giving a really good performance tonight, right?” Tania says.

  “As always,” I say.

  She watches me for a moment. “Good.” Relief paints her face.

  “I want to talk to you after the concert,” I say and she sends me a suspicious glance.

  “Sure,” she says.

  Tony slaps my arm. “Hurry.”

  Half an hour later, I step onto the stage. My eyes sweep over the audience. Some of them are sitting at the tables whilst others are leaning against the walls or crowding in front of the stage, about fifty in total, dark figures exuding the fever of anticipation, pricking my skin, connecting me with them.

  I imagine Ruby and Eavan sitting at one of the tables, thrilled to watch my performance, then I turn my face to Coyote. “Whisper.”

  Coyote looks at me as though he wants to growl ‘what the fuck’ then tilts his head to Hale who shrugs and we start the performance.

  It feels good. I’m good. The audience are mesmerised even though I’m singing only for Eavan and Ruby.

  As the performance ends, I walk off the stage and Tania grabs my elbow, guiding me to a small room.

  “You’ve changed the repertoire,” she says as we settle ourselves at a desk.

  I can’t read from her face whether she’s amused or angry.

  “I don’t want anybody to tell me what to sing,” I say bluntly. “I don’t want a manager, or a horde of people around me, or living in a bus.”

  She drops her head then raises it and sweeps her hair away from her face. “I’ve already found someone to replace you. Your agent and I agreed that she would be a good asset for the band.”

  “Good.”

  “But it’s up to you. We want you, Seafra, but we can’t chain you to the band.”

  “I want something different in life.”

  She sighs then a warm smile parts her lips. “I
’m not surprised. I knew this would happen one day. I knew from the very beginning. You’re just a simple guy who wants a simple life but happened to have a real talent.”

  “What can I say?”

  “I want to make money, Seafra. I like my big house, my pool, and my posh friends. I love the thrill that lifestyle gives me.”

  “I hate all those things.”

  “I know. But if you changed your mind—“

  “I won’t.”

  “Okay. I will sort out all the paper work for you then.”

  “Thank you, Tania.”

  A scraping sound diverts my attention and I turn my head. My eyes meet Coyote’s.

  “What about you, Coyote?” Tania asks. “Are you going to leave as well?”

  “Haven’t decided yet,” Coyote says.

  Tania waves her hands as though she wants to sweep us both out of the room. “Go, get drunk. I have a job to do.”

  I rise from my seat and walk out of the room. Coyote joins me.

  “My advice,” he says. “Call Charlie and find your moth queen.”

  Chapter 9

  Eavan

  The town is beautiful, built on the ruins of the Roman establishments. I love sitting on the stone wall around the Cathedral.

  It’s warm today. Five pigeons gathered a few steps away from me coo and rustle their wings as I sip my coffee. I’m working at the cafe on my right from 4pm to 8 pm and I have just finished my shift. The facade of the historic hotel next to the cafe buries me in the shade as I drop onto the stone wall and people saunter behind me, their conversations droning on.

  I take my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans and call Ruby. “I will be late, honey. I’m going for a long walk around the Cathedral.”

  “Sure,” she says. “See you later.”

  “See you.”

  I’m a bit surprised that she didn’t tell me not go for a walk. It’s dark and we always remind each other not to wander outside of the house so late. She must be busy. I noticed some time ago that she’s different. Like she’s been mentally drifting further and further away from me. Like she doesn’t need me any longer.

  I raise myself, dispose of the paper cup into the bin and circle around the cathedral yard, admiring the gothic features of the building rising towards the sky. The Cathedral looks like it’s moving, lacy details bring astonishment to my mind then sadness sips into every cell of my body, invades my mind like a cold devastation. I’m so fed up with my life, with the lack of control over it, with the lack of freedom. It’s the life of a machine-wake up, go to work, smile. Don’t crave more.

  A wave of nausea courses through my stomach and I retch. Fuck. I’m going to throw up in the middle of the town. I cover my mouth with my hand and turn into a narrow passage between the Cathedral and a high stone wall. There is a lot of privacy here so I bend and empty my stomach between two cars parked along the pavement.

  Very fucking elegant.

  My stomach twists and I throw up again, acid burning my throat and a sour taste lingering on my tongue.

  “Much better,” I mutter to myself and straighten, tears welling up in my eyes.

  A thought crosses my mind for the tenth time in this week. I should tell Ruby. And I should tell Jack.

  I’m nine weeks pregnant, unsure of which is more inside me-happiness or dread. Jack will be furious. I know this, for certain.

  The hum of car engines muffles my thoughts as my feet shuffle along the asphalt pavement. I catch a bus and go to my house which perches on the hill on the outskirts of the town. It’s quiet as I enter it. Almost too quiet like some unearthly threat is hanging in the air.

  I climb the stairs, the pink carpet absorbing the sound of my footsteps, and go towards Ruby’s bedroom. I need to talk about my baby, about Seafra. About all my shitty life.

  A delicate sound like a cat’s meowing comes to my ears from Ruby’s bedroom. My heart skips a beat. She hasn’t cried for a while. In fact, she hasn’t cried since she turned eighteen. I thought she’d recovered for good. Another desperate sigh reaches my ears, followed by a bang.

  I pull the door handle and stride into the bedroom. My eyes travel to the double bed, locking on Ruby. And on the man who’s lying on top of her.

  Heat rushes up my chest. My heart stops beating. I feel dizzy.

  They’re naked. They’re fucking. Fucking hell. They. Are. Fucking.

  Well, now, they’re staring at me, their bodies covered in droplets of sweat, the smell of sex all-pervasive, dense, dirty. Taboo.

  “Eavan,” Ruby shrieks as she easies her weight onto her elbows and her thighs jerk up.

  “Get off my sister,” I say through gritted teeth. “Now.”

  Jack pulls himself up as my eyes flick over his hard cock; it’s shiny, covered in my sister’s arousal. Ruby hitches up the duvet and hides under it as Jack slips into his jeans.

  “We need to talk,” he says, moving closer to me.

  Rage fills my veins and I push at his hairy chest. “She’s my sister, you fucking sick—“

  He grabs my wrist and shoves me outside of the bedroom. “Don’t make her upset.”

  We stand opposite each other in the corridor.

  “She’s eighteen,” I yell.

  “Shut up,” he growls. “Go downstairs if you want to yell.”

  He shoves my arm and I tumble towards the stairs.

  “I’ll fucking kill you, Jack.” Tears blind me as my feet entangle and I almost fall down the stairs.

  Jack hooks the back of my neck and grips my arm, saving my life. “Careful, sweetheart.”

  “Fuck off.” I free myself from him and cross the living room, hands waving furiously.

  Something violent wells up in my chest and a wail escapes my mouth. Jack wraps his arm around my back and pulls me to him. We enter the kitchen and I shake in his arms.

  “What does that mean?” I squeak, pulling away. “What did you do? Why did you do that to her?”

  Jack encloses me with his arms and I cry hysterically, moistening his chest with my tears.

  “It means that you’re on your own from now on,” he says gently.

  “No.”

  He didn’t just say that. It can’t happen. It was never the plan.

  “We are going to leave in a couple of days,” Jack says.

  “No.”

  There is something surreal about our conversation like my brain is unable to process the discovery of Jack and Ruby’s affair, his words, his goals, my sister’s goals. It’s like I’m in a dream.

  “I don’t understand,” I say as dread bites every cell of my body.

  It’s like something is coming to me, getting closer and closer, powerful and devastating like a tsunami. Unavoidable.

  “I love her,” Jack says.

  “No.”

  “She loves me.”

  “She’s only eighteen. She... Jack, she was just a kid. How could you?”

  “I didn’t touch her until she turned eighteen. I’m not a pervert. You’ve always been only a kid to me, Eavan. Ruby was only a kid to me until she turned eighteen; I promise. You two have always annoyed me, you know that. Ruby tried, but I didn’t let her. Not until she was an adult.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “And it kind of started only a few days before her eighteenth birthday.”

  “Very fucking honourable. She was a virgin.” My voice rises with every word. “Did you know that?”

  “Eavan, I’m a grown up man. Really. I talk to Ruby about everything. And for your information, I knew.”

  I grab my head in both my hands. “It wasn’t for you, Jack. It was for a nice guy of her age, not for you.”

  “I love her, Eavan. She loves me. This was for us whether you like it or not.”

  “No.” It comes out of my mouth as a whisper.

  “Yes. I. Love. Your. Sister.”

  Something crumbles inside me. “I can see but you’re not allowed to do such things. Jack, this is... This means you will be—“

  “It
just happened, Eavan. I didn’t plan that. She looked at me, kissed my lips and I was mush waiting for her to turn eighteen.” Jack pulls away from me and cups my face in both his hands. “I’m taking her very far from here.”

  “Where?”

  “I can’t tell you.”

  “But your job, your life. Jack, it means...”

  “Fuck my job. I want a little house in the woods and I want my girl sitting in the rocking chair on the veranda. We want two kids, you know. A future together. A normal life.”

  I can hear Ruby walking into the kitchen. She slithers into Jack’s embrace and clings to him, her face glowing like that of an angel sculpture from the Cathedral.

  “He’s too old, Ruby,” I say with sarcasm.

  “I’m happy, Eavan,” Ruby says. “I’m very happy. You should find your happiness too. Jack will take care of me, you know that.”

  “I know,” I shriek. “I fucking know that.”

  Surprisingly, I’m not mad with them. Rudy’s bright smile and the fire in her eyes cause warmth to fill my chest. She is happy. Healed. Jack has healed her. I’m stunned, furious, but at the same time relieved.

  Jack shoots his arm towards me and pulls me to him. He’s holding Ruby and me in his embrace as his lips touch the top of my head.

  It feels safe as always when Jack is close to us. He is our citadel, our shelter, our hope. A soothing voice for me when I wake up at night, screaming, when Ruby’s wails, blood and agony torment me in my memories of that fatal night four years ago, when I need somebody to listen to me or just hug me. Jack is always for me with his matter-of-fact tone, strict rules, and pure warmth pervading his gaze when he’s thinking Ruby and I aren’t looking at him.

  All the emotions tumble inside me, boil, and bubble. Then I’m numb like a black blanket is covering my mind. Like a hammer has banged against my brain.

  Chapter 10

  Eavan

  We sit at the kitchen table. Jack entangles his fingers on the back of his neck.

  “So,” I start, taking a deep breath then exhale slowly with an audible sound.

  “I wanted to tell you,” Ruby squeaks. “But you have your own problems at the moment.”