Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  “Dane,” he drawled, all deep and sultry. That was NOT his normal voice. I have no idea where he pulled the Mr. Sexy Radio Announcer voice from. I turned around and shot him a dirty look.

  “Well, Dane, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Roxy purred. “Where are you from? If you lived around here, I’m sure we would have met by now.” She took a few steps around the table to get closer to him. I gave Winter a “what the hell?” look, but she just shrugged her shoulders like “what are you going to do about it?”

  “Yes,” Roxy-the-Redhead marveled, “I definitely would have remembered seeing you.” She stretched her hand out in an attempt to stroke his tattooed arm, but Dane backed up creating a larger space between them.

  “I’m here with three beautiful women, what makes you think I’m available?” he asked her. Yes! You tell her!

  Roxy-the-Royal-Slut took a long slow look at us around the table and surmised, “Blondie has a ring and she’s drinking herself into oblivion. No girl who had a man that looked like you would be drowning her sorrows. I saw the Mexican one dancing with two other guys a while ago. I’m thinking you would not tolerate your girl dancing with anyone else. You look possessive. Dominant. I like that.”

  “Ahem? What about me?” I asked. There WAS a third person at this table.

  Roxy-the-Rancid-Skank gave me the stink eye and laughed. “Sweetheart, there’s no way in hell that man belongs to you. You’d never be able to handle him,” she declared, pointing to Dane.

  I got off my stool, put my hands on my hips, and said, “As a matter of fact--“

  Dane didn’t let me finish my sentence. He put his hand around my waist, pulled me close, and said, “That’s EXACTLY who I belong to.”

  Roxy-the-Rat-Face looked confused. “I’d say that she must be rich and paying your way, but judging by the fact that she’s wearing Carmen’s cast-off clothes, that’s clearly not the case.”

  I gasped and sprang at her, but Dane pulled me back.

  Winter pushed her way right into the middle and said, “Carmen, you might want to get your trashy cousin out of here before she gets her ass kicked.” Winter was obviously peeved about being called “the Mexican one” and she also loved getting into bar fights. Winter’s mom made all three of her daughters take karate lessons as kids, and she seized any chance she got to show off her training.

  “Do you think I’m afraid of any of you?” Roxy-the-Ridiculously-Stupid asked, starting to take off her heels like she was going to fight.

  “You should be!” I answered. I had never fought anyone in my life, but the idea was looking more appealing by the second. Sara and Carmen were backing off and Monica was still downing shots, so it was going to be two on one. I liked those odds.

  “While the idea of a massive catfight is a major turn-on, you ladies are starting to attract a crowd of interested onlookers. So we’re going to end this right now before it escalates,” Dane demanded in a tone of voice that implied he wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. “Carmen, take your friends over to the other side of the bar. Winter, handle Monica and make sure she doesn’t go anywhere. We’ll be right back.”

  He grabbed my hand and led me onto the dance floor. What the hell?

  “Why are we dancing now?” I asked in confusion as he pulled me close to him and started moving to the music.

  “Several reasons. I had to separate all of you so no one would kill each other, I wanted to get you alone to tell you how fucking incredibly hot you are, and I just like this song.”

  “I’m not incredibly hot. Roxy-the-Redhead thought I was roadkill.”

  “Roxy-the-Redhead? Do you give everyone nicknames? ‘Brick Wall’ is starting to sound better and better.”

  “You’re built like a brick wall. There. Happy now? I bet Roxy’s carpet doesn’t match the drapes. Natural redhead my ass!”

  Dane burst out laughing and said, “You have no idea how hard you’re making me right now. Jealous Izzy is hotter than Hell. What’s causing all this rage?”

  “That bitch thought she could put her hands on you. And she said I couldn’t get someone like you. I can?” That last sentence came out as a hesitant question. Mad Izzy was slowly losing her adrenaline rush and turning into insecure Izzy. Ooh…Insecure Izzy. That was a good one!

  “Yes, you certainly can. You’ll get to have me later. All of me,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Is that a lot?” I asked timidly.

  Dane pressed his erection into my leg and said, “You tell me.” From what I could feel through his jeans, the answer was a definite “yes.” We were full-on dirty dancing and, like Jennifer Grey, I was having the time of my life.

  “Hey, if you want to screw on the dance floor then you better take one of the condoms from my purse!” Winter shouted as she came up and started dancing next to us.

  “Who’s watching Monica?” I asked, my brain snapping back to reality.

  “Relax,” Winter said, “Carmen’s friend Sara went to check on her because she thought Monica was having fertility problems with the whole ovary discussion. Sara is a gynecologist. Carmen is keeping Roxy on the other side of the bar.” Winter moved up behind me, sandwiching me in the middle between her and Dane. I was the crème filling in the cookie sandwich.

  “When did this turn into a threesome?” I asked.

  “When did YOU go from mild-mannered Izzy to someone who starts fights with red-headed bitches that dare to look at your man?” Winter countered.

  “Don’t answer a question with a question. And he’s not my man.”

  Dane winked at Winter and said, “Yes, I am. She hasn’t admitted it to herself yet.”

  “I just met you on Thursday and it’s only Tuesday!” I yelled.

  “Yeah and I’ll be fucking you on Wednesday, what’s your point?” Dane replied.

  I leaned my head back and screamed, “THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!”

  Winter shook her head and told Dane, “I’m really sorry, she doesn’t get out much.”

  “I figured that out a few days ago, but thanks for the heads-up,” he replied.

  “We should really go check on Monica,” I suggested. I loved dancing with Dane, but Monica was my friend and she clearly needed us.

  As the three of us walked back to the table, Winter pulled me off to the side and said, “If he dances like that, imagine how good he is in bed!” I elbowed her in the side. She did have a point though. Dane danced better than anyone I’d ever met. Normally guys had two left feet, but that man had rhythm.

  We found Sara with her arm around Monica, talking in soothing tones. Monica looked like she was going to say something, but she shut her mouth as soon as we returned to the table.

  “I don’t wanna talk to YOU guys. I wanna talk to Sara or the gin. Those are my new friends.” Monica slurred her words and her eyes were starting to look glassy. I only saw one full shot left on the tray.

  “What about your old friends, Monica?” I asked. “We’re right here. Why can’t you talk to us?”

  “I can talk to you two about ANYTHING. Because I love you guys. You’re closer than sisters to me. I mean I really, really, REALLY love you guys. But I can’t talk to you about this. It’s embarrassing. I can’t talk to you about Trent. I do good at everything. Sports, math, thinking stuff. I know a lot. But I don’t know shit about guys. I picked a good college and a great car. But I picked a cock-sucker for a husband. I’m ashamed.” Monica closed her eyes and downed the last shot before we could grab it out of her hands. She lifted the empty glass and raised her arm back like she was going to launch it across the room. Dane grabbed her arm just in time before she let it go.

  “I think it’s time we take you home,” Winter told her.

  “No. I don’t want to go home yet. I’m hanging with my new friends right now,” Monica explained with her eyes half-closed. She flailed her arms and pointed in a few different directions. “I’m with Carmen who does my hair real pretty. Nice Doctor Sara. Don�
��t forget Fire girl with the flaming hair. She was gonna kick your ass, Izzy. Better be careful with that one. I can’t protect you this time. I can’t even probably get up off this bar stool. Hell, I can’t even see straight. That might be a problem.” Monica started to lean and I caught her.

  “Yeah, it’s definitely time to go,” I said.

  Winter, Dane, and I managed to half carry/half drag Monica to my car. Winter followed us back to Monica’s house to help get her to bed. I had no idea where Trent was, because the place was empty when we got her home. No one felt comfortable leaving a sick Monica home alone, so we decided to take her to Winter’s apartment so she’d be supervised. She seemed to sober up a little and assured us that we could leave because she just wanted to go to sleep. She flopped down on Winter’s couch and was snoring within minutes.

  After much reassurance from Winter that she had the situation under control, Dane and I left her apartment. I let him drive because I was tired after all the drama that went down.

  “I’m sorry about the whole night,” I apologized. “I just wanted to take you out so you could have fun and maybe dance with me once or twice. That was a total cluster. Monica usually NEVER has more than one drink. Winter usually dances with several guys and sometimes that causes problems with their girlfriends, but it rarely ends in a bar fight and they definitely NEVER involve me. Also I never get the hot guy to go home with me at the end of the night. Thank you for that. I felt like a princess when you told Red Rover that she was not pick of the litter.”

  He reached over and put his hand on my knee. “I had some epic nights out with Spider, but this ranks near the top as one of the more amusing times. I’m not used to being the only guy with a group of girls. I felt like a piece of meat the way I was getting fought over. I fucking loved it. We need to do that more often.”

  “How come you didn’t want to go home with Red Riding Hood? Because you’re staying with me?” That would have been really awkward. Her dropping him off at my house the next morning. I would have gone nuclear.

  “Are you fucking serious right now?” Dane growled, instantly losing his good mood. “It really bothered you when Red said you couldn’t handle me, didn’t it? She doesn’t know shit about me, Izzy. You do. She’s not my type. You are.”

  “You told me on day one that I wasn’t your type,” I reminded him. “I believed you.”

  “I didn’t know you then. I just said that so you wouldn’t worry about me trying to get into your pants and you’d give me a place to stay for the night. Now I don’t care if you think I’m trying to fuck you. Because I am. So get used to it. Anything else we need to discuss?”

  Whoa. I think that pretty much made everything crystal clear on my end.

  “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that,” Dane said, “I just want us both to be on the same page. I don’t go for girls like Red who have to be the center of attention and treat me like a challenge to be conquered and then tossed aside. I want a woman who I can come home to at the end of the day and look forward to seeing. One who makes me laugh and cares about me. That’s all I want.”

  “Okay.”

  “We’re good?”

  “I guess so, if you want to fuck me.”

  “That was probably a poor choice of words,” he admitted.

  “No. I liked it.” It was a major turn-on when he acted all bossy and dominant.

  We finally made it back to my house at one in the morning. Kitty was extremely unhappy about being left alone all night and she was ready to party. I had to take her outside and throw the ball fifteen times until she settled down. I fed her some food and did a mental count of how many hours of sleep I could get until my alarm went off. The answer was “nowhere near enough.” Dane was already on the couch when I went past him on the way to my room.

  “Goodnight, beautiful. I had a good time tonight. Thanks for everything,” he called out to me.

  I turned around, went back, and leaned over to steal one last kiss. “That will have to do for tonight’s sexy time. Buy condoms tomorrow, ok?”

  “I’ll get right on that,” he promised.

  Wednesday, January 13

  Five hours of sleep were not going to cut it today. As hard as it was to drag myself out of bed, I could only imagine what kind of shape Monica was in. I bet Winter had a long night with her. I texted, “How was your night? Hope everyone survived. Dinner still on tonight?”

  Winter’s mom, Rita, tried to get us all together for dinner once or twice a month. It was usually on a Wednesday and we hadn’t done it in a few weeks, so I assumed we were due. I should explain that “us” is Winter, Emma, and I. Their older sister Angela moved to Los Angeles as soon as she turned twenty-one and she never looked back. She was twenty-nine now and it was lucky to get her to visit for Christmas once a year.

  I stumbled through the morning dog walk with my eyes half closed. It’s a good thing Dane was there because he caught me when I tripped on the sidewalk. On the plus side, it did wake me up. The hot shower felt good too.

  Several yawns later and a short nap in the car on the way to work, and I was forced to start my day. I got several comments from the ladies in the order department teasing me about staying up too late.

  “You must have been really caught up in a good book, huh? You look like you haven’t slept at all!” Sheri remarked.

  “Well it’s not like I was almost in a crazy bar fight with a rowdy redhead or anything!” I replied with a wink. Secret nights of passion with Dane were turning into the new normal for me. Now I can add “making jealous scenes in a bar” to my resume. I was really branching out.

  I got a text at lunch from Winter. “It wasn’t that bad of a night unless you take Monica’s snoring into account. She kept the gin down. She wouldn’t talk about Trent at all this morning. Dinner’s on for six, but Monica won’t be there. Ask Dane to come. Mom wants to meet him!”

  I shared this invitation with Dane as we drove home from work. I explained that it was a tradition and he was welcome to come with me. I also informed him that Rita was a magnificent cook and he’d be the only guy there among three other women. He instantly agreed to go.

  He took a quick shower after work and I briefed him about who he would be meeting as we drove there. Kitty happily rode in the backseat, eager to be able to go anywhere. She was always spoiled at Rita’s house and Emma usually brought the cats for her to bond with.

  “Ok. So you’ll be meeting Rita and Emma. Rita is Winter’s mom. She’s a lawyer. She took me in after my parents died and I owe her a debt that I’ll never be able to repay. She’s a hero to me. She’s amazing. You’ll also be meeting Emma, Winter’s little sister. There’s a third sister, but she lives far away and doesn’t get home much,” I explained.

  “What about Rita’s husband, where’s he? Didn’t you have any family to take you in after…you know? Emma’s the one with Kitty’s cat friends, right?” he asked, firing questions in rapid succession.

  “Winter’s dad left the family when she was only five. He took off and went back to Mexico and hasn’t talked to any of them since. Hasn’t paid a dime to support them either. Winter has a major distrust of men because of the number that her dad pulled on them. I could never understand how you could abandon your whole family. I mean if you don’t like your wife, get a divorce and move on. But how can you leave your children? I get a sick stomach when I have to leave Kitty for more than two days. But to permanently abandon something that you helped create? That’s not right.”

  “Yeah,” Dane said bitterly, “Tell me about it.” Oh shit. I forgot who I was talking to.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up anything painful,” I admitted.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m not discussing it. You never answered the question about why you had no family to take you in after your parents had their accident?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m not discussing it,” I replied, mimicking his answer with more anger than was nec
essary. I guess we were both screwed up and neither of us was willing to talk about it.

  “Look,” I added, “It’s nothing personal. I have stuff I don’t want to talk about. So do you. Let’s leave the skeletons in the closet where they belong and go have a nice dinner, ok?”

  “Fine with me.”

  We arrived at Rita’s house and I felt a happiness that only a homecoming brings. Although I only lived here for a few years, they were pleasant ones. Rita made it clear on day one that I was to be treated like her fourth daughter, and she never did anything to make me doubt that was exactly what I was. She was good at reading people and I was excited to get her opinion on Dane.

  Kitty jumped out of the car and ran up to the front door. Emma saw us arrive and she threw the door open and yelled, “Where’s my favorite puppy girl?”

  Kitty pushed right past her to find her cat friends. Kitty’s scale of contentment went Cats, People, Stuffed Toys, Playing in the Snow, Going to the Vet, Puking, and Dogs. In that order. She hated dogs.

  Once we laughed at Kitty laying belly up with Emma’s two cats rubbing against her, I started the introductions.

  “Emma, this is Dane. Dane, this is Winter’s sister, Emma.”

  Emma politely shook Dane’s hand and said, “It’s very nice to meet you. I’ve heard good things.”

  “Izzy told me that you’re the one who found Kitty her home? I think that was the best possible match you could have made,” Dane said with a smile.

  Emma shyly hung her head and muttered, “I’m a sucker for a happy ending.”

  Winter chose that moment to come bounding out of the kitchen and announce, “Right on time! Get your asses in here. Food’s ready!”

  By the smell of things, Rita made her world famous Quesadillas. Dane followed Winter into the kitchen and Emma pulled me off to the side.

  “He’s cute, Izzy! Can you handle all that? Wow!” she said.

  “I’m doing my best, Emma. I guess we’ll find out.”