Chasing My Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I try to sleep, but each time I close my eyes and I’m on the cusp of falling asleep, I dream that I’m falling, and startle awake. Reaching for my phone, I call Sofia, hoping she’s not at work yet or if she is, she’s on a break. Since I arrived here, and she’s started her job, we haven’t been able to talk every day and our text message marathons are short and sweet.

  “Hello,” she answers, sounding like she’s out of breath.

  “How’s the working life?”

  “Hey. It’s great. I love my job. How’re things?”

  “Good. I got a job waiting tables. It’ll give me some pocket cash while I’m here.”

  “Do your parents know yet?”

  “Nope. I texted them and said we’re sight-seeing, taking our time and just enjoying the road trip.”

  “And they bought it?”

  “I hope they did. Guess what?”

  “What? Did you meet someone? What about Roy?” She’s giggling, making me miss her even more.

  “No, and Roy’s still Roy. But…” I pause for dramatic effect. “Last night at work, there was this singer. Wicked cute, wearing a beanie. I kept staring at him because he looks so familiar. Well, he gets on stage and says his name is Quinn!” I’m over the top excited to tell her. I mean, what are the chances that I run into her brother while I’m here.

  “Oh.”

  “Oh? Aren’t you excited? I tried to talk to him, but his girlfriend got butthurt and pushed me out of the way.”

  “What’d you say to him?” The peppiness in her voice is gone and I don’t understand why.

  “My exact words were, ‘I know your sister.’”

  “Listen, El. Quinn likes his privacy so it’s probably best that you keep your distance.”

  “Okay…”

  “We’ll talk more later. I gotta run.” She’s gone, in a flash, without any explanation as to why I can’t converse with her brother. Surely, if we’re working the same shift, we should be able to talk.

  I decide to try and get some sleep. I’m back on the cusp, that spot between coherent and total darkness when my phone rings. I don’t open my eyes when I answer. As soon as I hear my brother’s voice, I wish like hell I didn’t pick up the phone.

  “Good, you’re alive. I’ve started thinking you’re dead and someone has taken your phone, leading us on a wild goose chase.”

  “What do you want, Rhett?”

  “I want to know what’s going on. You may have our parents fooled, however, I am not. You’re not posting any pictures on social media, your story is nonexistent, and I smell a rat.”

  “Change your socks.”

  “Funny. Where are you?”

  I sigh. “I don’t know, somewhere between Idaho and South Carolina. Sofia and I don’t have a destination in mind.”

  “Hmm… Something’s up. Mom and Dad are beside themselves here, Eleanora. You should’ve been home days ago.”

  He’s right. I don’t know how much longer I can put off the charade. Eventually, I have to either tell them or head home. Neither one sounds appealing right now. I like it here and want to stay longer.

  “I’m fine, Rhett. I’m enjoying my new car and traveling the country with my bestie. You’d do the same thing if the only thing waiting for you back home was a guy you didn’t want to marry.”

  “Roy? What’s wrong with him?”

  I close my eyes and kick the covers with my feet. I shouldn’t have said anything about Roy because they’re friends. “Nothing. I’m just tired. Can we talk later?”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine, Rhett. Go back to making the women at the plantation swoon. It’s what you do best.” I disconnect the call as panic sets in. If Rhett is suspicious, so are my parents. It seems that my time here is more limited than I thought.

  9

  Quinn

  After an early morning flight to Portland, and a two-hour drive into the forest, Noah, Liam, my dad, and I are finally at our campground. When the Westbury’s asked my dad and I to come camping with them, I thought they meant we’d be in a cabin with running water and electricity. Much to my shock, we’re staying in tents, bathing in the ice-cold river runoff from Mt. Hood, making our food by campfire and most importantly, escaping reality. How could I pass this up?

  Things between my father and I seem a bit rough. We haven’t spoken much since I stopped by and it makes me wonder what’s on his mind and whether he’s truly angry with me because I won’t join Elle’s band or if it’s something else. I don’t think my mom would have told him about the breakdown I had on the beach, especially the part about Alicia, but I can’t be too sure. My parents tell each other everything and I didn’t exactly ask my mom not to say anything to my dad, probably because I didn’t want to put her in an awkward position.

  Our campsite is much nicer than I expected. The river’s definitely the focal point of this space with the fire pit not far from the bank. Right off, Liam sets up four chairs around the metal cylinder for us. There are people staying on both sides of the camp, which could pose a problem with privacy unless they stay to themselves. Although, sometimes I think Liam puts us in places like this because he wants to be normal for a little bit. I somewhat get it. Growing up with the band, I’ve seen how fans act. On the other hand, privacy is great. I love that no one knows who I am and unless I’m caught in a picture with the band or Noah, I don’t exist. It’s a happy lifestyle.

  My dad pulls out a collapsible broom, extending the handle until it’s full height. “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “Sweeping the ground.”

  I run my hand over my beanie and look at Noah, who shrugs. “Uh, why?”

  “So, the ground is clean.”

  “Aren’t the pine needles supposed to give us a barrier, maybe some kind of comfort?”

  Dad stops, he looks at me, Noah, and Liam. We all seem to have the same ‘what the’ expressions on our face. My dad throws his hands up in the air, the broom too, and says, “I don’t know. I’m only doing what Katelyn suggested.”

  The three of us laugh, which doesn’t sit well with my dad. He waves us off and puts his Holly Homemaker broom back in his bag.

  “Let’s get our tent up,” Noah says, tapping me on the arm. Together we unload everything from the bag and lay our tent out on the ground. We angle it so that when we wake up, we’re looking at the river and not our fathers. Our dads do the same and once both tents are up, we work together to string up a couple of tarps in the event it might rain. It’s Oregon and the weather tends to change every five minutes.

  Noah and I hike back to the car. It’s about two miles through the woods. “What’d you forget?”

  “Just going to grab the fishing poles.”

  With a fishing pole in my hand, I stand there, trying to remember when the last time I went fishing was. The more I think, the more I realize that Liam used to take me when I was a kid. It all stopped when Noah… well, when he found out he had a son. I guess it didn’t matter that much to me back then. Maybe I don’t like fishing after all.

  We get back to camp and find a fire going. The dads are sitting there, drinking beers, and right now look completely relaxed. It’s not a feeling they’re used to, although the band has been slowing down lately. Liam spends a lot of his time traveling back and forth between Los Angeles and Beaumont, until football season kicks off and then we’ll see him in Portland. His big thing is that he wants to be there for Betty Paige. I get it, the dude missed ten years with his son, and those are years you never get back.

  “You kids hungry?” Liam says after Noah and I drop the gear off. I take the seat closest to the river, the sound of the water moving over the rocks is oddly calming.

  “We’re not kids anymore, Dad,” Noah says. He’s searching through the cooler and tosses me one of the pre-made sandwiches we bought at the store before heading here. Thankfully, he carries over the can of soda. Right now, Noah isn’t drinking. It’s too close to the season and he’s on the ‘my body�
��s my temple’ program. I’m fine with it.

  “So, what’s the plan for these four days?” I ask, after taking a bite. I take another one immediately after because it’s that good.

  “Absolutely nothing,” my dad says. “We’re here to rest, relax, recoup, and reenergize.” He looks directly at me. Not sure why, but I’m already three of those things. The reenergizing one doesn’t apply to me. I’m not overworking myself or draining my energy doing things I don’t want.

  Noah sits down and starts to stuff the sandwich in his mouth. I elbow him, and he looks at me. “Dude, this isn’t jail. You don’t have five minutes to eat.”

  He laughs. “How would you know what jail is like?”

  “Fine, this isn’t your locker room where some three-hundred-pound linebacker is waiting for you to turn your head.” Noah reaches over and gives me a fist bump.

  “That’s more like it.”

  “Are you ready for the season?” my dad asks.

  “I am. I think this will be our year.”

  “It’s definitely your year,” Liam adds. “Your mom is itching to start planning a wedding.”

  “You know it’s not up to me, Dad. We wanted Peyton to finish school first and now that she has, I’m sure she’ll start planning our wedding. Besides, it’s something she’ll do with her mom, not mine.”

  I choke and start laughing, so does Liam and my dad. “You do know that both moms are going to be heavily involved, right?”

  Noah shakes his head, reaches for his drink and takes a sip before setting it back down on the ground. “My mom’s just gonna have to wait for Paige to get married.”

  “She’s never getting married,” Liam blurts out.

  “Unless it’s to Mack,” my dad says. It’s like everything moves in slow motion. Dad chuckles as Noah says, ‘oh shit,’ and Liam’s head turns slowly (now if this were a sci-fi movie there would be fire coming out of his eyes), his chest puffs out as his hand cocks back and the can of beer is thrown at my dad. Dad’s shirt is drenched, and his hand is covering the spot where the can landed. I think for one fleeting moment my father forgot that not only was Liam a quarterback but that he hates the fact that Paige has a crush on Nick’s son. Loathes, really.

  And here I am, sitting back and watching it all unfold like a daytime soap opera.

  Because that’s what it is. Liam and my dad are best friends, even before JD joined the group. Anyone else would be pissed for being pegged in the chest with a can of beer, but not my dad, at least not when it’s thrown by Liam.

  “You forget your daughter is marrying my son.”

  Dad laughs. “If it were anyone but Noah, I’d have a problem with it.”

  “Do I get to call you dad?” Noah asks. I can’t tell if he’s serious or not. However, by the look on my dad’s face, the answer is no.

  “Mr. James will work.”

  I spit out my beer and cover my mouth during my coughing fit. “You okay, son?” Dad asks.

  “Good, good,” I say, putting my hand on my chest. “Just didn’t expect you to answer that way I guess.”

  “Are you serious?” Noah asks. He’s looking straight at my dad.

  Dad doubles over, laughing uncontrollably. Liam and I start as well, but Noah is sitting there, stone-faced. When my dad finally calms down, he shakes his head. “I’m just kidding. Don’t you think it’d be a bit odd if I made you call me Mr. James?”

  “Yes,” Noah says.

  “And the dad part,” Dad shrugs. “If it’s fitting, I don’t care really.”

  The rest of the evening is nothing more than sitting around, roasting our own dinner, and talking about life. Between my dad and Liam, they’ve seen a lot, experienced even more, and somehow managed to make a good life for themselves and their families.

  By the time the sun is up again, the air in the tent is stifling. I’m the first one up and use this time to relieve myself in the bushes. It’s not exactly as private as I’d like given there are people on both sides of us, but it’s all I have.

  Back at the site, Noah’s awake and pulling his fishing gear together. “Morning,” he says, chipper and ready for the day, when all I want to do is find a nice shady spot to relax in and maybe have some coffee. “Thought we could go try and catch lunch.”

  I point to my chest. “You want me to go with you?”

  He looks around. “Pretty sure it’s just you and me out here.”

  “What about your dad?”

  Noah shakes his head. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.” He nods toward the trail.

  I change quickly and grab the extra set of gear, which I’m pretty certain was brought for me.

  Noah leads the way, following a small trail through the trees and low-lying brush. “Do you come out here often?”

  “I found this place one day after a fight with Dessie.”

  Just him saying her name makes my blood boil.

  “You’re the only one I’ve brought out here though.”

  “What, none of your teammates fish?”

  “No, they do. We go on the Columbia when I’m in town, but this place…” we step into a clearing and it’s like something I’ve never seen before. The sun is lined perfectly with the river, shining light through the valley. We’re perched on a massive rock formation, giving us the perfect view. “Yeah,” Noah says as he catches me looking in awe.

  “Wow.”

  “I come here to think. I came here the day before I asked your sister to marry me.”

  “I don’t blame you, I’d need guidance too when it comes to Peyton.”

  Noah slaps me in the arm and laughs. “It’s not that. I love her. I always have.”

  “So, what then?” I start setting up my gear, shocked to find out that I remember most of what Liam taught me when it comes to getting my pole ready.

  “My biggest hang up, ruining our relationship. We were perfect, at least in my eyes, until I started dating Dessie. Growing up, I always figured Peyton and I would end up with each other, I just didn’t know when. Dessie comes along, right at the start of my NFL career and she’s the glitz and glam of the sports life. It wasn’t hard to get swept up in it all. What I didn’t realize was my relationship with Dessie was pushing Peyton away. Dessie was threatened by Peyton, and with good reason.”

  “And then the accident,” I add.

  Noah nods and looks down river. “The accident that changed everything.” He shakes his head. “I made a lot of mistakes that winter. I almost lost my job and Peyton. I didn’t care about football anymore. The first time I had to leave Chicago, I stood on the field and nothing made sense because the one person who had been by my side through it all, was laid up in a hospital room, fighting for her life. That’s when I knew, something had to change.”

  I drop my line into the river and take a seat on the small portable chair Noah had packed for me. “Change happened.”

  “Almost killed me.”

  “True colors, man,” I say. “You couldn’t have known.”

  He grimaces. No need to bring up all the gory details of what Dessie did to Noah and how she wanted to sleep with Liam. Her betrayal ran deep and almost ruined his chance with my sister. Thankfully, they both came to their senses.

  “I used to be jealous of you, used to hate you.” Noah and I make eye contact at the same time.

  His words sting. I swallow hard, trying to find my voice. “Why?” I ask.

  “Because you knew my dad. You got eight years with him and I had nothing. I used to watch the two of you together and it was more like you were his son and I was just this kid, clinging on.”

  “You know your dad doesn’t think like that, right?”

  “Tell that to a ten-year-old whose dad is this famous rock star and football god.”

  I laugh. He’s right. “What changed your mind?”

  “You. You just kept to yourself, never pushed, never tried to be friends and make me like you. It was like a switch came on and I found myself wanting to spend time w
ith you. We started having these video game marathons, you were my roller coaster buddy at the parks, the only thing you weren’t into was football, but I had my dad and Peyton for that. Slowly, you became my best friend.”

  I’m not an emotional guy, but right now I want to cry and thank him for not giving up on the shy kid who only had his dad, grandma, aunt, and Liam for friends and family. “You’re my best friend too,” I say through the tightness in my throat.

  “Which brings me to why we’re sitting on this rock.”

  “Aren’t we fishing?”

  Noah laughs. “True, but I wanted to know if you’d be my best man. I know I’m marrying your sister and that may be awkward, but you’re the only guy I want standing next to me when she walks down the aisle.”

  My mouth drops open a bit. I close it quick though, processing his words. I figured he’d ask one of his buddies from the team or even his dad. “Of course, I’d be honored.”

  “Thanks, Quinn. When Peyton asked me who I was going to ask, you’re the only one I wanted there.”

  We should hug, but we’re being manly men right now, so we continue to sit by each other.

  “Does this mean you’ve set a date?”

  Noah nods. “She wants to tell everyone after the season starts, doesn’t want to ruin my summer or something like that. But I know you’re free, we all are, so it’s perfect. Everything will be perfect.”

  “Of course, it is. You’re marrying my sister.”

  10

  Eleanora

  Somewhere in the mess of blankets on my bed, my phone rings. I scramble to find it, pushing and pulling the covers in any direction possible until I give up and toss them onto the floor, watching as my phone bounces on my mattress.

  As soon as I look at the screen, I fill with dread. My mouth starts to water like I’m going to be sick and my heart beats in my throat, which I know isn’t impossible, yet that’s what it feels like.

  Pressing the accept button, I put my phone to my ear, swallow hard and squeak out a hello. I’ve done everything I could think of to keep my parents in check but had a bad feeling after Rhett called the other day. I should’ve trusted my gut. I should’ve gotten in my car and started heading home.