Chasing My Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  My car arrives, and the valet hands me my keys. I hold the door open for Nola, waiting for her to situate herself before closing her in and rushing around to the driver’s side.

  “I thought you had a motorcycle?” she asks as soon as I shut the door. I look over my shoulder and punch the gas to enter onto the road.

  “I do.”

  “And a car?”

  “Um… yeah.”

  “So, you’re not a struggling musician?”

  I hadn’t thought about how this would look. What guy, who plays at a café, can afford both? Not many that I know of. I’m really struggling on how to reply to her and can feel her gaze boring into me.

  “It’s okay to say that your parents bought them for you or whatever. My daddy bought me a car for graduation.”

  “Oh yeah, what kind?” I sigh heavily, thankful for the reprieve.

  “Convertible bug.”

  “Is that what you wanted?” I glance over at her and she shrugs.

  “I didn’t really want anything but did all the same. If that makes sense.”

  “It does,” I tell her. “My parents are like that, often buying things without asking.”

  “It’s a nice trait, but kind of annoying. I mean what if I wanted a truck?”

  “Did you?” I can’t help but laugh. I turn down one of the main roads off Sunset and continue to drive to nowhere. I have no idea where to take her and I definitely don’t want the night to end.

  “No, but it would’ve been nice of them to ask, is all I’m saying.” Every now and again, her accent shines through, and it makes me smile. I like that she’s not from here, that she’s different from all the other women I know.

  “Where are you from?”

  We happen to look at each other at the same time and it’s like time is standing still. There’s a wave or current, something between us that’s pulling us together. A horn honk, and I swerve. My heart’s beating out of my chest as I try to keep my car on the road.

  “Sorry,” she says softly.

  “For what? I’m the one who almost got us killed.”

  “I don’t know. I just thought I needed to say it.”

  We drive in silence and before I know it, we’re at the beach. It’s still dark and the sun won’t be up for a few hours, and I’m nervous. I should’ve offered to take her home after I almost crashed my car. Instead, I selfishly kept her with me. She’s probably ready to flee.

  She does just that. Nola opens the car door and gets out quickly. I half expect her to slam the door, but she doesn’t. “Are you coming?” she asks, bending down so I can see her.

  “Yeah.” I unbuckle my seatbelt and get out of my car to meet her at the front. Together, we walk side-by-side, trudging through the sand, both of us holding onto our shoes. It’ll be my luck that the cops are out tonight, and we’ll get busted. They won’t care who I am or anything. It’ll be jail time for the both of us, on our first date.

  No, this isn’t a date, no matter how much I want it to be. I follow Nola down to the surf, praying she doesn’t want to go swimming, although I’d be up for it. She finds us a place to sit, with our backs resting against some driftwood.

  “This is the most beautiful place I have ever seen.”

  I’ve been here many times, so I know what this place looks like. However, it’s dark and the pier lights don’t exactly illuminate the area well.

  “Have you been here before?” Dumb question on my part, I know. Of course, everyone’s been here.

  “Once. We drove by. My roommate and I,” she says. The clarification on roommate shouldn’t make a difference to me, but it does.

  “Do you surf?”

  She shakes her head. “It’s funny, I grew up close to the ocean, but other than playing in the waves, we never really went out in the water unless we were on a boat. Sharks, ya know, and my mother is paranoid.”

  “Most moms are.” Mine is. Each time any of us go out, she sits on the beach, watching us. She tells us it’s because she likes to see us in action, but she’s not fooling any of us. After Peyton’s accident, she changed. Not for the better or worse, she’s just different, more the protective mama bear. If she had her way, we’d all live next to her so she can keep a watchful eye on everyone.

  “What about you, do you surf?” she asks.

  “All the time. My dad taught me when I was little. It’s something we’ve always done together, and my uncle’s daughter is an amateur surfer. She’s going to be pro someday.” I have no idea why I just told her about Eden. It’s very unlike me, and yet I feel like I can tell Nola everything. Never in my life have I felt this way.

  “Wow, that’s amazing. She must be really good.” Nola pulls her legs to her and sets her head on her knees.

  “Are you cold?”

  “No, just tired.”

  “Do you want me to take you home?” I start to stand, but she pulls me down quickly. I fall, landing into her. “I’m sorry.” When I go to right myself, she holds onto my arm. I use this movement to adjust and sit closer, mirroring her body position.

  “I don’t want to go home, Quinn. This here, it’s perfect.”

  I agree with her. The only thing missing is the sun, but it should be up soon. “Do you like it here? I mean in Los Angeles.”

  She nods. “Yes, I do. It’s different from South Carolina. More relaxed, but hectic.”

  “Traffic here is nuts. For a while, I lived in this little town called Beaumont. It’s where my uncle is from. My dad and I moved there when I was eight, but after high school, I came back here. My grandma and aunt and her husband live here, and it’s where I feel the most comfortable.”

  “And your dad, does he live here?”

  I nod. “An hour or so from here by car. He and my mom live on the beach. My sister lives in Malibu with her boyfriend and my other sister lives in Portland with her fiancé who’s also my best friend.”

  Nola looks at me slowly. There’s a mask of confusion on her face, something I can’t quite put my finger on. “You only have two sisters?”

  “Only?” I laugh. “They’re twins. Enough said.”

  I look into her eyes, wondering what she’s thinking. Had she heard differently? I’m under the impression she doesn’t really know much about my family. However, her reaction to them seems odd.

  “And the women I saw you with at the Bean Song?”

  I scratch the back of my neck, wishing I had my beanie on. I think back to the first time I saw her and when she approached me. “That was one of my sisters and the other was Dana. She’s the lead singer of the band I’m in.”

  “You’re in a band?”

  Nodding, I sigh. “Yeah, I am. It’s a new, recent decision by me.” It’s the first time I’ve said it aloud, and I’m not sure if I like the way it sounds yet or not.

  “So, you don’t have a girlfriend?” The look on her face is priceless. I wish I had my phone out, so I could capture this moment and maybe show it to her in a few months, if we’re still hanging out.

  Wow, it’s hard for me to fathom what a few months from now will look like, but I very much like the idea that she’s in the picture.

  “No, no girlfriend,” I tell her. “And in case you’re wondering, no ex-wives or children either… that I know of.”

  “Good. That’s very good.”

  My expectation is that she’d tell me the same, but she doesn’t. I don’t want to ask because maybe she’s more private than I am, but it makes me wonder. Does she have a boyfriend back home? No, I’m sure she doesn’t, otherwise she wouldn’t be here with me right now or dancing the way she was with that guy earlier.

  Seeing her dance like that made me jealous, an emotion I’m really not used to. When I arrived at the club, I immediately went upstairs to the VIP area to get a better view. I couldn’t find her anywhere until I spotted her on the dance floor. I don’t know how long I watched her until I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought about leaving, and even made it to the door before I turned around. I’m t
hankful I did.

  We’re both sitting here, with our legs drawn to our chests and our heads turned, looking at each other, while our arms are pressed against each other. No words pass between us, just gazes. I like that no words are filling the air, and yet I still feel like I’m getting to know her.

  When the sun starts to rise, I take her hand in mine and walk us toward the surf. The wet sand is icy cold on our feet. She turns to seek solace, but I hold onto her and pull her toward the water, with her screaming, begging me to stop. When I look at her, her face says otherwise.

  “Oh, my God, the water is so cold.”

  “Probably to you, yes,” I tell her, looking down at the soaked hem of my jeans. “It’s about sixteen degrees colder than the Atlantic.” Against everything I’ve ever done, I pull her closer, bringing her into my arms. Logic says we should head back to the sand, but I don’t want to move. Standing here, with her in my arms while the sun is coming up, well, even I consider this romantic.

  “Quinn,” she says my name softly as she looks up at me.

  My fingers push her hair behind her ear before my thumb and forefinger gently grip her chin. Looking into her eyes, I lean forward, watching her for any hesitation before my eyes close and my lips press against hers.

  20

  Eleanora

  Under the fading stars and rising sun, with waves lapping at our feet, Quinn James kissed me. I didn’t expect it, yet I had a feeling it was going to happen as soon as he gently put my hair behind my ear and his fingers trailed over my cheek before reaching for my chin and tipping my head back ever so slightly. Never in my life, had a kiss affected me in ways you only read about in romance novels or see play out on a movie screen.

  Sure, only one other guy had kissed me, but this one was different. This was a toe-curling, spine-tingling, rise up on your tippy toes so you can get closer type kiss. But, it was the man behind the kiss that made the difference. Quinn James undoubtedly could have any woman he wants, and he was there, on the beach, with me.

  All of this is nothing more than a fleeting memory though, as he hasn’t called or responded to any one of my dozen texts messages. I hate to admit it, but I think Kellie was right. He wanted a booty call, it didn’t happen, and now he’s moved on. I don’t know if he expected me to bare ass on the beach and give him the ride of his life or what. It didn’t happen, and he didn’t make any other moves. Not even when he dropped me off. No peck. No kiss on the cheek. No swat on the ass thanking me for a good time.

  Nothing, zilch, nada and it’s been days.

  I’m lust struck and refuse to leave the apartment unless my phone and back-up battery have a full charge because I’m afraid I’m going to miss his call. This is completely stupid. This is a guy. Who, mind you, in Los Angeles are a dime a dozen. And I’m just a girl, throwing myself at the hottie guitar-playing guy who’s in a band. If this doesn’t make me a cliché, I don’t know what else could.

  “You home?” Kellie calls out. The front door slams and within seconds, my bedroom door is opening. “Are you sick?” she asks, standing against the doorjamb.

  “Do I look sick?” I whine and feel my forehead. It’s cold and clammy, but no, I’m not sick unless you count being lust struck. It’s a real illness, many twenty-something women get it.

  “You look heartbroken. What happened?”

  “Ugh,” I groan and pat the spot on my bed next to me.

  “Be right back.” She leaves me to my thoughts. She’s going to tell me I’m crazy for feeling this way. It wasn’t even a date and it was one kiss… a kiss that could’ve led to so many more things. Maybe I gave Quinn a vibe or something, which is why he stopped or hasn’t called.

  “Here.” Kellie hands me a spoon, a pint of ice cream and motions for me to move over. “What’d Roy do now?”

  “Oh, God, don’t even get me started,” I say before shoveling a spoonful of Tonight Dough into my mouth. “But he’s not why I’m sulking.”

  “Sofia’s look-alike brother?”

  I nod. “You were right though, he’s not her brother.”

  Kellie sighs. “Do you not remember seeing her status?”

  I groan. “Yes, but… I don’t know, something doesn’t add up. I for sure thought Quinn was Sofia’s brother. He looks just like the pictures she showed us and the guy she posted online doesn’t. Like I said, something’s fishy.”

  “Let it go. You have a weird obsession with someone you never met.”

  “I know. I’m a creeper.” I continue to eat, waiting for my best friends, Ben and Jerry, to ease my broken ego.

  “So, what’s going on?”

  “Quinn hasn’t called.”

  “So,” she says. “Did you sleep with him or something? Carson said you looked pretty smitten when the two of you left the club.”

  “He saw me?”

  She nods. “I think he likes you.” Kellie shrugs.

  “Oh and no, I didn’t sleep with Quinn. We kissed, and it was amazing.”

  “And then you told him no?”

  I shake my head. “Nope. He brought me home. Maybe I should’ve invited him in or something, then maybe he would’ve called.”

  Kellie sets her pint down and turns to look at me. “Let me get this straight. You kissed, and you think he’s not calling because you didn’t give it up?”

  I shrug. When she says it like that, it seems really stupid to think that way. “Why else isn’t he calling?”

  She throws her hands up in the air. “Oh, I don’t know let’s see. Maybe the kiss wasn’t all that for him. He could be busy. Or here’s a wild guess, he’s a musician and they’re moody AF so he’s probably sitting in a room somewhere with his headphones on, writing a sappy love song.”

  “You’re mean,” I tell her. “Just a giant meany.”

  Kellie laughs and goes back to her ice cream. “I’m not going to sugarcoat anything for you. It was a kiss, Eleanora. In my book that doesn’t warrant a life-long commitment, let alone a phone call.”

  “Not even a text?”

  She shakes her head. “If I texted all the guys I kissed, I’d never get any work done.”

  I shove her playfully. “Stop kissing all the men.”

  “I can’t help it. Some are really, really cute. Besides, I have to kiss all the frogs to find my prince.”

  “If you’re not talking to them afterward, how will you know?”

  Kellie smiles softly. “I’ll know. Just like you will. If Quinn is the right one for you, it’ll work out.”

  I really wish I had her confidence. I need to stop sweating about the things I can’t control. This is one of them. If Quinn wants to reach out, he can.

  “Now, tell me what Roy did.”

  It takes me an hour or so to fill her in on Roy and his shenanigans. It’s like a weight is lifted off me when she asks me how I feel. I simply don’t care. He wants his cake, pie and chocolate chip cookies, and that’s not going to fly with me. I don’t want to marry someone and wonder every day of my life if he’s being faithful, and I’m definitely not playing stepmama to his love child.

  Kellie finally convinces me to leave the apartment. She’s right, the sun makes me feel better. For the first time since I arrived, I’m behind the wheel of my car. The top’s down, radio’s blaring and I’m cruising with no destination in sight.

  The freedom I felt when I first arrived is back. I throw my hands up and scream, much to the delight of a few passersby who honk. At least, I hope they’re delighted. I could be wrong, and they could be mocking me.

  Turning onto random roads, I end up at the park. It’s a perfect day to just sit and watch people, something I haven’t done since I arrived. After circling for a parking spot, I’m finally walking on the path, surrounded by well-manicured shrubs, beautiful blooming flowers, and people. So many people. Dog walkers’ breeze by me on roller blades, there’s a group of people doing yoga, a man painting, a woman playing her violin, and people reading.

  I find a bench, which seems to be right
in the middle of everything and just watch. I take in the sights, sounds, and smells of everything around me. I could easily see myself living here, but truthfully, I miss the massive oak tree lining the driveway to my house and the Spanish moss that hangs from them, creating shade and reprieve every few feet from the blistering sun.

  The thoughts of home bring tears to my eyes. I never thought I’d actually miss it or become homesick, but maybe this thing or whatever it is with Quinn is the wake-up call I needed to finally get on the road and head home.

  I pull out my phone and look at the date. If I leave now, I’ll be home well before the party and that gives me plenty of time to talk to my parents about Roy. There won’t be a wedding. I don’t care if the rumors about him are true or not. I’m not in love with him. I haven’t been for a long time and marrying someone I don’t love doesn’t make much sense to me.

  Telling my parents will be hard. Most of this is my fault because I’ve never been truly honest with them about my feelings for Roy, and from the beginning, I was set to be his wife. He changed. I changed. It’s the natural part of life. I’m sure if I hadn’t gone away to school, I’d already be Roy’s wife with a kid on the way.

  My phone rings, startling me. It drops to the ground despite my flailing hands trying to catch it. I groan as I pick it up and slowly turn it over. The screen’s shattered, making it impossible for me to see who’s calling.

  I hesitate, unsure if I should answer it or not. For all I know, it’s Quinn, returning my gazillion messages or my parents, wondering where the heck I am. It could be Roy… and well, I can’t imagine what he wants to talk about.

  “Hello.” My voice breaks. I’m on the verge of full tears. In one small moment, my life has flipped upside and over what, a broken phone screen and the fact that I miss the oak trees.