Chasing My Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Eleanora,” my mother says. “What is going on? By my calculations, you should’ve been home days ago.”

  Before I can even conjure up an appropriate response, my father’s voice rings out. I hate when they’re on the phone together, likely in the same room, staring at each other. “Are you in some sort of trouble?”

  “No, Daddy. I’m just…” I close my eyes and count to ten quickly before taking a deep breath. Rhett didn’t tell them anything, this I’m sure of so I still have time to figure things out. “Sofia and I are just taking our time and only driving a few hours a day and seeing the sites. Like I said, we’re trying to make the best of our summer before real life has to start.”

  “I thought Sofia had a job?” Mom asks.

  “She does but was able to push it off a bit longer,” I lie, again and again. Since graduation, I’ve become this habitual liar, digging myself a hole that I’m not sure I’ll be able to climb out of.

  “I don’t like this, Eleanora. You need to be home, with your family, preparing to start your job.”

  “Yes, I know, Mama. I’ll be there soon. I promise.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “No, Daddy. I’m still a few days away.”

  “You need to understand our concern here. I’ve been watching your credit card usage and your bank account. There’s no activity. Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not caught up in something illegal, are you?” Just as I thought he would.

  “No, Daddy. Sofia is paying for everything as a way to say thank you to me for driving.” I can’t believe how easy the lie flows. I’m surely going to need months in church to repent all my sins.

  “Well, I don’t like that one bit. You’ve told me before she doesn’t have a lot of money,” dad says. Neither do I and you’d have a heart attack if you knew I was waiting tables, so I could stay here a little longer.

  I’m afraid my stint in Los Angeles is going to come to an end soon even though it’s only just started. There’s so much to see and do, I’ve limited myself by lying to my parents. I should’ve been upfront from the get-go and told them about Kellie’s offer. Thing is, they would’ve said no, and I didn’t want to hear it.

  “Her mom insisted.” Another lie.

  “I don’t like this, Willard,” Mom says. “Maybe you should fly to wherever the girls are and drive them here.”

  “No!” I interrupt. “Daddy, please. We’re having fun.”

  He sighs. “We understand that your future is already planned out for you, but you have to understand, you have a life here, and it can’t continue to wait while you dilly dally.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Roy… he’s ready to set a date and get things moving.”

  “Daddy!” I about scream his name. “He hasn’t even asked me to marry him yet and you want me to rush home and be at his beck and call? What about a women’s right to choose, my right to work and live on my own for a bit? What if I don’t want to marry Roybert? Have you ever thought about that?” I cry out.

  “Oh, Eleanora, now you’re just being a child. Of course, you want to marry Roy. You’ve wanted to since high school.”

  “Things change, Mama,” I say this, knowing my words will fall on deaf ears. They’re set in their ways and nothing’s going to make them see things any differently. My sister accepted this fate and I will as well, just as my grandmas did and so forth. Truth is, I do love Roy, but I’m not ready to settle down and marry him. I want to live. I want to explore the world. I want to stay up all night watching movies and go to work the next day regardless of being tired, knowing that I had the best night just being. That’s not Roy.

  “Eleanora, I think it’s about time you come home, missy.”

  I sigh and fight back the tears. My fairytale vacation is coming to an end whether I like it or not. “Okay, Daddy.”

  “Good, that’s settled. When should your mother and I expect you?”

  “A couple of days. I’ll be there.” We say our goodbyes. I fall back onto my bed and cover my face with the pillow, screaming out into it. I was so stupid to think I could get away with this, that they wouldn’t get suspicious and I’d be able to spend my summer here.

  I was wrong.

  So very wrong.

  I look around my room. It’s a mess, especially after my covers fiasco when I was looking for my phone, but I realize, I like it here and need to find a way to be honest with my parents. The problem is all the lies I’ve told. My parents aren’t going to look past those any time soon.

  The tears that I shed while on the phone with my parents haven’t stopped. The walls around me are closing in, the suffocation I felt before I left for college is bearing down on my chest. Without picking up my room, I grab my phone, keys, and head to the courtyard. This complex is huge and there are always people milling about, doing something.

  When I reach the center, the pool is full of children with multiple women standing on the edge, giving out instructions while chatting amongst themselves. I walk farther, deeper into the reserved space and find a bench to sit on. Behind my dark sunglasses, no one can see my bloodshot eyes or red puffy lids. Unlike the South, where people will stop and strike up a conversation whether they know you or not, that doesn’t happen here. People are too busy with their own drama to worry about someone else’s.

  I thought that being outside, my mind would clear, but it’s only littered with noise and the constant commotion of people walking by. I’m about to give up on everything, tuck my tail, pack my things and head home when I see a familiar face coming at me. My heart, the one I thought was in my throat earlier is now sitting in the bottom of my stomach.

  His smile can be seen from miles away, figuratively speaking. He holds his head up high and the hazel eyes I know so well, hidden behind mirrored aviators. Part of me thinks I’m seeing things, that there’s no way my brother is coming toward me.

  I stand, prepared to run from the impending nightmare, but I’m stuck to the ground. “How did you find me?” I ask as he steps to me. Rhett doesn’t remove his glasses and turns his lips into a smirk.

  He’s smug.

  And has women falling at his feet.

  “Hello to you too, little sister.”

  “Rhett, I don’t have time for your games.”

  He tilts his head to the side. “I’m not sure I’m the one playing any games. Am I?”

  I sit back down, completely defeated. My parents knew where I was the whole time when we were on the phone earlier. What they did to me, it’s entrapment.

  And I deserve it.

  “How’d you find me?”

  My brother, who’s dressed in a gray three-piece suit, pulls out his phone and taps the screen. I lean over to see what he’s doing. My mouth drops open when he pulls up the Find my Friends app. Sure enough, we’re side by side blinking dots.

  “And,” he says, pulling up another screen. This time it’s my snap. Our avatars are hanging out together in my courtyard.

  “Do Mom and Dad know?”

  Rhett pockets his phone, crosses his left leg over his right and puts his arm behind me. “They don’t know. They think I’m on a business trip.”

  “Are you?” I have to know because it’s unlike Rhett to lie to our parents. That job is solely for me.

  “Sort of,” he says. “I was in Sacramento when Mom called, crying because she thought you’d been abducted. They don’t know you’re here, at least not yet.”

  “You can’t tell them.”

  “I can, and I will unless you tell me what’s going on.”

  “That’s blackmail,” I tell him.

  He shakes his head, not a single hair falling out of place. If we were the same age, we’d pass for twins. Our hair is almost identical with our brown and blonde mixture naturally done by the sun.

  “Blackmail usually involves money. I’m simply being a big brother.” Rhett adjusts the way he’s sitting so he can face me. “Look at me, Eleanora.” I do as he commands. “You need to tell
me what’s going on and why I’ve found you in Los Angeles.”

  I sigh and wipe away a fallen tear. “I don’t know, Rhett. I dread going home and becoming Roy’s wife. I’m twenty-two and have been away from home once and that was college. I want to live a bit before I have to marry someone who is only marrying me because it’ll make our families stronger. When Dad suggested that Sofia and I drive my new car home, I wanted to do it, but Sofia already started her job and couldn’t. Kellie gave me another offer.”

  “One that made you lie to our parents.”

  “Everything out of my mouth has been a lie to them. I knew they’d never go for it, letting me come here. Mama would rather have her toenails plucked out then to let me come to California by myself.”

  Rhett grows quiet. I have a feeling that any minute he’s going to tell me to gather my things and that he’ll drive me home. I don’t want to, but I’m out of options. Unless I can convince Rhett to stay.

  “How long are you here for?” I ask, plotting ways to get him to stay here with me.

  “Only today.”

  “Are you sure you can’t spare a few days? I can show you around, take you to see some sites. We could find a few celebrities.”

  He shakes his head. “None of that interests me. What do you think about going home?”

  And there it is, the hammer to my nail. I nod and bite the inside of my lip to keep from crying. I start to stand but sit back down and look at him.

  “You know what, this is crap. I’m an adult and should be able to decide what I want to do with my life and right now, it’s to be here. I’m not going with you.”

  “You know things don’t work that way with Mom and Dad. If we arrive together, it softens the blow.”

  “Why, Rhett? Why can’t I be free to make my own decisions?”

  He looks in my direction but doesn’t say anything. I finally break eye contact and start to walk away.

  “Eleanora.”

  “What?” I sigh, setting my hands on my hips. “What could you possibly have to say?”

  “What if you didn’t have to leave today? What if I made it so Mom and Dad aren’t on your case and worried?”

  “You mean I could stay here?”

  He nods. “Until the end of the month. You know Mama will want you at the Fourth of July party.”

  I rush back to my brother and tackle him in a hug. “Oh Rhett, thank you, thank you, thank you.” He hugs me back, his grip tight around my waist.

  “One, or maybe two conditions.”

  I stand back up. “What’s that?”

  “Don’t end up pregnant. Don’t come home with a tattoo. Don’t hook up with anyone, at all. No musicians, bikers, tattoo artists, dashingly handsome businessmen – they’re the worst, I should know.”

  “I promise, and I swear I’ll be home by Mama’s party.”

  Rhett somehow manages to postpone his trip back home by a day, giving me the opportunity to show him around. I’m hoping Kellie will be cool with my brother crashing on the couch. The thought makes me laugh a little. I have a feeling Kellie will be more than amenable with Rhett hanging around for a few days.

  11

  Quinn

  Camping. Not my cup of tea, at least that’s what I used to think. But honestly, sitting around the campfire with my dad, Uncle Liam, and Noah, it’s been one of the best times of my life.

  Right now, Liam is strumming his guitar. Over his shoulder, I see the people at the other campsite, lingering somewhat close to our site. I have a feeling they’ve figured out who we are, even though we’ve been very careful not to say our names too loudly.

  My dad gets up and disappears into the woods. The three of us snicker, suspecting full well that he’s going deep into the woods to do some business, except I notice that he didn’t take the shovel or the roll of toilet paper.

  “Do you think he’s in such a hurry, he forgot?” I ask. Liam looks over and shakes his head.

  “If he starts yelling from the woods, I’m not moving. He’ll attract a bear or something.”

  “I suppose I’ll have to be the one to go find him?”

  “You are his son,” Noah so nicely points out. I flip him off and turn my attention toward where my father disappeared. There’s some rustling among the branches and I’m praying, like down on my hands and knees, that it’s my dad and not some wild animal. We have only our tents to keep us safe, and those aren’t going to do much.

  Thankfully, he appears, looking completely unharmed and fully intact, but he’s carrying an arm full of rocks, twigs, and a log.

  “What’s all this?” I ask. “I thought we had enough firewood.”

  “I’m going to make a drum kit,” he says, sitting back down next to Liam. Sure enough, he starts carving, duct taping and stacking together various pieces of the forest. When he’s done, he pulls out a pair of drumsticks that apparently, he’s had in his back pocket, and starts playing. The sound isn’t exactly the same, but there’s enough beat to go with Liam’s melody, that the two of them are having an impromptu jam session.

  “You’re missing JD,” Noah reminds them.

  “Eden had some competition this week. It’s like pulling teeth to get him to come around lately. Although, I was the same way when you were playing football. I wouldn’t schedule anything if it meant I’d miss a game,” Liam says to Noah. It’s part of being a parent, making sacrifices for your children. My dad never had to make any for us because if Liam was home, so was my dad. It just worked out that way.

  My dad and Liam start playing again. This time I look over my shoulder and notice the couple behind me trying to listen as well. I think the nice thing to do would be to invite them over, but we are enjoying our privacy. Right now, the three guys around me are my family. It’s not the rocker, the drummer, and football player. It’s my uncle, Dad, and best friend. Moments like these are rare and I want to keep them to myself.

  I finally relent and head into my shared tent with Noah and grab my guitar. I haven’t touched it since we arrived, opting to enjoy the great outdoors and just be present with everything around me.

  My dad smiles.

  If I hadn’t been looking at him, maybe for approval, I would’ve missed it. Ever since Elle and her band proposal made its way to my dad’s ears, coupled with my subsequent rejection, I feel like him and I haven’t been on the same page. All my life, he’s been my go-to, even when Katelyn moved in, he was still my number one. But lately, it seems like we’re at a crossroads.

  I get that parents have hopes and dreams for their children, but our parents, for the most part, are pretty laid back, letting us decide what we want to do. I decided on doing nothing, probably not what they were expecting, but it’s the way things worked out. I moved back to California instead of staying in Beaumont, which really upset my mom. The twins still had a few years left, but I was done, and Noah was already gone. Living in Cali made sense to me. For what it’s worth, my parents followed quickly after my sisters graduated.

  Still, I feel this disconnect with my dad over something as trivial as joining a band. I’m not there, professionally or even emotionally. I’m not invested in my career, let alone wanting to have someone else’s career rest on my shoulders. Thinking about that pressure alone is enough to give me an anxiety attack.

  It’s not enough to keep me from playing right now though. I listen to the beat my dad and Liam are playing and start in. Our campsite gets a bit louder, but it’s worth it, hearing our melody echo through the river.

  “I feel incredibly left out,” Noah says. There was a time when all of us played instruments. Peyton can still bang the drums pretty hard, but it’s not her passion. Elle, at one point, wanted to be a singer but changed her mind. As for Noah, sports were always in his path, but he did learn to play the guitar.

  “I’ll share,” I tell him, handing over my baby, but Noah refuses her.

  “There’s no way I can match what they’re doing,” he points to our dads. “You play, and I’ll write lyrics in
my head.”

  This makes me laugh. Noah the songwriter, that’ll be the day.

  Sleep, it’s what I didn’t do while camping. Each night we stayed up late, talking about nothing in particular, sometimes going long minutes without even saying a word, just staring into the fire, only to wake up the second the sun peeked over the trees and started heating our tents. I missed my bed and the air conditioner the most. The rest of my week was peaceful, and I feel rejuvenated.

  To do what, I’m not sure. Maybe figure my life out. I’m certain my parents would appreciate that. The band thing for me is out of the question. I have friends who are in bands, and they constantly complain about the drama, the fighting, and the hook-ups, which inevitably screw up the dynamic of the group. No one needs that stuff in their lives, least of all me. I have sisters to keep me entertained.

  However, my parents never intended for me to live off my trust fund, which means I need to figure something out. I could go to college, get a degree in something meaningful where I have to put on a suit and tie everyday… but just the thought makes my stomach roll. I know for certain, I don’t want to end up on some reality version of Kids of Famous People Became Losers or have one of my sisters get interviewed and when asked about me, they’ll have to lie and say ‘he’s doing really well, working on his own projects’… in his forties.

  I don’t want to be the subject of entertainment fodder, but I also don’t have a clue as to what I want to do with my life. None of it makes sense, and while I know I could easily follow in my dad’s footsteps, I’m not sure I want to.

  After bathing in the ice-cold river, my shower feels like heaven. My peers, the others who grew up in the industry with me, all have these over the top apartments. I chose something mediocre. I have stock appliances, a tub shower combination that looks like it’s from the 80s and there’s even wood paneling on one of the walls. Granted, Elle painted that the day she moved in.