Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  I sauntered out to the kitchen to find Dane leaning against the counter eating an apple. I guess he was still hungry after the less-than-stellar beef roast. He stopped mid-bite and his eyes widened when he saw my outfit. He raised his hand and made a motion indicating that I should spin around for him. I did a slow twirl and he let out a whistle of appreciation.

  “Are you sure we have to go out? We could stay here and…” he raised his eyebrows without finishing his thought.

  “I just spent all that time getting ready. I’m not about to let you ravage me and mess it up,” I argued. Yes, I really would have. Ask me again and I’ll take off all these clothes and you can have your way with me RIGHT HERE on the kitchen floor.

  He shrugged and said, “Your loss.”

  It was my loss. He looked phenomenal. He was wearing the same ass-hugging jeans that I got to drool over every day. He paired them with the gray T-shirt that had me panting in Murray’s store. His tattoos were on full display and I was getting worked up over it. I wanted to see him naked. I wondered if he had other tattoos. Hidden ones.

  “Do you have any other tattoos? Yours are really….wow.” Way to be suave, Izzy.

  “I’m glad you like them. They really get you wet, don’t they?” Dane asked as he walked over to me. He leaned down and brushed his nose along the length of my neck. “The smell of you is getting me hard, Izzy. This is your last chance to change your mind about going out. We could stay here and get to know each other better.”

  “Did you buy condoms today?” I asked hopefully.

  “Nope. They didn’t happen to have any vending machines in the factory bathrooms and that’s the only place I went today.”

  “So you’re just teasing me?”

  “Pretty much. Let’s go meet your friends and see what trouble we can get into.”

  -----------------------------------------------------

  On our way to the bar, I gave Dane a short tour of the town. There wasn’t much to see, but I still had fun pointing out good restaurants and places of interest. I told him some of the stupid things I did with Winter and Monica when we were growing up.

  “Monica was madly in love with a guy when she was fifteen and she wanted to have alone time with him. She was paranoid to have him come to her house, and he had a big family so they couldn’t go to his house either. Winter had a genius idea that we’d all go to the baseball field in town and we would be the look-outs while Monica and her crush got it on. Instead of watching for cops, Winter was watching Monica get to third base. So all of a sudden we hear footsteps and see a flashlight beam headed in our direction. Winter screamed, ‘We’re busted. RUN!’ at the top of her lungs, I took off and followed her, and Monica and the guy got caught. It turned out his uncle was a coach at the school and thought he’d left some baseball equipment on the field. He went back to find it, but instead he found the guy with his hands in Monica’s pants. She didn’t talk to Winter for two weeks. All Winter kept saying was ‘at least you didn’t have your period or he would gotten caught RED-HANDED.’ Ah….good times”

  Dane started laughing at our stupid antics. I laughed with him.

  “So how long have you known these two? Tell me more about them,” Dane urged.

  “I’ve known them both since sixth grade when we met in middle school. We’re all total opposites, but something about it just works. They were there for me after my parents died. Winter’s mom actually took me in and I lived with them until I turned eighteen. I had a really dark time for a while and they snapped me out of it. I wanted to hide under the bed and pretend that nothing existed anymore. I shunned the world. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about my parents. I kept it all inside. I felt like I should be dead, too. I was in a very bad place. Monica and Winter let me mourn for four months and then they decided that I needed an intervention. Winter always dressed trashy and Monica was the brainy one. So they swapped personalities for a day. Winter put her hair in a bun and wore a pink sweater set and khaki pants. Monica teased her hair up like it was 1980 and put on blood-red lipstick with a low-cut shirt. I could tell she was two seconds away from throwing up with anxiety, but she got in Winter’s car to go to school like that anyway. They explained that I wasn’t myself anymore so they weren’t going to be their selves either. You should have seen the looks they got at school. Winter spoke in a British accent to try and be more sophisticated and Monica scored four dates to the homecoming dance. It was completely hilarious. It was a turning point for me. I realized that I still had people who cared about me and I wasn’t alone. If these two were willing to turn their lives upside down for me, then I would be okay. I finally figured out that family isn’t who you’re related to by blood. It’s who you can depend on to be at your side, no questions asked, and fight your demons with you.” I hadn’t planned on spilling all that to him, but it just came out.

  Dane whispered, “That was pretty intense.” He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “I have more respect for you than you’ll ever know, Izzy.”

  I didn’t have time to pour out any more dark secrets, because we arrived at our destination. Random Chaos. The name sounds more exotic than it really is. The bar is a two-story brick building that sits on a corner lot in downtown Oak Valley. The second floor was a dance club that had live music on the weekends. The main floor housed a giant bar along the whole left side. Pool tables and dart boards lined the back wall. To the right were tall tables with barstools and a jukebox with a small dance floor. This was THE place to be if you wanted to go out and get noticed. Since my tour of the town had taken some time, we ended up arriving after Monica and Winter. I saw them sitting at a table and I made my way over to introduce Dane.

  Winter saw us and her jaw dropped. “Holy shit, Izzy. This is Brick Wall? He’s even better than I pictured him in my head!” Did I mention that Winter has no filter?

  “Damn it, Winter. Where are your manners? Get your head out of your ass!” Monica reprimanded.

  Dane was too busy staring at me to pay attention to either of them. “Did she just refer to me as ‘Brick Wall?’ Might that be the same ‘Brick Wall’ that I think it is?”

  I rolled my eyes and responded to all three of them at once. “Winter, this is DANE. DANE. Say it out loud and keep using that name, ok? Monica, I believe you’ve already met Dane, so no introductions are necessary. Dane, please ignore any and all references to walls, brick or otherwise.” I glared at Winter.

  “Hi, Dane. That’s a lovely name. Dane. I must have confused you for someone else,” Winter lamely explained as she blatantly eyed him up.

  Dane leaned over to whisper in my ear, “So you get off to thoughts of Brick Wall? Maybe Brick Wall can get you off later for real.” He cleared his throat and politely greeted my friends. “It’s nice to meet you, Winter. Monica, I really appreciate what your brother did the other day. He has my eternal gratitude.”

  “He’ll do anything to make a new customer, don’t worry about it,” she replied.

  “Izzy, I’m thirsty. Come with me to the bar and let’s get a drink,” Winter demanded.

  She dragged me off to the bar before I could protest.

  “Fuck me sideways, Izzy. Look at him! I am so proud of you right now! You are my true protégé. All the lessons I tried to teach you over the years have finally sunk in. You have done well, Grasshopper. I’d rate him at twelve unicorns on a scale of one to ten. I am in awe of your skills. ”

  “I don’t have any skills, Winter! Also he can’t be a twelve on a scale of one to ten. But thanks for screwing it up with the whole Brick Wall shit. He KNOWS what that means! He told me he thinks of me when he jerks off and I told him that my fantasy man was Brick Wall, which he now knows is himself! Way to go!”

  “Wait, what? He told you he thinks of you while he’s taking care of business? That’s kind of romantic, I guess. Why aren’t you doing that for him? Live a little, Izzy.”

  “Yeah, I’m trying. I would have lived a LOT but we didn’t h
ave any condoms.”

  “Well, here. Take one of mine. I have some in my purse,” she offered.

  “Don’t whip those out right here in the middle of the bar!”

  It was our turn to order so the bartender asked us what we wanted. Winter got a rum and coke and I asked for a bottle of Budweiser and a Johnnie Walker on the rocks.

  “Did he tell you to order that?” Winter asked.

  “Nope. I just know what he likes.” We both turned around to stare at Dane while we waited for the drinks. He was talking to Monica, but every once in a while he would glance over to look at me and smile. They looked extremely awkward standing there together. Badass Dane next to Monica in her tailored blue jeans and black blazer.

  “What is Monica wearing?” I asked. “Who wears a blazer to a bar? She’s gone full-blown upper class socialite.”

  “She’s a lost cause,” Winter agreed. I took a second to check out Winter’s outfit. It was definitely interesting. She wore a black and white checkerboard mini dress with black open-toed ankle strap heels.

  “New dress?” I asked her.

  “Yeah. It was one of Carmen’s. She told me to sell it to you, but I poured my ass into it instead. She might be here tonight with some people. I guess it’s her cousin’s birthday or something.”

  “Cool. I’ll have to thank her for the last bag of clothes.”

  “Yeah, your ass looks nice in those jeans. I bet Dane agrees with me. He keeps looking over here to check on you. Did you notice that?”

  “As a matter of fact, I did. I can’t take my eyes off him either.”

  The bartender returned with our drinks and I almost choked when I found out how much Johnnie Walker whisky costs. No wonder why Dane had to steal it.

  “So that’s how I ended up in this small town. It had some pretty decent job opportunities,” Dane said. What the hell had they been talking about when we were gone? Nothing too exciting by the sound of it.

  “Here you go. I got you a drink,” I told him.

  He took a swallow and said, “Whisky?”

  “Johnnie Walker.”

  “Ah, so that’s what it tastes like. I’ve been waiting nine years to find that out.”

  We both laughed while Winter and Monica exchanged a look.

  “It’s an inside joke,” I explained.

  Dane excused himself to find a bathroom and I asked Monica what we were celebrating about her job. She explained that she got a big contract from a client in Bridgeport that hired her to be the interior decorator for their new dream home. The house was going to be a four thousand square foot mansion with all the lavish finishing touches and she was very excited. Monica loved working at the furniture store, but decorating and design were her true passions.

  She was mid-sentence when two guys came up to the table to talk to Winter. No matter where we went, she always got hit on. I don’t know if she looked friendly or if she gave off a vibe or what, but she never failed to attract a crowd of eager suitors. One of them ventured a casual glance at Monica and she flashed her ring finger in a “go-away” gesture. He returned his attention back to Winter. For some reason, no one of the opposite sex ever paid attention to me. Ok, that’s an exaggeration. I should re-phrase that. Rarely when we went out to any public place, was I ever the center of attention. Winter always had a crowd and Monica got her fair share of glances. I got stuck with the idiot friends of their dates.

  Winter went to dance with her new friends and Monica had to take a phone call from Trent, so I found myself alone at the table. I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I spun around to find Dane standing behind me. He moved his hand to the back of my neck and started to gently stroke it with his thumb. Ok. I could live with that.

  “I was watching you,” he said. “I saw the two idiots come up to the table and stare down the front of Winter’s dress. I also saw Monica give them the brush off. Why didn’t they talk to you?”

  “Guys just don’t like me period. Winter tells me that I give off a vibe that says I’m off limits. It’s not on purpose. I’m just not all smiley-flirty-giggly. I give off waves of radiation that warn men away. I guess I paid too much attention to the ‘don’t talk to strangers’ lecture when I was a kid. I still don’t talk to strangers, I just let them move in with me.”

  Dane smiled and said, “Best decision you ever made, your highness.” He bent down and kissed me, full on the lips, tongue darting into my mouth. I parted my lips and my tongue met his. I was hit with the smooth taste of whisky and it made me melt. I was a fool to come here with him when I should have just stayed at home and let him rip my clothes off. I was also not very bright for refusing Winter’s offer of a condom. Although, if things went the way I was hoping they would, I would be needing way more than one.

  I heard the sound of someone clearing their throat and I broke away from the kiss to find Monica looking extremely upset. She was holding a tray loaded with about ten shots of a clear liquid.

  “What’s that? Why are you buying shots for everyone?” I asked her.

  “Who says I’m sharing these?” she responded and downed two shots in rapid succession. I looked around for the hidden camera because this must be a trick. Monica usually liked to sip a sloe gin fizz. Winter and I teased her for drinking something so lame. I’d never seen her do shots like a college kid on spring break.

  I caught Winter’s eye from across the room and motioned for her to get her ass back to the table. Thankfully she saw me and returned. I pointed to Monica’s pile of drinks and said, “She’s taken it upon herself to be the shot girl, only there’s no other customer besides her.”

  “Whatcha drinkin?” Winter asked the lush that was now on her third shot.

  “Sloe gin fizzes weren’t going to get me to where I want to go fast enough. I switched to straight gin. This is called ‘Olde Devil Gin’ so I assumed it was strong. I was indeed correct.”

  I turned to Dane and explained, “She doesn’t usually drink like this. Ever.”

  “What’s gotten into you, Monica? Why the rush to get plastered?” Winter asked.

  “None of your business. Go dance with some more guys and let me drink my sorrows away.” Shots four and five went down smoothly and I was really starting to get alarmed.

  “Does this have anything to do with the phone call you just took?” I suggested.

  “Ding! We have a winner. Yes, it has everything to do with the phone call I just took. How smart you are, Izzy. Trent is not supportive of my creative endeavors. He doesn’t care that I landed a big account. He wants me to quit my dream of interior design. There’s no money in that. I should use my finance degree to become a fancy investment broker like HE is. I should work long hours bringing home tons of money like HE does. I should do everything like HE wants and forget about having a baby and let my ovaries shrivel up and ROT AWAY.”

  Wow. I wasn’t expecting THAT. I looked at Winter and her face mirrored the same shock that I’m sure appeared on my own.

  “Whose ovaries are shriveling?” I heard a voice ask from behind us. I turned around to see Carmen and two other ladies approaching our table. The voice that asked the question belonged to a gorgeous redhead with green eyes. She was wearing a low-cut black dress with a push up bra that showed off her ample assets. I had no idea who she was.

  “Hey, Carmen. No one’s ovaries are shriveling. Monica just drank too much gin and she’s having an episode. No worries!” Winter chirped in a happy voice. Ugh, really? I’d say there were plenty of worries. Monica was going off the deep end and finally facing the marital issues she’d been trying so hard to avoid. Winter was acting as though everything was just fine, exactly like she always did. She preferred to talk about happy things and pretend that real life, in all its ugliness, didn’t exist. Winter claimed she loved bouncing from one guy to the next because she needed variety. In reality, she had a deep distrust of men because her dad left her mom at an early age and she has abandonment issues. She leaves them before the
y leave her. I’ve tried to get her to discuss this on numerous occasions, but she sweeps it under the rug. For as opposite as the three of us were, having major issues was the one thing we all had in common.

  “Carmen, introduce us to your friends,” Redhead purred, “Especially THAT one.” Of course she was pointing to Dane. He had taken a few steps back from the group when Monica started to go nuts. I’m thinking he was eyeing up escape routes in case she started to cry or something. That meant he wasn’t touching me anymore, which meant Red did not realize that he belonged to ME.

  “Oh, yes. Where are my manners? Ladies, this is Winter. She works with me at the salon. These are her best friends, Izzy and Monica.” Carmen pointed to a blonde in a tasteful green dress on her left and said, “This is my friend, Sara.” She nodded her head at Red and explained, “This is my cousin Roxanne, the birthday girl. We came out tonight to help her celebrate turning twenty-five.”

  “A quarter of a century is pretty important,” Winter agreed. “Nice to meet you both. I’m sure we can all help Roxanne celebrate. The more the merrier.” Winter loved a party. I was not as excited. I did not like the way that Red was checking out Dane.

  “But you forgot one person,” Roxy-the-Redhead pouted. “No one introduced me to the luscious guy standing behind that Izzy girl. I see you saved the best for last. What’s your name, sexy?” Oh, no she didn’t! ‘That Izzy Girl’ was having none of this.