Chasing My Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Hello, little sis. Are you ready to come home?”

  “Yes,” I squeak out. “I am.”

  “What’s wrong?” Rhett asks.

  “Nothing and everything. I don’t know. It seems like the last few days I’ve been drowning, and I don’t know why. Up until today, I thought this place was perfect.”

  “Did someone hurt you?”

  I nod but tell him no. I don’t want Rhett storming into town over one little kiss that didn’t mean anything to anyone but me. Rhett’s that brother, willing to come to the rescue of his sisters, even if we have a hair out of place.

  “Do you want me to fly there and drive back with you?”

  “Yeah, I think that would be good. We’d get home faster if there are two of us driving.”

  “All right. I’ll book a flight and head out. Give me a few days, okay?”

  “Thank you, Rhett.”

  He clears his throat. “Are you sure you’re okay? I can leave today if you need me.”

  I smile, even though he can’t see me. “Thank you, but I’ll be fine. Plus, I have Kellie. Who likes you, by the way.”

  There’s a small laugh on the other end. “You can tell Kellie…” Rhett pauses. “No, never mind. She’s your friend and I would never cross that line.”

  “Thank you,” I tell him, although I happen to think he and Kellie would make a great couple, apart from the fact they both like to play the field, and neither of them plan to stop anytime soon.

  Rhett and I hang up. I sit back and continue to watch the people going by. I can do this at home as easily as I can here. I came here for a change of pace, a different reality, but the truth of the matter is, I can’t change me. No matter how hard I try. I let one silly guy get into my head and play into that romantic fantasy of having a fling, and now look at me. I’m ready to go home and back to the life I put on hold for four years. The only difference is I won’t be Roy’s wife or have anything to do with him. My daddy is going to have to dig deep in his pocket to find me another suitable mate or allow me to go out on my own.

  Just thinking that makes me laugh. My mama would have a heart attack if she met Quinn. Oh no, she would not approve of this California boy one single bit. I don’t think, anyway.

  I sort of like that idea.

  21

  Quinn

  My sister, the music manager turned military sergeant, stands before us with her hands on her hips. Every time one of us tries to speak, she shushes us and glares each one of us down. Right now, I feel about two feet tall and I’m second-guessing my decision to be here. There are so many other exciting things I could be doing, like surfing, playing Fortnite, or seeing Nola. But no, I’m standing here, at attention, waiting for my sister to bark orders.

  “We are going to be successful. Do you want to know why?”

  I look to my left and then right. No one seems brave enough to open their mouths. Hell, if I’m going to. She’s my crazy ass sister and I’d have to feel her wrath long after we leave here.

  “Because we’re going to work. We’re going to strive for excellence.”

  “You make it sound like we’re in school,” I tell her. Elle stomps toward me, hands still on her hips until she points a finger at me. I cock my eyebrow, testing her.

  “You—”

  “I’ll walk if you don’t knock this drill sergeant shit off. We have work to do, Elle. None of us has played with each other before.” Behind me, Hendrix snickers. I roll my eyes. When I arrived, I found out that Dana and Hendrix used to be an item, like a serious about-to-walk-down-the-aisle item until they called it quits. See, the drama I wanted to avoid is being thrown right into my face. I look over my shoulder at him and shake my head. “As I was saying, you’ve booked us a gig already, I think I speak for the rest of us when I say we’d really like to get this show on the road.”

  Elle steps back, looking at the rest of the group. “Fine by me, but we need to start with introductions. We’re a family and we need to know everything there is to know about each other. Dana, why don’t you start?”

  Dana is the first to break our line formation. She grabs a chair and sits in front of us. The rest of us follow her and create a circle.

  “I’m Dana Cantu. Born and raised in San Diego, and like most, I came to Los Angeles to follow my dream. I’ve done everything from busking on the street corner, trying out for reality shows, to singing back-up for some of the greatest artists of all time. I had a brief solo career but found that it wasn’t for me. I approached Elle a few months ago about creating a band, and here we are.”

  “And I’m the love of her life,” Hendrix says so matter-of-factly, it’s hard to deny.

  Dana rolls her eyes. “Yes, Hendrix and I were a couple, but that was five, almost six years ago. Any residual feelings are long gone, and I guarantee you, there won’t be any issues with us playing together. At best, he’s my best friend.”

  The guy next to her clears his throat. “I’m Keane Sandoval. I’m a single dad to a seven-year-old daughter named Chandler. Her mom was a big Friends fan. Due to my desire to give her a normal childhood, I can only tour with the band during the summer. Other than that, I was born in Oregon, moved to California when I was twenty-one, fell in love and used to moonlight as the piano man at the Ritz. I guess that’s about it.”

  I haven’t even introduced myself to Keane yet, and I can already tell we’re going to be close. He carries his dad vibe very strongly, and I like that he’s putting his daughter first. My dad used to do the same thing until the band hit it really big. They’d tour for a year, take time off to write music, cut demos and record, and then get back on the bus. My grandma once pinned a map of the United States on the bus and gave me a box of pins, so I could mark each spot I had been to. I remember using it, hitting each town with a blue or red-topped pin. Tiny pinholes covered the map by the time the tour finished. My grandma took it and hung it on the wall in my bedroom, telling me that someday, I’ll revisit each place.

  Maybe now is the someday she was referring to. My sister has ambitions the size of Everest and I don’t think anyone is going to stop her from achieving her goal. She wants a mega-best-selling group and one way or the other, it’s going to happen.

  “I’m Ajay Ballard,” my nemesis says. I don’t like him, and it’s because of my dad. Stupid, I know. I’m an adult and jealousy should not be part of who I am, but I can’t help it. He and my father have this connection, this bond because they’re drummers, which my dad and I don’t have. There are times when I wish my dad would’ve pushed me to follow exactly in his footsteps, to become the next great drummer, but he didn’t. He let me forge my own path, like any good parent should, so this bitterness I have only makes sense to me. My feelings toward Ajay probably make me a shitty bandmate.

  “I’m from a small town in North Carolina. I started playing drums in middle school band. Started with the snare, and then went on to learn the full set. After high school, I went to Nashville for a bit, played in a few house bands there. I’ve toured with a few solo acts, picked up a couple of gigs here and there, but this group is my first full-time job.” Ajay looks at everyone but me when he finishes. I’m shocked that he left out the part where he won the battle of the drummers and has played with my dad. Maybe that only matters to me.

  “I’m Hendrix Brandt. Born and raised in Anaheim. I’m an Angels fan and like going to their games so if any of you want to meet up at the ballpark, shout at me. Let’s see, what else. Oh yeah, I’m an 80s groupie. I hate that I wasn’t able to live in that era and still wish hyper color clothes existed because I’d give my left nut to have some. I love karaoke, shredding on my guitar and just playing. I’ll jam with anyone, anytime, and anywhere. I’m desperately in love with Dana.” He pauses and winks at her. His feelings aren’t reciprocated that’s for sure. “But know when to back off. I’m super stoked to be here, humbled for the offer to play next to this fine group of musicians, and promise to tear it up on stage. I also don’t drink. I’m not in
recovery or anything, just letting you know that liquor clouds my creative process.”

  All eyes land on me as I’m the last one to speak. I sit up in the chair and clear my throat. “Right, so I’m Quinn James, and I guess I do a little bit of everything. There isn’t an instrument I can’t play but prefer the guitar.” I rub the back of my neck and adjust my beanie. “I’m here…” I look at Elle, wondering if the others know how much she pestered me about joining her group. Her expression doesn’t give anything away, so I go for it. “I’m here because my annoying little sister” —I point at Elle— “harassed me about joining. As did Dana.” Dana, on the other hand, ducks her head. Oops, guess I shouldn’t have said that last part.

  “I spend most of my time tinkering with songs, hanging out with my friends, and singing in cafés. I’m not much for big crowds but know they come with the job. Anyway, that’s me.”

  My eyes land on the floor. The more I spoke, the less I felt like I belonged in the band. “As you all know, I’m Elle, and it’s my job to get you to stardom. What my brother didn’t tell you is that we grew up in the business. We’ve seen the good and the bad, the very, very bad, and I promise you that I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you only see the good. Am I going to struggle, you bet, but I’ve surrounded myself with knowledgeable people, who will guide me through any hiccup.”

  Elle stands and starts to walk around us. She’s in teacher mode or back to being a drill sergeant. I’m not quite sure which and this is a side of her I’ve never seen.

  “The producer I’ve hired has worked with my family for a long time. Tyler will be on the board starting next week. I want to cut a demo track as soon as possible. I’ve been guaranteed some airplay and I’ve already set up some interviews for each of you.”

  See, this is what I didn’t want to have to deal with. Band stuff. I just want to play music. Sing a few songs. Drink a couple of beers. Easy life.

  “In two weeks,” she stops and looks at each of us. “You have a gig at the Roxy. You’re opening up for 4225 West, so the crowd will be large. Record executives, media, and fans will be there.”

  “Two weeks doesn’t give us much time,” I tell her.

  “Five songs. It’s all I need.” She walks over to the keyboard and picks up a folder. “Inside here are a hundred plus songs. Some are covers, the rest are new. As a group, figure out what you want to learn. Dana, Quinn, and Keane, make sure the vocals are in your range. I don’t need anyone sounding like their balls are in a vise grip when they’re meant to be hanging low.” Elle drops the folder in the middle of the floor and makes a dramatic exit. Oh yes, this is going to be so fun. I’m so excited I agreed to do this, said Quinn never!

  Dana and Keane make a move for the stack of songs while I sit there. Ajay is looking over Dana’s shoulders, and Keane and Hendrix have buddied up. Here I am, the odd man out. I’m always the fifth wheel.

  Dana looks at me, gathers her things and pulls her chair next to me. “You need to help me decide.”

  “I’m good with whatever. If I can’t hit the note, Keane likely can. I’ll hum or something.”

  “I don’t think anything in Elle’s pile requires humming.”

  Well, it should.

  “Are there any Tears for Fears songs in here?” Hendrix says aloud. I don’t know if he’s talking to himself or Dana, but I do know I’m not about to get up on stage and sing about ruling the world. If we do, I’m bringing JD along since they’re his British counterparts.

  “There are songs from Journey, U2, and The Police,” Dana says back.

  “What about Wham?” Hendrix says.

  Kill me. Kill me now. How can a guy named Hendrix want to play Wham? Seriously, this guy doesn’t make sense.

  “Do you want me to ask Elle if we can do Purple Haze?”

  Hendrix’s eyes shoot up and his mouth drops open. “Seriously, do you think she can get permission?”

  I shrug. “If we’re singing it for fun, it shouldn’t be an issue. I’ll go ask her.”

  “But we’re looking for songs,” Dana says as I stand. She holds up a few sheets of paper to show me.

  “I’ll be back.”

  Inside Elle’s office, she’s back behind her desk with her fake glasses on. I sit down, cross my leg over my knee, and sigh.

  “May I help you?”

  “Hendrix is a loon. He wants to play Wham.”

  “So, let him,” she says. “He’s the best damn guitarist that isn’t tied up in a band.”

  “I can see why. He’s named after one of the greatest, yet his music selection is ridiculous. Tears for Fears, Elle!”

  That gets her attention. She looks up and pushes her glasses up her nose. “Quinn, stop being a brat.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Seriously, just stop. Who cares what he wants to play, let him. Practice ten songs for all I care, but just practice. Pick up your damn instruments and play something.” She slams her hand down on her desk. Her reaction causes me to jump.

  “Um…”

  “Look, when you’re here, you work for me. At home, we’re siblings. But I can’t have you coming in here, acting like I’m going to just give you everything you want. You’re in a band. It’s time to play nice in the sandbox.”

  I nod slowly and rise out of the chair. Someone please tell me why I joined this band? “Hendrix would also like a legit Hendrix song if you have one.” I walk out of her office and back into the studio. Everyone looks hopeful when I walk back in, but I hold up my hands and shake my head.

  22

  Eleanora

  By the time I get back to the apartment, it’s well after dinner. Kellie’s sitting on the couch, fast forwarding through some show she recorded. She doesn’t turn as I walk in or say hi, and for some reason, this upsets me. I know we’re only roommates and have lived together for a while now, and this is definitely something neither of us did in school, but today I need her to acknowledge me, to give me pity.

  I plop down next to her with the heaviest sigh I can manage, and make sure to emit a loud groan.

  “He still hasn’t called?”

  “Nope.” The p is popped as if I’m a middle schooler smarting off to her parents.

  “Well, at least you didn’t give him what he was after.”

  “I know.”

  Kellie leans forward and pushes the white take-out cartons toward me. “It’s still warm. If I had known you were coming back, I would’ve ordered double.”

  “I should’ve called.” Reaching for the food, I grab the unused chopsticks, break them apart and dig into the noodles.

  Kellie pauses the show she’s watching and turns to me. “You don’t have to call when you’re not here, Eleanora. We’re roommates. That doesn’t mean we have to check in with each other. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way with my earlier comment.”

  The tears are instant. I hate them. I drop the carton into my lap and cover my face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I was having so much fun and it’s like the air is leaking out of my balloon and I can’t…” I hiccup and sob harder.

  Kellie’s laughing. “Are you seriously saying your life’s a balloon? You’re a piece of latex rubber that can pop, deflate, be full of hot hair, and look like a… well I’m not even naming that body part.”

  I half choke, laugh, gag. I don’t know what I’m doing. “No. Maybe? I don’t know. It seemed like the smartest thing to say. Like my sail has no wind or whatever. I’m frustrated.”

  “Girl, you have a crush and have been let down. It happens. It’s why I won’t date until that one guy comes along.”

  “Rhett,” I blurt out. She blushes and turns away from me. Kellie reaches for the remote, but my hand comes down on top of hers.

  “I went to the park today. It was beautiful, peaceful and hectic. There were so many people there I couldn’t think. I dropped my phone and completely shattered the screen so even if I wanted to call you, I couldn’t. It took two hours for the guy in one of the strip m
alls to replace the glass. He kept stopping to talk on his phone, and I could tell they weren’t customers.” I take a deep breath. “Anyway, what I’m saying is, I spoke to Rhett today, and well I think he likes you too, but he won’t act on any feelings because of me.”

  I slide my hand over hers and squeeze. “I think that if you like Rhett and he likes you, well you both should explore a relationship. I’ll still love you no matter what. Definitely you more than him, but you know what I mean.”

  Kellie laughs, sort of. She looks everywhere but at me, until she finally launches herself into me, pushing me onto the couch in a massive hug.

  “Can’t breathe,” I whisper-groan. She releases her hold and helps me sit up.

  “You are the best person I have ever known, Eleanora. I’m madly in love with your brother.”

  “Good. He’ll be here in a couple of days to help me drive home.”

  Her eyes go wide. “You’re leaving?”

  I nod and fight back the next wave of tears. “It’s time. I realized today that I’m homesick. I haven’t been back there in a few years and I miss the trees, the cooking and believe it or not the humidity.”

  The back of her hand presses to my forehead as if she’s my mother checking for a fever. “Are you feeling okay? No one misses humidity.”

  I finally crack a smile. “I know. It’s hard to explain. I just miss being there.”

  “And Roy. Do you miss him?”

  “Oh hell no. That’s over. I told him as such. He can believe me if he wants, or not. We’re done.”

  “Good, girl. I’m going to miss you though.”

  I pull her into my arms. “I have a feeling we’ll see a lot of each other. Before you know it, you’ll be living in my mama’s house.”

  “I’m not leaving Cali.”

  Oh, well this will be an issue because Rhett won’t leave South Carolina. I don’t tell her this though. If they’re going to date, they’ll have to figure it out for themselves.