Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

“No, I got the dick reference, thanks. It’s too early to form a coherent reply. I do my best work after nine.”

  “So….all you have is a shovel?”

  “I have a snow blower that came with the house. The last owner moved into an apartment and didn’t need it, so he left it in the garage. I haven’t touched it in the year that I’ve lived here. It probably doesn’t work.”

  “I can make anything work. It’s going to be too much snow to shovel. It’s also not a good idea to wait until this blizzard is done. It’s better to do a little bit at a time. Show me what I’m working with here.”

  “You want to go outside now? At two in the morning?” Was he crazy?

  “You don’t have to come with. Just show me where it is,” Dane said.

  “We can come with you. Kitty loves the snow. She likes to dig in the snow drifts and chase snowballs. This is her favorite time of year. Let me just feed her first.” The dog was absolutely nuts about snow. She would live outside if I let her. I tell her “dig-dig” and she tries to burrow her way to China.

  I went into the kitchen to feed Kitty and hide the toiletries in Dane’s bag. I got the feeling he would be too proud to take them if I offered. It was just easier this way. I would also have to find him something warm to wear if we were going outside. I dug around in a closet and found an extra pair of gloves and a hat.

  “Here, you’re going to need these,” I started to yell to him in the other room, but he’d come up behind me and startled me.

  “What do I need?” he asked, standing only a few feet away. I sucked in a sharp breath. You need to take off your clothes. We should be getting hot and sweaty instead of bundling up to go outside and freeze.

  “You need gloves and a hat and scarf.” If only I could have the nerve to say what I was actually thinking. What a world it would be!

  “You won’t have any glove to fit me, I’m very large,” he admitted. His voice came out in a low whisper. Did he know what he was doing to me? Was he doing this on purpose? The night version of Dane was a total tease. I was at a loss for words.

  “They’ll fit you. I have men’s ice fishing gloves. Kitty insists on a walk every morning and it can get really cold, so I got the warmest gloves I could find….” Lame, Izzy. Flirt back!

  “Thanks.” He took the gloves and a ski mask and put them on, along with his coat.

  “You look like a burglar in that ski mask,” I said laughing at him.

  He shook his head at me and said, “You worry about crime too much, you know that?”

  I rolled my eyes and showed him where the snow blower sat under a tarp in my garage. I went back into the house to put on some winter gear of my own. I had a snowmobile suit that was navy blue and three sizes too big. I added white moon boots, a hat, scarf, and gloves. If a giant blue abominable snowman is considered sexy, then I was rocking it!

  I went outside and opened the garage door so Kitty could play in the snow. Dane took one look at my ensemble and cracked up.

  “What the hell do you call that?” he asked, in between fits of laughter.

  “We’re in the middle of a blizzard! Do you want me to wear a G-string and pasties outside?”

  He rubbed his chin and said, “I’m shocked that you even know what those ARE, let alone would offer to wear them for me. I’m impressed, your highness. There might be more to you than meets the eye.”

  I felt my face turn red with embarrassment and I huffed off into the yard with Kitty. I threw several snowballs for her, while I considered his comment. I never offered to wear those things for HIM. Of course I didn’t own anything remotely close to being that sexy. Maybe I should play his game and flirt back. He really didn’t know anything about me. For all he knew, maybe I WAS that girl, the one who was a little minx in bed. How hard could it be? I just needed the right guy to bring it out of me. Or put it into me. Oh, that was a good one. Maybe I wasn’t so bad at this after all. Sex kitten, here I come!

  I took my newfound bravery and marched back into the garage. Dane was bending down and examining the snow blower.

  “How’s it going? Can you get it to work?” I asked.

  “I can fix anything. It looks like it’s in good shape. I just need to drain the old gas and add fresh. The last owner was kind enough to put fuel stabilizer in it, so we should have no problem getting it started.”

  I pointed to some gas in a can that I used for my lawn mower. He drained the old stuff, added fresh, and the snow blower started right up as if it were used all the time. Impressive! Dane gave me a sexy wink and got to work on the snow removal.

  I shoveled the sidewalk while he ran the snow blower up and down the driveway. We went into the back yard so Dane could clear off the concrete patio when all hell broke loose. I was throwing snowballs for Kitty to chase, when I swung around the wrong way and accidentally let a snowball fly……hitting Dane right on the side of the face. Everything after that happened in slow motion.

  Dane turned to me and said, “Did you just throw a snowball at me?”

  “It was an accident! I have bad aim, I swear!” I hoped he wasn’t mad at me.

  “Do you realize what you’ve done? This means war!” Dane dropped the shovel and scooped up the biggest snowball he could make. I screamed and ran as fast as I could. Kitty started barking and hopping around like crazy. Clearly she liked this new game.

  Dane launched his missile and hit me right in the ass. “Ten points for Gryffindor!” he shouted.

  “Like hell it is! You’re a Slytherin if you’re anything!” I screamed back and threw a snowball of my own. It missed the mark entirely and landed next to Kitty, who promptly starting eating it.

  “Don’t eat that! Snow is full of toxins!” I shouted at Kitty and started to run over and grab it out of her mouth. Big mistake. That left me wide open for another snowball attack. I took two hits to the arm and one to the leg. I fell down hard and turned my back to him. I pretended to cry and said, “That really hurt!”

  He came over to check on me and I took the opportunity to land a direct hit to his face. I have bad aim, but I can hit the target if it’s only two feet away, which he was.

  He stood there, frozen for a second, and began wiping the snow off his ski mask.

  “You really did it now,” Dane warned and dived at me. He straddled me and ripped off my scarf, giving me a face wash full of ice-cold snow. I started to screech at the top of my lungs, but it eventually turned into laughter.

  Dane looked down, still sitting on top of me like he was riding a mechanical bull. He took off his ski mask and we stared at each other for what felt like forever. I had a flood of thoughts all at once. He looked so beautiful in the moonlight. He was right on top of me with our most important parts touching each other. If I hadn’t had on a stupid snowsuit and he wasn’t wearing jeans, we would be screwing each other. Why was he looking at me so intently? Was he going to kiss me?

  He leaned down and I thought there might really be a microscopic chance he would go for it and this would be our first kiss and it would be such an epic story to tell our grandkids. He slowly reached his hand over and I closed my eyes. I felt a tug on my hat and….what?! I opened my eyes to see him pulling away with an ice ball in his hand. That’s what he was doing? No kiss? Major letdown. I guess I really wasn’t his type. He slowly crawled off me and gave me a hand to help me up. I didn’t want his damn hand. I wanted a kiss. I wanted to pout about how unfair the world was that a guy like that wouldn’t want a girl like me. I wanted to be a Nancy Negative. Forget that! I’m keeping my new year’s resolution, damn it!

  I smiled and got up on my own. “I really appreciate you doing the snow removal for me. Thank you very much. Maybe we can go inside and have hot chocolate? That sounds yummy!” I turned and walked into the house. I had no hot chocolate because I hated the stuff, and I don’t believe I’ve ever used the word “yummy” in my entire life. It just sounded like something a Polly Positive perky little cheerleader would say.
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  I brushed the snow off Kitty and hung up my wet snowsuit in the laundry room. I completely ignored Dane and stomped back to my room. Kitty followed me and I shut the door and threw myself on the bed. I turned off my alarm clock, since I was sure Kharmma would be closed all day due to the blizzard of the century. The sisters who owned the place were very considerate of not making their employees go out in bad weather.

  I finally fell asleep and this time there was NO dreaming of Dane.

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  I woke up for good when my phone rang at nine o’clock with a call from Winter. I mean my best friend, not the season. Winter hated her name. She wanted to change it, but she could never come up with something that she liked better.

  “Good morning, Izzy! Did you survive the snow storm to end all snow storms? I would have called to check on you sooner, but I was busy,” Winter explained. She was like a sister to me. I don’t have any real siblings, but Winter’s mom took me in after my parents died. It’s a long story.

  “Why are you awake already? You’re never up before ten. What’s gotten into you?” I asked.

  “Who says I ever went to bed?” she giggled. I loved Winter, but she was a player worse than any guy I’d ever met. She got bored with men and could never stay with one longer than a few weeks. Winter was absolutely stunning with long, thick dark hair, naturally tan skin, thinly arched eyebrows, and crystal blue eyes. She also had a big ass that all the guys went crazy for. Her mom and dad were both Mexican, and Winter liked to say that no man could resist a Latina woman because they were drawn to the fire in her blood. Every time she bragged about that our other friend Monica would roll her eyes and say, “We’re all impressed with your exotic background, sweetheart. You were born in Iowa, not Tijuana.” We gave each other a hard time pretty much every chance we got, but honestly no one ever looked out for me as much as those two did. We’ve helped each other get through some difficult times. I’ve had more than my fair share of heartache, but they always had me laughing and brought me back from the darkness. They accepted me unconditionally and there wasn’t one thing on this Earth that I wouldn’t do for them.

  “Winter! Only you could find love in the snowpocalypse! Who was it this time?”

  “Honey, who said anything about love? It was one night of adventure. I was about to leave work after doing my last manicure for the evening, when the brother of my client came to pick her up because of the bad weather. He didn’t want her driving in the snow. Isn’t that sweet? He wasn’t that bad in the looks department either. I’d give him three stars out of a possible six.” Winter liked to rate guys, but her rating scale changed every single time. Sometimes it was stars, sometimes it was hearts. She wasn’t very consistent.

  “Only three out of six? That’s only fifty percent. If it was a school test, he would get an F.”

  “Izzy, there was a raging storm outside and I couldn’t be choosy. It was all I had to work with. He was good with the foreplay, but when it came down to the nitty gritty he was totally a flaccid letdown. Major bummer.”

  “If he was all limp and floppy, then how did you do it?”

  “We didn’t do it. Which is why it was a major bummer! But I’m not calling to tell you about my latest fail in the guy department. I’m calling to see if you made it home from work in one piece. My mom asked me how you were surviving the storm and I had to tell her that I didn’t know because I hadn’t talked to you. She started yelling at me that you could be dead in a ditch somewhere. I’m pleased to hear that you’re still alive. Are we on for tomorrow night? What’s the plan?”

  Before I answered her question, I had to see if my uninvited guest was still here. I wanted to dish the gossip on him, but I couldn’t have him listening.

  “Just hold on a second, ok? I have to check on something,” I told her as I threw on jeans and slowly opened my bedroom door. Kitty made a mad dash into the living room, but no one was there. The blanket was neatly folded on the couch and the bathroom looked empty too. I walked into the kitchen to find Dane’s bag gone and a simple note that read, “THANK YOU.” I wonder where he went and how he got there. I went into the garage and my car was still parked in the same spot. I peeked out the window to find a set of tire tracks in the snow. It appeared as though we’d gotten another four to five inches of snow since our little early morning snowball fight. And, of course, it was STILL snowing.

  “Hello?” Winter yelled on the other end of the phone, “Where did you go?”

  “I’m here. Let’s back the conversation up a bit, ok? While it’s true that I’m safe now, I did have an interesting drive home. I hit an icy patch of road, the car spun out, and I ended up on the side of the road facing the oncoming lane.” I went back into the house and sat at the kitchen table while I told her the story.

  “Holy shit! That sounds scary. I bet you drove the rest of the way home going two miles an hour. You probably had a line of pissed off cars behind you. You’re not the best driver, Izzy.”

  “No, my drive home was fine after that because I’m not the one who drove.” Here’s the part I was waiting to tell her. She was going to flip out. “You’ll never guess who drove me home, Winter. Not if I gave you twelve thousand guesses. You’re going to freak.”

  “I’m pretty sure you don’t know twelve thousand people. I’ll make a crazy guess. Libby drove you home?”

  “No! That was a horrible guess. She’d just run me over if she could. BRICK WALL drove me home!” I might have mentioned him a few times over the past week. Winter was always talking about what tasty morsel she was obsessing over and I never got to offer anything to the conversation. So I described Brick Wall to her in great detail after work one night. She was drooling by the time I got done and vowed to drive past the construction site and see for herself.

  “What? Brick Wall? The guy you get yourself off to every night when you go to bed? THAT Brick Wall? Shut the hell up! He did NOT drive you home!”

  “First of all, I do NOT get myself off to him every night,” it had only been once, “and second, yes, it’s THAT Brick Wall and he has a name. Dane.”

  DING DONG.

  “Was that your doorbell that just rang, Izzy? Who’s at your house this early? Who’s out at all in this weather? More importantly, how the hell did you get Brick Wall in your car? Did you drug him and knock him out?”

  “How could I knock him out and drug him if he drove me home? He can’t drive if he’s unconscious!” I reasoned with her as I made my way to the front door and looked out the peephole. To my amazement, Dane was standing there.

  “It’s Dane,” I frantically whispered into the phone. “What’s he doing back here?”

  “What do you mean “back” here? When did he leave?” she whispered back.

  “Why are you whispering?”

  “Because YOU are. Answer the door. I want to find out what happens next!”

  “No. I have to hang up the phone and see what’s going on.” I opened the door to stare at a snow-covered Dane.

  “What’s up?” I asked him, while still holding the phone to my ear with Winter on the line.

  “Smooth, Izzy. Can’t you be more seductive?” she advised.

  “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting an important call,” Dane said. “I need to talk to you about something. Would you mind if I come in?”

  “Holy Balls, Izzy! Is that Brick Wall? His voice is melting my panties right off and I can only hear him over the phone. I can’t even imagine what he looks like in person. Why didn’t you call me right away this morning? You’re holding out on me, you bitch.”

  “I can’t handle two conversations at once. I’m having sensory overload. Dane, please come in. Winter, I will talk to you later.” I opened the door for Dane while Winter shouted, “You’re in MAJOR trouble!” just before I hung up on her.

  Dane stomped off his boots and came in. He had to fend off a very happy dog that was overjoyed to see hi
m again. I have a little welcome rug just inside the front door and he started to take off his shoes and put them on the mat. I guess he planned on staying awhile. I had no idea what he could possibly want to talk to me about.

  “I just woke up. We can talk in the kitchen. Are you hungry? I’m going to make myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast, but I have eggs if you want,” I offered.

  “I’m afraid I’ve taken too much from you already, Izzy. I don’t need to eat all your food.” Hmm. That wasn’t an answer along the lines of “No, I ate already,” which could only mean that he hadn’t eaten. I sighed and pulled out a frying pan.

  “Sit,” I told him. “What do you want to talk about? What time did you leave this morning? I didn’t even hear you get up. And how did you go anywhere with no car?” I cracked three eggs and stirred them up in the frying pan. Scrambled eggs were pretty much the only form of eggs that I could make successfully. Unless you counted deviled eggs. I was pretty good at those. I got out some bread and put it in the toaster while I waited for his reply.

  “I got up at seven and called a cab. The guy drove me to apply for a job. While I was doing drywall this week at the construction site near where you work, I saw a sign that one of the factories was hiring. It turns out the factory was SMB Fabricating and they were hiring welders. I got a job there and I start tomorrow.”

  “Congratulations! That’s great. I always see the sign, but I never knew what they made there. What kind of factory is it? And how did you know I work near the construction site?” How come he didn’t think I was just randomly passing by?

  “I know you work there because I see you at the same time every day. SMB makes pipes used in construction and they also make electrical boxes. It seems like a decent place. I start there tomorrow.”

  He sees me at the same time every day? So he must have noticed me too? No way! Why is he noticing me?

  Dane cleared his throat and said, “So I start there tomorrow…”

  “Yeah, that’s the third time you’ve said that. I’m not deaf, you know. I’m paying attention.” At least to the important parts that involve him stalking me on my way home from work.