Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  “Hi, Monica. I’d like you to meet my friend, Dane. He just moved to town and he needs some new clothes, so I thought this would be the best place to come.” I was way too cheerful. She would catch on.

  Monica stuck out a perfectly manicured hand and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Dane. Welcome to Oak Valley. What brings you to town?” She was the epitome of class and manners with a maturity beyond her years. Monica was an “oops” baby that her parents hadn’t planned on having. With two brothers that were far older than her, Murray was nine and Milton was sixteen when she was born, she didn’t have much fun growing up. Her parents owned the only furniture store in town: Caldwell Furniture Emporium. They were busy running the store and were rarely home. Which is why she hung out at Winter’s house all the time and we formed a tight bond.

  “Dane just moved here to start a new job,” I replied before he could answer. I should have told him not to mention that he now lived with me, but I couldn’t think of a good reason as to why I didn’t want her to know.

  Dane shook her hand and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Monica.”

  We walked into the store and were warmly greeted by Murray. I had to think of a plan, and do it fast. I told Dane to look around while I pulled Murray and Monica off to the side.

  “Guys, I need a big favor from you. Dane is down on his luck and has no money. He left a bad situation and only has the clothes on his back. I don’t want to embarrass him by going into any more details, but could you find a way to let him look through the thrift store donation bin without him knowing that’s what you’re doing?” I crossed my fingers that this would work.

  Murray nodded his head right away and took off for the back room. Monica raised her eyebrow at me and said, “Izzy, what’s going on?”

  Let me describe Monica in three words. Not Born Yesterday. She remained calm and collected in all situations and her practicality was a stark contrast from Winter and I. That’s what drew us together, we were all total opposites. Monica stood there in perfectly tailored dress pants, a cashmere sweater, a dainty strand of pearls, and a very annoyed expression on her face. She disliked anything that took her out of her comfort zone and this definitely qualified.

  “Did you get your hair done, Monica? It looks really cute today,” I complimented her in a desperate attempt to change the subject. It didn’t work. It was the same short blond bob that she wore every single day and she wasn’t buying my diversion.

  “Cut the crap. What’s with Mr. Muscles and why are you his personal shopper?”

  “I met him yesterday. He just moved in on my street and I know he needs help.” Totally NOT a lie. Good job, Izzy. “You know how I am with abandoned puppies. I’m extending my assistance to people now.”

  “You hate people.”

  “Be that as it may, I’m being Polly Positive this year and extending a hand of kindness to a neighbor that happens to be down on his luck.” I smiled sweetly at her. Winter would be wetting her pants if she were here right now. Speaking of which… “Monica, have you talked to Winter lately?” I asked.

  “She called me last night to tell me that she was running late with a manicure client and to not worry if I called her house and she wasn’t there,” Monica explained.

  I guess I wasn’t the only one stretching the truth to sugarcoat her life. Winter was running late with a manicure client, or at least the brother of a manicure client. I wasn’t about to rat out Winter since she didn’t tell Monica about me and my new roommate.

  Murray returned from the back room with a pile of neatly folded clothing. He gestured for Dane to come over and said, “Sir, I’m afraid that I’m not going to have much in your size. We cater to a shorter, older clientele and I’m afraid this is all we have that might fit you.” Murray was pretending the thrift store clothes were all he had for Dane? That way Dane could avoid looking at all the expensive stuff in the store and not be embarrassed that he couldn’t pay for it! I loved Murray. He was my new hero.

  Dane walked over to the dressing rooms in the corner after graciously thanking Murray. I followed and sat in a giant overstuffed brown leather chair in front of the three paneled mirror outside the dressing room.

  Monica took the seat next to me and asked, “Why are you going to watch him try on clothes? Isn’t that kind of creepy?”

  “Did you SEE him? He’s built. You called him Mr. Muscles. I want a show!”

  Monica rolled her eyes, but I didn’t see her get up either. She wanted the show just as much as I did. She was married, but her husband Trent was nothing to write home about. At least I didn’t think he was. He was domineering, condescending, and just a prick in general. Winter hated him with a passion, while I just held a strong dislike.

  Dane opened the curtain and modeled the first outfit. It was a gray suitcoat and white dress shirt that were way too small. The sleeves ended about three inches above his wrist.

  “No good. NEXT!” I demanded.

  The next one was much better. It was a black button down shirt that fit Dane like a glove. It hugged his chest and clung to him in all the right places. I gave a whistle and a thumbs-up. Dane winked at me and went back in the dressing room.

  Monica turned to me and said, “For just meeting this new neighbor of yours, you seem to be pretty friendly. Care to comment on that?”

  “No, thank you. I have no comment at this time,” I stated diplomatically.

  Outfit number three looked like something a ninety year old man would wear, causing Monica and I to both instantly shake our heads in disapproval. Dane tried on a few more duds before finding a few sweaters that were halfway decent. He got some flannel shirts too. A hot lumberjack. Now we’re talking. The last shirt really left me speechless. It was a short sleeved, V-neck shirt that looked like something an Italian guy would wear to go bar-hopping at the Jersey Shore. It was gray with a giant silver cross in the middle. It showcased Dane’s beauty perfectly. What do I mean by Dane’s “beauty?” Dane had the most spectacular tattoos running down both of his arms. They were full sleeve tattoos filled with intricate depictions of engines. There were gears and pistons and every car part that you could imagine. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before.

  I walked over to him and said, “These are the most magnificent tattoos I have ever seen in my life. You’re a walking work of art.” I marveled over the fact that someone had actually thought this up and taken the time to do it.

  “Do you really like them? I designed them myself,” Dane whispered.

  My head snapped up to look in his eyes and I gushed, “They’re breathtaking, Dane. You’re very talented.”

  We stared at each other until Monica cleared her throat and said, “So are we done here? I have to get home and make supper for Trent. He had to work today.”

  Dane returned to the dressing room to gather up the clothes that fit him, and Monica gave me a pointed look as if to say, “What was that all about?” I shrugged and she said, “I think we have a lot to catch up on, Izzy. How about we meet for brunch on Sunday?”

  “I thought we were supposed to go out tomorrow night?” I asked.

  “Trent will be home and he made plans with another couple that he works with. Sunday works better for me. Winter can tell us about her latest conquest while we eat pancakes and get her sobered up. Are you in?

  “Sure. Sunday brunch it is.”

  Dane came out of the dressing room with an armful of clothes and we walked over to the cash register.

  “What do I owe you?” Dane asked Murray. I started to speak, but Murray replied before I had a chance to think up something intelligent to say.

  “These clothes have been sitting in the storage room forever. I was actually going to discount them to 90% off to get rid of them, so why don’t you just take them? The store survives on repeat customers and I always like to make a good impression on those new to town. All I ask is that in return for these clothes, you spread the word about the great service you received here.�
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  Dane shook Murray’s hand, looked him in the eyes, and said, “I will be back to make sure you receive something for your kindness, sir. I appreciate this more than words can say.”

  Murray smiled and nodded his head in understanding. And that was the end of our field trip to Caldwell’s Fine Menswear. We parted ways with Monica in front of the building and I promised to call her to set up a time for brunch.

  Dane and I stopped at the local big box discount store, Thrifty Mart, and spent twelve of his precious remaining dollars on socks and underwear. It was a necessity, and he sure as heck wasn’t wearing mine. On the way home we picked up a pizza that he complained about for a good five minutes.

  “Izzy, I don’t want you to spend your hard-earned money to feed me. It’s bad enough that you had to humble yourself to ask for free clothes for me. I’m getting into debt with you that I can’t get my way out of.”

  “Would you have helped someone like this if you had the opportunity? Probably. I’m doing it to get good Karma points, not to help you. It’s all about the universe throwing good stuff back at me if I do a kindness for someone else. I’m all about reaping the rewards.”

  He smiled and finally shut up about owing me for the pizza. I don’t know if he thought that I wasn’t eating any of it or what. You should have seen the look on his face when I ate half a large pizza. Hey, I love pizza and I was hungry. It’s a lot of work being all charitable and stuff!

  We spend the rest of the night watching garbage on TV and discussing our favorite shows and movies. We had nothing in common, but that was okay. It made for good conversation. Kitty and I went to bed at ten o’clock and that was the end of that. But it was the beginning of something else…

  Saturday, January 9

  I woke up at one in the morning after a bad dream. Bad dreams were not uncommon for me. This one was a heart-pounding, break-into-a-sweat, forget-where-I-am-when-I-wake-up dream. So it was a four on a scale of one to ten. You don’t want to know what a ten is.

  I went into the kitchen to feed Kitty and get a drink of ice water out of the fridge, being as careful as possible to be quiet so Dane wouldn’t wake up. It didn’t work. I was standing at the sink, looking out the window, when I heard him come up behind me.

  “It’s really beautiful outside,” I said. “There’s a full moon and everything is illuminated. For some reason, the world always seems more peaceful at night.”

  “I know something else that’s beautiful,” he whispered in my ear, his breath lightly blowing against my cheek causing a tingle to go up my spine.

  I turned around to look at him, startled. Where was he going with this?

  He took a step closer and pinned me against the sink, with our chests only inches apart.

  “Izzy…” he whispered, staring down into my eyes.

  “What?” I replied. I know, I know. “Suave” and “Smooth” are not words in my vocabulary.

  He brought his calloused hand up to my face and gently stroked my cheek with his thumb. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. His hand moved around to the back of my neck and he pulled me closer to him. Before I knew what was happening, I felt warm lips gently touching mine. Now we’re getting somewhere! Bring it on!

  I leaned into Dane’s body and opened my mouth against his. He took that as an invitation to deepen the kiss. I expected him to go at me like a convict that had just escaped from prison, but he was very slow and gentle. It was exactly what a first kiss was supposed to be like. When you’re still not sure how much the other person likes you, and you don’t want to rush too fast and ruin things. He tasted like Heaven and I didn’t want this feeling to end. I gave a small moan of enjoyment and Dane abruptly pulled away.

  “I didn’t mean to do that,” he hastily apologized. “I’m sorry. You were just…there.”

  That’s so romantic. Or not! I really didn’t care what words were coming out of his mouth, I just wanted those lips back on mine.

  “Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked him. Maybe that’s what’s bothering him? I didn’t want to be the other woman. I’m an only child and I don’t share well.

  “No. If I had anyone special, then I wouldn’t be kissing you like that.”

  “In that case, do it again,” I ordered.

  So he did. This time was the same as before. Very tender and extremely sweet. I had no idea of the reason for his sudden passion, but I was not going to question it. He ended this kiss just as he had last time, leaving me wanting more.

  “Why did you kiss me again?” I asked.

  “Because you told me to,” he replied.

  “Do you do everything you’re told?” I tried to be as seductive as possible and I thought that sounded flirty. It fell flat.

  “No, I do stupid things that I’m not supposed to do. I’m sorry, Izzy. This was a mistake.”

  Dane turned and went back to sleep on the couch, while I wanted to pour the ice water over my steaming hot body instead of drinking it. Maybe I was still dreaming and that whole scene had only happened in my mind? No. I could still feel his lips on mine and I’m pretty sure my imagination would have had us ending up in bed and not with him sleeping on the couch. Reality sucked!

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  Fuck my life. I’m never going to get back to sleep now. Why did I have to go and do that? Why did being around her strip away every last ounce of self-control? There’s been at least five times where I wanted to kiss her, but I’ve always been able to hold back before. She looked so content when I was sitting on top of her in the snow. That was the worst one. If we hadn’t been in the middle of a blizzard, I would have ripped off her stupid blue snowsuit right then and there. Today was another prime example when she was staring in awe at my tattoos. I was sure she’d go crazy and think I was some punk hoodlum who was all tatted up, but she looked at me like I was a Picasso or something. It’s a good thing we were in public with her friend watching or I would have picked her up and taken her back into the dressing room. I have no idea what the hell’s the matter with me. Maybe it’s just been too long. Yeah, that’s it. I’m alone in a new place and I have nothing. I’m just naturally drawn to the first thing to catch my eye. That’s gotta be the reason. It has nothing to do with the way I catch her staring at me when she thinks I’m not looking or the crap that comes out of her mouth. How am I supposed to be able to resist her when she tells me hilarious stories about her dates with losers or how kind she is to rescue abandoned puppies? It was a mistake to kiss her. I don’t want her to think that I’m just doing that so she’ll let me stay here. I have no other alternatives. If she gets pissed because I kissed her and then she kicks me out, I’m screwed. I’ve got to stay away from her.

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  KNOCK, KNOCK.

  “Izzy, are you awake? It’s Dane. Can I come in?”

  “What time is it?” I mumbled. I think it was Saturday. Why was it still dark outside yet someone was waking me up? I slept late on the weekends.

  The door cracked open and Dane poked his head in. My alarm clock told me it was 6:30 in the morning.

  “Izzy, I hate to bother you but I need a ride to work. Also, do you have a razor? I don’t want to look like a dirty slob on my first day at a new job.”

  I yawned and crawled out of bed. It was extremely fortunate that I slept in a pair of jogging suit pants and a big sweater, or he would have gotten quite the show as I walked over to my bathroom and got him an electric shaver.

  “Here. I use this to shave my legs, but it should work for your face too. Have at it!”

  “Really? That’s kind of gross, don’t you think?” he replied.

  “Beggars can’t be choosers, your highness. What time do you need to leave?”

  “Fifteen minutes,” he grunted, took the shaver, and walked away.

  I put on a bra and some jeans and told Kitty, “Wanna
go bye-bye in the car? We have a passenger to drop off!” She jumped off the bed and started spinning around in circles. She loved car rides.

  I went into the kitchen and looked around while Dane shaved. I assume he would be needing breakfast and lunch. We never made it to the grocery store last night and I was running out of food. I grabbed a brown paper bag and packed a banana, a roll of crackers, two candy bars, two bottles of water, a yogurt, and a plastic spoon. That would have to do for now. He came out of the bathroom and I held up his bag of lunch.

  “What’s that?” he asked.

  “What does it look like? It’s your lunch. I don’t have much here, but I hope it’s good enough.”

  “You didn’t have to do that. You don’t have to do any of this, ok? I’ll feel a lot better about this whole situation if you don’t do anything else nice for me. I’m not used to taking charity from strangers. Don’t keep helping me. It’s making me uncomfortable,” he complained. Really? I got up early on the weekend to make lunch and chauffeur his sorry butt around and THIS was the thanks I get? I wondered if it had anything to do with the kiss last night. He obviously regretted it and that’s why he thought it was a mistake.

  “I won’t do anything else for you, if that’s what you really want. Have a nice walk to work today.” Betcha didn’t think about THAT, did you?

  He closed his eyes as if having an internal argument with himself. “I desperately need a ride to work. After that, then please don’t do anything else nice for me,” he said.

  “Suit yourself. Let’s go.”

  The ride to his new job was extremely awkward. No one spoke at all. As I was pulling up to the entrance of the factory, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I felt like the kiss last night was the elephant in the room and I had to address it. I didn’t know why he was pretending like it never happened, but it was making me crazy.